Chemical love

mdma lake

Just holding hands…
It feels good.
The warm presence of you as I squeeze your hand
The way you turn sideways and smile at me
I love your smile
It makes everything seem so perfect

“It’s the MDMA”
I repeated the phrase like a mantra
I’ve been there before…
Never like this though…

The comforting softness as I hug you to take a photo
The serene silence as we sit beside the lake
It’s just like the two of us, even though others were there.

I knew it was the MDMA
The problem is, I already liked you before dropping the pill
Just sitting beside you, feeling you close to me…
A shared smile…the simple things…

I said I’ll call you again today
I will

Love is just chemicals isn’t it?

The path diverges into two
The first is the well trodden one, the one I know, the comfortable one
The second is the one with you

I’m afraid I’m too old to be as impulsive as I once were

It’s so complicated when you already like someone before the emphathogenic qualities of MDMA comes into the equation.

It’s not black and white anymore
I can’t say “It’s just chemical love” when I know I felt that way before
I need a Pantone chart to sort out all these shades of gray

I feel like I’ve lost something…
…as I walk down the first path

The sadness is almost overwhelming

I’ll always think back to this time…
…and dream about what it would be like
What it would be like, if I walked down the second path
The path that leads into your arms…

for cy

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction.

It’s all white lines to me…
Oh, but things are getting clearer
I can almost read the writing in the mirror…

Related: Pill report – Pink JK []

Sapu days


Those dreaded Fridays and Saturdays…also known as Sapudays. I hate them!

Sapu is the colloquial term for police drug raids at entertainment venues.

99 kuching

The night started out at 99. It was packed and pretty uneventful.

99 may 16

Some people had some pills (not me, of course *cough*).

waterworld closed

We headed down to Waterworld and found that it was closed. This is a bad omen.

earthquake may 16

We adjourned to Earthquake. This venue is usually packed during the weekends but was surprisingly empty for a Saturday night.

equake may 16

Our group sat there for a while before one of the Earthquake staff
(we know them) whispered to us that there are sapu vans outside. Time
to leave? The first photo was taken there – it’s one of the sapu vans,
there were 2 police trucks preceding that, but I didn’t get a photo and
I don’t want to get too close anyway for obvious reasons. It turns out
the police was just scoping out the area – staring at the patrons, most
of which started leaving in droves. The place was soon empty.
Earthquake didn’t get raided (coz it was empty) but since there was no
one there anyway, we left.

passion closed

We went to Passion at 4 1/2 mile. It was closed early too (it was
just 3 AM when we got there). It seems that Kuching is the target of
the inaugural drug raids at entertainment venues again. *sigh*

We tried the MJC outlets, but all of them were closed too. News of
raids spreads fast and no chemical brother would want to be in one of
them when the police barges in, except foolhardy ones. πŸ˜‰ We saw three
sapu trucks filled with people while on the way back…now that’s a
really bad omen, so we decided to call it a night.


Orange blanks pill review

orange blank

Pill name: Orange blanks
Contents: Tested out to be MDMA
Circa: February – May 2004
Rating: 7/10

It’s a relatively strong MDMA pill. It has no logo or imprints
whatsoever – people just ask for it by name (i.e. the orange pill).
It’s quite nice, if you like MDMA…but MDMA has lost its magic for me.
I did feel classic MDMA characteristics, but I’ll go for crystal
methamphetamine or ketamine any day. MDMA just doesn’t feel good to me
anymore. Such is the life of a tweaker…nothing beats good old crystal


orange blank marquis
Reagent to black indicating MDMA.

It’s MDMA, from reagent testing and personal qualitative experience.
Go for it if you still like pills, stay away if MDMA has lost its magic
for you.

Those dreaded Fridays and Saturdays…also known as SAPUDAYS. I hate them!

MDMA (and other drugs, non users) research at my alma mater


I saw this notice on
[] today. Photo courtesy of veritas, naturally.
So…who’s going? πŸ˜‰ The research is being done at my previous campus
(Caulfield). I live at halls in Clayton but my main campus is at
Caulfield (20 minutes drive), though I can take subjects in Clayton. I
know Monash Uni had CADAR but wasn’t aware of active research by the
center. Help out if you can, it would be interesting to see the results
of this study. Here’s the details from the page:

Cognitive Performance and Monitoring in Dance Drug users (Melbourne, Australia)

People who have used ecstasy for over three years required to participate in a psychological study.

Research through Monash University’s Centre for Applied Drug and
Alcohol Research (CADAR) is looking for people over 18 years old:

who have used ecstasy for over three years

who would be interested in participating in a psychological study

We are also testing people who have used ecstasy for less time than
this, people who have used no drugs at all, and people who have used
other drugs (e.g. speed, cannabis etc) but no ecstasy.

Participation will involve around 3-4 hours of your time, and is
open to those able to make it to Monash University, Caulfield.
Participants will be reimbursed for out of pocket expenses.

If you are interested in participating in this research, please
email me at or call on 9903 1149.

(KL, Malaysia) “Ecstasy” (feng tau) pill report: Pink Penguin

This is a veritas [] post.

Heavily sharpened photo of the Pink Penguin imprint.

“Ecstasy” Pill Name: Pink Penguin
Circa: September 2003
Pill Color: Pink
Pill Description: Pink pill with beveled edges on both sides and
no score. The pink seems to be a coating, the insides of the pill is
white. The imprint is shallow, not impressive.
Tested: No. Don’t have reagents here.
Suspected Contents: Ketamine and other stuff (see below).

Original photo of the pill.

I will not go into details regarding the aquisition of this pill –
it doesn’t seem to be a good idea, so let’s just skim over the details
and get on with the review. I paid RM 50 for this “Ecstasy” pill – I
asked for a feng tau pill and the guy didn’t have it, he only has
Erimin 5 pills for RM 20 (horrible price) but he will call someone who
has pills to come over, and it’s RM 50. It’s not the price I’m used to
paying. This is expensive, due to the location of the transaction, but
I thought wtf, I haven’t done a pill review in ages, so why not?

What is it about dealers here putting stuff in cigarettes? It’s so bleeding obvious…

Anyway, I passed him RM 50 and he said come back in 5 minutes. I was
wary of being ripped off, but I have er…surveyed the area for a while
and he seems to be a permanant fixture of the place and he wasn’t going
anywhere (runner gets the pill) so I decided to give it a go, haven’t
been ripped off here before anyway. Well, I went to the toilets and
came back in three minutes…I made eye contact and he pointed to an
empty cigarette pack conveniently located an arms length away from
where he was sitting, so I picked it up and checked – yes, there is a
pill inside.

Pill inside the cigarette pack.

Well, I went to a public toilet to study the pill (I like imprints)
and the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw the (shabby) pill
imprint was that it’s a cockroach or some other bug. I looked at it
from all possible sides and the best I could think of is Pink Penguin.
A pink penguin smoking a pipe (or using a walking stick). Runner ups
are Pink Golf Bag (not very catchy), Pink Archer, Pink Ninja (well if
you look at it real hard and squint) and Pink Singer (the long pipe
beig the mike and the main shape the person).

Pink Penguin front view.

I did not ask about the pill name, does anyone know what these are
called in KL? It was obviously made by a chemist with an interest in
abstract art because it isn’t a word (eg ‘CU’, ‘Tp’, ‘AK47’) nor a
readily identifiable image (eg dove, nike swoosh, clogs). Anyway, I
crunched up the pill on an empty stomach and recognized the taste –
that salty, tangy ketamine taste that makes people retch. πŸ˜‰ Ah, wasted
lah, if I knew it was ketamine I would have crushed and insufflated it.

Pink Penguin back view.

Anyway, the pill hit me SURPRISINGLY fast! Within the minute, I was
feeling an acute sense of vertigo and there were visual characteristics
consistant with ketamine (world moving faster than you etc). Now this
is the most disturbing part…within 3 minutes my whole tongue burned,
started tingling and turned numb. Next thing I knew, my throat was
closing up on me and I had to struggle to breathe! Wtf? I was worried
about this for 30 seconds, until the throat constriction passed and I
could breath again (albeit through a swollen tongue and throat – or so
it seems). Very smart ar, want to make your pills Very kick hor!

Outlined the imprint for better visibility.

I wonder what did the chemist cut it with…possibly novacaine or
another similar compound coz the tingling and numbness was really
intense with a rapid onset. It could be anything for all I know, just
watch out for this effect and stay away if you don’t want any unknown
tangibles in your pills. Anyway, the tingling, burning sensation and
throat constriction lasted about 30 minutes. From my experiences with
ketamine, methamphetamine and MDMA, this seems to be a ketamine pill,
possibly with a bit of caffeine inside as well, but no
(meth)amphetamine that’s for sure. It is definately not an MDMA pill. πŸ™‚

Well this was what I wrote while under the influence (transcribed with errors intact):

Numbness in extmemities
k space
very blur
ketamine – dnno wats going on
lost the plot
fucking bizzare
people are strange
i stepped into alice in wonderland
eat me
not a k hole dose obvously since i,m out in public and can scribble this

The effects were consistant with ketamine – rapid onset and fast
peak with effects tapering off at the 1 hour point. I don’t know how
much Special K (not the cereal) this pill has, but it’s fairly ok,
would have been good to insufflate this. I was able to maintain a level
of sobriety (or at least I think I did :)) in public and respond to
stimuli. Conversation is very possible, though not complex ones. Peak
felt great, visual distortions – the tunnel vision that I get on
ketamine. Perhaps I didn’t behave properly as I remember laughing out
loud at the peak. πŸ˜‰

Sealed – for your convenience. πŸ˜‰

Don’t expect to get K-holed by one of these, but snort a couple in
quick succession and you might get near the line dose. It’s a fairly
good pill but I wouldn’t pay RM 50 for a ketamine pill. I experienced a
full return to baseline after T+ 2.

Next up: veritas’s guide to taking photos in public – Chapter
1: Managing unsanitary conditions (eg public toilets) while maintaining
a reasonable level of sterility. πŸ˜‰

BTW, I used a card as the base and then a white receipt as the
background. Both were flushed after the session. Needless to say if you
drop the pill on the floor, forget about it, consider it gone.

Hmm…I might try one of those Erimin’s he’s selling, could be something interesting.

This is the last post I make on I will be moving to
another domain soon to provide a clear distinction between the
different posts.

Disclaimer: I am a guest author on and I’m not
related to the main author in any way. I am NOT the owner of this
domain or the main author. The owner of is not legally
responsible for the posts made by any guest authors but retains full
distribution and ownership rights regarding posts made by its guest
author(s) as intellectual property.

Ecstasy pill reports: Yellow Tp and White mx (Melbourne)

White mx front

White mx back

Contents: MDMA
Dose: 1 White mx and 1/2 Yellow Tp

This is a pill report from a couple of weeks back, which I couldn’t
post before due to technical issues which have now been partially
resolved. The White mx has been tested before
[] (this is from the first batch) as MDMA and the Yellow
Tp has been saved up by a friend from the end of last year (2002) and
is a good, strong MDMA pill. The Yellow Tp has a round imprint circling
the letters. I took one White mx and half a Yellow Tp together and
effects were strong at T+ 2. It took quite long to hit due to a meal
beforehand and not crunching up the pills before swallowing. It lasted
about lovely 5 hours total, with effects tapering off to a nice
afterglow. Some methamphetamine was insufflated sometime during the
night and I had slight MDMA tolerance from consumption the day before,
but these are still nice pills. Nice strong MDMA. Lovely! πŸ™‚

Yellow Tp front

Yellow Tp back

P/S – Project PM (Pos Malaysia) has been completed! Full write-up tomorrow! πŸ™‚

Pill report: White Maple Leaf w/ grey specks (Melbourne – June 03)


The front of the pill has an imprint of a Canadian maple leaf.
The front is flat, there is no sign of a dome.
The back of the pill is beveled and there is no score.
The White Maple Leaf is slightly thicker than the White HQ pills, even when the latter’s dome is taken into account.
This seems to be a local pill as well, and it is rumored that both of these pills are made by the same manufacturers.




Slow to dark purple and retained that color. The reaction was faster than the White HQ, it probably took 7 seconds.

Conclusion: MDxA



The sample turned blue almost immediately. Nice.

Conclusion: MDMA

Other stuff:

I’m sorry about the candyflipping trip report that remains
unwritten. I’ve been really busy yesterday and today, and I don’t think
I’ll write that one until tomorrow at least. I had such a glowing
experience on it that I want to write a proper trip report instead of a
half assed one. It was a great combination, very synergistic and
euphoric and I’ll post it when I’m sober. I won’t forget the details as
I’ve written them down. Yeah, I still managed to write notes when I’m
walking around town. πŸ™‚ I just had some mushrooms + MDMA too, but that
didn’t turn out very well. Heh. Will write about it when I’m back in
Malaysia. Anyway, I’ve gotta go out now. Check back again in a couple
of days and the candy flip and hippy flip trip reports would be up, and
also a salvia report with 5X extract and a butane torch that I got from
a friend [Edit: Request for anonymity]. Have a wonderful day everyone! πŸ™‚

Pill report: White HQ w/ grey specks (Melbourne – June 03)

White HQ – front

The front of the pill has “HQ” imprinted shallowly.
That side is slightly domed (raised).
Imprint quality not very impressive.
The back of the pill has beveled edges and a single score down the middle. The beveled edges tapers off at the score:


The grey specks are consistent.
I think this is a local pill due to the lack of similar imprints popping up in other countries.

White HQ – back



Slow to purple and it retained that color (didn’t turn black). It
probably took all of 10 seconds to achieve that reaction, but it is
cold right now, so that could be a factor.

Conclusion: MDxA



Mild bubbling and a very light orange color was noted. Very thin and
nearly invisible blue streaks could be seen much later (about 12
seconds) but I really had to squint and look at it at an angle to see

Conclusion: MDMA and MDA combo? Methamphetamine and MDA
combo? I’m making guesses here. Heh! This is speculation based on the
previous results and the qualitative effects of that pill. It does seem
to be a MDxA based pill though, so all should be good.

Interesting read: Color Test Reagents/Kits for Preliminary Identification of Drugs of Abuse []

[.pdf document – Right click, save target as]

It has the compositions of the 12 reagents (including Marquis,
Simons, Mecke, Mandelin etc etc) so you could make it yourself. I don’t
think the chemicals are controlled so it’s just a matter of walking
into a chemical distribution company (the smaller ones that sells to
high schools) and getting the stuff and putting them together. Nifty.

However, I also found out something unpleasant. Apparently it’s a
bad idea to touch the reagents because most of them have toxic
ingredients. I looked at the EZ Test Marquis reagent again and true
enough, it has a nicely worded, skim over the details warning in Fine
Print. The PDF document above goes into more detail, use SodaPDF

to be able to read the details of the documents. The Marquis reagent

has formaldehyde and this is what the excerpt says:

Formaldehyde – TOXIC.
May cause cancer. May cause heritable genetic damage.
Toxic by inhalation, in contact with skin, and if swallowed.
Causes burns. May cause sensitization by inhalation and skin contact.
Readily absorbed through skin. Lachrymator. Combustible.
Target organs: eyes, kidneys.
Wear suitable protective clothing and gloves.

The easiest way to break up hard pressed pills. Syringes are just so
versatile. The needle breaks the pill up with a fissure and the cap
serves to move stuff around for the reaction. πŸ™‚

Here’s another excerpt about the chemicals in Simons reagent. This is a real bag of laughs:

Sodium nitroprusside – VERY TOXIC.
Very toxic by inhalation, contact with skin, and if swallowed.
Target organs: blood.
In case of accident or if you feel unwell, seek medical advice immediately.
In case of contact with eyes, rinse immediately with plenty of water
and seek medical advice. Wear suitable protective clothing, gloves, and
eye/face protection. Do not breathe dust.

May cause cancer. May cause heritable genetic damage.
Harmful by inhalation, in contact with skin, and if swallowed.
May cause sensitization by inhalation and skin contact.
Possible risk of harm to unborn child. Causes severe irritation. Lachrymator. Photosensitizer.
Target organs: kidneys, liver.
May develop pressure. Keep away from sources of ignition. In case of
contact with eyes, rinse immediately with plenty of water and seek
medical advice.
Wear suitable protective clothing, gloves, and eye/face protection.

Needless to say, I was not very impressed at the lack of
documentation regarding this in the EZ Test kits. Readily absorbed
through the skin…I’ve been touching it with my bare hands while moving
samples into and out of the solution and also mixing things up without
gloves. It’s my fault for not reading the Fine Print. RTFM. Oh well, I
don’t think the concentrations present in the reagents is enough to
produce those toxic effects anyway.

/me sets up camp on the riverbanks of Egypt

Wow, what a nice view I’m getting.

Pill report: White ? (Question Mark)

Disclaimer: veritas
[mailto:] is a guest author and is not related to
the owner of the domain. The following report deals with
substances which may be illegal in your country.

White Question Mark

Pill Logo: ?
Pill Color: White with dirty specks
Area: Melbourne
Date: February 2003
Other: The other side has a single score, the ? imprint is uneven and the pill has beveled edges.
Suspected contents: Ketamine

Scanned picture of the white Question Mark

This pill is going for A$20 instead of the usual A$35. That’s nearly
half the price of a normal pill. I didn’t expect it to be MDMA, but
since it was going for such a bargain price, I picked up two of these.
The pill has a ? logo on one side (not imprinted well) and a single
score on the other side. The pill also has beveled edges and has a hard
press. The pill is very thick too, thicker than usual pills.

Isometric view – pill is thick

I ate one and crushed the other one in an envelope. The pill isn’t
crumbly and I had to run a dog tag over the crushed pill several times
before it reached an acceptable consistency. I divided up the pill into
two lines and tried to rail it, but it was just too much powder for me
to snort comfortably in one go.

Size comparison with A$2 coin

It burns fairly badly while going up too. I’m not sure if that’s coz
of the cuts or because I didn’t crush the pill up well enough. I just
chucked it into an envelope and banged it about a bit and then ran a
dog tag over it to smoothen over the larger chunks. I did bumps over
the course of the night and it got me fairly high, but I didn’t K-hole.
The effects were felt in a couple of minutes.

The crushed pill

Anyway, I felt very significant nausea when insufflating the powder.
There was a strong psychological aversion to snorting more too, due to
the extreme nausea it causes. It made me retch several times, but after
a while it didn’t matter. Subjective effects seem to indicate ketamine.
I felt numb and dissociated and it didn’t last very long. At the peak,
I was feeling very drunk and it’s quite euphoric. It damn near put me
to sleep too, but I chugged a bottle of diet coke and was fine after
that. I was starting to return to baseline by the 2 hour mark.

It seems to be a nice ketamine pill, but I don’t have tolerance so I
can’t speak for the strength. I wished I insufflated the first pill
instead of eating it though. Personally, I think it’s a good ketamine
pill for A$20 but it’s definitely not MDMA so avoid if you’re shopping
for Ecstasy.

Pill review – Orange AK47s

Pill Review: Orange AK47 circa December 2002

Availability: Malaysia
Pill color: Light orange with white blotches
Pill appearance: AK47 imprinted on one side/raised dome on the other side
Beveled?: Beveled edge on the dome side/none on the imprinted side
Other: Seems to be a nicely pressed pill, packed tightly
Price: RM 45
Substance: Not tested (I don’t have reagents here)
Probable substance: Ketamine

Forgive the poor quality of the side and back shots. It’s very time
consuming to get sharp close-up pictures without a scanner, so I only
bothered with the front (imprinted side) coz that’s where the detail is

Front view – has “AK47” imprinted

Side view – kinda looks like a bullet with its dome on one side

Back view – has a dome with a beveled edge

Trip report:
I crunched up the pill at 10:20 pm before heading to a Christmas Eve
countdown party with a couple of friends. The pill was only slightly
bitter with a strange salty undertang that made me retch more than a
couple of times. Ugh. I had a light meal about two hours ago and didn’t
feel the pill until about 45 minutes later. I didn’t even feel it
particularly strongly, I was still feeling slightly tired then. I
didn’t really feel speeded up, but had enhanced confidence and didn’t
feel like talking. I supplemented the pill with some alcohol and felt
really good after that. Danced for long time but didn’t feel
particularly speeded up (got tired easily) and by the end of the night
felt rather exhausted but I still danced anyway. It might have been a
bunk pill (had good company and alcohol so I would have had fun anyway)
or a weak ketamine pill. Another thing worthy of note is that I could
sleep about 6 hours after I dropped, so this is definitely not
(meth)amphetamines. The sleep was fitful, but restful. Sounds like a
contradiction, but it’s not. πŸ™‚ By the way, this pill was sold as a
“can sleep pill” (usually ketamine) as opposed to a “cannot sleep pill”
(amphetamines). Is it worth the money? I paid RM 45 (RM 40 – RM 50
seems to be standard for single pills around my part of town) for it so
I don’t think so. If it was a strong speed pill like the legendary green apples
(ching ping guo) circa 1997 it would have been worth it. I would not
have chosen a ketamine pill for a big night out. Had I know it was
ketamine, I would have insufflated (snorted) it for better returns.
Nevertheless, I had a great night anyway – the company of good friends
and a great party atmosphere, and that’s all that counts right? Merry
Christmas everyone.

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