Eternity Moment. The exquisite CK female fragrance I bought for you…
Eternity Moment. The toxic old crystal methamphetamine I bought for myself…
I messed up again. The siren call got too strong and I had to chase
that high. Eternity in a moment…or one moment in eternity…to be
faster, stronger, better than everyone.
I still want out though. I always want out. I don’t want to be stuck
in this compulsive cycle. I want to quit. I will quit. My
methamphetamine use has affected me in everyway especially when I binge
and go on a run like this, not drinking, not eating, not sleeping. I
can’t hold it together anymore.
I can’t be like other people, who can use it for a day or three and
then stop while eating proper meals. I guess my brain chemistry is just
wired different. I think the new term for it is Reward Deficiency
Syndrome (RDS). I just go on and on to chase that high…the one that’s
never attainable…but I go for it anyway.
I realize that this cannot go on, coz it kills me every time I go on
a meth run. But I’ve said this before and you’ve seen too many promises
broken and broken again. I’ve made a mess out of my life again and I
desperately want to put the pieces back together again. I do know that
I cannot make you happy, as much as I like to. I know you’ve been
sticking with me all this while even though you have your (justified)
doubts about me.
I love you, but I’m no good for you. I can’t remember the last time
you were really happy – it must be years. It’s hard for me to lose a
level headed person like you; you have always been the floating buoy in
the turbulent deep seas that I always swim out to. I can’t be selfish
though…even though you forgive me, there’s too much deceit and guilt
in this relationship. It can prove to be too much to live with…
I’ll miss you and I’ll always love you, my dearest wife. Thanks for being with me all these years…
It’s hard…when the night has come, and the land is dark…
…and the moon is the only light to see.
No, I won’t be afraid. No, I won’t be afraid.
Just as long as you stand by me.
Darling, darling, stand by me…
Stand by me.