You’ll all heard of my disastrous relationships. This makes me somewhat of an expert in these things if you follow the logic of what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
I have devised a rather ingenious method based on countless personal encounters to qualitatively research and determine if the girl you’re with is:
- Just a tiny annotation in the tome called Your Great Journey Through Life
- The princess you’ve been looking for all your life. You want to marry her and live happily ever after till-death-do-you-part-amen.
It involves a pea.
Buy some frozen peas from your local supermarket
Insert pea under the bed
Wait and see if the girl comments on it
Specifically, the fairy tale calls for your princess to be able to feel the pea under a mound of mattresses but since that would be logistically difficult to pull off (who sleeps on a stack of mattresses anyway?) – just chuck the pea under your bed.
The height required would be well fulfilled by the empty space below your bed.
Trust me. I have tried this numerous times before. The conversation in bed the first time usually goes like this:
Her: Hmm…that’s a very small pe…
Me: OMG! YOU FELT IT?
Her: Baby, I don’t want to offend you but I can barely feel it.
Me: IT DOESN’T MATTER! DON’T YOU SEE WHAT THIS MEANS? WE’RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! :D
Her: Is it in yet?
Me: My princess! <3
Works like a charm.
Of course, I'm still single but...
Oh, wait. Damn.