I have a tendency to forgive easily and I don’t hold grudges. I’ve been reconsidering my stance since this character defect (?) allows people I care about to hurt me again and again (and again, for good measure).
I always maintain that I won’t ever forgive anyone if a transgression is deemed to be serious enough to justify it. I can be nice to you, I can work in a professional capacity with you, but no, we won’t be “friends” ever again. I’ve only been able to do that coz I approach it like my relationships – I distance myself.
It can be hard to distance oneself when the other party goes out of the way to patch things up. This is a bad thing coz at the slightest enticement; I’ll just fall back and go back to trusting that person again…just like nothing ever happened.
That’s my Achilles’ heel and over the years I’ve learnt that in order to learn from mistakes, I should never let someone who’s embezzled my trust to ever get close again.
It might sound harsh, but it’s just self-preservation. I know myself. I’m the type of person to just brush off apologies and easily slip back to being friends again, and a lot of people have abused this personality flaw that I have.
This is a reminder to myself – never get close. Trust no one.
Okay, to counter that short and concise overshare, here’s something I found funny today.
Link of the day: 20 funny job related charts and graphs
I AGREE with your point of view: 100%!!!!!
Forgive & forget is IMPOSSIBLE. -___-
About the link of the day, oh yes it is. 😀
it’s not a personality defect. it’s a gift to be so forgiving
eh! im abit like that too. and sometimes I hate myself for that. i have to slap myself in a few occasions and hope that i would learn the lessons..and i hardly did. pfft.
never get close. Trust no one.
Agreed.
This is a reminder to myself – never get close. Trust no one.
you can, if that person is someone you would give up your life for
Fuck them all and live alone.
Being forgiving is not a gift if you forgive the wrong people, remember the saying once is fool you – twice is fool me.
It’s difficult because you have to strike a balance, you have to trust some people if not you’ll become a weird secluded paranoid conspiracy theorist.
But on the other hand you can’t trust everyone because you’ll get screwed.
I guess judging character is important, and drawing your own boundaries.
If people overstep those boundaries, cut them off and don’t look back.
I used to be liddat too!!
Then I wised up and grew up.
But becoming cynical wasn’t what I wanted to be either. So it took me a lot more years to learn to balance it out.
Now I try to forgive/ give without expectations. If I do sth, I mean it. If the person screws me over, I just won’t do it again, but I try not to hold a grudge too.
Balancing is tuff.
Remember?? “Lover the sinner and hate the sin”, do you still have faith with this statement???!!!!
LY
Not a character flaw, brother. Sure, you want to be selective and discerning with your forgiveness – but you can balance that self-protective urge with your natural capacity for love and forgiveness. Opening yourself up – scary though it may be at times – is an integral part of love (not just the romantic kind). So sure, be selective. But don’t close off that part of you. And HB, you know, you can never overshare with us.
Friendship is a one shot thing. At least for me it is. Once someone betray my trust, there’s no turning back. No matter what she/he do to fix it, the doubt will be there.
Forgive and forget only appears in The Bible. ;p
If you always believe in trusting no one, you’ll live a very difficult life. You just have to go with your instinct.
We all make mistakes in everything even in judging a person’s character…and truth will prevail, and when the true colours show, there’s no point watching the bridges we’re burning. We just move on, older but not necessarily wiser! That’s life!
It is character flaw we have in common HB, and every time you swear to change it but never really do. I attribute the flaw to having a very caring mother and being closer to her than my father. You know a mother’s love is unconditional and she could probably forgive you of anything. Just my RM2.
However, I wouldn’t consider it a flaw to forgive, because forgiveness will set your mind at ease. What I would consider is setting stronger parameters to prevent yourself from getting hurt next time – think of it in terms of virus protection and firewalls. If you get hit by a virus, you would recover and set up new parameters to prevent your computer from catching it again, as opposed to cleaning it up and opening all those emails from porn sites again. 😉
-Trey
“I should never let someone who’s embezzled my trust to ever get close again.”
GREAT! Tat’s exactly wat I m doing all these while.
I don’t subscribe to that school of thought.
If they are beautiful, by all means Forgive…. Forgive….
😉
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*hug* Not everyone worths forgiving, remember that and you shall feel no guilty in doing so.
I usually forgive people, but not when they step over my boundaries. Hard lessons to learn through life.
keep one at arm’s length!!! 😉
I totally understand. That happens to me all the time, I forgive people and am still nice to people who hurt me. I hope you find a way to get over that, just as I’m trying to do. But at the same time, I believe in grace and mercy, and don’t think I could ever eternally fault one person if they made an effort to redeem themselves.
Nobody is forcing me to read this blog..it’s my choice to do so. And when, or if I decide to stop reading then it’s my choice as well. The same goes for certain people in your life.. it’s *your* choice and *your* life.. so take control of it, take responsiblity for it.
Master the power of “NO” it’s great little word to have, use it often and don’t feel bad about using it.
And now…I shall continue to read sixthseal.com 🙂
why did u get evicted
Joyce: It is possible. 🙂
It’s quite easy actually. It’s just that I have to think hard about whether I want to go down that path again.
Yeah, the link of the day is hilarious! 🙂
Jess: It’s a double edged sword. :S
A loose cannon. You’re apt to hurt yourself too. 🙂
cynthia: I feel you Cynthia! I am the same way as well. There’s a lot of shit going down all the time, you can’t get everyone to like you, but one thing you have to be sure about is your own capabilities and your ability to perform.
People who don’t like you will try to backstab you and give others an inaccurate representation of you.
Don’t worry about them – if you’re good and you can perform, that’s all that matters. 🙂
Okay, all comments later, had a very busy and long day at work yesterday and it’s more of the same today. 🙂
Huai,
First off, I’m glad you liked my funny job charts, thanks for linking to it and giving everyone here a good laugh. Whoever’s enjoying that will also like my 150 funniest resume mistakes, Bloopers and Blunders Ever.
Regarding what you say above, it’s a *good thing* that you don’t hold grudges. The world would be a better place if everyone had that quality. However, some of the people who slighted you did so intentionally or at best out of lack of consideration. Those people aren’t good friends and don’t deserve your friendship. Don’t hold a grudge, but don’t stay in close contact with them and allow yourself to be taken advantage of again.
As the saying goes- “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
shaoweii: Yup, I can agree with that. 🙂
calvaryzone: Well, I obviously trust some people…like my dad, mom and my only sibling. 🙂
Er…maybe not the last one.
Tan Yee Hou: Haha! Well, not exactly a great solution, that. 😉
ShaolinTiger: Very wise indeed ST. I used to be super paranoid. I still am to a certain extent, but I’m balancing. 🙂
erin: Same here, I don’t want to end up being cynical either. That’s no way to live. 🙂
LY: I never said I did mate. That was what my father believed in. I hold to a different set of beliefs. 🙂
John: Thanks John! I appreciate the kind words of support. 🙂
chefmel: Amen to that, sister. 🙂
eiling: I trust some people e.g. you. I’m talking about different circumstances here. Tell you when I see you tomorrow. 🙂
suituapui: Indeed O Wise One. 🙂
Thanks for the advice, much appreciated STP. 🙂
Trey: Hey, very solid advice indeed Trey!
My gratitude for that. 🙂
tze: Haha! It’s easier said that done though.
DYMM_Tuanku: Very nice philosophy. 🙂
…and I love that joke.
fish fish: Indeed…
Jade Zheng: Haha! I won’t la. Tell you when I see you. 🙂
bigwillie: True, I’m like that too. I was probably just pissed off when I wrote this but I get over it quickly.
Jeff: Yeah, that’s something I need to learn…saying no. 🙂
pm: I didn’t. It was in the tenency agreement. 🙂
Jacob Share: Hello Jacob! It’s good to see you here. Yeah, that was a great piece of work. Kudos, my friend. 🙂
It gave me a good laugh during a particularly bad day.
Cheers for the advice, mate! 🙂
Okay, I shouldn’t have said that. Of course I trust my sister too, with my life (probably one day, I’m gonna take that to the test considering she’s a cardiologist ;)). I just got a birthday card from her, late but better than never (and NZ to Malaysia takes ages anyway) and the stuff she wrote inside touched me. She knows me well, my sister. 🙂
We can be philosophical about these things like forgive, trust, honesty, hypocrisy and bla, bla, bla and we can preach in whatever religions we believe in or we think that we are gods or whatever or do not believe in religion and we can continue to stand at the pulpit and become the prophet of doom and gloom or hope but the reality is life still goes on, humans still go on with their mistakes, kiss and make up, do not kiss and make up, you wake up and it is another day, we say we change but we never change and we still go on, the Earth still spins around the Sun and may be in the end we are the ones to decide for ourselves. Whether we want to forgive. Whether we can forget. It is easier to forgive. It is hard to forget. You have the power within you to decide. Sometimes emotion is a nuisance because it gets in the way of the real message. Hi ! Long time no surf past.
anonymous: Yeah, just the other day, I heard someone quote the bible totally out of context. It’s too easy to judge, and to hate.
Christianity has several good things – it teaches love instead (but then most of the major religions do that as well).
There’s a quote from one of the apocrypal books that goes something like “Look at them (Christians), and see the amount of love they have for each other”.
Alas, those days belong to the days of the Apostles. There is no place for Christian love in today’s world of megachurches and televangelists and what not.
i know how you feel. being a trusting soul means that over and over again you’re shocked at the way others scheme to take advantage of people. i’ve come to the conclusion that i like dogs better than people in general….
victor: True mate, but still, I choose to trust. I have recently begun to regain my faith in humanity. 🙂
good for you. you’re braver than i am to keep trying.
http://phoenixdui-attorney.info/condition-monitoring-of-composite-insulator-using-pd-analysis Thanks for that awesome posting. It saved MUCH time 🙂
http://www.citecrm.org/forums/member.php?action=profile&uid=2386 Thanks for that awesome posting. It saved MUCH time 🙂
I’d be inclined to comply with you here. Which is not something I typically do! I love reading a post that will make people think. Also, thanks for allowing me to comment!