Chemical love

mdma lake

Just holding hands…
It feels good.
The warm presence of you as I squeeze your hand
The way you turn sideways and smile at me
I love your smile
It makes everything seem so perfect

“It’s the MDMA”
I repeated the phrase like a mantra
I’ve been there before…
Never like this though…

The comforting softness as I hug you to take a photo
The serene silence as we sit beside the lake
It’s just like the two of us, even though others were there.

I knew it was the MDMA
The problem is, I already liked you before dropping the pill
Just sitting beside you, feeling you close to me…
A shared smile…the simple things…

I said I’ll call you again today
I will

Love is just chemicals isn’t it?

The path diverges into two
The first is the well trodden one, the one I know, the comfortable one
The second is the one with you

I’m afraid I’m too old to be as impulsive as I once were

It’s so complicated when you already like someone before the emphathogenic qualities of MDMA comes into the equation.

It’s not black and white anymore
I can’t say “It’s just chemical love” when I know I felt that way before
I need a Pantone chart to sort out all these shades of gray

I feel like I’ve lost something…
…as I walk down the first path

The sadness is almost overwhelming

I’ll always think back to this time…
…and dream about what it would be like
What it would be like, if I walked down the second path
The path that leads into your arms…

for cy

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction.

It’s all white lines to me…
Oh, but things are getting clearer
I can almost read the writing in the mirror…

Related: Pill report – Pink JK []


Whether you love it or hate it, it’s part of the network, which currently includes:
The main site.
The first sister site.
The second sister site. is where veritas writes and the content does not appeal
to everyone…it’s more of a blog with a limited target audience. is a work in progress but we’re not talking about that now. was also meant to be a load balancing server, since it
doesn’t receive the 1.6k average (stats for December 2003 as of today)
unique visitors (not hits, visits) this site gets per day.

I feel that the blog has weakened ever since the
decision was made for veritas to move to We both feel
that the original integrated blog was stronger in that it introduces
the people interested in reading veritas’s drug related entries to my
general interest entries and the people interested in my personal posts
to veritas’s drug posts.

The first works by allowing recreational drug users a look into
other perspectives, like the culture in Malaysia while the second is
meant to dispell the “junkie” stereotype by providing non users a look
into a recreational drug user’s life and hopefully see that there’s
intelligent users who does not pose a threat to society. That’s not to
say that veritas is a the safest and most responsible user out there
(haha), but hopefully, it would foster some understanding and tolerance
and realization that not all drug users are violent criminals.

The move was a mistake because veritas cannot possibly post daily,
so visitors do not know when a new post would be made. We both feel
that the glory days (or zaman kegemilangan as I like to call it) were
when the content was integrated and that jumped the shark
sometime in July 2003. However, that does not mean that the main site
would stop churning out daily posts – I still like blogging.

veritas still likes writing trip reports too.

This long winded post is meant as a prelude to the future direction
of the network. There will be changes…very soon. Four
days. I’ll not be revealing anything now, but whether you love it or
hate it, will be heading in a new direction on the 1st of
January 2004.

[Edit: 1st of January 2005 changed to 1st of January 2004. Typo. Thanks for the reminder.]

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