joke

Lemme just share my favorite joke about the banking industry:

A little old lady goes into a bank and says she wants to open a savings account. The account person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account, and the little old lady says, “Three million dollars.”

The account person is startled, and says, “In what form?” and the little old lady says, “Cash. I’ve got it here in this bag.” The account person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag chock full of green bills with big denominations.

This is a highly unusual event, and the account person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally.

Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money.

She says, “Gambling.”

“Gambling?” he says. “What sort of gambling?”

“Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I’ve got one hundred thousand dollars right here that says by noon tomorrow, your balls will be square, and I’ll even give you four to one odds. You got twenty five thousand dollars you’d be willing to wager on that?” she asks.

The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didn’t get to be the president of the bank without knowing something about money. “I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that sort of wager, but I wouldn’t feel right taking it from you. There’s no way you can win a bet like that!”

The little old lady just shakes the bag, and says, “I know what I’m doing. I can afford to lose, though I’m not going to. Is it a bet?”

“Okay, have it your way,” says the president, and they shook hands on it.

“See you at eleven-fifty-five tomorrow morning,” says the little old lady, and with that she leaves.

The next morning at 11:55, the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president’s office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He’s gotten almost no sleep last night, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He has checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing.

When the little old lady arrives, he starts to relax, knowing he has won.

“Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?” says the president.

“He’s my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?”

“No, perfectly understandable,” says the president. “Well, it’s now noon, and I’m still unchanged, so I guess I win!”

“Not so fast!” says the little old lady. “For a hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please drop your pants.”

The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position he’d want proof as well, so he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question.

“Okay, you win, here’s your hundred grand,” says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning.

“What’s wrong with him?” asks the bank president.

“Oh, he’s just upset. Poor loser if you ask me. You see, we had a million dollar bet that I would have the President of the bank by the balls by noon today.”

balls

You just gotta love them. They practically put you in debt for life from credit cards, and in addition to that there are mysterious fees for anything and everything which no one but people in the banking industry would understand.

I, for one, cannot comprehend the fees that are charged to me, and I have three bank accounts, which makes it worse. I usually don’t care much about that but a recent experience left me with more than a bad taste in my mouth.

Keep in mind that I used the SAME bank on the SAME day for this:

1. I withdrew RM 5,000 from an ATM (my max limit)
2. I used a credit card to withdraw ANOTHER RM 5,000 from my credit card inside the Genting casino (max)
3. Within 30 minutes, I withdrew RM 21,000 from my savings account from their branch in Genting (ALL the money in my account)

Hello? I know it’s not your responsibility to be your customer’s brother’s keeper but how on Earth can I make that last RM 21,000 withdrawal, emptying my account, when I was visibly intoxicated, at a casino, and you know very well that I have done RM 31,000 in withdrawals in a day.

I think I have a set a limit to my daily withdrawals but all I had to do was to waltz in, sign for a RM 21,000 withdrawal, pass it to the bank personnel and ABRACADABRA:

21000%20cash

RM 21,000 in RM 100 notes appeared in front of me.

No checks at all! I just had to fill in my account number, name and pass them my MyKad and in 5 minutes, I was out of the bank with more than 20k in cash.

…and the best part was, I just scribbled my signature coz I was too intoxicated to sign.

What if someone else got hold of my account number? I would have lost RM 21,000 just like that. Besides, I’m pretty sure I have set a limit to my daily withdrawals (gotta check on this) from one of my ex-girlfriend’s advice due to my impulsive nature.

I would love to explore the option of contesting that 21k withdrawal and approval in just 5 minutes when I was less-than-sober but I don’t have enough money now to hire a lawyer to look into it. :(

Also, I believe in personal responsibility, and I take all the blame for that. However, things could have been done better. A RM 21,000 account emptying withdrawal after my ATM and credit card limit has been maxed out should have raised a red flag no?

bank counter

I also remember the time when I had to wait in queue for ages to get my ATM card replaced when I lost it. There was one perfectly good counter with the person doing nothing but taking PERSONAL phone calls, but noooo that counter was deemed CLOSED (with the appropriate signage to show that it was indeed, CLOSED for all and sunder to see). My primary bank is also extremely slow in getting my credit card approved for overseas use as I travel quite a lot. Waiting on the phone for 30 minutes (!!!) is not uncommon. :(

I know people who are saddled with debt from credit cards, fast personal loan approvals (WTF did you actually check my credit before you did that?) and other dubious things that the banking institution do (and get away with).

can banking be better

It makes me wonder though…am I with the wrong banks? Can Banking Be Better?

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30 Responses to “Bank joke”

  1. f1rst!!1

  2. haha you should send this post to the bank!

  3. hahaha that’s an awesome joke!

  4. Peach: Hello! :)
    eiling: Haha! Yeah, I should eh? Crap, that 21k withdrawal is really a bit messed up considering I was quite intoxicated at that time. :)
    KY: Heh! Yeah, I love it too! :)

  5. Banks are a necessary evil :)

  6. Of course they’ll let you withdraw money while under the influence. It’s a business transaction and anything goes. ;) Actually, an immediate family member got his loan approved from the bank in a day, during a lunch break (!!!) Haven’t you heard of the new trend? What better way to spend your lunchbreak than taking out a loan and having the cash to spend before you leave work. I guess that’s a nice way to de-stress after work. Heh. :D

  7. u got nice n3..peep my latest here Check it Out!

  8. unkaleong: Yeah, but am thinking of how they can be better. Some banks are quite good, some not so much. :)
    Cheers: Heh! Yeah, I know! Personal loans from banks gets approved so fast it’s ridiculous! They hardly even check your credit rating. Heh! :)
    suhaisweet: Hello! :)

  9. Man, why do you write a blog like this on a Friday afternoon ahead of a loong weekend? My credit card has choked up $12,000 so far this month. How the hell am I going to pay for this?
    Alas, I will just go home and dream of princess.

  10. Man, why do you write a blog like this on a Friday afternoon ahead of a loong weekend? My credit card has choked up $12,000 so far this month. How the hell am I going to pay for this?
    Alas, I will just go home and dream of princess.

  11. Booo, my Melbourne bank account has a $800 limit no matter what :(

  12. It’s a funny joke anyways.

  13. A credit card in the hands of an impulsive hedonistic youth is a recipe for a mini financial disaster. I agree that banks shud exercise more control over cash withdrawals from credit cards but that’s how the banks like it,in fact they love it-the more debts you’ve with them,the better their profitability. They’re bunch of pretentious, blood-thirsty,heartless cannibals who’ll eat your family jewels when you’re not looking. Other then that,they’re just like you and me.

  14. rocket: My credit card is saddled with debt too. :(
    I can’t pay it either – minimum amount is the way to go bro. :)
    Mellissa: That would actually be pretty useful for me. T_T
    Withdrawing 21k was not the greatest idea that I’ve ever conceived. :(
    undergraduate: Yup, I love it. :)
    bankerdragon: Haha! I’ve had credit cards since I started working, a good 7 years now. :)
    Yeah, agree, banks would want to KEEP you in debt.
    Heh! Nice analogy, my friend. :)

  15. I disagree with banks pushing credit on people who they know will end up in the hole for years to come.
    But if you’ve got money in the account you should be able to withdraw it all whenever you want and however drunk you are immediately, because it’s your money simple as that!
    Would you be happier if your appartment door had a breath test machine fitted and wouldn’t let you out once you were drunk!
    Of course not, it’s your human right to get drunk and piss all your money away!
    Security is another issue though and not checking signature properly for that amount of dough is unforgivable.

  16. I disagree with banks pushing credit on people who they know will end up in the hole for years to come.
    But if you’ve got money in the account you should be able to withdraw it all whenever you want and however drunk you are immediately, because it’s your money simple as that!
    Would you be happier if your appartment door had a breath test machine fitted and wouldn’t let you out once you were drunk!
    Of course not, it’s your human right to get drunk and piss all your money away!
    Security is another issue though and not checking signature properly for that amount of dough is unforgivable.

  17. Si: Heh! Yeah, I agree with that partially, it’s all about personal responsiblity.
    However, I had a particlarly enlightening experience in Auckland recently. Sky City Casino – they barred me from re-entry after I went out for a breather coz I was too drunk (to be fair, I really was, I can’t even walk without assistance).
    However, in Genting, I can stumble in half drunk, flash my Genting card and no one gives a damn about how sober you are.
    Again personal responsiblity, but yeah like you said, not checking my signature when I was drunk as fuck, now that is not good banking practise. I could be anyone! People lose wallets all the time. :(

  18. Did the banking officer ask for your fingerprints to be scanned? Or you can’t recall? Maybank did that to me even when all I did was close my FD & deposit back to my savings account.

  19. hb, you never fail to make laugh. in a good way. my dad, long gone now. was a simple cop. who came to work at a bank as head of security. he tought me this about banks: see those fine corinthian columns on the front? uh huh. and the fine marble on the facade. em huh. and the fine carpet and furniture there in. well, yeah. dad. ever notice that in our home? well, no dad. then stay away from banks, unless you own one. another tale, but kinda true … A heating and air contractor dies during a fishing trip on his birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says “Congratulations!”
    “Congratulations for what?” asks the contractor.
    “Congratulations for what?” says Saint Peter. “We are celebrating the fact that you lived to be 170 years old, the oldest guy in thousands of years!”
    “But that’s not true,” says the contractor. “I only lived to be forty five.”
    “That’s impossible,” says Saint Peter, “we added up all your charges and time sheets. god bless, my friend. tom

  20. hehehehe Good one!

  21. HB, last photo was it your condo? Nice looking.

  22. Actually, I am even more surprise ur accompanying friend, Naomi, never stopped u from withdrawing the money in the intoxicated state of yours.
    I mean, she could have just given u hard slap and sober u up and ask u to honk thrice before doing those things……
    As a friend, if I saw u r so drunk and holding that wad of cash in my face like that picture, I prolly would have stopped u and leave genting..

  23. “it makes me wonder though…am I with the wrong banks? Can Banking Be Better?”
    Maybe, u should ask in another way,…
    “It makes me wonder though…am I with the wrong friend Can friends Be Better?”
    Yah, can there be better friends than one who watches u gamble 31k away while intoxicated….HB, u know it best

  24. You are unbelievable. Did you ever bitch about winning while getting intoxicated? Opps ! You sure did and that is about getting pull over by the cops. Take it like a man and stop being a pussy. Grow up !
    For all you bitches & losers, if you cannot manage your finance then you shall not carry a credit card or apply for a loan. Maybe, you shall give up bank account & money all together and move to some socialist country such as Haiti or Cuba.
    The bank did nothing wrong by honoring your request as a client. If you are incapable of making sound decision, you shall set-up a power-of-attorney or have a trustee manage your account.
    Ironically, you only question your bank’s conduct & procedure after you get burnt by the casino.

  25. Y’know, I actually wonder how often the Genting branches of banks see withdrawals like that. I’d have to imagine they’re not too uncommon, so maybe the staff there are just unfazed by it liao. Heheh, it’d be interesting to see how one of the local branches react to a ‘sai lang’ withdrawal. :P

  26. Takemitsu: Interesting! The policies must be a bit more relaxed in Genting. :)
    tom: HAHAAHAH! Nice joke, my friend. I love the time sheets part coz we have to do it too. Heh! :)
    Jeff: Cheers mate! :)
    Erica: Nope, that was a resort in Langkawi – Tanjung Rhu. :)
    MrPP: Haha! Well, I take full responsibility for that. :)
    Ya most of my friends would probably drag me out by sheer force too. Heh!
    admin: I think you missed the “personal responbility” bit. ;)
    dogbone: Yeah, they must have seen WAY larger withdrawals from the high rollers. :)
    I’ll probably have to go through a lot of trouble to withdraw from a branch OUTSIDE Genting. :)

  27. i think u should have ur atm and credit card frozen into the ice. crack/melt only when neccessary :p

  28. Yiling: Haha! Or put into a thick glass enclosure. Break if there’s an emergency. ;)

  29. oversize account you’ve include

  30. Thanks for the information! I have been into this for a while. Your post was really helpful! :)

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