The Mouth of Truth

veritas machine

Bocca Della Verita is a novelty device that purportedly reads your love life, health and luck. It’s located at various malls throughout the Klang Valley and takes 2 x 20 cent coins for a glimpse into your (questionable) future.

veritas hand

I can haz ur hand for breakfast?

veritas me

We were early for our Quantum of Solace screening so we succumbed to this tourist trap (couple trap?) machine to read our respective prospects.

The Mouth of Truth spat out the following:

veritas slips

My girlfriend:
Sometimes it seems that fortune deliberately plays with us, do not despair.
You don’t like others to rush you.
You don’t have much faith in human nature.
Do small things as if they were great.
Beware of carrying passions to excess; this can have disastrous or tragic results.
Life: 9
Love: 5
Luck: 4
Health: 6
Sex: 7

You know how to make good use of your intellectual strengths.
Plenty of people see the truth but cannot attain it…keep trying.
Your sedentary habits risk ruining your health.
You must wager. There is no choice, you are already committed.
A more regular life style and a little bit of exercise can save you from the health problems you are prone to.
Tired nerves and anxiety makes you apprehensive. You seem almost incapable of ever achieving tranquility.
Life: 7
Love: 7
Luck: 7
Health: 4
Sex: 8

I don’t know how much of this is self-fulfilling prophecy but it seems that I’m getting really accurate results. The statements are all true, and I am a leaning towards the unhealthy side due to renal and liver issues (as well as my ongoing tobacco and ethanol consumption, which I’m sure isn’t helping). I consider myself very lucky and I certainly can’t complain about the carnal aspects of my existence. *shrugs*

veritas end

I am gonna put my hand in the device again and see if I get the same results. It’s a little like a fortune cookie – I’m a huge advocate of horoscopes and it’ll be interesting to see if it, or this, gives out consistent results. πŸ™‚

Black Kingdom: Chapter 4 – Veritas vos liberabit

I came to the conclusion that I would seriously need to evaluate
what I’ve been taught – it seems that most of the things that I’ve
learnt was colored by propaganda. I wanted to try everything the world
has to offer, because I seem to have missed out on all the good bits.

veritas vos liberabit

None of my Asian friends take drugs (some of them were quite against
it) so I told Sam that I’m interested in LSD. Incidentally, there was a
rave that weekend, so a bunch of us got some acid tabs from Sam’s
contact. One blotter cost NZ$ 50, which sounds like an obscene amount,
but being high school teenagers in a rather remote country results in
paying more for drugs. It was very much worth it though – my first trip
was absolutely wonderful!

I was told to take the blotter sublingually (i.e. just put it under
the tongue and let it be) and just go with the flow. I didn’t even
notice when it hit me…I suddenly felt that my thought processes were
unusual, nay, bizarre. The ravers around me started
leaving visual trails in their movement and I turned over to Sam. His
face looked rather distorted so I wasn’t completely sure it was
him…and I’ll always remember what happened when I stared blankly at
him. Sam took one look at my dilated pupils, grinned and said “Huai
Bin, you’re tripping!”

Indeed, I was…and I loved every second of it. This was the time I
fell in love with the rave scene. I just felt like everyone had this
common bond. I wouldn’t describe it as the “candy raver/PLUR”
type of bond – raves were (relatively) underground then, and not as
commercialized as it is now. Most people took LSD and it just felt like
everyone was on the same wavelength. I remember one of my
favorite things to do while tripping at raves is to be at the floor and
look at someone and imagine what they do in real life…are they
university students? Are they office workers? I could think up complex
scenarios while on acid and I didn’t even need speed to keep on moving
from 10 PM till 6 AM.

I also started smoking cannabis with Sam, Victoria, Ryan and some
other people I can’t remember. We would split the price of a “tinny”
(NZ$ 20 worth of cannabis) and share it. I still remember the first
time I got really stoned…the four of us were at Sam’s cousin’s house
and we were doing “hot knifes”. I was given the honor of getting the
first hit, since I couldn’t really get stoned the previous times. Sam
was telling me how to inhale really hard as soon as smoke starts coming
out and handed me a 2 liter Coke plastic bottle with the bottom cut off.

I waited in anticipation as Sam placed two knifes across the hot
stove top and Victoria started making little balls of weed. “You’re
going to love this”, she said. The knifes were soon deemed to be hot
enough and Sam held one of them with the blade facing sideways and told
me to get ready as Victoria dropped a ball on the hot metal surface.
The ball of marijuana started smoking almost immediately and I held
onto the bottle as Sam clamped the other knife to cover the ball and
moved the billowing apparatus under my bottle.

“Toke, toke, toke”, the others chanted. I inhaled hard…and was
filled with more smoke that I’ve ever thought my lungs would hold. “Go
as hard as you can”, Sam said as I inhaled even more of the smoke…I
was determined to get stoned this time. I nearly choked when the smoke
was all sucked up and I felt like my lungs are bleeding. “Hold it in”,
Ryan urged me. I held it…and finally coughed and chocked and gasped
for air. Everyone was eager to know…how did I feel?

I didn’t feel anything…except that my lungs hurt. “Alright, here’s
the second hit”, Sam declared and on I went again. That was the one
that pushed me into Cannabis Country. I said I’ve had enough, would
need some rest for my lungs and as I watched the others smoke, I
started to notice that sounds were getting muffled and I had this thing pressing against my cheek. I kept on wondering what it was, it took me minutes to figure out it was my tongue. Sheesh.

I looked at Ryan choking on his hit and his expression suddenly
seemed extremally hilarious, I couldn’t stop laughing, and laugh I did.
I laughed and laughed, driving everyone to uncontrolled laughter and
when I tried to stop laughing to make my stomach stop cramping up,
Victoria looked at me and said “Oh my God, you’re so stoned, look at
your eyes!” between gasps of laughter. I was still laughing when the
others confirmed that yes, I was indeed stoned. I looked at myself in
the mirror and noticed my bloodshot eyes.

We went into the bedroom to watch TV and suddenly, when some
chocolate chip cookies were produced, I felt that I could eat every
single one. “It’s the munchies”, Sam told me. It was slightly
uncomfortable, but I liked being stoned. We later all piled into the
car and Victoria drove (the concept of responsible driving wasn’t
exactly familiar then) to Big Gary’s, a local chip shop that had huge
hot dogs – foot long sausages covered in batter and deep fried and
slathered with tomato sauce. I never had anything better.

This was the beginning of the stoners club, we smoked weed almost
every night, and I stumbled into my room totally stoned after being
dropped off at my home stay. I remember many memories of the Riccarton
stoners club – the times we smoked cannabis and attended class and
tried not to laugh, the drama practices we went to while stoned, the
visits to Big Gary’s, and this particularly funny incident where we
were smoking at Sam’s house and his mother asked us what we were doing.

She shouted from her bedroom and asked what we were up to, making
such a commotion so late on a school night. I’ll never forget Sam’s
reply…we were all eating the foot long hot dogs, but he somehow
replied “Nothing, we’re just eating our hot doughnuts!”. It took a
while for the comment to register. We all started laughing
hysterically, it seemed so funny at that time, and it still sounds
funny to me. We were eating hot dogs, but Sam said doughnuts for some
reason. He was puzzled at our laughter until I managed to gasp out

I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life and everyone was
in tears, and when the rest of us started to maintain some semblance of
composure, Sam suddenly got the mistake and laughed again, which of
course, fuelled another round of laughter from us. The hot doughnuts
inside joke became our slang for smoking cannabis. “Everyone up for
some hot doughnuts tonight?” was our code for the nightly weed smoking
sessions. I loved dropping acid and going to raves, I loved smoking
cannabis everyday.

The socio-dynamics of this microcosm called “high school” is
understandably different from the real world. I found out that suddenly
everyone knows my name and people started smiling and saying hello
between classes. I found myself propelled to “cool” status just because
I take drugs and I hang out with the “popular crowd”. I suddenly had
too many house parties to attend, too many raves to go to, too many
friends to hang out with and this resulted in some resentment from my
Asian friends and other Asians in the school for breaking some unspoken
rule about socializing with Caucasians instead of sticking together.

I was accused of not having time for Ah Boon and the rest anymore,
and they were increasing incidents of “Kia, wa lang kaki ki, e mai chak
wa lang liaw” (Come, let’s go, he’s not interested in hanging out with
us anymore) within my hearing range. I didn’t understand this, though I
was too busy between puking at drinking parties and getting stoned to
care. Gerald was particularly envious at the developments, and, having
the same classes as me, he had taken to walking next to me while
muttering “Look at all the Kiwis greeting you, it’s like everyone in
the school knows you!”

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. I had lots of
friends, too many things to do, and frequent dates with Kiwi girls,
something which was previously unheard of. I lost my virginity
(according to Bill Clinton’s definition of the word) to a girl named
Natalie. I heard that she likes me, and I would not be lying when I say
she is absolutely stunning. She’s a Kiwi girl of about 165 cm, with big
eyes, long brownish blond hair, and a breathtakingly amazing smile. I
didn’t take much notice of her before as she was one year younger than

We had days when we could wear anything to school, and before the
next time it happened, I asked to borrow her skirt, to wear to the
school as a stunt. I walked her home and she gave me her skirt. She
lives with her mom, who’s never at home in the afternoon and I spent
some time there, talking in her kitchen. She was obviously attracted to
me, and I suddenly realized what I could do, but I didn’t have
the self-confidence to do it right then. I just borrowed her skirt and
kissed her and went back home, telling her that I would call her.

I did call her…and asked her to be my girlfriend. She agreed. No
one had any problems with different race relationships, since I was
considered “one of them”. I was surprised though, that the ones who
were against it were the Asians in the school. I had apparently broken
some unspoken rule again, and virtually no Asian in the school talked
to me. I didn’t care though, I was on a mission – everyone I know
seemed to be sexually experienced (or claimed to be so) and I wasn’t
going to let this opportunity pass me by.

I wore Natalie’s skirt to school the next day, to the cheers of my
friends and to open insults from the Asians who liberally used the word
“sia soi” within hearing range. It means “bringing shame (to some
group)”. I didn’t care though. I had done my publicity stunt and she
was happy that I actually wore it like I said I would. I walked her
back again that day, and this time we talked in her bedroom, which I
remember is the first room from the living room.

We kissed…and started to touch each other. I was slipping my hand
up her bare thigh when suddenly, for no reason whatsoever, I felt my
raging member…fail me. My proud soldier, who was previously standing
at full attention, had fainted before action. My rod, transfigured into
a prune. A small prune. “What’s wrong?”, I remember her asking
as I suddenly stopped. I panicked and realized that I was only wearing
her skirt and I couldn’t let her know and in my adolescent clumsiness,
I made up an excuse about having to go somewhere with Sam and
practically ran out, fearing that the distinct lack of a tent in the
front of the skirt will give me away.

She called me that night and asked if I would walk her home again
the next day. I reluctantly agreed, fearing a repeat of my performance
(or the lack of it, rather). I thought about why I could not get Mr.
Happy to introduce himself and came up with several conclusions:

#1 I was worried that my size would be inadequate.
#2 I didn’t have any experience and I was worried that it would be obvious.
#3 I was afraid of contracting an STD.

I took off her skirt that night and found the sweet smelling hanky
(I don’t know what she dabbed it in, but I’ll recognize the scent right
away if I smell it again) she still had in her pocket. I tried
practicing – fantasizing about her, starting with what I would do
tomorrow when I walked her home. I found out that I could perform solo
quite adequately, and this was proved when I ejaculated into the bed
sheets after manually stimulating myself…and immediately regretted
it, coz it adds another one to the list:

#4 I was worried I won’t be able to get it up tomorrow coz I already had masturbated today.

It took a lot of stern talks to myself while facing the mirror to
prepare for tomorrow. I told myself after measuring (from the bottom)
that I wasn’t as under endowed as I think I am, and convinced myself
that I was average and even if I wasn’t, it won’t matter anyway, since
this is about the virgin, me (she told me she’s had a sexual partner
before, we did talk about sex, which was why I know tomorrow is going
to be the day). That’s #1 taken care off and I mentally struck it off
the list.

There was a problem with #2…I told her that I’ve had sexual
experience before too, when I actually hadn’t. I quickly took a crash
course in female anatomy from Ryan who was more than happy to sketch
this rough schematic of where the insertion point should be. I had read
many medical books about the female anatomy and also many non-medical
books depicting female genitalia, so I shouldn’t be worried, I told
myself. But I did double check with Ryan, just in case. I told myself
that all the porn and sex stories I’ve read would have to make up for
my lack of experience. Two down, two to go.

#3 was not really hard to get over, since hormones had more of a say
in my life then. I got some STD infection rates from a magazine and
calculated my chances (I was quite sure that the brand new calculator I
was given for school work was used for the first time then) and decided
that it was a low risk, considering the fact that she’s still 15* and
the rates of transmission were acceptable to warrant a tryst with a
girl of such aesthetic appeal.
* The legal age of consent is officially 16, but from my understanding
of the law, there is a provision which states it is NOT considered
statutory rape when consensual sexual intercourse happens between two people close
to the age of consent, even though one of the participants is
technically a minor, providing the age difference is not greater than
two years. It was only a couple of months in this case.

The bit about #4 was starting to worry me when I didn’t feel the
familiar blood rushing to the trouser snake when I forced myself to
have sexual fantasies the next morning…but resolved itself when I
jumped into the shower and my third leg stretched itself when the
shower water fell upon it. It was sorted then. I will not be nervous. I
will not chicken out. I will not let this opportunity where a beautiful
Kiwi girl is outright suggesting sexual intercourse pass me by. I shall
be a man, not a virgin, when I step back into this house, I told
myself. I can do it!

And I did. I must admit that it was a little disappointing though. I
had expected my first time having sex to be much more pleasurable than
all the climaxes of my 16 years of self-stimulation combined together
and multiplied by 10. I wanted fireworks, thunder, brimstone and
hellfire! I didn’t get that…in fact, I’ll admit that masturbating was
much more pleasurable compared to my first sexual experience. There was
nothing technically wrong with it, mind. It was just a case of rose
tinted sexual fantasies exposed to the harsh light of reality.

I walked Natalie home. We went to the bedroom and started kissing. I
started caressing her thigh. She went to her mom’s room and produced a
condom. I went down on her – I had wanted to taste her. This was a
mistake, because I had apparently broken some rule of sex which
dictates that breasts should be administered to before making a trip
down South. She later asked me if I didn’t find her breasts attractive.
I told her that she definitely has a nice pair of twins, it’s just my
habit to dine at the Y before eating melons.

But that’s digressing…anyway, after I had gotten her (shaved, but
you didn’t need to know that, I’m sure) beaver sufficiently wet, and
aroused, I took off my clothes, and thankfully, my trouser snake was
alive and well and eyeing the beaver hungrily. I applied the
prophylactic device and made penetration (it was harder than I thought)
after the second try. I didn’t realize how hard I had to push to get
in. I thought that it would be as easy as soap slipping out of clumsy
grips in the shower.

It was only after this that I began removing her sweater while we
assumed the missionary position. I had a hard time removing her bra,
damn those clasp thingies at the back. She helped me to remove the top
and I only managed to suck on her…well, nipples, I have run out of
euphemisms, before I started feeling tired. I was unprepared. I didn’t
know sex required so much energy compared to masturbation (which is
basically right arm movement). I decided to go make a trip down South
again to catch my breath.

It was during this time that I noticed that my trouser snake’s
sweater had slipped off. It was a day mired with unfortunate happenings
instead. I forced myself not to think about the ramifications and
concentrated on the figures and the low risk of transmission rate and
just put it back on. Anyway, after a little carpet munching (second
helpings never tastes right, due to the latex, if you get what I mean),
I noticed that she was about to come. I was glad that I was doing at
least something right, and I brought her to climax orally, moaning
softly. It seems that I was at least quite the cunning linguist, if not
anything else.

She pulled me up and then smiled at me and told me to lie down
before returning the favor. I have to admit, it wasn’t as pleasurable
as I thought it was. Teeth. Not nice. It was a little more painful than
pleasant so I pulled her up and got her into the woman on top position.
She did the exertions this time and before long, I reached the apogee,
pulling her down as I did and kissing her. I immediately regretted
doing this, for the change in position made my member slip out when I
was only about 3/4 into my enjoyment.

I usually manually stimulate myself until the end of the ejaculation
so feeling a climax while not having constant friction towards the end
was a little strange and slightly disappointing. I couldn’t very well
jack myself off, so I conceded with rubbing against her thigh. I guess
being used to masturbation made the less customized movement of a
female a little less intense. However, I was glad that I had actually
done the deed and it was with her. πŸ™‚

It just wasn’t what I expected, though I told her that I thoroughly
enjoyed it. She confirmed my linguistic capabilities and we hugged
while making post-coital talk. I told her I liked her hanky and she
told me I can have it. I did keep it for quite a long time, though the
last I saw of it was in a luggage back in Christchuch. What happened to
Natalie? Well, that’s just the thing, nothing happened. I realized that
I don’t actually love her, nor do I want a relationship with
her. We just didn’t have much in common. She doesn’t take drugs while I
do, so the relationship kinda petered out after a while.

There wasn’t a breakup or anything like that, we just slowly started
hanging out more and more with our own circle of friends until it was a
non-verbal but understood “just friends” thing. However, word about our
bedroom adventures did get out though, it was the school culture to
publicly broadcast such things. She told her friends and I told mine.
It was the topic of discussion for a while, before the next couple’s
exploits were related. I don’t know where she is now, but I still
remember her name and I have a tendency to automatically be friendly to
people called Natalie. I think it’s a nice name. I don’t consider her
my “first” girlfriend, since it basically just teenage hormones and

Like I said, it was the best of times; it was the worst of times.
Here’s where the latter comes in…my sister found out I was taking
drugs and told my parents and there was a lot of emotional blackmail,
downright threats, and intentions for them to come over. It’s all the
wrong things to say to a 16 year old. I told them I was legally an
adult here and didn’t need them, and didn’t want their financial
support. I drank heavily and made no effort to hide the fact that I was
pissed drunk even BEFORE going to school. People thought I was hard coz
I gulp down Bacardi straight before going to classes. I was just trying
to make a point. I told them I was going to move out of the home stay,
and I behaved in a manner that made the host extremely receptive to
this idea.

I was openly smoking cannabis in my room with my friends. I made a
dollar here and there by “passing things on” to other people in the
school. I had loud arguments filled with obscenities with my parents.
The other tenants complained about the noise and the tobacco and
cannabis smoke coming out of my room. There was more arguments with my
parents with very nasty things said, which I now regret, including the
destruction of several phones in the house. I crashed at Sam’s place
some nights. I had speed (amphetamine) for the first time and I loved
it. It makes me aggressive and confident, which further exacerbated the
problems with my family. I took more and more drugs, just out of spite
and for the sake of rebelling against my family.

Like I said, I just wanted to make a point – attempt to control me
when I’m legally an adult here and I’ll do more things that goes
against your beliefs.

Thus, my steady relationship with drugs began…the sometimes
dangerous but irresistible dance that never ends. The partners have
changed through the times, and there is one that I wish I had never
danced with. Mesmerizing and seductive, she promised me the world…and
I believed her. The longer she holds me, the more certain I am that she
would never ever let me go until I can dance no more. However, as I
look into the eyes that looks lovingly back at me, silently telling me
that I can be all that I want to be, as long as I never let go…and
with that hypnotic assurance, I know that I don’t ever want her to
release her reassuring arms from around me, to break from this warm
embrace, weary as I am. Methamphetamine, my bride. Till death do us

Mais, si tu m’apprivoises, nous aurons besoin l’un de l’autre.

End of Black Kingdom: Chapter 4 – Veritas vos liberabit

[ List of Characters ]

Next: Black Kingdom: Chapter 5 – “Chink, go back home!” [].

1. veritas vos liberabit is Latin for “The truth will set you free”.
2. Mais, si tu m’apprivoises, nous aurons besoin l’un de l’autre is a phrase from Le Petit Prince. It translates as “But, if you tame me, we shall need each other”.

Newsflash: Another clinic hit by notorious doctor shopper veritas

Sarawak, MY. 29th February 2004. Leaping into the new leap year, the
city of Kuching today saw another clinic issuing a permanent script for
benzodiazepines to veritas, a seasoned doctor shopper who has managed
to obtain multiple legitimate scripts for restricted items as diverse
as dexamphetamine (which is the dextro isomer of the potent stimulant
amphetamine) to various benzodiazepines, including flunitrazepam
(Rohypnol, the so called “date rape drug”) at the same time in the past.

drk front

He has emigrated to the city of Kuching and successfully procured 2
mg of clonazepam (better known as Rivotril or Klonopin) and 10 mg of
diazepam (the chemical name for Valium), infinitely renewable every two
weeks in his latest exploit, which he called “Doctor Shopping Kuching
Edition Issue #5”. The dazed doctor was left saying vaguely “Someone
came in and said he has social phobia, is new to Kuching, has been on
benzos for years and told me what he was prescribed.”

“I don’t really know what happened after that. I think I tried to
change his script to antidepressants but he knew all about SSRIs, NARIs
and tricyclics, taking the words out of my mouth before I’ve even
formed them. He even knew about Buspar and said it made him feel even
worse before I wanted to suggest it. Before I knew it, I found myself
docilely writing out what he wanted and asked him to come back every
two weeks. I even asked him if he wanted an extra 2 mg of clonazepam! I
can’t remember what happened, just wisps of memories, but I know he
somehow convinced me to write a permascript for him…very persuasive
but polite young man though”, he added.

drk back

We asked medical professionals about their opinion in this new
development. One doctor, who only wanted to be known as Dr. Lah (names
changed to protect the innocent) said “I hate that motherfucker! He’s
undermining the credibility of medical professionals like us and
flaunting his exploits on the Internet! I found several blister packs
of Dormicum missing during my stock take…I bet he’s the one who
bribed…er, nevermind.”, and fell silent. When asked whether he knew
that veritas’s sister is also a doctor practicing in Christchurch, New
Zealand, he immediately asked “Really? How old is she? Pretty or not?”,
while the 70 year old, small statured man worked on discreetly removing
his wedding ring.

One doctor, on the condition of anonymity, was quoted as saying “I
don’t really mind at all. I’ll like to welcome veritas and all the
people like him to my friendly clinic. You know lah, nowadays in
Kuching, you throw one stone, you’re bound to hit two doctors on the
head. Hard to make ends meet you know! I rather eng eng and just take
in clients, I mean, patients like veritas, in and out, script
him and off he goes. I don’t care for those people with real ailments.
I mean yuck…plus there’re not loyal some more. Only come when they’re
sick. Hmph! How can generate consistent revenue stream like that? I
like people like veritas who comes in every two weeks for a guaranteed
income, er…I mean, to help him with his condition. I’ll like to take
this opportunity to tell everyone that yes, there are understanding
doctors out there! Call me ya!”

drk diazepam
Generic APO 10 mg diazepam

Another doctor added “I’ll like to see him try that shit with me,
I’ll hoot him upside down, then he know!” The doctor later requested
that his name not be published.

We also interviewed some passerby’s for their opinion regarding this
issue. The first one, Hee Poh Krit vehemently denounced veritas’s
actions, saying that his shenanigans makes it harder for “legitimate
people suffering from anxiety to get benzodiazepines”. He refused to
comment further when asked whether he’s on benzodiazepine therapy, only
saying, “I take these things strictly according to the doctor’s
instructions coz I would feel bad otherwise”, in a high and mighty,
self righteous tone before hurrying away.

The next civilian, called Koh Pee Kat also condemned the activities,
though he ended his statement by saying, “Er…actually, I only know
that there’s a cheaper alternative to 5 zai (the local slang for black
market Erimin 5, a tablet containing the benzodiazepine nimetazepam)
after reading and I dunno a benzo from a
banzai before being enlightened and I now use his techniques to doctor
shop. I don’t want to give him credit coz he’s my competition now. Even
though you can say he’s my guru.”, he added, hanging his head.

drk roche 2
Roche brand name 2 mg Rivotril tablets.

Another bystander, when asked for his opinion, merely said “Har? Lu kong hamik? Wa beh hiaw tiah ang moh.”

We finally managed to get hold of veritas and he only had this to
say: “Eh, help me keep track of my perma scripts okay? Dr Y (C) for 2
mg clonazepam and 2 mg lorazepam daily, refill every Saturday, Dr N (S)
for 30 mg phenobarbital and 10 mg diazepam daily, refills every other
Sunday and Dr K (K) for 2 mg clonazepam and 10 mg diazepam daily, go
for refills every alternate Saturday. Got it? Oh, and if I forget,
remind me first letter is the name of the doctor and second letter is
for the area. Thanks! Appreciate your help!”

When asked whether he knew that possessing multiple scripts is
illegal, he literally disappeared, leaving nothing but a person bearing
a remarkable resemblance to him who insists he’s not veritas but “Huai
Bin” and when asked about veritas, said “Who the hell is he and why
should we care for him?” before making a quick exit.

We do not know where or when the elusive veritas will resurface again, but we can be sure of one thing – he will strike again.

– news

Happy Valentine’s Day

valentine entreprenours

The photo above shows the enterprising people of Kuching setting up
stalls selling Valentine’s Day goods along the major roadsides to
remind forgetful people that today is V Day (and also serves a life
line of the tardy ones among us who waits till the last minute). It’s
along most of the city roads, there’s even cars stopping on roadsides
with speakers on full blast and the occupants selling flowers. It’s a
booming business, or so it seems. πŸ˜‰

Anyway, here’s ours:

For Her

hb present

It’s one of those gigantic cards. I put the present in it, since it fits. πŸ™‚

For Him

ll present

that’s a customized keychain with our names on it. πŸ™‚ This is not
the present though, it would be a little late due to Amazon orders, but
it’s “Good Chemistry: The Life and Legacy of Valium Inventor Leo
Sternbach” – the hardcover book that came out recently that I’ve really
wanted! Thanks! =D Happy Valentine’s Day and I love you, Louisa!

Here’s a alternate link for those of you who do not like the commercialism of Valentine’s Day:

Sucessfully bribing the nurse after failed doctor shopping []

Here at, our aim is to cater for everyone. πŸ˜‰ is still alive, I’ve decided not to let it go into
hibernation. I’ll post there under the “veritas” nick once in a while
and announce posts here, but only about legal things like

Video of veritas smoking meth (with sound) – download now!

veritas smoking meth video

This is a video of veritas smoking methamphetamine in his room at
the tail end of a 3 day meth run. He just doesn’t know when to stop. πŸ˜‰
Anyway, this is actually the first time the video function of the Nikon
5700 is used. I was reading online manuals and set it up and recorded
this. Thus, this is the first video recorded with my digicam.

veritas smoking meth using a glass pipe []
1 minute Quicktime video clip (complete)
(14.8 MB zip file)
Extract (unzip) the .mov file. Requires Quicktime Player.

It’s actually just veritas making a fool of himself while smoking
meth in his KL room. It’s taken recently, slightly before the veritas
confession. He uses meth as a “work drug” – most of the better and
longer posts you see on is powered by methamphetamine.
Oh, and I’ll write in the third person if I want to. :p There are two
reasons why I’m releasing this video (which I’m sure will catch me a
lot of grief):

1. It was already leaked to an individual, and I’ve always thought
that a leak on the net is a full leak so people might as well download
it from the authorative site –!

2. I want to stress test my VPS before I migrate. We’ll see how well
it performs. Ping times are okay and so is tracert, but I want a real
life situation to see how my VPS handles the traffic

3. is not a food blog! :p

Anyway, the soundtrack is a feng tau track that I really love, it’s
not put in post-production, no post production was done on this video –
it’s the raw capture, since I don’t have any video editing software.
The music was on from my headphones while this was taken. This is the
actual first video record of my digicam. πŸ™‚

Oh, and the About me page is updated with recent info.

Well, I won’t be posting tomorrow and I have to be off soon, so
enjoy the video of veritas being silly and here’s my harm reduction
message: Methamphetamine use can cause people to act in a stupid and
socially unacceptable behavior so be careful. πŸ˜‰ Have a nice weekend
everyone, and if my VPS doesn’t die on me (please tell me if you have
problems downloading the video), then the migration will happen on

This will be the last veritas video post.

Frisium 10 (clobazam) and a farewell to veritas

“Man shall not live by meth alone, but by every pill that proceedeth out of the mouth of the Frisium pack.”
Methew 4:4

man meth alone

Greetings! veritas has finally decided to reveal himself in a candid
self portrait photo for this occasion. Some of you might have read the
previous post that mentions would be moving hosts soon,
so there would be an interruption in service which may last as long as
48 hours while the new name servers propagate. Please send all emails
effective immediately to
until the server move is complete. This would be the last post from
this server and the next one would be from the new VPS server. Thus, it
was decided that we’ll do one last veritas post before the migration
for closure. We want to ensure that everyone remains entertained during
the temporary transition. πŸ˜‰

Today, we are going to talk about Frisium 10. I realize that this
topic might not be of interest to everyone, so I also put up a photo
depicting a messy and scattered looking veritas taken just a minute
ago. Yes, that’s the first full frame picture of veritas
without any mosaic! The picture only took a second to take, so it
wasn’t the result of a hard afternoon’s work. πŸ˜‰ My apologies, private
joke there.

frisium box
Frisium 10

Anyway, the three people at the back that’s genuinely surprised
would be interested to know that I have an identical twin, which, as
the word suggests, looks exactly like me. In the grand tradition of
epics, yes, he is not just my twin but my evil twin. πŸ™‚
However, he has quit the scene so there would be no more posts about
illicits by veritas. This can be considered the official announcement.

Here at, we always aim to entertain (or was that to
please?) so it’s fitting that the interim period while
moves is filled with a final post from veritas. Unfortunately, my
wayward sibling (sibling and alter ego are synonyms right?) has really
quit the illicits so on this bright Thursday morning, we shall talk
about another favorite topic – benzodiazepines! We will be focusing on
clobazam in this post.

Frisium, or Frisium 10 as some like to call it, is made in Germany
and contains 10 mg of clobazam per tablet. It is also listed as
clobazamum at the back of the blister packs, which is an alternate name
which seems to be isolated to European countries. I have been
prescribed (or was that my evil twin? nevermind, let’s not deviate) Frisium and Hypnodorm [] (that’s flunitrazepam) in Melbourne.

hoechst ag frisium
100 tablets of 10 mg clobazam

I did not find anything noteworthy about Frisium and dismissed it as
a weak benzo due to its complete lack of hypnotic effects and the fact
that it requires doses in excess of 100 mg for effects to be felt.
However, I enjoyed the flunitrazepam (better known as Rohypnol) very
much, thank you doctor, I really felt much better. πŸ™‚ Flunitrazepam is
not available through legal channels in Malaysia, but clobazam is a
prescription drug here.

It’s sold in a box containing 10 blister packs with 10 pills each
for a total of 100 tablets or 1,000 mg (1 kilogram) of clobazam. The
package insert states that “Clobazam, the active ingredient of Frisium
10 relieves anxiety and prevents or arrests convulsions. It is a
substance belonging to a group of medicines called benzodiazepines.”
The insert also states that it’s indicated for “Acute and chronic
anxiety states, which may produce the following symptoms in particular:
Anxiety, tension, restlessness, excitement, irritability, somatic
disorders, and emotional instability.” Sounds very familiar. πŸ˜‰

frisium insert
Other choice quotes:
“Frisium 10 must not be taken by patients with any history of drug or alcohol dependence (increased risk of dependence).”
“Concomitant consumption of alcohol can increase by 50% the
availability of clobazam in the body, and therefore increase the
effects of clobazam.”
“Tell your doctor if you have suffered or are still suffering from
alcohol or drug dependence. If this is the case, you must not take
benzodiazepines, except in rare situations determined only by the
“Never take benzodiazepine-containing medicines because “they have been
a great help to someone else”, and do not pass these preparations on to

Anyway, I was interested in giving this particular benzo another
try, since it has properties that would be conducive to my taper
(*cough*) plan. As stated in the previous post, clobazam is one of them
newfangled benzodiazepines with a 1,5 ring structure instead of the
older 1,4 benzodiazepines. Without going into things like “selectivity
for omega 2 receptors” lets just put it in easier to parse statements.

Basically, 1,5 benzodiazepines have a high affinity…sorry, relapse, I meant it targets
the receptors in your brain that is associated with anticonvulsive
properties and doesn’t go as much for the receptors that produces
hypnotic/sedative effects (makes you sleepy and well, sedated).
Benzodiazepines is a wonderfully interesting group of chemicals where
each one has different affinities for the three main effects (detailed

This means that different benzos like clonazepam, alprazolam,
nitrazepam is going to differ in their effects. Granted, all
benzodiazepines have:
1. Hypnotic (Zzz…)
2. Anticonvulsive (that means it prevents seizures)
3. Anxiolytic (what makes them beautiful – anti anxiety properties)
effects, but to a different extent and thus, they’re marketed as such.
Examples of the common ones are Xanax (alprazolam) which is prescribed
for its strong anti-anxiety effects, Mogadon (nitrazepam) which is
prescribed for insomnia and Klonopin or Rivotril (clonazepam) for its
anticonvulsant effects.

However, as stated before the three effects overlap, so clonazepam
would provide relief from anxiety as well, in fact, it’s my favorite
benzodiazepine due to its long lasting effects and strong anxiolytic
properties. As you can well imagine, medications with such wonderful
offerings would be subject to what some might call “off label” use. πŸ˜‰
Xanax and Klonopin, for example, would provide a very nice “stoned”
effect and it makes people feel (wait, here comes another cringe
inducing word) “mellow” and that makes them “recreational” in addition
to being a lifesaver for meth comedowns.

clobazam habit forming
*gasp* Habit forming! Why didn’t anyone tell me? πŸ˜‰
Check out the red racun (poison) sticker. Jauhi dari kanak kanak, ya.

Combined with alcohol, and the effects are potentiated
(intensified). Which reminds me, to avoid being accused of being
irresponsible and not preaching harm minimization, let me add that
alcohol and benzodiazepines, which are both CNS depressants, may and
have led to deaths from respiratory depression (you stop breathing) in
the past. Now that I’ve done my part, please look away while I type the
next sentence. The dangers of mixing benzos and alcohol are greatly
exaggerated. Jesus Christ, some people make it seem like a couple of
benzos and several drinks mean a straight trip to the morgue. *rolls

Nevertheless, exercise caution and my mom sends word that you
shouldn’t do it, because medications are supposed to make you healthy,
and you’re not supposed to derive (God forbid!) enjoyment from them. πŸ˜‰
I’ve always thought that mothers tend to give out good advice so I
decided to give Frisium another try. It did have satisfactory
anxiolytic effects at higher doses and the strong anticonvulsant
effects is good for people who’re dependant on high doses of
benzodiazepines while tapering, because you may seize if you taper too

Which is why my (not so evil now) twin chose this particular
benzodiazepine. However, as I’ve mentioned before, the biggest benefit
Frisium provides is that it’s completely non sedating at all! Well, at
least to people with a high tolerance. That is a Good Thing (TM)
because it’s always nice to have a clearer head while working. Research
suggests that the 1,5 benzos (like Frisium) are associated with less
sedation and psychomotor impairment (a fancy term that means you’ll be
less of a road hazard) than the older 1,4 benzos (like Valium), which
will produce drowsiness and such in non tolerant people.

It is now my civic duty to tell you that all benzodiazepines are
indicated for 2-4 weeks of use only. Prolonged, continuous and wanton
consumption of large doses would result in physical dependence. It may
seem that popping Xanax and Klonopins like candy in the day and
Dormicum and Mogadon washed down with liberal amounts of alcohol
translates to a stress less life, but it would not be fun 3 years down
the line when you realize that you’re taking 8 mg of clonazepam and 10
mg of alprazolam each day and 40 mg nitrazepam without alcohol does not
make you sleep at all.

You’ll definitely think it’s not fun when you get the shakes and
your legs twitches and your hands are trembling when you accidentally
consumed your supply before getting more. Also, I would imagine that
the extremely irritable and pissed off state you get when you take
lower doses after dependence has formed would be a liability. It’s a
little inconvenient to have to carry benzos around so that you won’t
get charged with assault when you physically reprimand someone in an
inappropriately violent manner just because he was looking at you the
“wrong way” coz you’re all cracked up from withdrawal (I don’t like
this term, but I can’t find a better one) symptoms.

clobazam germany
Frisium is Made in Germany

Also, it’s not considered appropriate for men to have panic attacks, even if they’re manly
panic attacks. πŸ˜‰ I’m not out to demonize benzodiazepines, don’t get me
wrong. I firmly believe that if there’s anyone to blame, it would be
the person who chose to self medicate, not the drug. A drug is
inanimate, and I do not have much respect at all for the people who sue
the pharmaceutical companies or blames the medication for what they got
themselves into, being fully aware of the risks. I will not go into a
tangent about how it seems that there’s a culture of pushing blame away
instead of accepting responsibility for personal actions. Let us move

Anyway, on a cost effectiveness basis, Frisium, being a patented
medication would cost more, so that might be something to consider. I
get it at RM 100 for the 100 tablet box from my pharmacy contact. He’s
a big fan of selling prescriptions in sets of 100’s. I get 100 x 10 mg
brand name Valium (diazepam) in two 5 joined blister packs for RM 100
as well, so obviously this would be the most cost effective one. Xanax
1 mg blister packs go for a premium RM 200 for 10 blister packs (told
you he’s a big fan of 100s), so at least this is cheaper than that.

It is reasonable prices though, and some offerings are undercutting
what a GP would charge. I can only think of one doctor who’s happy to
sell me as many 2 mg Rivotril (clonazepam) tablets as I want for RM
1.20 each or generic 2 mg Rivopam (clonazepam) ones for RM 0.80 so I
usually go that route since it has the added security of actually
possessing a prescription for the things. Enterprising pharmacies would
not be able to offer that value added service, so caveat emptor!

It would be a non issue if you’re not traveling, but if you are, my
advice (which is common sense really) is to pack them in different
places (working on the basis that it looks less than when it’s chucked
together) and never carry them as hand luggage. Always check in –
Malaysian customs officers are not vigilant (er…at all) at exit
points so checks are extremely rare, especially with the added hassle
of opening up a locked checked in suitcase. Personal experience
suggests that not many customs officials possess the sophistication to
identify the items as restricted pharmaceuticals.

This batch was manufactured in 2003 and expires in 2007. Imagine this catching on in the streets:
“Eh, 2003 not nice lah, feel very sleepy, all fake one, made in
Taiwan. If get must get 2007, that one sui sui makes me very song! Sure
make in Japan, worth the 20 I paid.”

The horror…

I imagine they don’t really care anyway, since it’s professionally
packaged and thus does not tend to raise alarm bells, but please be
ready to have a good excuse if you’re carrying large quantities. It’s
not easy to explain why you have a big container of 1,000 x 2 mg
Rivopam (generic clonazepam) tablets intended for dispensing in
clinics. It would raise eyebrows even if it looks legit due to the
amount. Tried methods of getting out of a sticky situation (but this
doesn’t mean that it’ll work for you too) are:

“This medicine is cheaper in (insert your departure place) so I bought more back”.

This one works in small airports where the personnel do not
recognize that a prescription is required for the possession of the
things you’re carrying. It’s important to act nonchalant but polite.
Think about all the people who bring in those gigantic bottles with
2,000 tablets of solidified goat’s milk or whatever homeopathic
bullshit passes as medication nowadays. Tell them it’s for your mom or

“I suffer from epileptic fits so I usually bring enough because I can’t afford to have a seizure”.

This is somewhat similar to #1 and is to be used if you think they
know what you’re carrying since saying that covers your ass. Works
better on females if you’re male and males if you’re females so if you
want to play the sympathy card, walk to the official of the opposite
sex if you think you’re going to be searched.

“I don’t know what this is, it’s for my dad, he requested I buy some back since it’s cheaper at (insert departure place)”.

This is another variant of the above. Act dumb, they probably don’t
know what it is anyway. Oh, and a branch here is to act shocked if it
turns out that they do know what it is, and tell you you’re not
supposed to have it without a prescription. Small airports are fairly
lenient, insert a few “sorry ya, encik, saya tidak tahu” and they’ll
probably not bother with you and let you through with the goods. They
either have bigger fish to fry or they couldn’t be fucked with the
paperwork. πŸ˜‰ I’ll say it’s the latter.

“Oh, I have prescriptions for this, wait, call this doctor, he’ll explain everything”.

Risky unless it’s true, but it’s not is it? πŸ˜‰ This would be a last
resort measure. Ensure that you have put on your extra large set of
balls that day since you’re telling a whopper here. You need to be calm
and confident to pull this off. I don’t recommend this, but it worked
even though the officer said these are “psychotropic pills” (a term I
really dislike) and asked why I had it. Basically, you try and act
indignant at this unacceptable affront at a law abiding citizen (that’s
you), and cross your fingers – trust in the dictum that people work
because they need the money, and that not many people love their job
and pursues it with a burning passion. They will not call and check.
This is Malaysia, goyang kaki, pass the day and go home ok liaw lah, no
need to go out of the way, too troublesome.

frisium 10
The tablets look exactly like the ones in Australia, but the blister pack design differs

Generally the customs in Malaysia do not bother with such minor
transgressions, so it’s not that risky. Chances are, they won’t even
bother to search your luggage. However, if all else fails, use the
tried and true “ah encik, tak apa lah, tolong sikit ya” while
discreetly slipping a bank note of an appropriate denomination method.
Do at your own risk. Yeah, everyone knows bribes are common to the
point of society acceptance, but you could get the clean one. Also, the
denomination would ideally reflect how much you’re willing to pay to
avoid hassles. Don’t shortchange them, it’s rude. I always hear about
people boasting that they just slipped the police officer a RM 10 note
and that was that. I’ve also heard of people bargaining. Come on guys,
give them some respect, of course it depends on the nature of the
transgression, but what’s RM 100 to get off a DUI charge? It’s a
bargain, that’s what.

I wouldn’t worry too much though, airport security regarding these
things are slack – I’ve hand carried on board my backpack and camera
case and sent it through the X-Rays, with full knowledge that the
backpack had my Marquis and Mandelin solutions, a meth pipe, a cannabis
pipe and shredder that Frank got me from Amsterdam (thanks!), which
were obviously drug paraphernalia as well as various different
benzodiazepines, most of which does not have a doctor’s prescription.
There were different ones in my camera case as well, and no one even
blinked. I have a friend who was stupid enough to forget the three
straws of meth stashed in his wallet and boarded a domestic flight and
walked out fine. From what I’ve seen, checks are so rare it’s a non
issue. However, I’ll have to insert “caveat emptor” again, making me
sound like some pretentious fuck, sorry. πŸ™‚ There are occasions when
checks would be done which accounts for the situations above.

#1 Method: This one hasn’t failed me yet. This works for
pills of all kinds, but of course I mean pharmaceuticals tablets. It
also works for bottles and boxes, if you’re sensible and don’t get the
ridiculous 500/1000 tablet monsters. Basically, go and see a doctor
before your flight, get the nurses to put the pills in those doctor’s
baggies, try and get more, ask nicely and say something like you want
to divide the meds into two baggies so you can keep one at home and one
at the office. Then, insert more pills (which would have to look
similar) into the bag, or empty it and put whatever you want inside.
For small bottles (100-200 pills) and boxes, just wrap the baggie
around the circumference and tape it so both ends stick together
vertically. You know how they always do that in clinics.
There you have it. The instant legitimate look. πŸ™‚ Also, get generics
if you’re going for pharmaceuticals and get less decorative pills if
you’re going for non pharms. That makes it difficult to identify the
pills and it looks like everything is in order so there would be no
hassles. Worse case scenario, they call the doctor and the busy GP
would go yeah, yeah, gave him some meds that day. I’ve never had that
happen though, like I said, customs don’t care about these things that
much here so they just let you though. I usually don’t bother and just
walk through, unless I’m feeling paranoid or it’s an amount that could
not be considered for personal use only.

Disclaimer: This is not a post that “promotes and glorifies”
(seriously, one hosting company said that to me when he refused to host
the drug related content) activities which may violate the law. It’s
just personal experiences with customs in Malaysia and while methods
for circumventing detection is discussed, the site (, my
evil twin brother by day and alter ego by night (veritas) and myself
does not condone any activity which violates the laws of Malaysia.

I’ll catch you all in the new server! Bye, from veritas.

veritas was here.
Guest writer –,
2002 – 2004

Murder! She wrote…


There were drips of blood in the room…no body was found, but the
blood wasn’t voluminous enough to suggest that someone died from it. It
was a mystery though. Who did the blood belong to? What happened in
this god forsaken room? Why am I posting about it? Burning questions
that only an intoxicated mind could think up. Burning like…like
something combustible. Worthy of an Agatha Christy novel, but I
couldn’t be bothered.

Scene: A few dismal drops of blood in a room. What happened and why and who and what and but and lah and di and dah.

Answer: Fucking veritas broke his meth pipe in my room,
resulting in me stepping on the glass and embedding a small piece into
me. Dickhead. πŸ˜‰


Whether you love it or hate it, it’s part of the network, which currently includes:
The main site.
The first sister site.
The second sister site. is where veritas writes and the content does not appeal
to everyone…it’s more of a blog with a limited target audience. is a work in progress but we’re not talking about that now. was also meant to be a load balancing server, since it
doesn’t receive the 1.6k average (stats for December 2003 as of today)
unique visitors (not hits, visits) this site gets per day.

I feel that the blog has weakened ever since the
decision was made for veritas to move to We both feel
that the original integrated blog was stronger in that it introduces
the people interested in reading veritas’s drug related entries to my
general interest entries and the people interested in my personal posts
to veritas’s drug posts.

The first works by allowing recreational drug users a look into
other perspectives, like the culture in Malaysia while the second is
meant to dispell the “junkie” stereotype by providing non users a look
into a recreational drug user’s life and hopefully see that there’s
intelligent users who does not pose a threat to society. That’s not to
say that veritas is a the safest and most responsible user out there
(haha), but hopefully, it would foster some understanding and tolerance
and realization that not all drug users are violent criminals.

The move was a mistake because veritas cannot possibly post daily,
so visitors do not know when a new post would be made. We both feel
that the glory days (or zaman kegemilangan as I like to call it) were
when the content was integrated and that jumped the shark
sometime in July 2003. However, that does not mean that the main site
would stop churning out daily posts – I still like blogging.

veritas still likes writing trip reports too.

This long winded post is meant as a prelude to the future direction
of the network. There will be changes…very soon. Four
days. I’ll not be revealing anything now, but whether you love it or
hate it, will be heading in a new direction on the 1st of
January 2004.

[Edit: 1st of January 2005 changed to 1st of January 2004. Typo. Thanks for the reminder.]

MDMA (and other drugs, non users) research at my alma mater


I saw this notice on
[] today. Photo courtesy of veritas, naturally.
So…who’s going? πŸ˜‰ The research is being done at my previous campus
(Caulfield). I live at halls in Clayton but my main campus is at
Caulfield (20 minutes drive), though I can take subjects in Clayton. I
know Monash Uni had CADAR but wasn’t aware of active research by the
center. Help out if you can, it would be interesting to see the results
of this study. Here’s the details from the page:

Cognitive Performance and Monitoring in Dance Drug users (Melbourne, Australia)

People who have used ecstasy for over three years required to participate in a psychological study.

Research through Monash University’s Centre for Applied Drug and
Alcohol Research (CADAR) is looking for people over 18 years old:

who have used ecstasy for over three years

who would be interested in participating in a psychological study

We are also testing people who have used ecstasy for less time than
this, people who have used no drugs at all, and people who have used
other drugs (e.g. speed, cannabis etc) but no ecstasy.

Participation will involve around 3-4 hours of your time, and is
open to those able to make it to Monash University, Caulfield.
Participants will be reimbursed for out of pocket expenses.

If you are interested in participating in this research, please
email me at or call on 9903 1149. is live!


The domain of veritas – is now ready for public viewing
after nearly a month since it’s inception. It is with great pride that
I announce’s sister site – the award winning weblog about
drugs in Malaysia where it was voted “Blogger most likely to get raided
by the police”, “Blogger most likely to get roughed up by gangsters”
and “Best Malaysian blogger in the Drugs category” (no one else was in
contention) AT THE SAME TIME. Not to mention snagging the “You is
stupid to try this in Malaysia” and the “I give you 3 months before the
site gets shut down” special awards – I proudly present to you – Better living through chemistry…for every problem, a chemical solution. []

Okay, so I made the awards up, just wanted to generate interest in the site…

Warning: The content of is not for everyone. If
you’re offended by recreational drug use and the use of pharmaceuticals
off the prescription label, you would not enjoy what has
to offer. If you hate drugs, you’re going to hate Please
exercise discretion and avoid clicking on the link if you fit the
criteria above. is not meant for minors.

Disclaimer: I am not veritas (the author at The site DOES NOT
condone or “promote” drug use. It is merely a personal journal by
veritas to document his experiences with drugs. Please remember that
drug use is associated with very severe penalties in Malaysia. strongly discourages any activities which breaks the laws
in your country.

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