Dusted by an Angel

or how I railed on Friday, rolled on Saturday and landed in a
hospital on Sunday. Mr. Foaf’s report on his interesting weekend. All
text below the line (including captions) written by Mr. Foaf. He also
apologizes for being not his eloquent self, he hasn’t slept since then
and is now feeling the debilitating crash from his remarkable weekend.
This is a true story.

********* All lines after this are written by Mr. Foaf **********

Friday (27.09.2002)

railed 1.5 points of methamphetamine powder over a one hour period.
I wanted to go to sleep at around 8 am so I smoked a new bag of weed I
got from a new dealer. The buds came in chopped halves mixed with some
kind of wood shavings (?) and dusted with white powder (?!). The dealer
assured me that they’re just a mixture of the three most potent strains
of marijuana. I smoked two bowls of finely shredded bud and found it
surprisingly strong. It floored and stoned me with just two bowls, and
I already have significant tolerance from smoking daily. The stoney
feeling felt very indica-like and I felt comfortable crumpling myself
into a ball and sitting on my seat. Surprisingly, the weed felt
“speedy” for lack of a better term. I did get the munchies after a
while, and ate a couple of corn chips while I watched a movie, which I
promptly forgot all about. I didn’t sleep much that day from the meth
and “speedy weed”, which kinda brought me up again instead of down.

Saturday (28.09.2002)

After a fitful couple of hours sleep, I woke again feeling totally
untested and rather lethargic, which is common after taking stimulant
substances. I wanted to catch Lab 4 [lab4.com] at Hard Kandy
[hardkandy.com] later that night, so I called up my meth dealer and met
up with him to get 3 points of meth. 1 point = 0.1 gram, which should
keep a casual user up all night. I arrived at Hard Kandy at slightly
past 12 pm and got a ticket for A$35 (A$25 prepaid) and a free Lab 4 –
Virus CD with 9 tracks running at 58:13. I checked my coat into the
clock room and waited for one of the toilet stalls to become free.
There was a long line for the cubicles in the men’s toilet and from the
snorting sounds, they didn’t sound like they were vacating themselves.
I myself dabbed 1.5 points and swallowed it and insufflated the other
1.5 points.

Not much dancing going on.

The dance floor was pretty empty then, despite the DJ’s efforts to
get people to dance. Most people were handing out in the chill room or
on one of the many sofas around the dance floor. Perhaps they were
saving their energy for the Lab 4 set, which is on from 3-4:30 am.
Anyway, I was feeling the drip by then, so I positioned myself dance
floor and started dancing a bit, enjoying the nice coming up of meth. I
haven’t eaten anything since the couple of corn chips last night so the
oral dose kicked in right about the time the nasal dose peaked so I
felt pretty good for a while, typical “body buzz”, but not so much of a
rush, perhaps due to tolerance from last night’s dose. I noticed that I
started to gnaw on my tongue, cheeks and lips, a bad habit I have while
on stimulant drugs. My hands felt like they wanted to constantly keep
on moving too, but I felt the meth plateau at around 1 pm. That seems
disappointingly early, so I started looking around the venue for
someone who looked like they might have drugs. The first guy didn’t
have any, but I caught sight of this Chinese looking guy loaded with
tattoos who stood near the toilet. Seems like a good bet, so I asked
him if he had any “stuff”. He asked me what I wanted and I thought he
said he sells pills and sex. That seems like a funny question to pose
in a rave, but I didn’t think much of it, until I realized he sells
Durex – Safe Sex pills. Ah, now that sounds more logical. Heh. I’ve
heard mostly good stuff about the Durex Safe Sex pills and he has the
white ones, which I hear is a good batch. These pills are round and
white with tiny blue specks and has the word Durex on one side and Safe
Sex on the other. Here is a photo I took in the popular men toilet.

Durex logo on front. White pills with light blue specks.

Safe Sex written on the back.

The white w/ tiny blue specks are said to only contain MDMA
(Ecstacy) but I did not have a reagent or testing kit with me, so I
can’t really be sure. I crunched up the pill at 2 am and was assaulted
by a wave of potent bitterness that only washed away after I grabbed a
lollypop from the counter. Please note that methamphetamine use is not
recommended in conjunction with MDMA as there is research that suggest
the combination could be neurotoxic. Furthermore, it is said that meth
doesn’t add much to the MDMA experience anyway since MDMA can be
“speedy” by itself. But personally, I can’t dance the whole night
without a speedy drug, so usually speed or meth is on my itenarary for
a big night. πŸ™‚ I enjoy the speedy effects of meth too, but there is
some stigma associated with amphetamines in the rave scene. I didn’t
receive any disappovings looks though, even though my dancing style is
“speedy” as opposed to “E-style”. Don’t really know how to describe the
difference between the two though. The people at the rave today seemed
really friendly and E’d up too. I had a lot of good conversations with
other rollers, always a plus in a good rave scene. It’s good to see
that the PLUR aspects has not totally gone from the rave scene in a big
city like Melbourne. I couldn’t for the life of me remember their
names, but I was rolling hard last night as you’ll see as the report
progresses. πŸ™‚

The friendly bartender.

Anyway, the E started to kick in about T+30 (30 minutes after I
dropped). There wasn’t really a noticeable come-up, which happens to
some people when taking meth and Ecstasy together. But when I felt the
first hot flashes, it nearly floored me. Didn’t feel like dancing much
then and sat at the stairs near the Vietnamese guys (found out that
he’s a Vietnamese who happens to speak Cantonese). My Cantonese wasn’t
really good though, so we mostly conversed in English. By this time the
emphatic qualities of Ecstasy made itself apparent and I did felt us
bonding and talking a lot and basically just hanging out. I feel that
the best part of raves can be talking to other people who are rolling
as well. Anyway, after T+50 I start feeling slightly drunk, and totally
clumsy when I was walking. I’m having hot and sweaty palms too. I was
stumbling here and there, general difficulty in moving but still felt
emphatic and a sense of “one-ness” with people I talked to. I postulate
that this batch of White Durexes has some ketamine in it as well. This
is further supported by my total loss of smell as soon as the pill
started peaking. I didn’t want to move then, which is too bad because
the ketamine bits started kicking in right after Lab 4 entered. πŸ™ I
only danced in the first couple of songs, and sat at the stairs with my
new buddies near the set. I could see everyone who had dropped the
white Durexes are getting clumsy and drunken. I laid on my back for a
while and didn’t experience any of the harsher K-trip portions like
disassociation. I did felt my legs lock up and needed to stretch them
out though. I need to state that the only family of drugs that I’m
scared of are disassocaitives. It feels too much like dying at higher
doses and really isn’t fun for me. The white Durex doesn’t seem to have
a lot of K though, and I felt the ketamine portions wear off about 50
minutes after it started, and I was left in a clean E afterglow. Please
note that I did not test the pills with reagents and cannot attest to
the presence of Ketamine in the white Durexes, but it sure had all the
hallmarks of a high MDMA low Ketamine ratio pill. I should allow for
the possibility that the Durexes only contain MDMA and it just hit me
particularly hard and floored me because I had no tolerance to MDMA.
The last time I dropped Ecstasy was years ago.

One of the first DJs.

Anyway, I was still feeling slightly uncoordinated when I moved but
I wanted another pill so I went with one of the guys to withdraw money
from the ATM a block away from the venue. We were stumbling to cross
the road, helping each other out a bit. Must have been quite a sight,
since our balance wasn’t back to normal. After I got back, I heard that
there’s a new batch of Durexes in, but these ones are selling for A$40
instead of A$35. I dropped one of the new batches at around 3:30 am.
Instead of prolonging the previous E’s roll, it instead started a new
rushing sensations and a new peak. I’m inclined to believe that these
new ones really do have only MDMA inside, but it won’t be too helpful,
since I didn’t even bother to check the color or take photographs, I
just popped it and crunched it up. πŸ™‚ Tasted bitter like the first one,
with the first rushes felt at T+30. I was told afterwards that these
pills are also white Durex/Safe Sexes, just a different batch. By T+60
I was peaking pretty good, with frequent hot flushes, but the second
tablet kinda floored me too, in an E way. I guess it was slightly too
much after stopping from indulging in disco biscuits for years. It felt
good though, but too be honest, I feel that rolling after meth only
provides emphatic qualities with much of the euphoric rushes kinda
overshadowed by meth’s significantly speedier rushes. I feel that
Ecstasy is a more happy feeling while meth is more euphoric. I was
kinda stoned too, and didn’t move much, but that’s probably because
I’ve not had E’s fro quite a while. I was hit with blurry/wobbly vision
for the rest of the night too. But that is one of the good effects of E
so I didn’t mind.

Lab 4 in da house.

While still rolling hard, this guy started up a conversation with me
and I found that he has one of the beige Durex/Safe Sex and is willing
to part with it for A$35. These pills were reputed to contain MDA but
again I don’t have a reagent kit and didn’t really care at this point.
I was more than a little farked, generally being happy and just sitting
on my ass talking to people. I crunched this one up and it tasted
bitter with a sourish aftertaste. I did felt the Ecstasy roll longer
and occasional heavy “floor your ass” hot rushes that left me slightly
confused and very blurry vision. At one point I stumbled across the
hallway, fully meaning to go to the toilet, since I hadn’t pissed the
whole night. I tried to earlier in the night but couldn’t even squeeze
a drop out of my poor, shrunk to a third of it’s former glory, penis.
Happens a lot on meth. Anyway, this girl suddenly popped up in front of
me, asking if I’m alright because I didn’t look too well. I felt pretty
good though, just slightly confused by the hot rushes and probably
dehydrated. Didn’t get much to drink the whole night at all. She led me
to the chill room, and I forgot about going to the toilet again.
Finally remembered after she seated me down and asked if I’m alright
again, and went off to the toilet. I looked at myself in the mirror and
could see that my pupils has dilated to a prodigious size, almost
filling my iris. Found myself not blinking much too, just staring wide
eyed. Heh. I looked pretty out of it, I’ll admit.

More Lab 4 shots.

Getting ready…

Close up.

Another close up.

I decided to get some air and took a short walk around the block.
More time must have passed since then but I don’t remember much of last
night after my third pill anyway. I knew the bouncer commented that I
looked really out of it as he let me in though. Decided to be careful
and stay inside the club from now one. It was already 8 am at that
point and I decided to go for one last pill to cap up the night. I
asked around and this girl says she has several pills and asked me
which kind I wanted. I couldn’t concentrate well enough to think so I
just said I’ll like the strongest one. After A$35 was exchanged for a
pill (totally forgot the name), I swallowed in whole and chased it down
with some Red Bull. Still feeling very out of it and it was getting
worse. Major stumbling and several people asked me if I was alright.
Decided to go to the cloak room upstairs to get my cost. This is where
the night turned strange. As I walked up the stairs, I felt a
distinctive “going into a K-hole” feeling. Felt myself kinda separating
from my body, and was watching myself talk from behind my right
shoulder, but still very near myself. I lost my ticket stub so the
cloak room attendants had to show me each of the coats which are black.
There were a lot, but I was starting to have really screwy vision. It’s
like there is a black fog over my eyes and I couldn’t even focus on the
coats. Had a get them to show me coats for 30 minutes before I finally
recognized mine. Cheers to those two girls who were patient with a hard
rolling raver.

The dance floor later at night.

I decided that I needed to chill out a bit so I sat near the stairs
and closed my eyes. I was puzzled to find very bright light shining
through my eyelids even when closed so I opened my eyes but the venue
was still dark. This is rather puzzling since most drugs do have nice
closed eyed visuals, but by this point, it looked like I was looking at
the bright sun whenever I closed my eyes. I never experienced this
“very bright closed eyed experience” before. I decided to stretch my
legs a bit and stumbled over to a table by the dance floor. Now, it was
getting pretty apparent that I was tripping balls at this point. Colors
start to become vivid and flowy and I could see trails of everything.
Felt pretty weird so I looked down at the table and saw that it was
starting to become smaller as I leaned on it. Looked to the right as
saw this girl dressed in a checkered box shirt turn into a sofa! She
was dancing and leaned down and instantly turned into a checkered box
patterned sofa and then leaned up again and become a girl again.
Whoa…I was pretty sure that what I had was not Ecstasy so I decided
to get a water and sit down near the steps to chill out a little. I
have some problem in getting myself understood at this point. Making
coherent sentences became harder so I just sat near the edge and
watched the people dance. I closed my eyes again and saw the bright
sunlight so I decided to keep them open. Major visual trails starting
hitting and by T+30 I was seeing full blown open eyed visual
hallucinations. I see everyone with a fluid face, but it didn’t really
scare me, because I’m still aware that I had taken some drugs just now
and it’s just that affecting me. It was fun to look at people because
their faces looked like a clean pink slate with shadows forming and
swirling on their faces. Liquid shadows, no resemblance to eyes or
noses at all, just flowing liquid faces. I could see the darkness
“breaking down” into the primary colors too. I don’t really know how to
explain it, but it seems like darkness is made up of red, blue and
green blobs and they move around, kinda floating like an amoeba. It was
not a K-hole feeling at all, I still felt clear headed and could move
but I couldn’t focus on people. It seems that my eyes automatically
switched to another person whenever I focused on someone’s face. There
was major, colorful and true visual hallucinations, which prompts me to
believe that either:

Pill No. 3 is MDA and it only kicked in after T+90

Pill No. 4 is MDMA


Pill No 3. is MDMA

Pill No. 4 is 2C-B

I’m inclined to think it was the latter because the visual
hallucinations was really, really clear, not just distortions like acid
visuals. I’ve never seen such vivid open eyed hallucinations before,
but it was good because I was still clear headed and know I’m tripping.
2C-B is not very common in Melbourne, but I’ve heard of people who were
able to get it. MDA in the third pill is slightly unlikely because from
what I’ve heard, an MDA trip lasts longer. The total time of hardcore
open eyed visuals was around 2 hours and I could see people looking at
me all the time. I wondered if I was having paranoid delusions or I
really looked absolutely fucked. Soon 11 am rolled by and I moved my
ass for one last song before the club closed. We filled out slowly and
I could feel people looking at me as I walked past. I decided to keep a
low profile and looked at the street to hide my dilated pupils. I
walked to the Mid Valley Arcade and called for a taxi. I kept on
hearing auditory hallucinations of police cars pulling up and that kept
me paranoid. It didn’t help several times, whitish cars passed by,
making me literally jump. I was feeling uncomfortable at this point
because there were people walking around and it’s already 11 am.
Decided to look at the window instead so I could see the reflection of
the taxi as it pulled in. That really stressed me out. Anyway, the taxi
van pulled up after about 30 minutes and I sat facing opposite the
driver to avoid giving myself away. All the while we were on the road,
I kept seeing a reflection of a police car right in front of us. I
thought the taxi driver must have called the police or something, but
when I looked at the suspected police car, it always turned out to be a
van or another truck. When I looked back again, a police car started
appearing at the corner of my field of vision again. I heard from radio
chatter too. πŸ™ Finally reached my apartment slightly past 12 pm and
tipped the driver a good A$15 on top of the fare.

After getting back, I immediately jumped into the shower to sober
up. When I closed my eyes, the bright lights were back and when I
opened them again, the walls (which were white) looked very yellowish
and depressing. I could see minor trails and a mesh wire pattern when I
open my eyes.

Sunday (29/09/2002)

I still haven’t had any sleep at this point. I tried to sleep at 1
pm after I got back but couldn’t fall asleep for the life of me. Must
be all that meth I ingested. By 12 am I was still wide awake, so I
grabbed a hot coffee and decided to wait till the crash. By 6 am I was
STILL wide fucking awake and closing my eyes only produced bizzare red,
green and blue blobs, so I thought it was time to smoke some weed and
chill out a little. I broke off a large bud from the strong weed I got
before and was puzzled to find it somehow intertwined with wood
shavings. It didn’t look like the normal bud fibers at all, and smelled
like chemicals. I didn’t think much of it at that point though, and
slipped the Lab 4 CD into my CD player and chilled out while hitting 4
large cones and holding them in for nearly 2 minutes each. After I put
down my pipe, I felt kinda weird, as if the meth effects were coming
back. I was feeling speedy and my hands started becoming nervous and
moving really quickly again. At some point I started to trip again.
This is what I wrote while that happened.

The PCP laced cannabis buds.

Trip report:

I can see really promising color distortions and dissection into red
green blue RGP and furthermore can create vistas! Can make myself bleed
camn make myself hairy, can frighthen myself and create realistic RGB
persistant eye trailer detailed movie that a mind can belive and
control, they are too powerfull. Shooting at me with their missles and
their laser weapons. Can feel the speedy effects take over me too. This
is strong weed. I hurt myself. I make myself bleed and comfort myselfs.
White flashes and loud hairs. Rewarads. Stike is called, the swarm
swarm forth and the defenders defended.Close battle, this will be a
close one won by the battle ships under the stress emmiters and

ATTACK THEM@!!!!!!!!!!!!
(sounts of warships battling.)





You win!

Attack them!\


Battle of heaven and earth!

The battle is being decided as we speak.

True realistic open eyed visuals! Detailed, though only in RGB! But it can now
display more colors as we speak. I evolve…

I upgrade.

True trails when got hand movements now!@

Realistic OEVS! I CAN”T BELIEVE THIS!Q!!!!!!!

More colors now as dawn break! I EVOLVE AGAIN!!!

Wow … indeed he did

Nearly true color now and my left hand is bleeding, now both of them are bleeding….

One last fight to determine who wins

And it said “It’s now the time to terminated your services”




Persistant worls and I don’t even need to wave my hands for them to stay!


End Trip Report

A closer look reveals a powder sprinkled on the weed.

I was basically seeing opened eyed visuals again at dawn. The red
sunlight shining in caused my low lighted bedroom to swirl with red,
green and blue colors. Red was the predominant color though and I
looked like I was bleeding. I could see a whole forest sprout out in my
room and there was a girl in a blue jumper just in the corner of my eye
and she was there all the time, except when I looked. She scared me and
made me jump a few times, before I realized that she’s not real. But I
couldn’t be sure though coz the opened eyed visuals are starting to
become really creepy now and really realistic. I started to become
really dizzy and confused too and started becoming rather worried. I
decided it’s time to sleep and tried lying down in bed. Now, this is
where things take a turn for the worse. My CD player was off but I
could still hear The Creator by Lab 4 playing from the speakers. Not
just some refrain too, a full song that I’ve only heard for the first
time a couple of minutes ago. Suddenly, I was hit with a severe wave of
nausea and a scary sound started reverberating around my eyes. If
you’re seen The Exorcist, that sound was the loud metallic scary clanks
when Linda Blair was about to be put into the CAT scan machine. πŸ™ It
really scared me and I could feel myself kinda slip away. I was really
worried at this point, so I tried to close my eyes but that scared me
again for some reason. I put my hand to my heart and felt it become
slower and slower and I felt myself breathing shallower and taking
fewer breaths too. I won’t kid you, I was really scared at this point
and just wanted to sleep. But another wave of a nausea hit me and I
turned myself into the coma position so I won’t choke on my own vomit.
Felt something come out and threw up in my sink. I think I threw up
about 2 liters of pure water. I haven’t had anything to eat for days
and not much to drink too. I couldn’t piss as well and this was all
starting to scare me. I tried lying down again but only felt myself
disassociating from my body. I did not like this feeling at all and
felt as if I was dying. I was scared and kept monitoring my pulse rate.
I could hear it slow down again and I quickly sat up when it did and
moved my hands a bit to make my heart speed up. I somehow “knew” I had
to keep doing that or else my heart will just stop and I’ll die. I
wasn’t thinking rationally at this point and was getting really fucking
scared. I could hear the banging noises again and promised that I will
not do any drugs again should I get out of this experience unscathed. I
felt myself disassociating again and willfully pushed my soul back into
my body coz someone was telling me that if I either let my soul leave
of let my heart stop bleeding I would die. I could hear the voice
talking to me, but I don’t know where it came from. I was having a
panic attack because I’ve never experienced this effect before. I felt
my legs shrink and my arms elongate as if my soul was stretching me to
escape. I was frantic at this point coz no amount of movement will make
my heart beat faster so I opened my window and looked down at the car
park. I know the car park is a good few floors below my apartment but
at this point my depth perception was absolutely shot. My large room
felt like a small coffin and I was starting to shrink and shrink and my
cupboard looked very large and mountain-like and I know that if I let
myself shrink I’ll never come out alive. I don’t know why I thought
that, I was absolutefuckingly freaking out in a bad, bad way. I opened
my window and looked down at the car park and it looked like I could
touch the ground if I just reached out with my hand. I live fairly high
up, so that wasn’t possible, but I couldn’t think rationally at that
point. I just know I could touch the car park floor if only I reached
out with my hand, so I did. I leaned out through the window too, and
felt the wind on my skin, which sobered me up only a little. Just then,
the speakers told me “Please don’t do that”. I heard it clearly and I
was totally scared and freaked out and wanted to cry. I closed the
window again and went to throw up. I couldn’t throw up anymore so I
lied down on the floor and immediately felt myself shrinking again.
This time it came faster, if I didn’t pay full attention I will
immediately shrink to the size of an ant. The speakers told me this is
not good, because you’ll need to travel a long distance to reach the
door because you’re shrunk an you’re an ant. I was seriously not
rational at this point and wanted to run away from my apartment. My
thought processes were fucked and scaring me and I was delirious and
paranoid. I did know I took quite a few different drugs over the
weekend and that combined with days without sleep and food and water
was probably causing me to freak out. But disassociation and auditory
hallucinations and frame choppiness and wild thoughts on cannabis? I
don’t think it was possible and looked at the bag again. I suddenly
remembered that there was people selling PCP (Angel Dust) dusted weed
and I did remember the dealer telling me it was “killer weed”. My
definition of killer weed is a strong, indica-like stoney high but
apparently the common lingo here is that killer weed = weed laced with
PCP dipped wood shavings. I’ve never done PCP before and I’ve only
heard bad things about it, so I was getting more and more agitated. I
couldn’t remember much after that, but I know the voice told me to grab
my cell phone and dial 000. If you still don’t feel sober after 30
minutes, press the Call button. I sat that way for a couple of minutes,
not wanting to call at all coz it will lead to a lot of complications.
But I could really feel my heart stopping now, it sounds silly now when
I think about it, but it was really scary last night. I even got the
chills from hearing the Lab 4 track – The Creator today. πŸ™ After about
10 minutes where I was in near total disassociation, I finally told
myself to get up. I couldn’t move at all and felt like I was going to
void my bowels right there and then. The speaker told me to press the
Call button NOW and I said fuck it and called. Except I didn’t call…I
stumbled outside to get a drink of water and knocked on one of my
neighbors door. Didn’t know why I did that, but soon the paramedics
were called. I was still feeling disassociated by then and felt like I
was looking at the scene from a weird angle. I couldn’t feel my heart
beating and was sure I had died and I cannot control my vomiting, which
has become dry heaves that I couldn’t stop. I was totally dehydrated
and my skin didn’t settle back down when I pinched it. I realize now
that I just had a bad PCP trip because I was not expecting it and after
all that major drug use the night before, it made me paranoid and
totally freak out. But let me tell you, while on PCP you feel like
you’re actually dying and start thinking really strange and irrational
thoughts. I can’t remember half of the PCP trip, but I know I was
constantly scared and I felt like my heart stopped beating. Now, I’ve
been a daily smoker of weed for a long time and I know what cannabis
can and cannot do. This batch is either salvia divinorum + cannabis or
more likely, PCP + cannabis. I called a friend up today and he said
that PCP laced weed does come intertwined with wood shavings and dusted
with white powder so that explains it.

Close up showing more powder (they do not look like THC crystals and tasted chemical when inhaled)

Anyway, the ambulance came about 20 minutes later. I don’t want to
talk about this part because it’s kinda embarrassing. I trooped through
my apartment unit with my pants half on (had a pair of boxers inside)
and a tatty shirt. I grabbed my cell phone in my right hand because the
speaker said not to let go of it, it’s a lifeline. In my other hand I
had a number of random bits of paper but I didn’t think to bring out my
wallet nor my keys. I have quite a lot of experience with drugs and can
talk myself out of a bad acid trip, but somehow everything seems
bizarre and frightening on PCP and I could not convince myself of
anything at all. I really wanted to tough the trip out, but I felt my
heart stopping and it was real, I couldn’t feel my heartbeat and nearly
cried because I was scared, confused and just wanting to sleep. That’s
PCP for ya…don’t know why some people can enjoy this fucked up drug,
it made me feel like I had a near death experience and totally freaked
me out. Anyway, I couldn’t walk well and stumbled with the paramedics
to their ambulance and lied down in a stretcher. I felt that the
paramedic was an angel, because she monitored my heart beat and blood
pressure and told me they were low, but still okay. I couldn’t remember
much of the journey in the ambulance except that I’m safe now with the
angel with me. Usually when you think of stuff or hallucinate stuff
while on drugs, you kinda know it’s not real and can ignore it if you
want. On PCP, it can’t be ignored. The stuff you think is really
happening and you have to follow it, you don’t have any volition or
free will or control, that’s the best I can come out with of the PCP
experience. I have no doubt that if the speakers told me to do
something stupid, I won’t even think it was stupid and just do it.

It even had bits of a purple tablet mixed into it. Or maybe it was a remnant
from the previous bag’s contents.

Anyway, I arrived at the ER room of a hospital some time later and
was shot with a sedative. I looked around the ward and saw two Indian
guys opposite my bed and an old Aussie lady with a black eye beside my
bed. I was knocked out in les than a minute and got treated for
dehydration and nausea. I woke up two hours later feeling better and
saw another angel, one of the ward keepers telling me not to move too
much coz I’m on an IV drip for dehydration. She also asked me if I
wanted anything to eat (angel) but I said I’m not feeling much like
eating now and slept for another hour. I was awakened by a doctor who
asked me how I was feeling. He also mentioned that they have drug
counselors if I want to meet up with one. I politely declined and said
that I was only doing drugs recreationally and just had a wild
combination last night that left me with a panic attack. After that, he
said I was free to go whenever I want, so I started undressing my
hospital gown (I didn’t even remember putting it on). The angel nurse
came over again and showed me the way out. I thanked her and she told
me not to worry because the hospital does not have an obligation to
share information regarding admission with the police. She offered to
call me a taxi back but I declined politely and thanked the angel and
gave her a smile and walked around a bit to clear my head. After a
while, I called my friend to meet me near the hospital because I just
realized I didn’t have my wallet with me. Good thing Mr Speaker Man
told me not to let go of my cell phone no matter what. What an
experience. This is surely a weekend that ends all other weekends. Fuck
yeah. Still a promise is a promise and I flushed all my drugs down the
toilet. A promise to God is one you have to keep since he was kind
enough to send two of his angels down and nothing bad came out of the
experience except I probably fried half my brain cells. I’m typing this
about 6 hours after being discharged from the hospital. I did crash
heavily and slept for a while a couple of hours ago. Still feel very
out of it though, and I’ll probably feel depressed for the next week,
but I survived a very wild weekend and had some absolutely wicked
experiences. =D It was an interesting ride indeed, from the arms of the
death angel into the arms of the life angel. Heh.

Things I learnt today

PCP is a strong disassociative and should not be used without a trusted and experienced trip sitter.

Disassociatives can cause bad reactions with some personalities.

Meth makes you paranoid.

Poly-drug use can result in strange interactions.

Get drugs from a trusted dealer and party safe.

The crash from a drug binge is pretty horrible and depressing.

Remember to drink water while on E.

If you feel that you’ve taken a dangerous drug and/or OD’ed, don’t
hesitate to call the paramedics. They have no obligation to report you
to the police.

********* End of Report **********

It’s hailing!

I was wondering why the rain sounded so loud just now. It sounded like it was
hitting my roof directly, and I didn’t even live on the top floor. Puzzled, I opened up a window
and was assailed by chucks of ice the size of M&Ms. I’ve been caught by hail in Christchurch,
NZ before but I’ve never seen hail in Melbourne. Hail!

150 mg methamphetamine, insufflated (“Where are you going in such a hurry?”)

This is another entry from my psychonaut friend, “Mr Foaf”. I’ll like to take this chance to say
once and for all that “Mr Foaf” is NOT ME. Let this set the record straight. He’s a friend of mine
who studies in the same university as I do, but does not want to be identified any further than
that. His viewpoints does not necessarily represent my viewpoints, and I will not discuss my stance
on recreational drugs here. I will however publish his articles here, because I find them

********** All lines past this line is written by “Mr Foaf” **********

Psychoactive substance – Methamphetamine, powder

Common street names – Meth, Crystal

Ingestion method – Insufflated

I have gotten a hookup for meth in a funny way. I was sitting in the bus one day and two
university students sitting beside me were talking about speed. Now, I haven’t had that stuff in
quite a while so as we alighted, I casually asked the guy if he can hook me up with speed. I gave
him my number and he called me two days later and gave me a number of another guy. I called the guy
up and ordered some methamphetamine and a bag of weed for good measure. The rendezvous point was to
be near my place at 8:30 pm and sure enough two guys pulled up slightly after that. Commerce took
place in the back seat of their car and I left with 150 mgs of methamphetamine and a baggie of

The meth was wrapped in aluminum foil and sealed in a small plastic bag. The powder itself looks
white and erm, powdery. It looks slightly off-white in the picture, but that is because of an
incandescent lamp I had on. The picture above is taken using my brother’s digicam, which is not
exactly the most high quality thing in the world. Forgive the quality, I had to sharpen it up a
bit. The meth is next to an A$2 coin for a size reference.

9:36 pm

I snorted a small bump of the meth to perk myself up. The powder did not burn much going up.

9:40 pm

The drip started. For people who has not ingested any pharmaceuticals intranasally, the drip is
what happens when the powder mixed with nasal fluid start dripping down your throat from the back
of your nose. It tasted slightly bitter, but I have a high bitterness threshold so it didn’t bother
me at all. I used to crunch methamphetamine tablets and kinda like the taste because of the Pavlov
reaction I have been conditioned with. Bitter stuff = high. Heh.

9:45 pm

Feeling slightly speedy now but not really amped yet so I decided to do a bigger bump this time.
I snorted half of the remaining powder and this time it slightly stung when I insufflated it. It
stings more if you snort more. Feeling pretty good now, and I licked my finger to get the remaining
powder that was stuck on my finger.

9:50 pm

Ah, this is a much better rush. Although the rush from insufflating is not comparable to smoking
or IV, there is still a ‘rush’ when compared to ingesting it orally, which doesn’t really provide a
rush, just euphoria. Felt absolutely wonderful for about 5 minutes. There is a constant bitter drip
from my last bump.

10:00 pm

Feeling slightly paranoid now. It’s not good to think paranoid thoughts while on meth. The only
paranoia I get while on drugs is the fear of getting busted. I though about something happier and
listened to some monster trance to keep my thoughts out of that way.

10:05 pm

I am ashamed of myself. This stuff is quite compulsive indeed. I put the remaining powder on a
an Avril Lavigne single jewel case and licked the aluminum foil clean. Yuck. Tasted like hair
cream. πŸ™

10:06 pm

I rolled up a 10 dollar bill. I couldn’t find any higher denomination currency around. Heh. Not
that it matters anyway.

10:07 pm

Arranged the meth powder on the jewel case into a line with a credit card. Here it comes! =D

10:08 pm

Put the rolled up bill into my nose, closed the other nostril, bent down to the jewel case and
snorted the line in one go. Now this one really burned going up. =D Heh.

10:09 pm

Licked Avril Lavigne. The jewel case, I mean. Wastage is not good.

10:13 pm

I’m feeling pretty fucking good now. Listening to some hard trance from Germany and really got
into a dancing mood. It will be better to do meth in a rave, that is the most awesome thing to do.
It’s one of my favourite things to do, and I call it The Oblivion. The Oblivion occurs when you
ingest speed or meth or ice at 10 pm and don’t stop dancing until 6 pm. It’s a strange state of
mind where you actually can feel the music, and sometimes your body doesn’t feel like dancing
anymore but you push it anyway coz you don’t want to stop until 6 pm. That is The Oblivion and fuck
I love that place. The best time is around 4 pm, when only the hardcore ravers and tweakers (people
who take speed) are left on the dance floor. Everyone is sweating and exhausted but they keep on
pushing their bodies to move. Once in a while people make eye contact and nods at each other and
think “I know you’re tweaking and so am I”. There is a community feeling then and then you look
away and close your eyes and your body says “I’m tired” but you don’t listen to it and you don’t
care. You haven’t had anything to drink since that bottle of mineral water you forced down at 12 pm
and you’ve probably sweated your entire day’s water intake and your muscles complain but you don’t
really “feel” it and you don’t even need to “push” yourself to dance, it just happens
automatically, on auto pilot. You know you’re tired but you don’t actually “feel” it. You just move
in the same way you’ve been moving since 12 pm and it’s the same steps and routine and you feel
good and you don’t even need to think or be aware of your body coz it’s moving on autopilot. And
the DJ runs one last hard core, million BPM gabba track for the tweakers and everyone just
explodes. The last encore and everyone is finding every extra kilojoule of energy and translating
it into wild movements. The strobe light flashes, and you close your eyes, you forget all your
worries, your body is moving on autopilot, the track is going higher and higher and the climax is
coming and the strobe light is really flashing fast now and you close your eyes and you think “This
is heaven”. That is The Oblivion and it’s the closest feeling you’re gonna get to flying unless you
sprout some wings.

********** End of Article **********

“Don’t knock the Feng Tau scene” – an essay by Mr. Foaf

The wide awake friend of mine sent me this long ass essay he wrote while he was on
methamphetamines (see following post). It’s an unformatted block of text, but quite rewarding to
read. Interesting and sums up the scene pretty well, but you revealed where you’re from Mr. Foaf. I
assume that was meant to happen, but email me if you want me to delete any identifying names.

********** All text following this line is written by Mr Foaf **********

For those of you who’re not familiar with the term, feng tau or yo
in Hokkien translates to “shake head”. Speed in Malaysia is called feng tau yin or
yo tau yee, literally “shake head pills”. Speed is relatively cheap in Malaysia, you can
score a tablet for RM30, which is A$15 here. The speed is high quality and is mostly diverted from
Thailand. The most renowned “brand name” when I was in the scene (that was around 1998 – 2000) is
the Green Apple. It is a large methamphetamine tablet and it tastes absolutely horrible when you
crunch it up. There are several other substances masquerading as yo tau yee, the most common
being caffeine. One guy even attempted to sell me a No-Doz caffeine tablet that still had the
writing on it! As far as I know, MDMA (ecstasy) was not widely available in my hometown. Most of
the pills passed off as Ecstasy are speed. I can still remember the first time I got into the
feng tau scene. I hooked up with a friend of a friend (seriously) who is a regular yo
(literally “shake feet”) which is a vaguely derogatory term for a speed freak. The term
yo tau was coined due to one of the well known effects of speed – it makes you perform
repetitive (and sometimes unconscious) movements. The people who take speed in Malaysia usually
stand near the speakers and grasp it and shake their head horizontally (think of the movement you
do when you’re saying No). It’s highly pleasant to perform repetitive movements while on speed and
once you start moving in a particular way, it’s hard to stop, thus the term “yo tau”. I feel
that it’s a meme that’s passed on by older speed freaks who tell newer acolytes that they need to
shake their head to get high. Thus, you can see a high proportion of people shaking their heads in
discos. It has become somewhat fashionable to do it even if you’re not on speed. Anyway, back to my
first time. I hooked up with a friend of a close friend and he took me to this really dodgy out of
the way disco. We literally spent an hour on the road, with the last 15 minutes spent navigating a
long, dark rubble road to a single house located in the woods. It was like something out of a
story, that was what I though then. Heh. Anyway, the house seemed extremely well secured for a
residential property. All the windows were barred and the front door has an extension with an
intimidating cage and lock system and there was an old gangster sitting between the cage and the
front door. I presume the cage was meant to delay police from breaking in. Anyway, this place was
strictly invitation only and it was my friend’s first time there too. The old gangster kept on
telling us that it’s a private residential house and would not let us in. My friend had to make a
phone call to a regular, who came out and told the old gangster that we’re cool. Which brings us to
another part of the feng tau scene. The scene is sustained primarily by Ah Bengs – a derogative
term referring to an unsophisticated Chinese boy, usually a gangster. Anyway, the old gangster
security guard asked us if we wanted any pills. Naturally, we said yes, because that was the reason
we’re there. The OG walked over to a dilapidated truck partially hidden in a darkened garage and
pulled the biggest bag full of pills I’ve ever seen out of the empty fuel tank. It seemed rather
surreal and movie like to me at that time. We got two pills of the guy and I crunched mine up and
chased it with some coke. The drink, not the drug. After that, our party went into the disco, which
is basically a renovated living room with a pumping sound system. There is no entrance fee per se
to the illicit disco, but you’re required to either purchase a jug of water for RM 30 (A$15) or a
pre rolled marijuana joints for the same price. We didn’t want to cloud the experience, so we opted
to go for the water and sat down at a table. Our party consists of 4 – the friend of a friend, his
girlfriend, his friend and me. Which reminds me of the funny scene that always happens when his
girlfriend is partying with us. Heh. The girlfriend in question does not approve of drug use, so he
has to covertly take drugs while she’s with us. It was an exercise is subterfuge and reconnaissance
indeed. Anyway, I was offered some chewing gum to take care of the jaw clenching that always occurs
with speed and I spent three hours dancing along in that disco. I learnt that the disco is a
safehouse which people go to yo tau when the police are making their inaugural rounds at the
licensed discos to snag drug users. To introduce you to more of the local feng tau

Sapu – Literally “sweep”, it refers to the police raids on licenced discos

Anyway, the way the police do this is they pull up in several trucks
customized to hold 20 people in each and make a fucking racket, scaring everyone in the disco. They
pull out their batons and bust in the disco with their flashlights and surround all the exits and
shouts at the DJ to cut the music and turn on the lights. Anyone caught shaking their head when the
lights are on are immediately (read roughly) pushed into the trucks. It can be a frightening
experience because Malaysian police are known for their persuasive interrogation techniques.
Anyway, when the lights are all turned on, the police pushes everyone who has tattoos, piercings
and dyed hair to one side and begins marching them into the trucks. This could be interpreted by
unconstitutional profiling, but that’s the way things work around there. Everyone remaining is
required to line up and produce their IDs for the police. If the police does not like the way you
look, you’re diverted to the other line, which leads to the truck. It can be an exercise in self
control to force yourself to stop shaking your head after you’ve been doing it a couple of hours
while on speed. I can testify that it CAN be done, but you better hope the police are looking
elsewhere when you inadvertently and unconsciously start shaking your head again.

Anyway, about the truck. It’s a standard military truck converted to hold 20
people in small cages that you can’t even move or stand up in. The air is extremely musty and it’s
very, very warm in there. That’s not the end of the day though. If you’re unlucky enough to be the
first disco they raided, that means 4 hours in the hot truck while the rest are rounded up with the
same trucks. By the time they let you out, you’ll be begging for them to arrest you.

And that still not the end of your day. When you’re at the police station,
you’ll be interrogated by mean looking police officers. After that, you’ll be required to strip to
check for any hidden tattoos (gangs are a problem where I come from and most gangsters have
tattoos, hence this). After that, you’ll be given a small container to piss in. The container is
taken to the lab, and you’re required to sleep in a jail cell for the night with only your
underpants because the police takes away your clothes and belongings.

Chiak curry pun – Literally eat curried rice. It means you were unlucky enough
to get busted and spent the night in a jail cell. The police provides you with breakfast before
they release you – curried chicken rice, hence the term.

The next morning, you wake up in a jail cell stinking of piss and feces (if
you’re lucky enough to sleep) and you get released with a stern warning. I don’t know if anything’s
changed since I was in the scene, but I haven’t heard of anyone getting charged. I suspect that the
urine samples were never tested at all, and they just want to lock you up for the night as a
“lesson”. Which is good in a way. You don’t want to get busted with amphetamines in your urine
because that is a Very Bad Thing in Malaysia, and it leads to leads to stuff like Long Jail Terms
To Send A Message To The Masses. It saves taxpayer money too, because the police then does not have
to spend money on drug testing kits. Everyone wins, including the poor sod who spent the nite in
the cell. The only people that doesn’t win are the ones who did not take any drugs and yet has to
spend the night in the jail. =D

Oh, wait I do know someone personally who got convicted, but in different
situation. Someone narced on him and the police busted into the house and found ice (smokable
methamphetamine) and cannabis on the premises. Every resident was urine tested (for real) and my
classmate was unfortunate enough to have traces of cannabis in his urine. Which brings me to a
puzzling issue – apparently there are people out there who gains happiness from other people’s
suffering. If you don’t take drugs, that’s cool, it’s your choice and I respect you for making it.
But why do you feel the need to report me to the police? Is this some misguided tough love gleaned
from primary school teachers who urge people to report people doing drugs “for their own good”? Nah
mate, dun kid yourself, the only reason you do that is because you want to bring me down. Anyway, I

Anyway, regarding my first time again. My friend had to leave after three
hours so I went back home and played loud rave music at home while shaking away, much to the
amusement of my roommate then. My first time was also the first time I was exposed to “speed rage”.
My neighbor suddenly appeared in front of my gate at 4:30 am looking extremely pissed off. He
shouted for me to turn the music down and complained that I’ve been playing music at unacceptable
volumes and it has disturbed his sleep. I agree that the volume was too loud (it was at max volume
and with my setup then, max volume is really loud). Normally, I would apologize and turn the music
down since it’s unfair to subject a 40 year old man and his wife to loud thumping music all night
long. At that time though, I felt strangely confrontational and shouted back that if he wants the
music off, he can come right up and make me. I ended that sentence by saying cibai.

Cibai – An expletive which means cunt

At that point, the man started shouting again about my rudeness and threatened
to call the police. Upon hearing that, I promptly stomped down the stairs with the full intention
of beating the shit out of him. Luckily though, my roommate restrained me and apologized to the man
and turned down my stereo. Thank you, PL, for defusing a potentially dangerous confrontation that
will probably end with me sitting in a jail cell. I spent the rest of the night paranoid (great)
that the police will raid my house. I kept going through what we’re going to do if that happens. My
plan was to pretend to sleep and get my roommate to answer the door and deny everything. Not a
really good plan, and I knew it too, so I was feeling really paranoid the rest of the night and I
couldn’t stop clenching my jaw. I wanted to leave the house and sleep over at the friends place but
didn’t want to risk getting busted on the way. I was not thinking rationally then. Thankfully, the
neighbor didn’t make good on his threat.

Anyway, back to the feng tau scene. It’s a really fun scene where people take
speed and shake their heads as discos. Some people might dismiss it as an Ah Beng form of
entertainment and sniff at it, but it’s actually pretty fun. There is a community of yo kas which
look out for each other and other than the occasional fights that inadvertently break out, it’s
actually a pretty fun scene. The music is nothing to write home about, it’s mostly remixed Cantopop
songs and popular dance groups like Vengaboys, but it’s surprisingly effective and enjoyable. I
spent a couple of happy years in the feng tau scene and I still fondly look back at those times
with delight. And at regular intervals while dancing, a group of people will inadvertently start
The War Cry.

The War Cry

Yo ah yo ah si beh song ah

Shake shake it feels damn good

Yo ah yo ah yo ah

Shake shake shake

Kaka yo ah yo ah yo ah

Daringly shake shake shake

********** End of Essay **********

Putting it bluntly (haha)

Ellen Feiss is hot. I only knew about
this meme today. That translates to a two month lag between the propagation of the meme and the
time I hear about it. I heard about the All Your Base and Mahir one several days after they
become popular and now I have to resort to hearing about Feiss from The Age
[theage.com.au] of all places. Alas, I have been out of the scene indeed.

Anyway, I heard this Indian couple arguing on the shuttle while on my way back home today. They
were sitting beside me and talking so voluminously that the whole shuttle bus were exposed to their
quandary. It seems that the boyfriend was tardy in introducing his girlfriend to his project group
mates. Allegedly the girlfriend “finished photocopying half the fucking book” before the boyfriend
thought to introduce her. Good thing he didn’t introduce her as only a friend because she sweared
she “will knock you down there and there if you introduced me as your friend”. I could see several
other people in the bus making minute changes like shifting their seating subtly and casually
removing their headphones to maximize their auditory bandwidth.

I have a lucky 10c coin

Well, not really lucky, but it was in my shoe for the whole day.

I noticed a slight anomaly in my shoe soles when I stepped out to go to uni today. Upon further
tactile inspection, I found that it has a distinct coin-like feel to it and surmised that it was a
10c coin. For some reason, I never took the time to remove it from my shoe, I just walked around
with the coin inside for the whole day. It felt kinda nice too, a change from the usual feeling.

Anyway, my mid-semester holidays is coming up next week. I couldn’t possibly make it to Sydney
or Canberra because I have meetings in the first few days. The final exams comes 3 weeks after the
holidays too, so I probably need to be studying in the holidays. I wonder why it’s called a
mid-semester holiday when it doesn’t come in the middle of the semester. It’s either 3 weeks from
the start of the semester (in the first semester) or 3 weeks from the end of the semester (in the
second semester). Alas. However, I’m planning to go on a short overnight trip somewhere. Currently,
I’m still mulling over whether to go to:

1. Hepburn Springs [mineralsprings.net.au]

It is known as Australia’s spa capital. It would be nice to go for one of those mud wraps and
soak in a natural mineral spa before my finals. There are free hand pumps dispensing the legendary
Hepburn Springs sparking mineral water all over town too.

2. Bonnie Doon [bonniedoon.net]

Waterskiing! Bonnie Doon is a really small town on the way to Mt Buller. It is famous for
waterskiing, but there are other stuff to do like fishing and horse riding.

3. Sovereign Hill [sovereignhill.com.au]

A replica gold rush township in Ballarat. They have a nightly play called Blood on the Southern
Cross which I hear is really good. It’s about the revolt of gold miners against unfair taxes.

Three different places offering three different experiences. Hmm…

Mid-Autumn Dinner

I had a belated Mid-Autumn Festival dinner today with a group of my friends from high school.
The list of attendees are: Ung Hing, who arrived 1 1/2 hours late because there was a train
accident which delayed his train, Karen, Fu Liang (the only one who is not from our high school),
Thien Na, who drove her Lancer down from the city, Chuck Fong and his brother Chuck Yong, the
elusive Christopher, Adrian and of course me. We went to Ocean King in Glen Waverley and had one of
their banquets. Off my memory (which is slowly becoming erratic) there was abalone soup, prawns
with noodles, black pepper beef, fish (a meal isn’t complete without fish, or so I hear), spicy
breaded chicken, some tofu dish, fruits and tong shui. Thien Na and I had the misfortune of sitting
beside the rice holder so we were delegated to serving rice the whole night. Heh. The banquet only
came to about A$15 each, so that’s pretty good for the dishes that are available.

Group photo at Ocean King. I forgot to put force flash on, making the picture somewhat

After dinner, we headed down to Intencity, an arcade just opposite the restaurant. Chuck Fong
trashed everyone with his Virtual On skillz and I dominated the Daytona race track. Well, perhaps
dominate is not exactly the right term because Thien Na kept catching up to me. Karen on the other
hand was nowhere to be seen. =D

Daytona action. Karen (furthest from camera) is devastated at her loss. Heh.

The fruity looking guns are from…

Point Blank.

It’s not even 10 pm yet, and Karen and Ung Hing are already sneaking off to get some quality
time alone behind the arcade machines. =D

The line forming to dethrone Chuck Fong at Virtual On.

Another victim falls to Chuck Fong’s Virtual On skillz.

Pedal Faster Karen!

You don’t want to meet us in a dark alley. We’ll probably force you to play Point Blank with us
or something. =D

I find pictures in my digicam that I don’t remember taking. Heh. =D

This is me and Thien Na. She sat in the row beside mine in Form Five. Interesting fact: All but
three of the people that came tonight are from the same class in Form Five.

The girls. I’ve been in the same class as Karen since Primary 1. Imagine that. =D

A partial group shot in the arcade.


Mmm…mooncakes. I’m not doing anything tonight though, gonna have a
belated mid-autumn dinner tomorrow instead with a group of my
ex-classmates. I only had one measly mooncake this year, the one you see
above. I see there is a chick on the top of the container.

Ah…this is the best place to get stuff in Clayton. Not the butcher, the
food clearance center. They have big ass Toblerone bars for only A$8.
According to my empirical chart, a unit of big ass = 750 grams.

Roberts Hall annual photo

The annual Roberts Hall photo for 2002 was taken today at 6 pm. The photos
will not be out till later, but here are some preliminary shots:

6:05 pm People start arranging themselves. The guy with specs with his
arms crossed is the photographer.

6:08 pm A formation starts becoming apparent.

6:12 pm This is the view from the top.

6:27 pm This is my next door neighbor, Michelle Yuen. The room beside mine used
to be occupied by a guy named Glenn but for reasons unknown, he moved out
early this semester and Michelle moved in.

6:31 pm This is Jessica Albin who lives three rooms down. I couldn’t find my
other neighbor from two rooms down. There are 4 rooms in a floor of each stairway.

6:37 pm People milling around after the session. The girl in the red dress, the
guy with the bluish tie, the girl in the blue wraparound and the girl in
the purple dress (partially off frame) all live one floor above mine.

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