This is the first full video blog. I am basically doing a monologue
about my day. In the grand tradition of sixthseal.com, we tend to do
things differently. While others strive to present only their most
aesthetically pleasing self to the readers, culling out all “ugly”
photos and only inserting the “good ones”…we, on the other hand,
present it like it is, just one take, and its uploaded. Thus, be
prepared to see a rather unflattering version of me in this pilot
Download: Episode I: Shadow People [sixthseal.com].
Requires Apple Quicktime. Going to the “Movie” drop down menu bar and choosing “Fill Screen” would be more optimal for viewing.
Yeah, that is what I look like after multiple day runs…strung out, scattered and definitely not pleasant company.
Indiscriminate…I’d rather be elite
I’ll choose my own shit scene
Unsubstantiated rumors flown are true
I’m here for me, not you
Nonconglomerate…I mean what I say
I’m not your fucking scape
Though, apparently I’ve alienated some
It seems my job’s half done – NOFX
So let me present to you, the first episode – Shadow People.
(coz I know I sound incoherent)
Hey, you’re watching sixthseal.com and this is – a video post.
I’ve become too tired to write, and…this is how long my hair actually is now.
I keep it long on one side, probably the last time I’ll see such hair, because I have hereditary male pattern baldness.
I feel like shit, it’s been a couple of days without sleep…and I went to the doctor’s today, got some benzos, that’s good.
By the way, I’m just pretending to smoke, simulating things, you know. I’m not inhaling.
Honestly, I don’t smoke.
Anyway, we’ll just talk until this ends…ah, I’ve got one shaving cut today.
Somewhere anyway. Just a little cut.
Dear readers, if you’re in the mood for some good old classic ultra
mundane posts with the blogger talking about things that you probably
don’t give two shits about, please, do not hesitate to download the
video post. I must urge people not to mistake this as some kind of
satirical production about the blogging community – that would be
giving me way too much credit. Heh.
Anyway, like I mentioned, I went to see one of my doctors today, I
don’t “officially” have a medical record for anxiety here, but he’s
always generous with the benzodiazepines whenever I go. He’s asks me
how many I want, instead of prescribing them himself, and I can pick
and choose here. :) I decided on 20 x 2 mg Rivotril (clonazepam) and 20
x 5 mg chlordiazepoxide (generic Librium, just for review purposes)
today. I suspect he knows quite a bit about my lifestyle even though I
never tell him. I’m quite certain he knows that I’m benzodiazepine
dependant but still doesn’t mind handing them out due to previous
consultations where I basically told him about my various problems and
he seems to feel that my situation justifies it.
Anyway, I also asked to have my blood pressure read and it was
pretty good (for me). I registered a BP of 180/95 (same results, taken
twice) and a pulse rate of 135 at rest. The figures aren’t bad – it’s
the bit about sustaining what are probably higher figures than that for
hours, before judicious benzodiazepine self-administration reduced it
to the figure that was measured at the doctor’s that made me feel quite
uncomfortable. I must say that I wasn’t feeling too good earlier as
well, thought I was about to have a stroke. I have just about every
factor that puts me at a higher risk and I have had many incidences of
stroke symptoms manifesting during certain high risk activities.
There were a few that required medical attention (hypertensive
crisis) but most of them were resolved without medical care, off my
head, there was one a few months ago – extremely alarming rapid onset
of action, everything happened within seconds, or so it seems. I knew I
had gone too far and my body was protesting but I, er…drank another
cup of coffee, and suddenly felt an alarming feeling of pressure
insistently building up in my brain, followed by the lost capability to
move my left leg, which resulted in me tripping and as I laid there on
the ground, I couldn’t even think, it was all too confusing, and then
*whoosh*, came the extreme headache that I thought would push my brain
out of the skull and I passed out.
I woke up 3 hours later totally disoriented and confused and
couldn’t remember the events which precipitated it. It was worse than
the worst hangover I ever had. I was wondering what time it was, and
why I was lying on the floor. I thought I went to bed and fell off
it…until I saw the…ah, smashed coffee cup on the floor. It’s not a
very nice feeling to wake up in your own room and wonder why the lights
and computer was on (with several flashing IM messages to boot) and
you’re lying propped up against a laundry basket and there’s a smashed
*coffee* cup beside you. It took a while to regain my senses, and it’s
a testament that the first thing I did was to remove all incriminating
evidence (the coffee mugs which aren’t coffee mugs and coffee which
isn’t coffee) before my gf came in the next day. Granted, I was aghast
about the period of unconsciousness…it seemed to be too long and I
had the distinct feeling that a good portion of my brain was
compromised on that day.
Well, that’s what happens when you drink too much caffeine containing beverages like coffee
compulsively over a short period of time if you have condition(s) which
contraindicates those, but still do it anyway. I’ve never been the type
that learns from my mistakes, I’m the kind of person who jumps back on
the horse. I would be careful the next time though…from experience, I
noticed that for me, it’s the overt intracranial pressure point that
has “Last Exit” written on it, coz it can avalanche very quickly to the
point where you are unable to communicate with people and then pass
out. I noticed that I could never go on heroic runs after my first
incident. Two to three day ones feels punishing, while it wasn’t even a
problem before. The Shadow People are starting to turn up earlier and
Trip down the stairs into hell
Cathay de I miss your smell
A mixture of puke, beer, stale piss,
fuck, sweat, and fear
Adrenaline addicted, the
blood leak from my head,
kinda concerned my friends…
But at the time it felt so right
The music blaring on…. – NOFX