The Cigarette Bible

cigbible.jpg

Genesis

To be a cigarette…

is to be squashed with other strangers for weeks or months in a dark
room with no air to breath, no space to move, and constant full
physical body contact with other cigarettes. Unfortunately, this is the
best part of your life. One day, your world-box will be suddenly
inverted and pounded against an invisible but strong object as your God
packs the box. That is your first indication that the world is not
limited to the box-world. There will be much rumbling and dissonance as
the box-world starts to undergo permanent changes – the sky will open
wide and you will meet your God.

Hebrews

God stares down at you with a ecstatic expression on His face and
you rejoice! God reaches down and takes one of your fellow inhabitants
and gives him a kiss. “Praise the Lord!” you exult as you watch one of
your neighbors go to Heaven and receive blessing from the Lord
with…fire? The awful realization dawns upon you…your God is not a kind
and loving God. The joyful expression on His face is not the benign
love you think. The path leads not to Paradise, but to the burning
fires of Hell. The fire of Hades will consume you slowly…leaving you
with nothing but a disembodied head. However, you are right in that He
is your God. He does not go by the names “Messiah”, “Prince of Peace”
or “Savior” because that is not his nature.

Lamentations

There is no deliverance. God decides when and where you die. It is
not possible to move around the “world-box”, and you start to realize
the worst thing of all – you know when you’ll be next. You watch as
your neighbor gets forcibly removed by The One Most High. You are next.
The dreadful waiting, the terrible uncertainty about the actual time of
death…you only know you’re NEXT. Maybe you will get temporary
salvation. Your other neighbor is chosen by The Almighty. But that
means you’re definitely next. Your time will be filled with fear and
insanity as you realize The Meaning of Life. Your average life span
after you meet God is 3 minutes. The 3 minutes are filled with agony
and pain and leaves you with only your consciousness, and a head
without a body.

Machabees

There is a purgatory called Ashtray and there you will receive your
second punishment with your fellow sinners. “Purgatory is good” is the
general consensus in there. “We have burned for our sins and now we
must repent! That is the only way to heaven!” is what everyone in there
believes. Soon, you will start to believe it too and you worship and
make penance. You will realize that there are several levels of
purgatory and their names are Wastepaper Basket, Rubbish Bin, and
Garbage Truck. The Day of Atonement will come after that and everyone
will get raptured towards a bright light.

Revelation

“Glory to The One Most High! Hallelujah!” and everyone sheds tears
of joy for you have paid for your sins and now you’re rewarded with
eternity in Eden, where the fruits grow as far as the eyes can see and
there is no suffering. Unfortunately, the destination is not Eden. The
trash combustion chamber is not Heaven, though it’s easy to make that
mistake as both has “bright light” as one of their attributes. It is
not Hell either, for that suggests your spirit lives on. The final
destination is Omega – The End. There is no afterlife for you.

The End

My attempt at creative writing. No blasphemy intended. There are
lots of verb tense inconsistencies in there, so I broke the story into
“books” make it more uniform. :)
The idea came from reading the post Being an actor would be good [livejournal.com].
Link: aciddreammer [livejournal.com].
Photo courtesy of veritas.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

41 Responses to “The Cigarette Bible”

  1. Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

  2. I am usually not a fan of Microsoft, but this was pretty sweet. (Sorry, my Indonesian is not very good :P)

  3. to get heard of the modern Kinect? Its truly awesome! I never had a great deal fun playing video games before, eventhough I will call myself a new hardcore player that will usually plays adventures like Call of Duty and so on. The Kinect is simply so different than whatever else I have ever before played before. this motion controles work really well, and in addition to that, but not needing to use a controller to experiment with is the personification regarding freedom! No troublesome button smashing anymore, a single word is enough! You should really think about getting the Kinect!.

  4. perhaps you have heard of the brand new Kinect? Its truly awesome! I never had a great deal of fun playing video games before, eventhough I would call myself some sort of hardcore player this usually plays adventures like Call of Duty and so on. The Kinect is probably so different than anything I have ever before played before. your motion controles do the job really well, and not only this, but not required to use a controller to experiment with is the personification involving freedom! No bothersome button smashing any more, a single word is enough! You should think about getting the Kinect!.

  5. Thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this topic. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more information? It is extremely helpful for me.

  6. Great points…I would note that as someone who really doesn’t comment to blogs much (in fact, this may be my first post), I don’t think the term “lurker” is very flattering to a non-posting reader. It’s not your fault at all, but perhaps the blogosphere could come up with a better, non-creepy name for the 90% of us that enjoy reading the posts.

  7. I can see that you are an expert in this area. I am starting a website soon, and your information will be very useful for me.. Thanks for all your help and wishing you all the success in your business.

  8. I’ve never imagined that it’s going to turn out to be my habit to read posts because it is so much mind-boggling.

  9. Took me time to read all the comments, but I genuinely loved the article. It turned out to be very handy to me and I am sure to all the commenters here! It’s frequently wonderful when you can not only be informed, but also entertained! I’m sure you had fun writing this post.

  10. You completed a number of good points there. I did a search on the topic and found most folks will go along with with your blog.

  11. thanks amigo! great post!

  12. Thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this topic. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more information? It is extremely helpful for me.

  13. We just couldnt leave your website before letting you know that we really enjoyed the quality information you offer to your visitors… Will be back soon to check up on new posts

  14. Good post, thank you! Can you explain the second paragraph more?

  15. Hello there! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this site? I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress because I’ve had problems with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform. I would be awesome if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

  16. Several of the points related with this blog post are generally advantageous nonetheless had me personally wanting to know, did they seriously suggest that? One stage I’ve got to say is your writing expertise are very good and I’ll be returning back for any brand-new blog publish you arrive up with, you might probably possess a brand-new supporter. I guide marked your blog for reference.

  17. How do you promote this blog? It seems to get a good ammount of traffic. Also, can you share where did you get the theme or layout of your site? I’m new to blogging and would like mine to look as good as yours. Thanks a lot. colon cleansing

  18. Super-Duper website! I am loving it!! Will come back again. I am taking your feeds also

  19. Nice of you to share such information, good continuation for your blog.

  20. Thanks for publishing the.

  21. Wow, greet post !

  22. There’s something to be said about the plugin keywordluv, it’s ingenious, good luck with traffic my friend.

  23. Keep functioning ,remarkable job!

  24. Sarah Palin dosen’t possess a snowfall balls opportunity in hell, Way At the same time Quite definitely Detest With the Pigs Concerning the Remaining

  25. Great post, thanks. I signed up to RSS on this blog. Conversion Prophet Review

  26. Excellent work there. your blog RSS.

  27. Informative article on $keyword, different from the others!

  28. Good article, thank you. I really like it!

  29. Very good written story. It will be valuable to anyone who usess it, as well as yours truly :). Keep doing what you are doing – looking forward to more posts.

  30. Have a excellent day!. Thought I would comment and say cool theme, did you code it for yourself? It’s really really good! Breast Enhancement pills

  31. Nice blog, thank you. I really love it!

  32. Hey your site looks really weird in Opera on computer with Linux .

  33. The moment I saw your site was like wow. Thanks for putting your effort in making this article.

  34. Please, keep up the excellent work and continue to post topics like this. I am old fan of your blog! Non IM Riches Review

  35. “Someone should mention it to him,” she says quietly as she walks out.

  36. Many thanks for the informative post. My wife’s calling me for dinner So I need to operate off without having reading as much as I’d like.

  37. Interesting information,
    I’ll add this to my bookmarks.

  38. Excellent photos that are really attractive to use in our web sites as background no doubt.

Leave a Reply

(required)

(required)

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

© 2002 - 2010 Poh Huai Bin Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha