veritas Meth IV – mainlining

This is my first time injecting a drug. I once said that I would try
everything once – except needles. Syringes and IV drug users seem to
have a bad reputation even amongst recreational drug users. It would be
funny if it didn’t sound slightly hypocritical. However, I have
absolutely no right to pass judgment as I previously subscribed to the
“everything except injecting” school of thought too. What happened? I
can honestly say that it’s the pursuit of knowledge and experience in
my favorite past time that lead me to experimentation with IV
administration of recreational substances.

Remember, possession of an illicit substance remains illegal

I have been thinking about this for a while and the catalyst was S
(not her real name) – talking to her finally got me determined to IV
something before I head home. Cross out one of the “Things To Do Before
I Leave Melbourne List” items, there’s only 5 left now (the last one is
the mega mega super duper ultra drug binge to end all drug binges -
stay tuned!) . ;) It’s easy to get syringes and other paraphernalia
here – they’re all sold over the counter at pharmacies. Most pharmacies
also stock “fit kits”, a pack containing everything that is necessary
for safer IV drug user – syringes, filters, sterile water, antiseptic
wipes and a disposal container for used syringes. It’s harm reduction,
a good practice to avoid the unnecessary and totally avoidable health
issues that tends to manifest itself when clean, cheap injecting
equipment is not available.


Unfortunately, Malaysia seems to have adopted the opposite stance -
syringes are not freely available, leading to drug users reusing dirty
syringes and causing the transmission of disease through this vector.
Sharing used syringes leads to the transmission of blood borne diseases
and this can easily be avoided by providing new syringes to everyone,
but no…the current legislation keeps those things out of the hands of
drug users, leading to a stigma associated with IV use. The parliament
seems intent to concatenate a H to IV drug use by barring the users
from access to clean equipment. It’s really sad that the government
back home does not think this is a good preventive measure in the
interests of public health. Anyway, ever since the chat with S,
I’ve been reading up and researching about intravenous drug use and
finally decided on two substances – IV meth and IM ketamine.

The high grade methamphetamine crystals

I have since decided not to IM (intramuscular injection) ketamine,
after receiving advice that doing that with street ketamine powder will
likely result in abscesses. I have access to pharmaceutical grade
ketamine in vials, but the price is prohibiting, so that leaves IV
(intravenous injection) methamphetamine. I was looking into syringe
driven micron filters
[tas.gov.au] (also called wheel filters, pill filters) – these are
devices that filter out the impurities and bacteria that tends to call
recreational substances home. However, these things aren’t cheap and
they’re single use only, plus I have to travel quite a distance to the
nearest place that stocks them (normal pharmacies do not carry
specialty injecting equipment) so I didn’t obtain the filters -
justifying that the crystal meth I get is about as pure as it gets.


Anyway, I went to the local chemist today and bought a “sharps kit”
for A$5 in preparation for my IV adventures. The kit contains:


5 x 1 ml Terumo U-100 single use insulin syringes (29G)


29 gauge – all the better to prick you with. ;) A larger gauge
number means the needle diameter is smaller, so a 19G needle is thicker
than a 29G needle, which is in turn thicker than a 30G needle.

5 x antiseptic wipes



These are alcohol swabs – contains isopropyl alcohol

10 ml “Water for Injections BP” in a nice plastic bottle


Pharmacia & Upjohn branded sterile water. I feel so spoilt. ;)

3 x cotton filters


What is the logic behind this??? 5 syringes and 3 filters? Reusing filters is not a good practice!

1 x mini sharps container

Biohazard – Sharps Bin


This is a container you put used needles in for disposal. Do not
reuse syringes! Do not share syringes or equipment! That holds true
even with yourself ie don’t reuse your own syringe too. Anyway, this
container is very nifty. I thought the design was odd at the beginning
since I had to push hard to get the syringe’s “wings” into the disposal
container. After a while, it just hit me (yes, I’m slow) that the
design is intentional, it’s to avoid syringes from falling out from the
disposal container, that isn’t possible because the “wings” are too big
to come through without some pushing from the other end, and the other
end is sealed! Thoughtful design, makes it less of a safety concern.

Used syringes can’t fall out

This is a great pack for just A$5 – it has everything you need
(except for micron filters, but that’s nitpicking) for safer injecting
of drugs and I think it’s something all countries need to have. A lot
of the serious health issues surrounding IV use can be totally
prevented if users have access to these equipment. Personally, I don’t
understand how some IV users can bear to share and use dirty equipment
- the same way I can’t understand how some people can go to brothels
and have sex with prostitutes. I’ll tell you the truth, I’m
hypochondriac and I would never risk contracting a disease, so the
patterns of thought these people seem to have is foreign and
interesting (in a morbid way) to me.

Classic 90 degree spoon for preparing the shot. I just bent the handle.

But then again, some people would think the same way about me and my
recreational drug use, which may seem self-destructive and risky to
them. This is an interesting issue if you think about it, everyone has
different ideas about what constitutes risky behavior and nothing would
change their minds. I realize the futility in getting an anti-drug
person to look at the issue from my point of view – the same way that
no one can ever convince me to go to a brothel because the risk is
unacceptable to me. Punters can sprout all the logic and statistics
they want about the relative safety of condoms, but would I ever take
the risk? No, and nothing can change my mind. This is probably true for
the anti-drug people too. Will they ever see it from our point of view?
Probably not.

Meth crystals dissolving in sterile water – squint and you’ll see it

I’m sorry about digressing so far, but in my defense I have consumed
350 mg of meth in two days so I may be slightly talkative here.
Slightly. :) Anyway, back on topic, I see now that there’s no point in
trying to get anti-drug people to relax their hard stance…it just isn’t
possible. I used to think that this is because they are ignorant about
the facts concerning drug use, and that might be true in some cases,
but not all. Back to the analogy, am I aware of the safety data
regarding condoms? Yes. Would I take the risk? Never. I see that the
issue is not always one of ignorance, but of what we’re raised to fear.
I fear the diseases that can be transmitted through high risk sexual
intercourse, because I was born in the year HIV came into public
consciousness, so I will never take the risk nor will I ever see it
from their point of view. They fear the dangers (whatever that may be -
brain damage? overdose? who knows?) which comes with recreational drug
use, so they will never take the risk nor will they ever see it from my
point of view.

Cotton filter dropped in to absorb the solution

Okay, I’m done being Plato, I’m going back to the main post now.
Stop me if I digress again. :) Anyway, I decided to inject myself with
some crystal meth today. I have done much research before making the
jump and I suggest you do the same if you are considering this method
of administration, as the risks are greater than other routes of
consumption. I found that the best resource out there is this guide by
the Harm Reduction Coalition:

Getting Off Right – A Safety Manual for Injection Drug Users [harmreduction.org]

I suggest that you read everything in there since it is a very good
manual with balanced and unbiased facts about the risks of injecting
drugs. It has a whole chapter devoted to this, and I’ll be lying if I
said it didn’t give me pause when I first read it. Septicemia,
endocarditis, necrotizing fasciitis, wound botulism etc etc. This
manual really does give you all the facts straight out, no bullshit or
propaganda to color their agenda, and that gives it a lot of
credibility. Invaluable.

Drawing up the solution through the cotton filter into the syringe

Anyway, after reading through the manual several times, I compiled a
list of techniques which would provide the safest way for me to
administer crystal meth intravenously. Here’s the information I


Disclaimer: This is a FIRST TIME INJECTING user’s account of
his experience. I am NOT experienced at all in this route of
administration and the methods I use might be totally wrong and
dangerous. I’m only documenting my experience and I’m NOT experienced
enough to give advise. This is just a compilation of techniques I’ve
researched about and used myself. It is NOT ADVICE so don’t treat it as
such. I say again that the methods I’m using could be WRONG and
DANGEROUS. Please don’t inject anything until you’ve sufficiently
researched the subject and analyzed the risks involved.

Use the alcohol swab to swipe ONCE and ONCE ONLY. The reason behind
this is that if you keep swabbing around in circles (like I planned to
do) is you’ll be moving any bacteria around and around so it’ll still
be on the point of penetration. Swiping ONCE is what I’ve read to be
the best way.

Use alcohol to sterilize your fingers before you touch anything!
That includes the spoon, the filters (don’t roll the cotton
beforehand), the syringe etc.

Get “sterile, medical grade” cotton. Make sure that the first filter
(cotton filter) is rolled up in a tight ball. I read that this makes it
more efficient in filtering.

Methamphetamine dissolves easily in water. I’ve read that heating
the substance increases the chance that the cuts will be dissolved, so
don’t heat it, just wait for it to dissolve or use the “cold shake”

Sterile water ampoules only! This can be bought at most pharmacies,
they will sell it to you no questions asked. The same goes for
syringes, so there’s no excuse for not using a new syringe each time,
even with yourself!

PRACTISE FIRST! I stuck myself with the syringe several times and
practiced drawing back to check if I’ve hit a vein. You can also
experiment with injecting sterile water to get the technique right. DO
NOT reuse the syringe even though you’re just practicing on yourself.
You can introduce bacteria and other things if you reuse syringes.
Syringes are designed for single use only. Needless to say it’s FUCKING
STUPID to share syringes. If you can afford the drugs, you can afford
the syringes!

Vein = blood when you draw slightly back.
Artery = gush of blood when you insert the syringe. DO NOT PROCEED!

Check the barrel of the syringe to see if there are any visible
particles. Do not proceed if you see anything visible to the naked eye,
either re-filter or drink the shot. :p

Inject in arms only (safest site) and direct the needle TOWARDS your
heart (not away from it, like in the movies). The needle should have
the bevel opening facing up, inject at the correct angle and site -
refer to GOR.

Try to remove all air bubbles from the barrel of the syringe before injecting.


I thought I was prepared. I didn’t realize that IV is much harder
than it seems! It’s not as easy as sticking the syringe into your arm
and depressing the plunger. You can see the visible track marks of my
unsuccessful attempts in the photos below. I was at a loss regarding
the injection site since every single vein seems to have been punctured
and I harbor a superstitious thought that injecting in that one will
result in the solution squirting out again at the previous puncture
wound. Heh. I know, I know, it sounds silly, and experienced IV users
will be tempted to laugh at my superstitions, but everyone was new
once. ;)


Anyway, my first time was riddled with mishaps and other
entertaining (to you, but unfortunately not to me) shenanigans and I
ended up disregarding the safety framework that I had planned. Please,
do not do what I did, I’m just documenting my first experience with IV
drug use, which involved a lot of unwise decisions. The first one is
the lack of a trip sitter. I had arranged for CT to trip sit
me, but that will have to take place at my room, where there would
inevitably be incriminating conversation going on, which might be
overhead by the neighbors (damn those thin walls) and could result in
unwanted consequences.


Thus, I decided to go on this quest alone, which in hindsight was a
very stupid thing to do, but at least there were some safeguards in
place ie I was going to meet him in an hour so it wasn’t totally stupid
of me. I guess this is what tends to happen with illegal substances -
sometimes the fear of being legally prosecuted is greater than the
thought of any possible threat to self due to unsupervised first time
IV use. The thing I was worried about was not an overdose or unexpected
reaction, but the possibility of a neighbor overhearing our
conversation and possibly reporting it, resulting in a conviction just
2 weeks before I’m due to leave Melbourne for good. That would be
terrible indeed! I have been lucky so far, and I hope it doesn’t run
out before I leave.


That said, the second unwise thing I did was to disregard all
sanitary precautions after the first few unsuccessful attempts. I’m not
afraid of needles, so I feel comfortable sticking it into my flesh, but
that doesn’t mean I’m not nervous since it’s my first time. My hands
were shaking, and that resulted in a lot of aborted injections eg
sticking the needle in and then withdrawing it accidentally again due
to trembling hands. The first time I attempted to inject, I realized
that I had totally forgotten about the alcohol swabs! The needle was
already in my skin, so there’s nothing much that could be done by then.


I had a bit of trouble even before that due to my inexperience with
syringes. I had a lot of trouble drawing up liquid into the syringe and
was puzzled by this lack of pressure despite the insistent plunger
manipulation I was doing. Well guess what? I stuck the needle through
the cotton instead of into it. I didn’t even realize this and kept
puzzling over the plunger until I thought it was broken and opened up a
new syringe to try again, with the same results. Duh! I only realized
the mistake when I touched the cotton (wet so it’s not the source of
the problem) and saw the needle sticking THROUGH the cotton. I overshot
the mark, no wonder I wasn’t getting any liquid into the syringe body.


I find that the cotton does steal quite a bit of meth solution too.
The amount I drew into the syringe is inconsistent with the amount I
put into the spoon. The first time I put 4 largeish crystal meth shards
into the spoon and dropped a small amount of sterile water onto it. I
did not heat up the solution, since meth dissolves readily in water. I
only had to shake the spoon around a bit to make it dissolve faster
since I did not crush up the crystals (didn’t want to introduce
impurities) beforehand. Meth = very water soluble though, and the
crystals dissolve readily. However, the solution I drew up into the
syringe isn’t as much as I put in and I had to keep adding drops of
water to the cotton to make the syringe draw more liquid. There seems
to be a certain saturation point though, where the syringe will only
get more air and the remaining moisture of the cotton could not be
recovered this way so I, ah…ate it. It’s not poisonous (I hope) and it
would be a waste to throw away a still moist cotton so, yeah I just
chased it down with some Ural and water. :p


Anyway, the first few attempts to locate a vein were not easy. I
could see the veins, and I could insert the needle into it, but the
needle always came out when I pulled the plunger back due to my
unsteady hands. I have to pull the plunger to confirm that I’m in a
vein, there would be blood flowing into the barrel if I was and I
needed that visual confirmation. Every single time I pulled back the
plunger, the needle came out as well. I changed the syringe every time
that happened to avoid blunt needles, but I was down to the last two
and I couldn’t be bothered anymore. I just wanted to hit a vein, bang
it and get it over with!

Increasing number of puncture wounds

It was easier said than done though, due to my shaky hands (nerves,
nerves). By the end of the session, I had 8 large puncture wounds and 6
smaller ones. It wasn’t the pain that bothered me, I don’t feel much
pain at all since I think I have a fairly high pain threshold. It was
the damned frustration at consistently fucking up every shot. I had
thought IV was a simple matter of finding a vein, sticking the syringe
in and pushing the plunger. It wasn’t so. I spent half and hour
changing syringes at first, draining the solution back into the spoon
and loading another syringe up for a new try, taking care to use the
alcohol swabs, but by the end of it, I was ready to give up and just
wanted to HIT A VEIN, WHY IS IT SO HARD?!?!?


I missed a shot too, due to my impatience. I was terribly frustrated
at this tediousness and decided to push the plunger anyway, no need for
confirmation. I picked a vein, stuck the syringe in and pushed. Ouch!
No rush, but the skin surrounding the area swelled up. Fuck, I missed
the vein and wasted the shot. I was very pissed off at this point since
I was angry at my inaptitude at doing something that seems to be easy
in theory. I rubbed the swelling site as S recommended, but
that did not reduce the swelling. I didn’t want to touch the open wound
with my fingers too, since by this time, all precautions to maintain
sterility has been abandoned and my hands were bound to be dirty since
I was handling other things as well (like the digicam).


I was getting very frustrated and regretted not having CT
come over and trip sit me, because that would leave both my hands free
and clean since I won’t have to touch the digicam in my attempts to
document my first experience. However, the missed shot made me all the
more determined to hit a vein and I prepared another solution for
injecting. It should be noted that even though I missed the vein, I did
feel the meth from the missed shot. There isn’t a “rush” but I was
noticeably getting tweaked after a while, it seems that meth is active
when administered via injection by “skin popping” too.


The tweaked condition didn’t help with the shaky hands, if anything
it made it worse, but it did make me more focused and resolute in
getting an IV shot into me. I will tell you some of the hygienic
precautions that were discarded at this point. I won’t even pretend
that the syringe is sterile anymore, and neither is it sharp, since
several failed penetrations have been made and I accidentally hit the
bottom of the spoon with the tip when I drew the solution into the
barrel. The shot was definitely not sterile because:

The needle went through my shirt (!) by accident
I wish I was kidding. I only had one syringe left at this point so I
had to pretend I didn’t notice this happened. The incident occurred
when I reached for the sterile water to add to the cotton. I somehow
managed to stick the needle through the right hand side of my shirt
while fumbling with the water. It didn’t pierce my body, but just went
through the front of the shirt and penetrated out the back. Okay…I’ll
just forget that happened, ho hum. *cough* Yeah, I did proceed with the
injection with the very same needle. Please don’t do this.

The needle dragged on a chair (…)
Yes, this is the same needle that got the shirt treatment. I’ll give
away a spoiler here, the needle is also the same one I managed to
successfully hit a vein and bang that shit. ;) Whatever ramifications
this will produce, I will find out tomorrow, but currently, the
puncture wounds are swollen and they seem to be painful when touched.
Anyway, the needle dragged over my chair while fumbling with a spoon.
It made a screeching sound too, so even though I could pretend I didn’t
see that happen, I couldn’t pretend I didn’t hear it. But I was very
frustrated at this point and thought “Fuck it, no one sits in this
chair except me anyway”. Welcome E.coli.

The cotton fell off the spoon and rolled onto the chair
Despite my articulate attempts to bend the spoon so that it can remain
erect on a surface without any aid, the laws of gravity got the better
of me and the spoon tipped to the side and the cotton rolled onto the
chair surface. Luckily, the solution has been absorbed by the cotton so
no spillage occurred, but the wet cotton was certainly not sterile
anymore. I did not really care at this point since the needle wasn’t
sterile anyway, so I just noted that it rolled onto the surface of the
chair, nonchalantly put it back and drew up the solution like nothing
out of the ordinary happened. :p

Not very pretty, that’s for sure

However, this syringe was the lucky one. 10 units (0.1 ml) of
solution was inside the chamber, with a very large air bubble, which I
could not manage to dislodge despite my best attempts. I shook it, I
tapped it, I turned the syringe upside down, I even squirted some
solution out and refilled the chamber, but nope, the air bubble insists
on being there. Oh well, the “air bubble causes pulmonary
embolism/stroke” is a myth anyway, so on with the show, I said. Please
don’t quote me on this, it’s just something I remembered reading on
bluelight, and I don’t know if it’s a fact or it really is a myth, but
I’m still very much alive if that tells you anything. I think it’s an
unsafe practice though, so read up on it before you decide whether or
not this poses a significant risk.

Preparing the shot

Hmm…is anyone still with me? This is getting very long. I appreciate
you reading so far, thanks for sharing my experience. :) Anyway, this
one is the lucky syringe, I finally managed to enter a vein and pulled
the plunger back without the needle falling out. I think it was either
the Medial Cubital Vein or the Basilic Vein. I pulled the plunger back
and I was elated to see a flush of blood entering the chamber! This is
it! I’ve hit the vein and the needle is still firmly in, the bevel
opening is facing upwards and I’m injecting towards my heart. The stars

The shot that finally hit a vein! The angle is wrong, I injected the
syringe towards me, but it shifted to the side when I finished
injecting and moved my hand away to take a photo before drawing the
needle out. Look at the bottom of the syringe barrel – there’s some
blood clotted there. That’s my visual confirmation – I pulled the
plunger back, blood flooded in. We have a vein! :)

I took a deep breath and pushed the plunger slowly but smoothly,
emptying it in about 3 seconds. What does IV meth feel like? It felt
like a slap in the face. :) I have been tweaking for two days and had
consumed 1/4 gram of meth the night before, and this shot couldn’t have
been more than 50 mg maximum (crystal meth) but it hit me alright. I
was desensitized (as one tends to get) after the previous night’s
tweaking, but fuiyoh, the rush! The rush from IV meth! I felt
like I was being reanimated! I would say that the amount is too much,
because I think my brain nearly exploded. :)

My blood clotting on the needle bevel

It feels like…a slap in the face in the middle of an orgasm. Clichéd as it sounds, the rush is a real rush.
It felt like the first time I had insufflated a really big line of
meth, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I was dizzy for a while. It
was worth every puncture wound I made throughout the night, this
experience is something that needs to be experienced to appreciate. Did
I just make a personal demon (I love meth) even stronger? Would I end
up in poverty and die all alone in the cold, cold streets of Melbourne?

Well, no. I loved the rush, it’s fucking amazing and this is one of
the rare times when profanity is justified and even required to enlist
as a potentiating adjective. :) What I did not like was the
duration…what a waste! I would say I was tweaked (my scale might differ
from yours) for 3 hours. Insufflating usually lasts 6 hours for me and
oral meth with alkalanizers can provide me with the mental stimulation
I crave for 10 hours (albeit a lot is required for oral use). The
disappointing duration (but the rush exceeds my expectations :))
together with the fact that my left arm is a fucking mess would not
make this method a favorite with me. The swelling has since gone down
after a warm compress was applied but the puncture wounds are still
very much visible and probably would not heal until a couple of days
has passed. I was afraid that the sterility issues would produce an
abscess which would require medical attention, but it seems that the
worries are unjustified. I checked again and it seems that the healing
process is proceeding nicely, though a bit too slow for my liking.
Hmm…does anyone notice that I have fits of “old skool” type sentences
once in a while? I blame that on H.P. Lovecraft, it’s all I’ve been
reading on my commute lately.


Anyway, I have put two Band-Aids over the puncture wounds, which I got from CT, many thanks for that. CT
has never failed to be helpful and he’s a great friend indeed and at
the risk of sounding not completely hetero (not that there’s anything
wrong with that), I would miss him when I go back because it’s not easy
to find someone that shares the same interests and is a nice guy to
boot. I sure have learnt a lot from him and we’re currently working on
probably the last collaborative project (Codename: Project M.C.) before
I go back. Project M.C. is top secret, off the record, on the QT and
very hush hush so I will not be blogging about it. I will be writing it
for a personal archive, and I will post that once the “statute of
limitations” pass. That has been agreed to be 3 years, so if you really
want to know, remind me to post about Project M.C. today in 2006. I
assure you it will be an interesting read. ;)

Well, back on topic, I would try IV meth again when my wounds heal,
maybe once or twice max. It’s not that I’m scared of the potentially
all too lovable rush that IV meth provides, the rush is good, hell,
it’s fucking great, but the hassle involved in preparing the shot and
the short duration (dammit) would not make this method appealing for
me. Two minutes of feeling like God and 3 hours of feeling like a
Saint. That is my experience with IV meth. Insufflation gives me 5
minutes of Demi-God status and 6 hours of Sainthood. I would go choose
the latter over the former.

Besides, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do if the track marks from
my amateur jabbings do not heal as quickly as I hope it will. ;)

P/S – Part II of methamphetamine IV here [sixthseal.com].

I have sunk to a new personal low. Please do not read any further
unless you’re prepared to be disgusted. The left side of my work table
is the absolute dirtiest surface area in my room. This is because – I
eat takeaway food there. I smoke there (ashtray is located there). I
store packs of (opened) chocolate/candy there (for my weed related
munchies). I put coins there. Receipts/bills/returned
assignments/letters etc goes there. You get the drill, it’s the
“everything there” part of the room. I took a single foil of meth out
from my stash. The foil is pre-weighted to 100 mg and packaged
individually. I unwrap the foil and put it on the left side on my desk.
I reached for my straw. Except there was no straw. Where did my straw
go? I searched my stash drawer, went through everything, but nope, it
wasn’t there. I searched the left side on my desk, flipping up letters,
bills, chocolate bars and the opened meth foil. Yes, the unwrapped
foil of meth! Oh, it flew everywhere. The “landing zone” was an area of
approximately 3/4 meter by 1/4 meter. It wasn’t pretty, I’ll tell you
that. I’ll like to say that my reaction was limited to saying “Oh, what
bad luck”, dust everything into the rubbish bin and get another foil
from the drawer.

Only users lose drugs

It wasn’t. Instead, I dusted everything into a “working pile”. The
name alone suggests what I intend to do with it. Keep in mind that the
meth was salvaged from things as varied as the surface of a 50 cent
coin, the wrapper of a large Cadbury chocolate bar (the 250 g size
ones), a receipt from Coles, an odd piece of cardboard that I’ve never
seen, Metcards (public transport tickets) and a A$10 note to name a few
things. The remainder (which wasn’t on top of something) was merged
into the working pile by moving everything out of the way and scraping
the table with a card. I nearly retched while writing that sentence,
for reasons I’ll go into in a second. Anyway, the moving everything out
of the way bit is why the picture above shows a rather empty table.
It’s usually ultra-cluttered.

Now I have a pile of questionable things which I call the “working
pile”. The pile was not consistent with the volume a point (100 mg) of
the meth I get would look like. I’ll say it was about 1/3 of 100 mg,
which meant I lost quite a bit. I can see some bits on the table still,
but those are in areas which are very dusty and dirty (which was what I
meant about retching). I did scrape over those parts anyway. :( In my
defense, I worked around the most disgusting areas while scraping and
wiped the really dirty ones which had a bit of meth of it with a wet
cloth before I get any funny ideas. After that, I got down and went to
work on the “working pile”. I used the side of the card to separate the
“working pile” into two piles – “maybe meth” and “probably meth”
(cheers BigTrancer!). The “probably meth” consists of
relatively large shards of crystal and smaller bits which has a
translucent quality and looks like meth. I had a second bit of bad luck
when I dropped one of the largest shard on the carpet, but even I’m not
ghetto enough to go looking for it. :p

The “maybe meth” is what the rest of the “working pile” contains
after the “probably meth” filtration (this is too good a word for it)
was done. I insufflated the “probably meth” pile and went to work on
the “maybe meth”. It burnt much more than usual. These are among the things I found in the “maybe meth” pile:
Cigarette ash
Chocolate bits
Biscuit crumbs
A short hair (I’m getting rather put off at this point)
Piece of shredded cannabis bud
Unidentified brown gunk
Coagulated white stuff which I don’t want to speculate about
As you can see the left side of the table is not clean!
I shudder when I think about the takeaway meals eaten here and the
resulting stains (ugh). Anyway, after the above adulterants were
removed, the remaining “maybe meth” still doesn’t look quite right.

Well, I sat there pondering about the health consequences of
introducing the nasty things (and probably plenty of bacteria) that
reside on the left side of my table to my nasal membranes and I decided
that it won’t be a good idea at all. I ate the “maybe meth” pile. I
figured my stomach would be able to handle it better than my sinuses. I
feel so dirty and depraved. You can shake your heads in pity and go
“tsk tsk” now.

I’ve been told that last bit plenty of times anyway. In fact, SY just used it yesterday, also regarding me and meth but in a different context. :) The good thing about today is:

I know. You don’t have to remind me every time I reach for one

I don’t have to use nicotine gum anymore. =D I ran out of cigarettes
yesterday and had to resort to the gum, which staves off the nicotine
monster running though my blood, but not the one in my lungs. No smoke
= no satisfaction. Oh, and some important things I want to share:

Please be careful and respect every substance.
I don’t have time to go through specifics, but I thought I was gonna
kick the bucket yesterday. I took way too much dexamphetamine and
methamphetamine last night and it fucked me left, right and center. I
was gang raped by the two and it wasn’t pleasant at all! I felt like I
was going to have a stroke, heart attack or a brain aneurysm and
possibly all three.

Please take care when you use urinary alkalinizers to potentiate (meth)amphetamines!
The way they work is by reducing the rates of elimination of
amphetamine type substances from your body. This makes re-dosing
dangerous, especially if you take high doses for prolonged periods of
time. I took most of my script (a stupid thing by itself) and some
meth, didn’t drink much water (in a stupid effort to further prolong
the action) and held my urine for very long periods of time (I only
went twice over 36 hours – another stupid effort to make it last
longer). I believe that all the above and the frequent re-dosing led to
a dangerous buildup of amphetamines in my bloodstream. Urinary
alkalinizers will lead to a buildup in your bloodstream because it
reduces the rates of elimination. Time your re-dosing well, and
consider reducing your subsequent doses to compensate for the buildup.
I didn’t even notice it until I jumped 3 feet out of my chair when A
PIECE OF PAPER dropped from the desk and made a tiny swoosh sound.

I was feeling extreme pressure in my head and I had this bright spot
of light in my vision which I think is related to pressure behind the
eyeballs. Other manifestations were constant dizziness, head rushes
after slight exertion (like moving your arm) and while urinating (not
the good head rushes, these are the ones that feels like your skull is
about to explode), very prominent chest pain, extreme difficulty in
breathing (had to really strain to get a breath of air and even then it
didn’t felt enough), a high heart beat that I could hear (feel?),
swollen and freezing hands and feet that looked grey with very
prominent and bulging veins (even the small ones, they aren’t
noticeable usually), and the worst of all – random jabbing pains. The
pains are sharp but short and usually around the hands and feet. I’ve
had these symptoms a lot of times before, it’s all part of the fine
line us tweakers straddle when we push the limits. However, every
person’s body is different and I urge you not to sniff and say that’s
just amphetamine overdose symptoms, especially if you have existing
hypertension or heart conditions.

This is because of something I’ve noticed which I’ve confirmed by
reading medical articles (forgot the links, but please search if you
want references). The thing I’ve noticed is – I cannot do long runs
anymore, it’s fucking impossible! The substance is not the limiting
factor, but the negative reactions are. I always don’t eat and drink
little while tweaking and that used to be fine. It still is fine. I’ll
be honest here – I use much more frequently than I admit to. It’s not a
“weekends only” thing by far. It would be better described by the word
“cycle”. I also tend to go for high doses, re-dose often, use
alkalinizers and other physical tricks like little water intake, forced
urine retention etc. All the symptoms I describe above starts happening
at shorter and shorter periods. It first started to appear at the end
of a 6 day meth run.

Now, the symptoms are starting to appear sooner and sooner – 5 days,
4 days, 3 days, you know the drill. My runs are the no sleep, no food
and no other substances except stimulants type, so that could be part
of the reason. I don’t exceed 3 day runs now, because I can’t! That’s
the only cycle I can sustain now – 3 days on/1-2 day(s) off/3 days on.
It’s not for the lack of trying, the symptoms get progressively worse
and worse until breathing take up most of my energy and the chest pain
becomes to prominent, it makes work impossible, so what’s the point of
tweaking then? I’m concerned that this means that there’s some sort of
permanent damage being done…I have existing hypertension (high blood
pressure) and that and the urine alkalinizers might be the reason why
it hits me so hard. I’ve been reading about amphetamine induced
pulmonary hypertension – if you get this lovely condition, the average
time till you buy the farm is quoted as 1-3 years. Speed/meth puts a
lot of strain on your body. Please be careful out there, if you’re
taking high doses with frequent re-dosing/using urinary alkalinizers as
potentiators/have existing hypertension or heart conditions. Do the
drugs, don’t let the drugs do you, eh? :)

Now if only I would take my own advice…

P/S – I found that taking a high dose of benzodiazepines (I took
clonazepam) seem to lower your blood pressure and eliminate most of the
symptoms. Don’t take this as medical advice though, it’s just personal
observation. Also, by “high dose”, I mean a definite hypnotic dose -
one that will surely put you to sleep. I would also eat before I sleep,
cannabis works wonders.

I just realized that (meth)amphetamine is one of the things which
tends to lead to the utilization of multiple substances to effectively
manage the side effects – or as the anti-drug people like to call it,
“poly drug abuse”. That might be a cause of concern for some people, so
take care everyone!

Related link: Guide to coming down off meth and speed [sixthseal.com].

This is another entry from my psychonaut friend, “Mr Foaf”. I’ll like to take this chance to say
once and for all that “Mr Foaf” is NOT ME. Let this set the record straight. He’s a friend of mine
who studies in the same university as I do, but does not want to be identified any further than
that. His viewpoints does not necessarily represent my viewpoints, and I will not discuss my stance
on recreational drugs here. I will however publish his articles here, because I find them

********** All lines past this line is written by “Mr Foaf” **********

Psychoactive substance – Methamphetamine, powder

Common street names – Meth, Crystal

Ingestion method – Insufflated

I have gotten a hookup for meth in a funny way. I was sitting in the bus one day and two
university students sitting beside me were talking about speed. Now, I haven’t had that stuff in
quite a while so as we alighted, I casually asked the guy if he can hook me up with speed. I gave
him my number and he called me two days later and gave me a number of another guy. I called the guy
up and ordered some methamphetamine and a bag of weed for good measure. The rendezvous point was to
be near my place at 8:30 pm and sure enough two guys pulled up slightly after that. Commerce took
place in the back seat of their car and I left with 150 mgs of methamphetamine and a baggie of

The meth was wrapped in aluminum foil and sealed in a small plastic bag. The powder itself looks
white and erm, powdery. It looks slightly off-white in the picture, but that is because of an
incandescent lamp I had on. The picture above is taken using my brother’s digicam, which is not
exactly the most high quality thing in the world. Forgive the quality, I had to sharpen it up a
bit. The meth is next to an A$2 coin for a size reference.

9:36 pm

I snorted a small bump of the meth to perk myself up. The powder did not burn much going up.

9:40 pm

The drip started. For people who has not ingested any pharmaceuticals intranasally, the drip is
what happens when the powder mixed with nasal fluid start dripping down your throat from the back
of your nose. It tasted slightly bitter, but I have a high bitterness threshold so it didn’t bother
me at all. I used to crunch methamphetamine tablets and kinda like the taste because of the Pavlov
reaction I have been conditioned with. Bitter stuff = high. Heh.

9:45 pm

Feeling slightly speedy now but not really amped yet so I decided to do a bigger bump this time.
I snorted half of the remaining powder and this time it slightly stung when I insufflated it. It
stings more if you snort more. Feeling pretty good now, and I licked my finger to get the remaining
powder that was stuck on my finger.

9:50 pm

Ah, this is a much better rush. Although the rush from insufflating is not comparable to smoking
or IV, there is still a ‘rush’ when compared to ingesting it orally, which doesn’t really provide a
rush, just euphoria. Felt absolutely wonderful for about 5 minutes. There is a constant bitter drip
from my last bump.

10:00 pm

Feeling slightly paranoid now. It’s not good to think paranoid thoughts while on meth. The only
paranoia I get while on drugs is the fear of getting busted. I though about something happier and
listened to some monster trance to keep my thoughts out of that way.

10:05 pm

I am ashamed of myself. This stuff is quite compulsive indeed. I put the remaining powder on a
an Avril Lavigne single jewel case and licked the aluminum foil clean. Yuck. Tasted like hair
cream. :(

10:06 pm

I rolled up a 10 dollar bill. I couldn’t find any higher denomination currency around. Heh. Not
that it matters anyway.

10:07 pm

Arranged the meth powder on the jewel case into a line with a credit card. Here it comes! =D

10:08 pm

Put the rolled up bill into my nose, closed the other nostril, bent down to the jewel case and
snorted the line in one go. Now this one really burned going up. =D Heh.

10:09 pm

Licked Avril Lavigne. The jewel case, I mean. Wastage is not good.

10:13 pm

I’m feeling pretty fucking good now. Listening to some hard trance from Germany and really got
into a dancing mood. It will be better to do meth in a rave, that is the most awesome thing to do.
It’s one of my favourite things to do, and I call it The Oblivion. The Oblivion occurs when you
ingest speed or meth or ice at 10 pm and don’t stop dancing until 6 pm. It’s a strange state of
mind where you actually can feel the music, and sometimes your body doesn’t feel like dancing
anymore but you push it anyway coz you don’t want to stop until 6 pm. That is The Oblivion and fuck
I love that place. The best time is around 4 pm, when only the hardcore ravers and tweakers (people
who take speed) are left on the dance floor. Everyone is sweating and exhausted but they keep on
pushing their bodies to move. Once in a while people make eye contact and nods at each other and
think “I know you’re tweaking and so am I”. There is a community feeling then and then you look
away and close your eyes and your body says “I’m tired” but you don’t listen to it and you don’t
care. You haven’t had anything to drink since that bottle of mineral water you forced down at 12 pm
and you’ve probably sweated your entire day’s water intake and your muscles complain but you don’t
really “feel” it and you don’t even need to “push” yourself to dance, it just happens
automatically, on auto pilot. You know you’re tired but you don’t actually “feel” it. You just move
in the same way you’ve been moving since 12 pm and it’s the same steps and routine and you feel
good and you don’t even need to think or be aware of your body coz it’s moving on autopilot. And
the DJ runs one last hard core, million BPM gabba track for the tweakers and everyone just
explodes. The last encore and everyone is finding every extra kilojoule of energy and translating
it into wild movements. The strobe light flashes, and you close your eyes, you forget all your
worries, your body is moving on autopilot, the track is going higher and higher and the climax is
coming and the strobe light is really flashing fast now and you close your eyes and you think “This
is heaven”. That is The Oblivion and it’s the closest feeling you’re gonna get to flying unless you
sprout some wings.

********** End of Article **********

The wide awake friend of mine sent me this long ass essay he wrote while he was on
methamphetamines (see following post). It’s an unformatted block of text, but quite rewarding to
read. Interesting and sums up the scene pretty well, but you revealed where you’re from Mr. Foaf. I
assume that was meant to happen, but email me if you want me to delete any identifying names.

********** All text following this line is written by Mr Foaf **********

For those of you who’re not familiar with the term, feng tau or yo
in Hokkien translates to “shake head”. Speed in Malaysia is called feng tau yin or
yo tau yee, literally “shake head pills”. Speed is relatively cheap in Malaysia, you can
score a tablet for RM30, which is A$15 here. The speed is high quality and is mostly diverted from
Thailand. The most renowned “brand name” when I was in the scene (that was around 1998 – 2000) is
the Green Apple. It is a large methamphetamine tablet and it tastes absolutely horrible when you
crunch it up. There are several other substances masquerading as yo tau yee, the most common
being caffeine. One guy even attempted to sell me a No-Doz caffeine tablet that still had the
writing on it! As far as I know, MDMA (ecstasy) was not widely available in my hometown. Most of
the pills passed off as Ecstasy are speed. I can still remember the first time I got into the
feng tau scene. I hooked up with a friend of a friend (seriously) who is a regular yo
(literally “shake feet”) which is a vaguely derogatory term for a speed freak. The term
yo tau was coined due to one of the well known effects of speed – it makes you perform
repetitive (and sometimes unconscious) movements. The people who take speed in Malaysia usually
stand near the speakers and grasp it and shake their head horizontally (think of the movement you
do when you’re saying No). It’s highly pleasant to perform repetitive movements while on speed and
once you start moving in a particular way, it’s hard to stop, thus the term “yo tau”. I feel
that it’s a meme that’s passed on by older speed freaks who tell newer acolytes that they need to
shake their head to get high. Thus, you can see a high proportion of people shaking their heads in
discos. It has become somewhat fashionable to do it even if you’re not on speed. Anyway, back to my
first time. I hooked up with a friend of a close friend and he took me to this really dodgy out of
the way disco. We literally spent an hour on the road, with the last 15 minutes spent navigating a
long, dark rubble road to a single house located in the woods. It was like something out of a
story, that was what I though then. Heh. Anyway, the house seemed extremely well secured for a
residential property. All the windows were barred and the front door has an extension with an
intimidating cage and lock system and there was an old gangster sitting between the cage and the
front door. I presume the cage was meant to delay police from breaking in. Anyway, this place was
strictly invitation only and it was my friend’s first time there too. The old gangster kept on
telling us that it’s a private residential house and would not let us in. My friend had to make a
phone call to a regular, who came out and told the old gangster that we’re cool. Which brings us to
another part of the feng tau scene. The scene is sustained primarily by Ah Bengs – a derogative
term referring to an unsophisticated Chinese boy, usually a gangster. Anyway, the old gangster
security guard asked us if we wanted any pills. Naturally, we said yes, because that was the reason
we’re there. The OG walked over to a dilapidated truck partially hidden in a darkened garage and
pulled the biggest bag full of pills I’ve ever seen out of the empty fuel tank. It seemed rather
surreal and movie like to me at that time. We got two pills of the guy and I crunched mine up and
chased it with some coke. The drink, not the drug. After that, our party went into the disco, which
is basically a renovated living room with a pumping sound system. There is no entrance fee per se
to the illicit disco, but you’re required to either purchase a jug of water for RM 30 (A$15) or a
pre rolled marijuana joints for the same price. We didn’t want to cloud the experience, so we opted
to go for the water and sat down at a table. Our party consists of 4 – the friend of a friend, his
girlfriend, his friend and me. Which reminds me of the funny scene that always happens when his
girlfriend is partying with us. Heh. The girlfriend in question does not approve of drug use, so he
has to covertly take drugs while she’s with us. It was an exercise is subterfuge and reconnaissance
indeed. Anyway, I was offered some chewing gum to take care of the jaw clenching that always occurs
with speed and I spent three hours dancing along in that disco. I learnt that the disco is a
safehouse which people go to yo tau when the police are making their inaugural rounds at the
licensed discos to snag drug users. To introduce you to more of the local feng tau

Sapu – Literally “sweep”, it refers to the police raids on licenced discos

Anyway, the way the police do this is they pull up in several trucks
customized to hold 20 people in each and make a fucking racket, scaring everyone in the disco. They
pull out their batons and bust in the disco with their flashlights and surround all the exits and
shouts at the DJ to cut the music and turn on the lights. Anyone caught shaking their head when the
lights are on are immediately (read roughly) pushed into the trucks. It can be a frightening
experience because Malaysian police are known for their persuasive interrogation techniques.
Anyway, when the lights are all turned on, the police pushes everyone who has tattoos, piercings
and dyed hair to one side and begins marching them into the trucks. This could be interpreted by
unconstitutional profiling, but that’s the way things work around there. Everyone remaining is
required to line up and produce their IDs for the police. If the police does not like the way you
look, you’re diverted to the other line, which leads to the truck. It can be an exercise in self
control to force yourself to stop shaking your head after you’ve been doing it a couple of hours
while on speed. I can testify that it CAN be done, but you better hope the police are looking
elsewhere when you inadvertently and unconsciously start shaking your head again.

Anyway, about the truck. It’s a standard military truck converted to hold 20
people in small cages that you can’t even move or stand up in. The air is extremely musty and it’s
very, very warm in there. That’s not the end of the day though. If you’re unlucky enough to be the
first disco they raided, that means 4 hours in the hot truck while the rest are rounded up with the
same trucks. By the time they let you out, you’ll be begging for them to arrest you.

And that still not the end of your day. When you’re at the police station,
you’ll be interrogated by mean looking police officers. After that, you’ll be required to strip to
check for any hidden tattoos (gangs are a problem where I come from and most gangsters have
tattoos, hence this). After that, you’ll be given a small container to piss in. The container is
taken to the lab, and you’re required to sleep in a jail cell for the night with only your
underpants because the police takes away your clothes and belongings.

Chiak curry pun – Literally eat curried rice. It means you were unlucky enough
to get busted and spent the night in a jail cell. The police provides you with breakfast before
they release you – curried chicken rice, hence the term.

The next morning, you wake up in a jail cell stinking of piss and feces (if
you’re lucky enough to sleep) and you get released with a stern warning. I don’t know if anything’s
changed since I was in the scene, but I haven’t heard of anyone getting charged. I suspect that the
urine samples were never tested at all, and they just want to lock you up for the night as a
“lesson”. Which is good in a way. You don’t want to get busted with amphetamines in your urine
because that is a Very Bad Thing in Malaysia, and it leads to leads to stuff like Long Jail Terms
To Send A Message To The Masses. It saves taxpayer money too, because the police then does not have
to spend money on drug testing kits. Everyone wins, including the poor sod who spent the nite in
the cell. The only people that doesn’t win are the ones who did not take any drugs and yet has to
spend the night in the jail. =D

Oh, wait I do know someone personally who got convicted, but in different
situation. Someone narced on him and the police busted into the house and found ice (smokable
methamphetamine) and cannabis on the premises. Every resident was urine tested (for real) and my
classmate was unfortunate enough to have traces of cannabis in his urine. Which brings me to a
puzzling issue – apparently there are people out there who gains happiness from other people’s
suffering. If you don’t take drugs, that’s cool, it’s your choice and I respect you for making it.
But why do you feel the need to report me to the police? Is this some misguided tough love gleaned
from primary school teachers who urge people to report people doing drugs “for their own good”? Nah
mate, dun kid yourself, the only reason you do that is because you want to bring me down. Anyway, I

Anyway, regarding my first time again. My friend had to leave after three
hours so I went back home and played loud rave music at home while shaking away, much to the
amusement of my roommate then. My first time was also the first time I was exposed to “speed rage”.
My neighbor suddenly appeared in front of my gate at 4:30 am looking extremely pissed off. He
shouted for me to turn the music down and complained that I’ve been playing music at unacceptable
volumes and it has disturbed his sleep. I agree that the volume was too loud (it was at max volume
and with my setup then, max volume is really loud). Normally, I would apologize and turn the music
down since it’s unfair to subject a 40 year old man and his wife to loud thumping music all night
long. At that time though, I felt strangely confrontational and shouted back that if he wants the
music off, he can come right up and make me. I ended that sentence by saying cibai.

Cibai – An expletive which means cunt

At that point, the man started shouting again about my rudeness and threatened
to call the police. Upon hearing that, I promptly stomped down the stairs with the full intention
of beating the shit out of him. Luckily though, my roommate restrained me and apologized to the man
and turned down my stereo. Thank you, PL, for defusing a potentially dangerous confrontation that
will probably end with me sitting in a jail cell. I spent the rest of the night paranoid (great)
that the police will raid my house. I kept going through what we’re going to do if that happens. My
plan was to pretend to sleep and get my roommate to answer the door and deny everything. Not a
really good plan, and I knew it too, so I was feeling really paranoid the rest of the night and I
couldn’t stop clenching my jaw. I wanted to leave the house and sleep over at the friends place but
didn’t want to risk getting busted on the way. I was not thinking rationally then. Thankfully, the
neighbor didn’t make good on his threat.

Anyway, back to the feng tau scene. It’s a really fun scene where people take
speed and shake their heads as discos. Some people might dismiss it as an Ah Beng form of
entertainment and sniff at it, but it’s actually pretty fun. There is a community of yo kas which
look out for each other and other than the occasional fights that inadvertently break out, it’s
actually a pretty fun scene. The music is nothing to write home about, it’s mostly remixed Cantopop
songs and popular dance groups like Vengaboys, but it’s surprisingly effective and enjoyable. I
spent a couple of happy years in the feng tau scene and I still fondly look back at those times
with delight. And at regular intervals while dancing, a group of people will inadvertently start
The War Cry.

The War Cry

Yo ah yo ah si beh song ah

Shake shake it feels damn good

Yo ah yo ah yo ah

Shake shake shake

Kaka yo ah yo ah yo ah

Daringly shake shake shake

********** End of Essay **********

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