KUALA LUMPUR: Another strong earthquake which was
measured at a preliminary magnitude of at least at 8.7 Richter scale
hit Sumatra just after 12 am local time today.

tsunami boats

The meteorological department is issuing out precautionary tsunami
alerts and is advising citizens staying in coastal areas to move at
least 1000 km inland. Fishermen (both the marine kind and the ones
fishing for grossly misplaced sympathy) were seen tying down their
boats, and there are some reports of preemptive intentional destruction
of boats in the hopes of getting a government handout.

Among the areas that were reportedly hit by the tremor were Penang,
Kuala Lumpur, Petaling Jaya, Shah Alam, Klang, Johor Baru and Muar.
Communication channels were abuzz with inane chatter about the
catastrophe by unaffected individuals wishing to appear worldly and
concerned. Doctors Without Borders (Médecins Sans Frontières) has been dispatched to the affected areas in an attempt to quarantine this extremally virulent outbreak the CDC calls “bleeding heart disease”. ;)

tsunami cigs

The strong tremors were felt as far away as Kuching, Sarawak where
cigarettes were shaken loose from their packs and garbage displaced.

Toilet seats were also reportedly affected by the earthquake, with
many reports coming in regarding toilets backing up. Several people
were also hospitalized for mania resulting from overexcitement over the
latest news of death and destruction.


Internal Security and Public Order director Comm Datuk Othman Talib made an announcement to appeal to the Malaysian public to remain at home and refrain from going to work or school until the destructive potential of the earthquake is established.

Those who are already at work or school are advised to evacuate immediately and return to their homes until the threat has passed.

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