’s first video post – Episode I: Shadow People

This is the first full video blog. I am basically doing a monologue
about my day. In the grand tradition of, we tend to do
things differently. While others strive to present only their most
aesthetically pleasing self to the readers, culling out all “ugly”
photos and only inserting the “good ones”…we, on the other hand,
present it like it is, just one take, and its uploaded. Thus, be
prepared to see a rather unflattering version of me in this pilot
episode. :)

shadow people

Download: Episode I: Shadow People [].
Requires Apple Quicktime. Going to the “Movie” drop down menu bar and choosing “Fill Screen” would be more optimal for viewing.

Yeah, that is what I look like after multiple day runs…strung out, scattered and definitely not pleasant company.

Indiscriminate…I’d rather be elite
I’ll choose my own shit scene
Unsubstantiated rumors flown are true
I’m here for me, not you

Nonconglomerate…I mean what I say
I’m not your fucking scape
Though, apparently I’ve alienated some
It seems my job’s half done

So let me present to you, the first episode – Shadow People.

(coz I know I sound incoherent)

Hey, you’re watching and this is – a video post.

I’ve become too tired to write, and…this is how long my hair actually is now.

I keep it long on one side, probably the last time I’ll see such hair, because I have hereditary male pattern baldness.

I feel like shit, it’s been a couple of days without sleep…and I went to the doctor’s today, got some benzos, that’s good.

By the way, I’m just pretending to smoke, simulating things, you know. I’m not inhaling.
Honestly, I don’t smoke.

Anyway, we’ll just talk until this ends…ah, I’ve got one shaving cut today.
Somewhere anyway. Just a little cut.


Dear readers, if you’re in the mood for some good old classic ultra
mundane posts with the blogger talking about things that you probably
don’t give two shits about, please, do not hesitate to download the
video post. I must urge people not to mistake this as some kind of
satirical production about the blogging community – that would be
giving me way too much credit. Heh.

Anyway, like I mentioned, I went to see one of my doctors today, I
don’t “officially” have a medical record for anxiety here, but he’s
always generous with the benzodiazepines whenever I go. He’s asks me
how many I want, instead of prescribing them himself, and I can pick
and choose here. :) I decided on 20 x 2 mg Rivotril (clonazepam) and 20
x 5 mg chlordiazepoxide (generic Librium, just for review purposes)
today. I suspect he knows quite a bit about my lifestyle even though I
never tell him. I’m quite certain he knows that I’m benzodiazepine
dependant but still doesn’t mind handing them out due to previous
consultations where I basically told him about my various problems and
he seems to feel that my situation justifies it.

highbp benzos

Anyway, I also asked to have my blood pressure read and it was
pretty good (for me). I registered a BP of 180/95 (same results, taken
twice) and a pulse rate of 135 at rest. The figures aren’t bad – it’s
the bit about sustaining what are probably higher figures than that for
hours, before judicious benzodiazepine self-administration reduced it
to the figure that was measured at the doctor’s that made me feel quite
uncomfortable. I must say that I wasn’t feeling too good earlier as
well, thought I was about to have a stroke. I have just about every
factor that puts me at a higher risk and I have had many incidences of
stroke symptoms manifesting during certain high risk activities.

There were a few that required medical attention (hypertensive
crisis) but most of them were resolved without medical care, off my
head, there was one a few months ago – extremely alarming rapid onset
of action, everything happened within seconds, or so it seems. I knew I
had gone too far and my body was protesting but I, er…drank another
cup of coffee, and suddenly felt an alarming feeling of pressure
insistently building up in my brain, followed by the lost capability to
move my left leg, which resulted in me tripping and as I laid there on
the ground, I couldn’t even think, it was all too confusing, and then
*whoosh*, came the extreme headache that I thought would push my brain
out of the skull and I passed out.

I woke up 3 hours later totally disoriented and confused and
couldn’t remember the events which precipitated it. It was worse than
the worst hangover I ever had. I was wondering what time it was, and
why I was lying on the floor. I thought I went to bed and fell off
it…until I saw the…ah, smashed coffee cup on the floor. It’s not a
very nice feeling to wake up in your own room and wonder why the lights
and computer was on (with several flashing IM messages to boot) and
you’re lying propped up against a laundry basket and there’s a smashed
*coffee* cup beside you. It took a while to regain my senses, and it’s
a testament that the first thing I did was to remove all incriminating
evidence (the coffee mugs which aren’t coffee mugs and coffee which
isn’t coffee) before my gf came in the next day. Granted, I was aghast
about the period of unconsciousness…it seemed to be too long and I
had the distinct feeling that a good portion of my brain was
compromised on that day.

Well, that’s what happens when you drink too much caffeine containing beverages like coffee
compulsively over a short period of time if you have condition(s) which
contraindicates those, but still do it anyway. I’ve never been the type
that learns from my mistakes, I’m the kind of person who jumps back on
the horse. I would be careful the next time though…from experience, I
noticed that for me, it’s the overt intracranial pressure point that
has “Last Exit” written on it, coz it can avalanche very quickly to the
point where you are unable to communicate with people and then pass
out. I noticed that I could never go on heroic runs after my first
incident. Two to three day ones feels punishing, while it wasn’t even a
problem before. The Shadow People are starting to turn up earlier and
earlier too….

Trip down the stairs into hell
Cathay de I miss your smell
A mixture of puke, beer, stale piss,
fuck, sweat, and fear

Adrenaline addicted, the
blood leak from my head,
kinda concerned my friends…

But at the time it felt so right
The music blaring on….

Intravenous injection (IV) methamphetamine

veritas Meth IV – mainlining

This is my first time injecting a drug. I once said that I would try
everything once – except needles. Syringes and IV drug users seem to
have a bad reputation even amongst recreational drug users. It would be
funny if it didn’t sound slightly hypocritical. However, I have
absolutely no right to pass judgment as I previously subscribed to the
“everything except injecting” school of thought too. What happened? I
can honestly say that it’s the pursuit of knowledge and experience in
my favorite past time that lead me to experimentation with IV
administration of recreational substances.

Remember, possession of an illicit substance remains illegal

I have been thinking about this for a while and the catalyst was S
(not her real name) – talking to her finally got me determined to IV
something before I head home. Cross out one of the “Things To Do Before
I Leave Melbourne List” items, there’s only 5 left now (the last one is
the mega mega super duper ultra drug binge to end all drug binges –
stay tuned!) . ;) It’s easy to get syringes and other paraphernalia
here – they’re all sold over the counter at pharmacies. Most pharmacies
also stock “fit kits”, a pack containing everything that is necessary
for safer IV drug user – syringes, filters, sterile water, antiseptic
wipes and a disposal container for used syringes. It’s harm reduction,
a good practice to avoid the unnecessary and totally avoidable health
issues that tends to manifest itself when clean, cheap injecting
equipment is not available.


Unfortunately, Malaysia seems to have adopted the opposite stance –
syringes are not freely available, leading to drug users reusing dirty
syringes and causing the transmission of disease through this vector.
Sharing used syringes leads to the transmission of blood borne diseases
and this can easily be avoided by providing new syringes to everyone,
but no…the current legislation keeps those things out of the hands of
drug users, leading to a stigma associated with IV use. The parliament
seems intent to concatenate a H to IV drug use by barring the users
from access to clean equipment. It’s really sad that the government
back home does not think this is a good preventive measure in the
interests of public health. Anyway, ever since the chat with S,
I’ve been reading up and researching about intravenous drug use and
finally decided on two substances – IV meth and IM ketamine.

The high grade methamphetamine crystals

I have since decided not to IM (intramuscular injection) ketamine,
after receiving advice that doing that with street ketamine powder will
likely result in abscesses. I have access to pharmaceutical grade
ketamine in vials, but the price is prohibiting, so that leaves IV
(intravenous injection) methamphetamine. I was looking into syringe
driven micron filters
[] (also called wheel filters, pill filters) – these are
devices that filter out the impurities and bacteria that tends to call
recreational substances home. However, these things aren’t cheap and
they’re single use only, plus I have to travel quite a distance to the
nearest place that stocks them (normal pharmacies do not carry
specialty injecting equipment) so I didn’t obtain the filters –
justifying that the crystal meth I get is about as pure as it gets.


Anyway, I went to the local chemist today and bought a “sharps kit”
for A$5 in preparation for my IV adventures. The kit contains:


5 x 1 ml Terumo U-100 single use insulin syringes (29G)


29 gauge – all the better to prick you with. ;) A larger gauge
number means the needle diameter is smaller, so a 19G needle is thicker
than a 29G needle, which is in turn thicker than a 30G needle.

5 x antiseptic wipes



These are alcohol swabs – contains isopropyl alcohol

10 ml “Water for Injections BP” in a nice plastic bottle


Pharmacia & Upjohn branded sterile water. I feel so spoilt. ;)

3 x cotton filters


What is the logic behind this??? 5 syringes and 3 filters? Reusing filters is not a good practice!

1 x mini sharps container

Biohazard – Sharps Bin


This is a container you put used needles in for disposal. Do not
reuse syringes! Do not share syringes or equipment! That holds true
even with yourself ie don’t reuse your own syringe too. Anyway, this
container is very nifty. I thought the design was odd at the beginning
since I had to push hard to get the syringe’s “wings” into the disposal
container. After a while, it just hit me (yes, I’m slow) that the
design is intentional, it’s to avoid syringes from falling out from the
disposal container, that isn’t possible because the “wings” are too big
to come through without some pushing from the other end, and the other
end is sealed! Thoughtful design, makes it less of a safety concern.

Used syringes can’t fall out

This is a great pack for just A$5 – it has everything you need
(except for micron filters, but that’s nitpicking) for safer injecting
of drugs and I think it’s something all countries need to have. A lot
of the serious health issues surrounding IV use can be totally
prevented if users have access to these equipment. Personally, I don’t
understand how some IV users can bear to share and use dirty equipment
– the same way I can’t understand how some people can go to brothels
and have sex with prostitutes. I’ll tell you the truth, I’m
hypochondriac and I would never risk contracting a disease, so the
patterns of thought these people seem to have is foreign and
interesting (in a morbid way) to me.

Classic 90 degree spoon for preparing the shot. I just bent the handle.

But then again, some people would think the same way about me and my
recreational drug use, which may seem self-destructive and risky to
them. This is an interesting issue if you think about it, everyone has
different ideas about what constitutes risky behavior and nothing would
change their minds. I realize the futility in getting an anti-drug
person to look at the issue from my point of view – the same way that
no one can ever convince me to go to a brothel because the risk is
unacceptable to me. Punters can sprout all the logic and statistics
they want about the relative safety of condoms, but would I ever take
the risk? No, and nothing can change my mind. This is probably true for
the anti-drug people too. Will they ever see it from our point of view?
Probably not.

Meth crystals dissolving in sterile water – squint and you’ll see it

I’m sorry about digressing so far, but in my defense I have consumed
350 mg of meth in two days so I may be slightly talkative here.
Slightly. :) Anyway, back on topic, I see now that there’s no point in
trying to get anti-drug people to relax their hard stance…it just isn’t
possible. I used to think that this is because they are ignorant about
the facts concerning drug use, and that might be true in some cases,
but not all. Back to the analogy, am I aware of the safety data
regarding condoms? Yes. Would I take the risk? Never. I see that the
issue is not always one of ignorance, but of what we’re raised to fear.
I fear the diseases that can be transmitted through high risk sexual
intercourse, because I was born in the year HIV came into public
consciousness, so I will never take the risk nor will I ever see it
from their point of view. They fear the dangers (whatever that may be –
brain damage? overdose? who knows?) which comes with recreational drug
use, so they will never take the risk nor will they ever see it from my
point of view.

Cotton filter dropped in to absorb the solution

Okay, I’m done being Plato, I’m going back to the main post now.
Stop me if I digress again. :) Anyway, I decided to inject myself with
some crystal meth today. I have done much research before making the
jump and I suggest you do the same if you are considering this method
of administration, as the risks are greater than other routes of
consumption. I found that the best resource out there is this guide by
the Harm Reduction Coalition:

Getting Off Right – A Safety Manual for Injection Drug Users []

I suggest that you read everything in there since it is a very good
manual with balanced and unbiased facts about the risks of injecting
drugs. It has a whole chapter devoted to this, and I’ll be lying if I
said it didn’t give me pause when I first read it. Septicemia,
endocarditis, necrotizing fasciitis, wound botulism etc etc. This
manual really does give you all the facts straight out, no bullshit or
propaganda to color their agenda, and that gives it a lot of
credibility. Invaluable.

Drawing up the solution through the cotton filter into the syringe

Anyway, after reading through the manual several times, I compiled a
list of techniques which would provide the safest way for me to
administer crystal meth intravenously. Here’s the information I


Disclaimer: This is a FIRST TIME INJECTING user’s account of
his experience. I am NOT experienced at all in this route of
administration and the methods I use might be totally wrong and
dangerous. I’m only documenting my experience and I’m NOT experienced
enough to give advise. This is just a compilation of techniques I’ve
researched about and used myself. It is NOT ADVICE so don’t treat it as
such. I say again that the methods I’m using could be WRONG and
DANGEROUS. Please don’t inject anything until you’ve sufficiently
researched the subject and analyzed the risks involved.

Use the alcohol swab to swipe ONCE and ONCE ONLY. The reason behind
this is that if you keep swabbing around in circles (like I planned to
do) is you’ll be moving any bacteria around and around so it’ll still
be on the point of penetration. Swiping ONCE is what I’ve read to be
the best way.

Use alcohol to sterilize your fingers before you touch anything!
That includes the spoon, the filters (don’t roll the cotton
beforehand), the syringe etc.

Get “sterile, medical grade” cotton. Make sure that the first filter
(cotton filter) is rolled up in a tight ball. I read that this makes it
more efficient in filtering.

Methamphetamine dissolves easily in water. I’ve read that heating
the substance increases the chance that the cuts will be dissolved, so
don’t heat it, just wait for it to dissolve or use the “cold shake”

Sterile water ampoules only! This can be bought at most pharmacies,
they will sell it to you no questions asked. The same goes for
syringes, so there’s no excuse for not using a new syringe each time,
even with yourself!

PRACTISE FIRST! I stuck myself with the syringe several times and
practiced drawing back to check if I’ve hit a vein. You can also
experiment with injecting sterile water to get the technique right. DO
NOT reuse the syringe even though you’re just practicing on yourself.
You can introduce bacteria and other things if you reuse syringes.
Syringes are designed for single use only. Needless to say it’s FUCKING
STUPID to share syringes. If you can afford the drugs, you can afford
the syringes!

Vein = blood when you draw slightly back.
Artery = gush of blood when you insert the syringe. DO NOT PROCEED!

Check the barrel of the syringe to see if there are any visible
particles. Do not proceed if you see anything visible to the naked eye,
either re-filter or drink the shot. :p

Inject in arms only (safest site) and direct the needle TOWARDS your
heart (not away from it, like in the movies). The needle should have
the bevel opening facing up, inject at the correct angle and site –
refer to GOR.

Try to remove all air bubbles from the barrel of the syringe before injecting.


I thought I was prepared. I didn’t realize that IV is much harder
than it seems! It’s not as easy as sticking the syringe into your arm
and depressing the plunger. You can see the visible track marks of my
unsuccessful attempts in the photos below. I was at a loss regarding
the injection site since every single vein seems to have been punctured
and I harbor a superstitious thought that injecting in that one will
result in the solution squirting out again at the previous puncture
wound. Heh. I know, I know, it sounds silly, and experienced IV users
will be tempted to laugh at my superstitions, but everyone was new
once. ;)


Anyway, my first time was riddled with mishaps and other
entertaining (to you, but unfortunately not to me) shenanigans and I
ended up disregarding the safety framework that I had planned. Please,
do not do what I did, I’m just documenting my first experience with IV
drug use, which involved a lot of unwise decisions. The first one is
the lack of a trip sitter. I had arranged for CT to trip sit
me, but that will have to take place at my room, where there would
inevitably be incriminating conversation going on, which might be
overhead by the neighbors (damn those thin walls) and could result in
unwanted consequences.


Thus, I decided to go on this quest alone, which in hindsight was a
very stupid thing to do, but at least there were some safeguards in
place ie I was going to meet him in an hour so it wasn’t totally stupid
of me. I guess this is what tends to happen with illegal substances –
sometimes the fear of being legally prosecuted is greater than the
thought of any possible threat to self due to unsupervised first time
IV use. The thing I was worried about was not an overdose or unexpected
reaction, but the possibility of a neighbor overhearing our
conversation and possibly reporting it, resulting in a conviction just
2 weeks before I’m due to leave Melbourne for good. That would be
terrible indeed! I have been lucky so far, and I hope it doesn’t run
out before I leave.


That said, the second unwise thing I did was to disregard all
sanitary precautions after the first few unsuccessful attempts. I’m not
afraid of needles, so I feel comfortable sticking it into my flesh, but
that doesn’t mean I’m not nervous since it’s my first time. My hands
were shaking, and that resulted in a lot of aborted injections eg
sticking the needle in and then withdrawing it accidentally again due
to trembling hands. The first time I attempted to inject, I realized
that I had totally forgotten about the alcohol swabs! The needle was
already in my skin, so there’s nothing much that could be done by then.


I had a bit of trouble even before that due to my inexperience with
syringes. I had a lot of trouble drawing up liquid into the syringe and
was puzzled by this lack of pressure despite the insistent plunger
manipulation I was doing. Well guess what? I stuck the needle through
the cotton instead of into it. I didn’t even realize this and kept
puzzling over the plunger until I thought it was broken and opened up a
new syringe to try again, with the same results. Duh! I only realized
the mistake when I touched the cotton (wet so it’s not the source of
the problem) and saw the needle sticking THROUGH the cotton. I overshot
the mark, no wonder I wasn’t getting any liquid into the syringe body.


I find that the cotton does steal quite a bit of meth solution too.
The amount I drew into the syringe is inconsistent with the amount I
put into the spoon. The first time I put 4 largeish crystal meth shards
into the spoon and dropped a small amount of sterile water onto it. I
did not heat up the solution, since meth dissolves readily in water. I
only had to shake the spoon around a bit to make it dissolve faster
since I did not crush up the crystals (didn’t want to introduce
impurities) beforehand. Meth = very water soluble though, and the
crystals dissolve readily. However, the solution I drew up into the
syringe isn’t as much as I put in and I had to keep adding drops of
water to the cotton to make the syringe draw more liquid. There seems
to be a certain saturation point though, where the syringe will only
get more air and the remaining moisture of the cotton could not be
recovered this way so I, ah…ate it. It’s not poisonous (I hope) and it
would be a waste to throw away a still moist cotton so, yeah I just
chased it down with some Ural and water. :p


Anyway, the first few attempts to locate a vein were not easy. I
could see the veins, and I could insert the needle into it, but the
needle always came out when I pulled the plunger back due to my
unsteady hands. I have to pull the plunger to confirm that I’m in a
vein, there would be blood flowing into the barrel if I was and I
needed that visual confirmation. Every single time I pulled back the
plunger, the needle came out as well. I changed the syringe every time
that happened to avoid blunt needles, but I was down to the last two
and I couldn’t be bothered anymore. I just wanted to hit a vein, bang
it and get it over with!

Increasing number of puncture wounds

It was easier said than done though, due to my shaky hands (nerves,
nerves). By the end of the session, I had 8 large puncture wounds and 6
smaller ones. It wasn’t the pain that bothered me, I don’t feel much
pain at all since I think I have a fairly high pain threshold. It was
the damned frustration at consistently fucking up every shot. I had
thought IV was a simple matter of finding a vein, sticking the syringe
in and pushing the plunger. It wasn’t so. I spent half and hour
changing syringes at first, draining the solution back into the spoon
and loading another syringe up for a new try, taking care to use the
alcohol swabs, but by the end of it, I was ready to give up and just
wanted to HIT A VEIN, WHY IS IT SO HARD?!?!?


I missed a shot too, due to my impatience. I was terribly frustrated
at this tediousness and decided to push the plunger anyway, no need for
confirmation. I picked a vein, stuck the syringe in and pushed. Ouch!
No rush, but the skin surrounding the area swelled up. Fuck, I missed
the vein and wasted the shot. I was very pissed off at this point since
I was angry at my inaptitude at doing something that seems to be easy
in theory. I rubbed the swelling site as S recommended, but
that did not reduce the swelling. I didn’t want to touch the open wound
with my fingers too, since by this time, all precautions to maintain
sterility has been abandoned and my hands were bound to be dirty since
I was handling other things as well (like the digicam). Being an Eczema patient myself and getting nummular eczema treatment for past few years, I was too scary on this but I controlled my emotions on that moment.


I was getting very frustrated and regretted not having CT
come over and trip sit me, because that would leave both my hands free
and clean since I won’t have to touch the digicam in my attempts to
document my first experience. However, the missed shot made me all the
more determined to hit a vein and I prepared another solution for
injecting. It should be noted that even though I missed the vein, I did
feel the meth from the missed shot. There isn’t a “rush” but I was
noticeably getting tweaked after a while, it seems that meth is active
when administered via injection by “skin popping” too.


The tweaked condition didn’t help with the shaky hands, if anything
it made it worse, but it did make me more focused and resolute in
getting an IV shot into me. I will tell you some of the hygienic
precautions that were discarded at this point. I won’t even pretend
that the syringe is sterile anymore, and neither is it sharp, since
several failed penetrations have been made and I accidentally hit the
bottom of the spoon with the tip when I drew the solution into the
barrel. The shot was definitely not sterile because:

The needle went through my shirt (!) by accident
I wish I was kidding. I only had one syringe left at this point so I
had to pretend I didn’t notice this happened. The incident occurred
when I reached for the sterile water to add to the cotton. I somehow
managed to stick the needle through the right hand side of my shirt
while fumbling with the water. It didn’t pierce my body, but just went
through the front of the shirt and penetrated out the back. Okay…I’ll
just forget that happened, ho hum. *cough* Yeah, I did proceed with the
injection with the very same needle. Please don’t do this.

The needle dragged on a chair (…)
Yes, this is the same needle that got the shirt treatment. I’ll give
away a spoiler here, the needle is also the same one I managed to
successfully hit a vein and bang that shit. ;) Whatever ramifications
this will produce, I will find out tomorrow, but currently, the
puncture wounds are swollen and they seem to be painful when touched.
Anyway, the needle dragged over my chair while fumbling with a spoon.
It made a screeching sound too, so even though I could pretend I didn’t
see that happen, I couldn’t pretend I didn’t hear it. But I was very
frustrated at this point and thought “Fuck it, no one sits in this
chair except me anyway”. Welcome E.coli.

The cotton fell off the spoon and rolled onto the chair
Despite my articulate attempts to bend the spoon so that it can remain
erect on a surface without any aid, the laws of gravity got the better
of me and the spoon tipped to the side and the cotton rolled onto the
chair surface. Luckily, the solution has been absorbed by the cotton so
no spillage occurred, but the wet cotton was certainly not sterile
anymore. I did not really care at this point since the needle wasn’t
sterile anyway, so I just noted that it rolled onto the surface of the
chair, nonchalantly put it back and drew up the solution like nothing
out of the ordinary happened. :p

Not very pretty, that’s for sure

However, this syringe was the lucky one. 10 units (0.1 ml) of
solution was inside the chamber, with a very large air bubble, which I
could not manage to dislodge despite my best attempts. I shook it, I
tapped it, I turned the syringe upside down, I even squirted some
solution out and refilled the chamber, but nope, the air bubble insists
on being there. Oh well, the “air bubble causes pulmonary
embolism/stroke” is a myth anyway, so on with the show, I said. Please
don’t quote me on this, it’s just something I remembered reading on
bluelight, and I don’t know if it’s a fact or it really is a myth, but
I’m still very much alive if that tells you anything. I think it’s an
unsafe practice though, so read up on it before you decide whether or
not this poses a significant risk.

Preparing the shot

Hmm…is anyone still with me? This is getting very long. I appreciate
you reading so far, thanks for sharing my experience. :) Anyway, this
one is the lucky syringe, I finally managed to enter a vein and pulled
the plunger back without the needle falling out. I think it was either
the Medial Cubital Vein or the Basilic Vein. I pulled the plunger back
and I was elated to see a flush of blood entering the chamber! This is
it! I’ve hit the vein and the needle is still firmly in, the bevel
opening is facing upwards and I’m injecting towards my heart. The stars

The shot that finally hit a vein! The angle is wrong, I injected the
syringe towards me, but it shifted to the side when I finished
injecting and moved my hand away to take a photo before drawing the
needle out. Look at the bottom of the syringe barrel – there’s some
blood clotted there. That’s my visual confirmation – I pulled the
plunger back, blood flooded in. We have a vein! :)

I took a deep breath and pushed the plunger slowly but smoothly,
emptying it in about 3 seconds. What does IV meth feel like? It felt
like a slap in the face. :) I have been tweaking for two days and had
consumed 1/4 gram of meth the night before, and this shot couldn’t have
been more than 50 mg maximum (crystal meth) but it hit me alright. I
was desensitized (as one tends to get) after the previous night’s
tweaking, but fuiyoh, the rush! The rush from IV meth! I felt
like I was being reanimated! I would say that the amount is too much,
because I think my brain nearly exploded. :)

My blood clotting on the needle bevel

It feels like…a slap in the face in the middle of an orgasm. Clichéd as it sounds, the rush is a real rush.
It felt like the first time I had insufflated a really big line of
meth, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I was dizzy for a while. It
was worth every puncture wound I made throughout the night, this
experience is something that needs to be experienced to appreciate. Did
I just make a personal demon (I love meth) even stronger? Would I end
up in poverty and die all alone in the cold, cold streets of Melbourne?

Well, no. I loved the rush, it’s fucking amazing and this is one of
the rare times when profanity is justified and even required to enlist
as a potentiating adjective. :) What I did not like was the
duration…what a waste! I would say I was tweaked (my scale might differ
from yours) for 3 hours. Insufflating usually lasts 6 hours for me and
oral meth with alkalanizers can provide me with the mental stimulation
I crave for 10 hours (albeit a lot is required for oral use). The
disappointing duration (but the rush exceeds my expectations :))
together with the fact that my left arm is a fucking mess would not
make this method a favorite with me. The swelling has since gone down
after a warm compress was applied but the puncture wounds are still
very much visible and probably would not heal until a couple of days
has passed. I was afraid that the sterility issues would produce an
abscess which would require medical attention, but it seems that the
worries are unjustified. I checked again and it seems that the healing
process is proceeding nicely, though a bit too slow for my liking.
Hmm…does anyone notice that I have fits of “old skool” type sentences
once in a while? I blame that on H.P. Lovecraft, it’s all I’ve been
reading on my commute lately.


Anyway, I have put two Band-Aids over the puncture wounds, which I got from CT, many thanks for that. CT
has never failed to be helpful and he’s a great friend indeed and at
the risk of sounding not completely hetero (not that there’s anything
wrong with that), I would miss him when I go back because it’s not easy
to find someone that shares the same interests and is a nice guy to
boot. I sure have learnt a lot from him and we’re currently working on
probably the last collaborative project (Codename: Project M.C.) before
I go back. Project M.C. is top secret, off the record, on the QT and
very hush hush so I will not be blogging about it. I will be writing it
for a personal archive, and I will post that once the “statute of
limitations” pass. That has been agreed to be 3 years, so if you really
want to know, remind me to post about Project M.C. today in 2006. I
assure you it will be an interesting read. ;)

Well, back on topic, I would try IV meth again when my wounds heal,
maybe once or twice max. It’s not that I’m scared of the potentially
all too lovable rush that IV meth provides, the rush is good, hell,
it’s fucking great, but the hassle involved in preparing the shot and
the short duration (dammit) would not make this method appealing for
me. Two minutes of feeling like God and 3 hours of feeling like a
Saint. That is my experience with IV meth. Insufflation gives me 5
minutes of Demi-God status and 6 hours of Sainthood. I would go choose
the latter over the former.

Besides, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do if the track marks from
my amateur jabbings do not heal as quickly as I hope it will. ;)

P/S – Part II of methamphetamine IV here [].

Mini Drug Binge

This is a veritas post.

Substances consumed:
Methamphetamine (meth)
Dexamphetamine (Dexedrine)
Clonazepam (Klonopin)
Diazepam (Valium)
Cannabis (weed)
Ketamine (K)
P.subs (magic mushrooms)
Salvia Divinorum (Diviner’s Sage)
LSD (acid)
95% alcohol + cannabis (Green Dragon)

Infected Mushroom – None Of This Is Real []
(right click, save target as)
[6:25 minutes 128 KBPS STEREO 44.1KHZ 5.87 MB .mp3]


(Day 1 – Day 6)

This is the mysterious container…look down for more.

My love for this substance is not unknown, so there’s nothing much
to say here. I planned to go on a 3 day run, but some things came up
and I had to extend it. It wasn’t pretty towards the end. Eating only
dextroamphetamine sulfate tablets and water for days is making your
stomach endure things it’s not built for. I had to abort the run by the
fifth day, because I thought I was going to kick the bucket (again).
Angina, hypertension, couldn’t breath, very elevated body temperature,
sudden jabbing pains all over (someone diagnose this please), blah blah
you know the drill. The strangest thing was that I had swollen and red
hands and feet after drinking only a tiny bit of water. I think
most of the problems would not have occurred if I forced myself to have
(reasonable) water intake every few hours and eaten something. It’s a
useful drug for studies and work…in moderation. My attempt to terminate
the run did not succeed on the fifth day (with benzodiazepines), but I
managed to sleep on the sixth day. Meth was insufflated and dexies were
taken orally. There was an attempt to insufflate meth to try and keep
awake for the LSD visuals, but no amount could keep me awake after the
alcohol. :)

Peppermint Peckers!

The tin is just nice for storing meth, crushing dexamphetamine tablets and shards of meth. Stimulants only please!

It looks sad…


(Day 5, Day 6)


I had 5 mg on the fifth day but it did not bring me to the place
called sleep. I stacked it with 20 mg diazepam after it that became
obvious, but it still didn’t push the issue into the agenda. I consumed
only 2 mg on the sixth day with 10 mg diazepam and alcohol, and was
asleep within hours. This benzodiazepine seems to have lost quite a bit
of its hypnotic effects for me. Sometimes it makes me feel drunk and
anxiety-free and happy like Xanax (alprazolam) does, and thus I stay up
with a contented grin, but not sleep.


(Day 5, Day 6)


This particular benzodiazepine makes me extra sleepy. I only have a
limited stash (now I have none :p) so I tend to squirrel it away for
the moments when I really need the hypnotic effects.


(Day 5, Day 6)


I smoked quite a few bowls of weed before the appetite suppressant
effects of meth/dex was overridden. I ate a normal sized meal on the
fifth day (with lots of candy) and another one on the sixth day. I use
the word bowl and cone interchangeably and by that, I mean the


(Day 5)


I attempted to potentiate the benzodiazepines on the fifth day with
ketamine to induce sleep. Approximately 100 mg was insufflated, it
didn’t k-hole me, and only minimal ketamine effects were felt. I don’t
know if it’s because of quality issues or other factors.

Ready when you are

Enter Marquis – Bubbling (?) but no color change

Enter Simons – No color change

Ketamine will not react with Marquis or Simons.

Caution: Please note that benzodiazepines in combination with ketamine may suppress breathing.

Psilocybe subaeruginosa

(Day 5)

Since I couldn’t sleep anyway, I thought “fuck it” and consumed some
magic mushrooms. :) Benzodiazepine’s disinhibiting effects might have
contributed to the decision to take several different substances on the
sixth day. I don’t know the amount of mushrooms that was taken, but it
was fairly fresh. It produced some minor visuals and lots of laughter.
I actually went to uni while under the influence. :) No paranoia was
noted, probably due to the clonazepam. I went with CT on a mushroom hunting trip last week and we shared the haul. The pictures from that trip is here:




Salvia Divinorum

(Day 5, Day 6)


This is 5X salvia extract, courtesy of CT aka My Generous
Friend. ;) I smoked some on the fifth day with a bong and a (dodgy)
lighter. It’s supposed to be smoked with a butane lighter, the sort
that produces a flame that burns hot and fast for maximum effects. I
did not notice anything except a mild “ketamine feeling” the first
time. I smoked it again during the mushroom trip and it produced some
nice visual distortions. The best one is the way the area where two
walls come together began to flow downwards like a waterfall. What is
with me and waterfalls on mushrooms anyway? I would like to try it
again with a butane lighter and no other substances to get a feel for
this herb.

Caution: Salvia Divinorum is illegal in Australia.


(Day 6)


I also dropped a tab of acid on the morning of the sixth day. I
don’t know what lead to this decision…I was just sitting there, doing
some revision and unable to sleep when I thought:

“You know…a tab of acid would be great right now. I wonder if it would give me greater insight into this revision I’m doing.”

Duh. :) It didn’t, but it sure was fun. I was tired as fuck though,
and hurting all over, and I was expecting a bad trip, but it was a good
one. This is the Buddha tabs that I had written about previously. That
one and the amanita muscaria report made “Erowid’s Recommended Report”.
=D It did hurt the site’s bandwidth though, due to the direct linked
images. But hey, it got Erowid’s Recommended Report! :)

Anyway, I think this is a different batch from the previous
one. It looked smaller than the previous tabs and the cardboard was not
as easily dissolvable as the previous one. It seemed (qualitatively)
weaker too. However, there was an incident regarding this which might
have caused that. I put them into my other stash drawer WHICH IS RIGHT
BESIDE THE HEATER! LSD is sensitive to heat, and I only realized after
noticing that the drawer is kinda warm after an hour or so, and moved
it to another place. It still is psychoactive, but sadly, the strength
of the LSD seems to have been reduced.

It’s not dissolving…

There wasn’t any paranoia on this either, probably due to the
clonazepam. The clonazepam was also responsible for making me search 30
minutes for the acid tabs after I dropped it, only to find it was right
beside me all along. The best visual from this trip was right when I
was about to sleep…I found the pillow occupied by large and transparent
organisms. It’s the ones that we learnt in high school Science…the
ones that are one class above single cell organisms. They weren’t
moving, but once in a while they would wave their feelers around a bit.
It made me a bit wary about sleeping on the pillow. :)

95% alcohol + cannabis

(Day 6)

The (190) proof is in the pudding

I made a batch of this last year and found it to be weak, so I made
another batch this year and put more cannabis into it. 95% alcohol
(sold as Everclear in the US) is available in a few bottle shops here.
I don’t know the legal status of spirits with this strength, but I
don’t think it’s illegal. It is hard to find though, I haven’t seen it
displayed anywhere, I had to ask for it by name and it was produced
from the storeroom.


Basically, you put (finely shredded) cannabis into the bottle and
let it sit around for a few weeks. I recommend filtering the mixture
after that because I got a mouthful of soggy (really soggy) weed and
nearly retched. I can’t describe the texture, but I didn’t like it. :)
Alcohol was the magic ingredient, it put me right to sleep when
combined with benzos. Benzodiazepines alone have consistently failed to
produce the appropriate hypnotic effects for me now. Alcohol is the
missing link,

“And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and
he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.”

Genesis 2:2

The draft of this document is here:
Mini Drug Binge v.beta []

My apologies, this isn’t well written at all, but I do have exams
coming up too, you know. Contrary to popular belief, taking drugs is
not my day job! :)

EZ-Test substance testing kit (Ecstasy pill tester)

You’ve got mail!

EZ Test
[]. It’s a set of chemical solutions for testing substances.
The reagents produce different reactions to different chemicals so you
can test for Ecstasy (MDMA), methamphetamine, 2C-B, DXM etc. It’s very
useful to have around for testing pills, although personally I’ve never
had any problems about this in Australia. MDMA pills are sold as MDMA
pills and ketamine/speed pills are sold as such. It is useful to verify
the contents of a pill though, so I usually use a Marquis reagent which
I get at Off Ya Tree, a local headshop.

Inside the package is the EZ Test container and a booklet

That ran out some time ago and I found out that EZ Test has a Australian distributor
[] which mails their substance testing kits cash on
delivery, so I ordered a set from them. This is the EZ Test Xtreme,
which has 4 different chemicals – the EZ Test (Marquis reagent),
Simon’s reagent, Robadope and the buffer solution. The Marquis reagent
is probably the most well known for testing Ecstasy pills, but the
other reagents compliment the Marquis solution to provide more
comprehensive results. Hmm…I feel like I’m writing this for a report! :)

The EZ Test container – a closer look

Anyway, the Marquis reagent is able to detect MDxA type substances
(eg MDMA, MDA, MDEA), amphetamines (speed), 2C-B (also called Nexus,
pretty rare chemical), and DXM.

A peek inside the container

Simons’s reagent is used to test for a “secondary amine”, which to
my limited chemistry knowledge means the substances that have a longer
chemical name than usual. ;) These are things like methamphetamine (a
methyl group added to -amphetamine), MDMA and so on. This one is good
for testing meth, it won’t react with amphetamines (primary amine),
only with methamphetamines (secondary amine). Anyway, there isn’t a
burning need to have this around either, since most of the ‘speed’ sold
in Australia is methamphetamine, or so I’ve heard. It’s not that hard
to subjectively differentiate meth and speed (I use speed to refer to
amphetamine) when consumed anyway.

The 4 bottles of reagents

Robadope on the other hand does the opposite of what Simon’s reagent
does. Robadope is used to detect the presence of a primary amine (like
amphetamine). Unfortunately, this test requires quite a lot of the
substance to work. The instructions say at least 1/8th of a pill is
needed to produce a reaction. That’s quite wasteful, but it’s
interesting to have around, if only to test things at random. =D

EZ Test (Marquis reagent)

There is also the buffer solution, which I think (don’t quote me on
this) is used to speed up the reaction times. Either that, or it’s the
“missing link” that’s needed for Simon’s and Robadope to react, perhaps
the solutions are not that stable and won’t keep as long when combined.
Again, I don’t really know what the buffer is for, just that it’s used
with Simon’s and Robadope but not Marquis.

Simon’s reagent

The tests are done in sequence and by inference and extrapolation
(just love this phrase), you can detect whether a
pill/powder/capsule/whatever contains MDxA (MDMA, MDEA, MDA),
methamphetamine, amphetamine, PMA, 2C-B, DXM, combinations (primary
amine – secondary amine like a MDMA/amphetamine combo pill) and even
heroin. Each reagent changes color when it’s exposed to the
recreational substances that it’s able to detect.


I don’t know why I’m in a mood for writing something like this, but
anyway. :) Here’s an example, using the EZ Test kit on a dexamphetamine
tablet. I had 2 pills left, which isn’t enough to do anything, so I’ve
left it lying around…until today! Today, I’m going to strike the fear
of God into the little white pills. Or something. I’m tweaking again,
verbal diarrhea and mindless chatter ahoy! =D

Buffer solution

Anyway, if you’ve read my posts, you’ll know that I have a
dexamphetamine script for my…ah, narcolepsy. ;) I can’t stop with the
wink wink nudge nudge every time I mention this, my apologies, I’m
actually privately gloating about my script. Heh. Okay, enough
silliness, sorry about that.

5 mg dexamphetamine tablets

Back on topic, dexamphetamine is a primary amine, from what I’ve
read, amphetamine is a racemic mixture containing both the + and –
isomers. Those are dextro and laevo and Collin’s English Dictionary
defines it as such:

(Chem) of, concerned with, or being a mixture of dextrorotatory
and laevorotatory isomers in such proportions that the mixture has no
optical activity
[ETYMOLOGY: 19th Century: from RACEME (as in racemic acid) + -IC]

Anyway, the laevo (or levo) isomers of both amphetamine and
methamphetamine isn’t recreational compared to the dextro isomers. I
don’t know if this is true for all -amphetamines, but its true for
(meth)amphetamine. The stuff you get off the street is a racemic
mixture, so looking from a recreational perspective, it’s inferior to
dextro only isomers. In other words, pure dextro (meth)amphetamines
will get you higher than a racemic mixture. Personally, I like
dexamphetamine (dextroamphetamine sulfate) because it’s much more
stimulating that street speed (racemic amphetamine), but I’ll take
racemic methamphetamine over it any day! =D

Dextroamphetamine sulfate – our test subject

I digress. I suspect I’m boring half of you with the background
information and insulting half of you by elaborating on things that you
already know. Nevertheless, I shall continue. :) Oh, and you might have
noticed that I don’t use the word “drug” or “drugs”. I dislike that
term because of the negative connotations that’s associated with it. I
use the term “substances” and “chemicals” instead to refer to
recreational compounds. Okay, instead of digressing again and again and
being self indulgent, I’ll continue to the tests.

Substance: 5 mg dexamphetamine pill (dextroamphetamine sulfate)

Dexamphetamine pill, crushed into powder

The pill is crushed up with a dog tag as if to prepare for
insufflating (snorting). Half of the powder is used for the tests and
the other half was, er…insufflated. The first test is done using the
Marquis reagent. A small portion of the powder is isolated into a
corner of a CD jewel case and two drops of the Marquis reagent is
applied to it.

Test: Marquis Reagent

The pill’s content is already known, so this is just a test for fun
and to show how reagents work. The Marquis reagent will react by
changing color to orange/brown when it detects amphetamine (speed).
Let’s see how it goes in the test.

Yellow as soon as it came into contact with the powdered dexamphetamine pill.

The color started to look orange after a couple of seconds.

It’s noticeably orange now.

Yup, unmistakably orange. Indicates the presence of amphetamine (dexamphetamine = amphetamine).

The reaction settled to become a brown goo after a minute.

Marquis Reagent result: Orange, indicating either methamphetamine or amphetamine.

Test: Simon’s Reagent

Two drops of Simon’s reagent and 4 drops of the buffer solution is
applied to another portion of the powdered dexamphetamine pill. This
should turn blue if there is a secondary anime (methamphetamine) but it
won’t react if it’s amphetamine (primary amine).

No reaction. The red drops are the reagents, accidentally dropped it outside the sample.

Simon’s Reagent result: No reaction, ruling out
methamphetamine. This indicates that it’s amphetamine, from the
positive result from the previous Marquis test.

Test: Robadope

There’s actually no point in doing the Robadope, since the substance
is already known from the two tests. Robadope is mainly used for
testing for combinations eg MDMA/amphetamine combo pill. The Robadope
will proceed nevertheless. :) The reaction will be reddish/purple if it
detects a primary amine (like dexamphetamine).

I fudged up the first test by dropping too much Robadope on too little sample.

Slight salmon color.

The second attempt uses only a single drop of Robadope + 2 drops of buffer on quite a large sample.

Slight reddish tint. It is noticeable to the naked eye (if you squint
really hard), but the colors translated poorly to the digicam. It
wasn’t the shade of red I expected, but that’s probably because the
sample was mostly binders + fillers instead of dexamphetamine. There’s
heaps of binders in a dex pill, which is why snorting is such a chore
that I just eat them after heavy urinary alkalization.

Robadope result: Salmon red tint. This indicates a primary amine – dextroamphetamine.

This is how Ecstasy pill testers work – by cross-referencing reagent results. :)

Messy Meth (Hello Nurse)

The best delivery system I’ve seen to date!

I have too many things to do so I’m going to keep this short. I had
a Class A meth induced freak out yesterday. It was my 5th day without
sleep and food (but plenty of meth and dexamphetamine), and I had
forced myself to half a pack of Tim Tams (chocolate biscuit, very
sugary sweet). I was browsing around when I felt my hands go completely
white like there wasn’t any blood. I was feeling very confused,
sweating, hand tremors, extreme dizziness and my vision was fucked.

I felt my blood pounding in my head, had sore muscles, my face was
crawling and my hands had parts that looked black too, which freaked me
out. I’ve heard something about hypoglycemia before and I searched for
it. I read some medical sites about starvation induced hypoglycemia,
reactive hypoglycemia after a high sugar meal stuff like that. I was in
a bad state of mind, and reading those made me worse coz I had those
symptoms. I spent 6 hours reading and debating whether or not to go to
a hospital.

Hmm…nah, I concluded, it’s just a meth freak out, not that
hypothingamajic. Sleep deprivation, overt CNS stimulation for prolonged
periods of time, you’re stressing that grey matter, not getting
starvation/reactive hypoglycemia. The symptoms came and went and I
thought okay, I’ll just eat something that’s not simple sugars to
re-stabilize…forced two small pieces of chicken about the size of a
thumbnail down and well, basically got worse.

The symptoms came again, even worse this time and I was really freaking out. Why?

The risk of permanent neurologic deficits increases with
prolonged hypoglycemia; such deficits can include hemiparesis, memory
impairment, diminished language skills, decreased abstract thinking
capabilities, and ataxia.

Basically, they advice quick medical attention because you’ll damage
your brain the longer you wait. There was one site that said go,
because the risk of not going is permanent brain damage. Fuck, I
thought. I still didn’t want to go, but I was scared coz I had these
effects towards the end during the last long meth run (6 days) too.
Ketoacidosis, hemiparesis (I don’t even know what this is!!),
neurological damage. Medical terms swirling in my head…

I decided that it was just methamphetamine induced paranoia and
sleep deprivation induced erratic thought patterns. Nothing to worry
about, I’ll just pop a couple (maybe more than a couple, har har)
benzos, down some beer, smoke some weed, get some food in me and sleep.
Except, it got worse, and got me seriously worried about my mental
health. Brain damage!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve always held my
superior intellect (in my opinion :p) in high regard and I don’t want
to fuck that up.

I guess the last straw was when I couldn’t think or speak normally.
I was having trouble getting what I thought into words and my speech
was abnormally…well, abnormal. My precious brain is getting fried, I
thought. What if it’s really hypoglycemia and not meth paranoia? It’ll
be STUPID to not go for a checkup, when neurons are at stake. I flushed
all my drugs down the toilet and my friend (can’t name him coz that’ll
give away my identity) took me too the hospital. Thanks buddy, I owe
you one! ;)

Well, at the hospital, I had to wait for ages while the triage nurse
(the person that evaluates all incoming patients) fucked around. Most
triage nurses are bitches (and that’s a fact) but you can’t blame them
too coz it’s their job to sort out the emergencies and non-emergencies
for better efficiency. I’ve had experience with them before, I had to
wait for ages before I finally got approved after throwing up blood.
That time, I saw a guy with a broken arm cursing coz he had to wait
ages too.

I think you have to be 5 minutes away from death to get instant
approval from triage nurses. They have the “police syndrome” aka the “I
feel like God, I have so much authority bow before me lesser beings”
disorder. Anyway, I finally got a little bit of mini-God’s time and she
took my blood sugar with a tiny device that pricks the finger, all the
while telling me off. I have to say that not all triage nurses are like
this though, the previous one I saw was much nicer.

Well, she told me I had a blood sugar level of 6.7 which is normal
“and probably even better than mine” (her own words) and asked me
whether I wanted to see a doctor. I said no, because if it wasn’t
hypoglycemia, I don’t have to worry about brain damage. She berated me
for not eating (I didn’t tell her about my methamphetamine use – my
policy is disclosure on a “need to know” basis) and was a general
asshole about it. Regardless, I thanked her and stood up and she
impatiently asked whether I wanted to see a doctor again and I said no
(again). Major fucking bitch with a capital B.

Well, anyway, all is good except that I flushed good drugs down the
toilet for no reason. I know from experience that hospitals won’t
notify police or anything but try telling that to a paranoid delusional
after a meth binge. Anyway, I still have the symptoms but my conclusion
is that it’s just extremely high blood pressure from frequent meth
re-dosing. It went away after stopping and sleep. Did I really go on a
break? I’ve been using it too much, I don’t want to go into specifics,
but it’s too much.

Enough about that, yesterday was a great day for mushrooms but I
think that’s gonna be in a different post coz it’s completely
unrelated. Anyway, I didn’t think I did any serious harm, but my
intellectual abilities sure went down several notches today. It’s quite
noticeable and I’m still waiting for the verdict – benzo related
(temporary) or overheating + high blood pressure (permanent). Hope that
it’s the former, wish me luck people. =D Well, fuck this wasn’t short
after all. Ah…methamphetamine, you’re such a contradiction – my best
friend and my worst enemy.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...