Enter the snake

…a long, long time ago a master in the secret martial arts of Snake Kung Fu trained an elite group of disciples in The Way of the Snake. The sect was sworn to secrecy but a rogue member rebelled against the arcanum and used his skills for nefarious purposes.

snake intro

This rogue member is known as the self-proclaimed Snake King and his deviant teachings has survived the centuries, passed down from generation to generation. His twisted disciples are amongst us, they look like us, masquerading as hardworking white collared working professionals, while covertly incurring losses amounting to millions to companies and corporations around the world for personal gain…

snake productivity

…through loss of employee productivity. ;)

The devout members of this ancient brotherhood engage in generally repellent behavior like running personal errands during office hours, covertly surfing the net at work, replying personal emails and phone calls in the office…but there is said to be One who does much more than that, reaching the highest and final level of Snake Style Kung Fu, previously only known to the now reclusive Snake King.

son of snake

He is said to be trained by the Snake King himself and is one of his favorite disciples. The zhue zhao (translates as “ultimate technique”) of The Way of the Snake has been mastered by him and he was seen pulling off the ultimate feat – driving off to a nature reserve park 11 km away from his office and taking the morning off without permission…

snake char kueh tiaw

…to eat char kueh tiaw.

bukit aup

(and taking a leisurely stroll around the park)

This has earned him the nickname…

snake king

Son of Snake (SOS).

Disclaimer: The HR Department is advised that this is a satirical post done by the author on a Sunday morning with work clothes on. None of the activities stated in this post suggests, either implicitly or explicitly, that the author has ever, or will in the future, engage in activities that contravenes the guidelines in the employee handbook. ;)

Note: This is a highly localized post. The term “catching snakes” is used to describe unauthorized activities in lieu of work during office hours such as hanging out at a coffee shop/cafe, going to a shopping mall, or running personal errands on the clock. This post is based on that terminology (or slang, rather).

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22 thoughts on “Enter the snake

  1. You should call it snake catcher or penangkap ular. Its common la everybody catch snake once in a while ;p. BTW I do notice you update your blog during office hour and thats earn you the nick name KAKI ULAR

  2. Dear mighty snake guru,
    where is exactly tat place is… wan to look for snake sifu myself and earn tat very same title u have… huak huak huak….

  3. Hey, you’ve got some Datuk commenting on your blog. Hahahahahaha.
    In any case, I never knew that term! But then again, I’m pretty much a failure at being a Malaysian. I drive decently. I insist on parking properly. I don’t try to cheat on my parking coupons. Although I do have the occasional LAH when I speak. Haha. There’s still hope yet.
    Pretty soon I’ll be cutting queues, driving recklessly and adding illegal modifications to my car, and writing on public restroom walls. :D

  4. Roland: I still maintain that it was a Sunday morning and I don’t tangkap ular at work. Where got people liak chua admit one? ;)
    BTW, I don’t update my blog during office hours – that’s a Scheduled Post, it was written the night before, or in the morning before work and set to automatically post at the time I enter.
    nkwai: Thank you, thank you. I’m not deserving of the title though. I’m on the Son of Snake, not the Snake King himself. The Snake King always ular one, how can I capture her, I mean, him on digicam?
    The Bull: Thank you my friend. Your entertainment comes at a cost of RM 48 for my company each time I update my blog during working hours. ;)
    I’m kidding! HR, if you’re reading this, I’m kidding. I don’t even update my blog during work.
    Dr. Tan: The Hokkien term is “liak chua” e.g. “catch snake” and the Mandarin goes “chua se” e.g. “catch snake” so that’s the way I’ve always thought of it.
    My Chinese is really poor though, does it really mean stealing snakes?
    willchua: Greetings my brother! Snake kung fu is back in style. ;)
    Secret Admire: Yeah, it has attracted attention from the people in HR and apparently the dress code doesn’t allow for spiky hair. Oh well.
    Bubble7866: It’s at Bukit Aup. It’s about 7 km from Sg Merah, 11 km from Sibu town. It’s not very far away.
    suituapui: Hahaha! OMG! I laughed out loud in the office when I read your comment. The snake prince is highly dangerous and should not be aroused or provocated in the slightest manner. ;)
    Kim: Yeah, it’s a slang for people goofing off during work. You drive very safely, I remembered that. I’m a bit of a typical Malaysian in that way. Drive fast, cut queues, run red lights, illegally park etc. When in Rome and all that.
    Oh, and I also have highly polarized windows, which is a minor illegal modification. I’ll be adding on HID lights and really low bodykits at the rate I’m declining into Ah Beng-hood. ;)
    That made my day, writing in public restrooms. Haha! I never thought about that until you mentioned it. It’s pretty common in Australia as well, but at least the graffiti there is funny.
    goolooloo: No problem! I call in sick. ;)
    suituapui: Miri and then Brunei. You want to come? Bring your passport and take turns behind the wheel. :)
    julian: Nope, not related to that at all. :)
    Thanks for reading my friend and I’m glad you’re back. Cheers! :)
    Darren: OMG! I shall have to train you in the secret arts of not getting busted. What happened after that?
    al’sera: Eat Snake Method? Hokkien would translate as “jiak chua”? Interesting. We call it “liak” over here. Catch vs Eat. :)
    Hijackqueen: OMG! You’re back! Yeah, I’m quite fat now, I seriously need to get more exercise. Thanks for coming back and take care! Cheers!
    bengbeng: Come to me, my disciples, and I shall lead you into the ways of the man… ;)

  5. WOW!! You’re BACK!!! i’ve been waiting and waiting for years you literary fiend..
    i know, i’m a bit late to know about the return, but hey i got sick of typing in http://www.sixthseal.com and going to some strange webbie..
    anyways good to see you’re back mate, keep your chin up.. stay in control no matter what.
    all the best..

  6. Darren: Haha! Yeah, that happens. I’ve never been caught doing it, not coz I never do it, but coz I OPENLY do it. ;)
    People don’t pay as much attention when you openly do it.
    jessy: That is the Snake King Himself. :)
    He objects to being called a “sperm monster”.
    Fist of Asia Pothead@JBC: Thanks mate! It’s good to have you back here. :)
    It’s been ages since sixthseal.com has been down due to rehab and now The Rise of the Phoenix is upon us! ;)

  7. This site seems to get a large ammount of visitors. How do you advertise it? It offers a nice unique spin on things. I guess having something authentic or substantial to post about is the most important factor.

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