When did I start having feelings for Mandy? I’ll say around the time we went to Pulau Ketam. “I only wanted to eat you at first. Eat then throw away.” I told her half-jokingly. Except I wasn’t kidding. Haha. She’s a young and delicious 24 year old. I’ll be stupid if I didn’t make a meal out of her. But I didn’t, for many reasons, and by the time I did, I was already very much in love with her.
What do I like about her? She’s bubbly and down-to-earth. She’s an honest person with a good heart. She’s fun to be with. She makes me laugh. I enjoy hearing her laugh. She’s also a Sarawakian and having a shared heritage/identity is nice. I love her smell. I find her beautiful and I enjoy waking up next to her and kissing her face. Love can’t really be distilled down into a single why. It’s usually a combination of things you find attractive.
It’s funny, these things. I’ve been single for almost 3 years after the break-up with my ex. I’ve had a couple (okay, more than a couple) of partners after that but there was no one I connected to on even a most basic level. It was just for the sex. I haven’t met anyone I was even remotely interested in dating long term in these 3 years in the wilderness. In fact, the sex wasn’t that good!
I even have been harboring an unpleasant suspicion that I have developed ED in the past few years. I’m pleased to report that this isn’t true. I was just forcing myself to sleep with ugly chicks that I had no interest in or love for and my dick was protesting. Sleeping with someone you truly love is a magical experience and I really feel like I’m in my 20s again! My nether regions were rejuvenated. It was like the Energizer battery ads – tough and long lasting. Hehe.
But enough about that. In my whole life, I’ve only met 2 people I was willing to marry and have kids with. Mandy is the 3rd person that has made me feel this way. I’ve had relationships with many girls I had no intention of marrying or having babies with. It was more like a partner to pass time with. I’ll let the relationship reach its natural entropy point and leave. It’s rare for me to want to put a ring on someone, much less make mini mes with.
Recently, I’ve been acutely aware of my age and my diminishing chances to be a father. I’ve been seriously thinking about freezing my sperm and surrogacy with an anonymous egg donor to fulfil my fatherhood dreams. I’m also concerned that our age gap is a little high but there’s a reason why guys are attracted to younger girls – they represent the best chance for procreation.
I’m not going to think too much about that though. We’re happy and that’s all that’s important. I’m glad I managed to find someone I love and cherish. It feels like forever since I’ve felt this way about someone. I honestly feel blessed to have her in my life.