diazepam

Disclaimer: This post and all other drug related posts is made by veritas, who is a guest author on this blog. The owner of this domain is not responsible for the posts made by any guest authors.

I wasn’t feeling too good due to my binge on dexamphetamine. How is
that possible when I’ve nearly finished my stash a couple of days ago,
you ask? Well, I have acquired some more from…ah, the ‘diverted
pharmaceuticals’ market you if you get what I mean. 😉 I’ll be
refilling my legitimate script this Friday anyway, so more is coming
in, no worries. I am concerned that I like this stuff a little too much
though, so I’m going to reflect very hard on that.

My concern is due to the way I binge on these tiny white pills for
days, forgoing sleep and food. I guess some personalities naturally
have an affinity to stimulants, making it hard control consumption.
Some serious reflection is needed indeed to manage my usage. I know
binging is usual behavior for speed freaks but I’ll like to keep my
usage experimental and recreational instead of becoming dependant on
the stuff. By the end of the run, I was getting paranoid an slightly
delusional. I’m seeing a greenish tint on my hands too whenever I look
at them and visual distortions everywhere.

I actually had 100 mg of Valium (diazepam) and stayed awake after my
speed binge. That kind of tolerance is not unheard of, but it’s
unacceptable to me, so I’m going to watch my benzo usage as well. I
don’t feel guilty about smoking cannabis daily though, due to its
comparatively benign nature. I think at some point you have to give
yourself a critical appraisal and evaluate whether you’re still a
recreational drug user or becoming dependant on them, regardless of
whether it’s pharmaceuticals or prohibited ones.

I had visited the friendly neighborhood pharmacy again in search for
some flunitrazepam (Rohypnol). Unfortunately, that pharmacy only has
diazepam (Valium) and alprazolam (Xanax). I have never taken diazepam
recreationally before, so I decided to go for this instead. On a
related note, only one pharmacy is willing to sell me this stuff.
Others claim they don’t carry it or didn’t want to sell it without a
prescription. The guy operating this particular pharmacy is a really
nice dude, I chatted with him for 20 minutes coz I sincerely liked the
guy. It also goes to show that being friendly never hurt anyone.

He recognized me from my alprazolam adventures
[sixthseal.com] and mentioned that he noticed I liked a lot of strange
(that’s the word he used) pharmaceuticals. Heh. We had a good chat
regarding oxycodone (apparently its availability is very limited in
Malaysia) and we did a bit of poking around in the cabinets to see if
there are any other meds with recreational value as well. The diazepam
came from a container about the size of a fist, it has a blue lettered
font with “diazepam” on it.

The pharmacy has 2 mg and 5 mg pills in the fridge and 10 mg pills
at the stock room, but I opted not to wait and just got 5 x 5 mg for a
total of 25 mg which will be a good recreational dose. The 5 mg
diazepam pills cost me 50 cents each (25 cents Australian). I also got
another blister pack of alprazolam (Xanax) for good measure (RM 7).

Substance: Diazepam (Valium) (also alcohol and alprazolam later – read the trip report)
Dosage: 25 mg (5 x 5 mg tablets)
Pills: The tablets has a stylized “SP” and “D5” on one side. The
“SP” looks like the Slayer band logo. There is a single score on the
back. The pill has beveled edges. They are yellow.
Ingestion method: Taken orally, chewed up and then swallowed with a bit of water
Taste: Musty and only slightly bitter
Time: 12:03 am

12:10 am
starting to feel a little not-sober. 🙂 mild numbness of the face and a feeling of blood rushing to the head. nice.
12:15 am
proceeding to feel slightly drunk, like i’ve downed a couple of beers
really fast on an empty stomach. i’ll say this is a 3 beers on an empty
stomach feeling.
12:17 am
yeah i’m definately feeling more spaced out than on my xanax adventures.
12:20 am
ahhh…the effects of benzodiazepines might not be for everyone, but
for those of us who has a lot of anxiety and stress in our daily lives,
its a bit of a welcome vacation from all that. it’s good to not have to
worry about anything for a while, agreed? 🙂
12:25 am
i’m feeling the same sort of intoxication as several beers – the
disinhibition and the pleasent mellowness. however, my higher level
thought processes are not effected as on alcohol though. not feeling
particularly clumsy althought i haven’t moved from my chair so i can’t
really telll i’m going to walk around a bit now.
12:28 am
yup, walking feels particularly heavy like there is a lot of gravity
drag, but i’m not feeling clumsy at all. other than that, the feeling
is somewhat similar to being drunk, but still being able to think well.
12:30 am
i’m tempted to eat the 2.5 mg of xanax i also got today, but i’m going
to refrain. it’s not that i’m worried about overdosing (its almost
impossible to overdose on benzos alone), but i want to save that for
another occation.
12:35 am
feeling super chill. 🙂 gonna have a beer now. i better hide the xanax
just in case i get the bright idea to down all of them. hah! there you
go. i get that a lot while drunk as well. being drunk makes my already
impulsive nature magnified by 10
12:40 am
okay, i’m just gonna take 2 xanax. only 2 for a total of 0.5 mg of
alprazolam. they are 0.25 mg each/ just two, gotta have some self
control here. 😉
12:41 am
ingested two xanax tablets (0.25 mg each)
12:42 am
i’m gonna hide the rest of the xanax tablets and watch a movie. idle
hands are the devil’s work. 😉 this raises the question of how i’m
going to HIDE something from MYSELF, but i’ll leave this debate to
someone else. btw, i’m expereiceing some nice euphoria now. not very
euphoric, but a nice chilled out euphoria. nice.
12:44 am
i am in danger of ingesting the rest of the xanax tablets. someone stop me. =D
12:45 am
okay, i talked myself out of it. really going to watch a movie now so i dun get any more funny ideas.
12:48 am
okay, i’m just going to take two more for a total of 1 mg but THATS IT. listen to me my impulsive brain. hmph.
12:49 am
ingested an additional 0.5 mg of alprazolam (0.25 x 2).
12:50 am
i’m a menace to myself. i should have hidden that stuff away. i’m going to do that now.
12:51 am
okay i hid the rest of the xanax. lets hope i forget where i put it when the “memory blackouts” from the xanax happens. 🙂
12:53 am
ALRIGHT@!!! here’s what i’m going to do. i’m going to take the rest of
the xanax and then never touch benzos again for a long time.
12:55 am

ingested the rest of the xanax – 1.5 mg (6×0.25)
12:57 am
total substances ingested today:
25 mg diazepam
2.5 mg alprazolam
two beers (alcohol)
12.58 am
i would hate myself for my lack of self control, but the benzos won’t
let me. i’m still feeling mellow. note to self: don’t buy more stuff
that you’re planning to take in a night, dumbass. you know your lack of
self control.
1:00 am
the worst thing is i’ve been crawling about under my desk to look for
bits of alprazolam i dropped. the tablets were crumbly and even though
i broke the blister pack over my mouth, a few pieces dropped down. i
think i’ve picked all of them up and ate them though. :/ man thats so
ghetto i’ll hate myself if it weren’t for the benzos. they won’t let
me. 🙂
1:05 am
hey, i don’t even have to think if i don’t want to. i can just sit here
and totally zone out, not having to think about anything. pretty good
euphoria here too. nice.
1:12 am
feeling very chilled out now, bordering on slight drunkenness. benzos
do potentiate alchodol quite nicely. i have a feelig i’m gonna regret
it tomorrow though. benzo comedowns are harsh for me coz i’m already
experiencing a lot of anxiety and stress in my life. but who cares when
you’re feeling this good now. 🙂 heh
1:16 am
note to self: quit yawning, its not time for bed yet.
1:26 am
i know i’m feeeling eveyrting now. 🙂 major clumsiness and slight
disorentatiom. hehehe. but it’s all good. i feel great and happy. happy
happy happy chinese new year.
1:31 am
clumsiness, but in a pleasent way. significant muscle relaxation. i’m
typing this rite now with my head slanted 90 degrees to the left and it
still felt good. hahhaa! man thats so funny
1:33 am
wow, even though i’ve only had two beers, i felt like i’ve drunk a 6
pack. i have a pretty high alocohol tolerance so this is strange for
me. HAIL ALMIGHLTY BENZODIAZEPINES THE GREAT POTENTIATEOR!!! if only
this stuff has less harsh come downs, that would be great. the other
substabce i have a love hate relationship with is ecstasy (MDMA). i
love to roll, but the comedown gives me a helluva depression and
occational anxeity attacks. I find myself debating more and more
whetehr rolling is worth is, so it’s something i prefer to do on
special occations.
1:39 am
balance and coordination is off. had a bit of a scare when i nearly
fell off the railing. 🙂 being scared while on benzos is something like
thinking hmm…that was rather close and leaving it at that without any
anxiety or fear or even anyt further thought. like i said it,s a nice
holiday from everyday stress _ anxiety.
1:44 am
wanted to turn off the lights and i was standing there for a full
minute trying to think of what i was supposed to do. was it to turn
down the air conditioning? i took the air con remote and though they,
that wasn’t right and then remembered i intendedto switch of the light.
heh.
1:49 am
i’ll open up my web browser with the full intention of doing something ad i promptly forgot what i wanted to do.
1:58 am
i’m feeling rather sedated now. it’s a nice feeling but not something
that should be done frequently. i’m feeling rather drunk too, but my
higher level reasoning is stll very much intant. i’m going to cook some
instant noodles now.
2:00 am
that might not be a good idea coz i nearly fell flat on my face when i
attempted to stand up. 🙂 but i dun care coz i feel like fried eggs
now. strange thing is, i can still type properly. the clumsiness is
apparently only isolated to movement.
2:04 am
interestng observation: my body feels drunk, stumbling a bit and all that, but my mind is functioanlling normally
2:52 am
I’VE BEEN expereicnging significant decrease in motor control. found
myself stumbling around and generally had to latch on to something
solid to avoid falling. 🙂 the food did me good though.
3:00 am
whoa i caught myseklf nodding off on a music video and realiase d that
i zoned out for no good results, perheps ins time for bed. i’ll sruf
around a bit till then
3:01 am
okay i’m just nodding out so badly now i’m going to sleep or i’m just going to crash face down into the keyboard

Aftermath:
I’m feeling slightly scattered the next day but still slightly sedated.
I didn’t have the “valium hangover” some people have, and still felt
most of the positive effects (decrease in anxiety, sedation) slightly
today. I had really weird dreams last night too, all of them about
things falling on me – like the ceiling falling on me, ladders falling
on me, grates falling on me when I’m in the sewers stuff like that.
Overall, it was a positive experience. Benzodiazepines and alcohol go
well together. I would not take as much benzos next time, because of
the extreme drowsiness that happened when the last batch of Xanax hit
me. That was too much for me. I would moderate my consumption next time
so that I’ll actually be awake to enjoy it. 🙂