Weekend Update: Crème de la Crème, Burger Mbira, Ang Chow Pork Belly with Engkabang Butter Rice

Mandy loves unicorns and desserts so I thought Crème de la Crème (CDLC) would be the perfect spot for our weekend date night. This is a new place that just opened a few days ago in Damansara Uptown. They’re a specialty ice cream shop with handcrafted ice cream made in-store. We actually popped by during dinner time so we could try these frozen delights when we’re hungry.

They have an interesting range of creative ice cream desserts from Beauty and the Beast (a rose shaped dark chocolate and Madagascar vanilla ice cream creation) to Da Bomb (which is shaped like one of those antique spherical bombs with a fuse running from the top). They’re all very beautiful and no doubt crafted for the Instagram crowd.

Mandy chose Unicorn (RM 22) – a Madagascar vanilla ice cream with lychee and raspberry sorbet, white chocolate dip and a pastel meringue. It looks like a very pretty Magnum, and I like the eyelashes, which really brings this unicorn together. The vanilla is good, contrasted by the sour sorbet components.

I went for the Longevity (RM 25) – Japanese matcha and black sesame ice cream with mango yuzu compote, lemon curd, matcha sponge and white chocolate dip. This reminded me of the bao that came out in Pixar’s recent animation. The Oriental components work well together but I’m not the biggest fan of black sesame – would not have ordered it if I had bothered reading the description. I’ll be the first to admit I choose based on presentation. Haha.

We wanted to try their Unicorn Drink (RM 18) but it was sold out on that day. We both didn’t want coffee coz it was late so we had another dessert instead – two scoops of ice cream! I chose Roasted Pistachio (very good and burnt tasting) and she had Kaya and Toast (the bread bits are super crunchy).

I really liked their store made ice cream. They have very different flavors and local twists and the ice cream is well made. I particularly enjoyed their roasted pistachio. The burnt and toasted notes really come through. It’s a flavour profile I really enjoy. 10/10.

There are lots of spots where you can take photos for the ‘gram too. Most new F&B spots prioritize these feature walls nowadays.

The bill came up to RM 76.10. Not cheap for a dessert outing but on par with similar establishments. We ordered a little too much and it was cloying to eat so much sweet stuff but sharing one of their mini ice cream cakes or having a scoop of ice cream each would have been perfect!

We needed something salty after that (and we haven’t had dinner) so we headed to Burger Mbira around the corner. This place has good reviews and I read an article that (falsely) claimed Burger Mbira makes their own patties. This is untrue – they use Ramly beef burger patties as can be seen by the stack beside their grill. I asked if they have homemade ones and they said they do not, they only use additional toppings like hash browns to add some zest to their offerings.

I went for the Deluxe Big and Tasty (Beef) as recommended by the lady. This was a standard Ramly beef patty topped with a chicken slice and crispy hash brown. It’s not bad and I like the crunchy hash brown inside the burger. However, it took 40 minutes for the burger to arrive. That’s an insanely long wait for what is essentially a Ramly burger with a few pre-made, store-bought flairs.

Mandy had the Chicken Spicy Deluxe. This patty may be homemade or perhaps they just deep fried a regular Ramly chicken burger patty. It doesn’t taste extraordinary. There’s nothing remotely gourmet about the burgers here – these are merely street corner burgers masquerading as something more with a few off-the-shelf items added. It’s like The Mac’s in USJ – I don’t see why we should be glorifying mediocre food assembled with store-bought ingredients. Give this a pass. You can get way better burgers at places like myBurgerLab.

On Sunday, I decided to cook engkabang butter rice! I bought two sticks of these beauties in Sibu – one for RM 20 and the other RM 15. Engkabang is a type of nut in Borneo and the locals extract the oils and make it into a paste, which is then sold in short bamboo lengths. You just push the inner tube of engkabang butter out and let it dissolve in warm rice. It has an unusual jungle-y nut taste which is quite addictive!

I also bought some ang chow (red yeast rice wine sediments) in Sibu and I used it to cook pork belly. This is more fried than stewed. I first stir-fried ginger in hot sesame oil before adding pork belly slices, ang chow and other seasonings. It tasted really good paired with the engkabang butter rice! One of my better recipes.

I also bought a honeydew coz Mandy loves honeydew but unfortunately, it wasn’t sweet. No worries, we’ll just make this into juice. 👌

Weekend Update: Outdark Malaysia, Xing Fu Tang Bubble Tea, Surprise Care Package, Homemade Sarawak Laksa

Saturday is our date night and I listed 3 options for Mandy to choose from – Carpenter’s Daughter, Big Hug Burger and Outdark Malaysia. They’re all around the SS15 area coz she wanted to check out Xing Fu Tang. That’s the latest bubble tea shop from Taiwan to open in Malaysia and the queues are insane. We actually went there first but had to wait till 7:30 pm for their drink allocation to open up so we headed to Outdark.

Outdark Malaysia is a Korean franchise that came from Busan. I went to Busan a few years ago for a work trip – it’s a nice place but I prefer Japan to Korea. They had a glass wall where you can write on with felt tip markers and Mandy drew both our names there.

I like the ambience of the restaurant – the warm lights provide a nice vibe. However, the tables can be a bit sticky despite the guy wiping it twice, the second time quite carefully. It may be the type of lacquer which makes it prone to retaining the stickiness from food instead of wiping clean.

We ordered the The Ultimate Cheese Kingdom (RM 88). This is their flagship dish of Korean fried chicken, tteokbokki and gooey cheese. There are sides of kimchi, short grained rice with seaweed, sweet corn with more cheese and mashed potatoes.

The server waits for the cheese to melt then wraps each fried chicken in a cocoon of cheese. It tastes pretty good. The fried chicken is covered in a sweet tomato and gochujang sauce which can be very cloying in large amounts but the savoury cheese cuts through the sweetness well. We both enjoyed it.

The bill came up to RM 104.50 including drinks which is decent for a weekend dinner. They serve reasonably priced soju compared to grocery stores too.

We left promptly at 7:30 pm and joined the long queue in front of Xing Fu Tang. There was a girl giving out tickets. Each slot (about 2.5 hours between slots) only has a maximum of 100 cups of their signature Stir-fried Brown Sugar Pearl Milk and 25 cups of their Strawberry Pearl Milk tea. I hear these tickets are fully taken up within 10 minutes! Each person can only have 2.

I wouldn’t doubt it. We got 84/100 for the brown sugar boba and 10/25 for the strawberry boba and we were there at 7:30 pm when the slot opened! Part of the problem is the newness – it’s only been open 4 days so people want to see what they’re about.

It took us 45 minutes before we got to the front. There’s a staff stir-frying the brown sugar pearls in a huge wok. This is then poured into a cup, making sure to get the liquid on every side, to produce their signature look. It costs RM 25 for two bobas which is on par with other imported Taiwanese brands. They also use a better barista fresh milk to make their drinks.

One quirky thing about Xing Fu Tang is they let each person who buys a drink have a go at their lucky draw. You pick a random stick from a huge basin and the number is matched to one of the drawers. This is similar to the Buddhist fortune telling sticks. You basically get your fortune told, with a grand prize of a free boba drink.

Mandy got Great Luck while I got Greatest Good Luck. We both wondered if they have a Bad Luck drawer. Probably not.

Xing Fu Tang’s flagship Stir-fried Brown Sugar Pearl Milk was disappointing though. It tasted tepid and dilute. It’s still better than the commercialized Chatime/Tealive but nowhere close to The Alley’s standard. It’s milky, but not very tea-like. Mandy gave it 7/10 compared to The Alley’s 9/10. The Strawberry Pearl Milk Tea was better – acidic and refreshing, yet sweet. I quite enjoyed it!

I made a care package for Mandy and surprised her by putting it on our living room coffee table with no comment for her to find. I filled it with Korean and Japanese face masks, a chocolate bar, a packet of Ribena, a lotion and a comic book. I noticed she really enjoys masks but finds them expensive on her salary so I thought I’ll get them for her. She uses them so frugally that I felt sorry for her. Haha.

Sunday night was my experiment with homemade Sarawak laksa. I bought the paste during my trip to Kuching over CNY. Mandy’s mom provided me with some mystery seeds which she says tastes good in laksa so I thought I’ll make some. I made a deluxe version with chicken leg, lots of prawns, sambal, lime, coriander and shredded omelette. You can barely see the rice vermicelli! It’s decent but missing something. I’ll cook the paste with prawn heads and shells next time. We’re off to Sibu next weekend for Ching Ming! I also have a work trip to Penang this Friday and another one to Ipoh when we come back from Sibu so it’s a busy week ahead.

My girlfriend Mandy (sequel to My new housemate)

When did I start having feelings for Mandy? I’ll say around the time we went to Pulau Ketam. “I only wanted to eat you at first. Eat then throw away.” I told her half-jokingly. Except I wasn’t kidding. Haha. She’s a young and delicious 24 year old. I’ll be stupid if I didn’t make a meal out of her. But I didn’t, for many reasons, and by the time I did, I was already very much in love with her.

What do I like about her? She’s bubbly and down-to-earth. She’s an honest person with a good heart. She’s fun to be with. She makes me laugh. I enjoy hearing her laugh. She’s also a Sarawakian and having a shared heritage/identity is nice. I love her smell. I find her beautiful and I enjoy waking up next to her and kissing her face. Love can’t really be distilled down into a single why. It’s usually a combination of things you find attractive.

It’s funny, these things. I’ve been single for almost 3 years after the break-up with my ex. I’ve had a couple (okay, more than a couple) of partners after that but there was no one I connected to on even a most basic level. It was just for the sex. I haven’t met anyone I was even remotely interested in dating long term in these 3 years in the wilderness. In fact, the sex wasn’t that good!

I even have been harboring an unpleasant suspicion that I have developed ED in the past few years. I’m pleased to report that this isn’t true. I was just forcing myself to sleep with ugly chicks that I had no interest in or love for and my dick was protesting. Sleeping with someone you truly love is a magical experience and I really feel like I’m in my 20s again! My nether regions were rejuvenated. It was like the Energizer battery ads – tough and long lasting. Hehe.

But enough about that. In my whole life, I’ve only met 2 people I was willing to marry and have kids with. Mandy is the 3rd person that has made me feel this way. I’ve had relationships with many girls I had no intention of marrying or having babies with. It was more like a partner to pass time with. I’ll let the relationship reach its natural entropy point and leave. It’s rare for me to want to put a ring on someone, much less make mini mes with.

Recently, I’ve been acutely aware of my age and my diminishing chances to be a father. I’ve been seriously thinking about freezing my sperm and surrogacy with an anonymous egg donor to fulfil my fatherhood dreams. I’m also concerned that our age gap is a little high but there’s a reason why guys are attracted to younger girls – they represent the best chance for procreation.

I’m not going to think too much about that though. We’re happy and that’s all that’s important. I’m glad I managed to find someone I love and cherish. It feels like forever since I’ve felt this way about someone. I honestly feel blessed to have her in my life.

Macaroni and cheese 🧀, BBQ chicken drumsticks 🍗, broccoli 🥦

I’ve recently refined my mac and cheese recipe to product a thick, gooey sauce that sticks to each macaroni piece like delicious glue. My cheese sauce not only has cheddar, but also chicken stock, fish sauce, Shaoxing wine and sucralose, so it packs a real punch. I would not be remiss to say that anyone who’s tasted this is instantly transported to FlavorTown. Since then, I’ve worked more on the sides to find out the best pairing for this decadent treat.

This time I’m testing out fried chicken drumsticks with BBQ sauce as the side. I never bought cooking oil until my housemate Mandy moved in. I finally caved and purchased a small bottle of corn oil since not everyone likes the healthy no-oil taste. I poured in a measure and fried a couple of chicken drumsticks inside. I use a Happy Call Pan – a type of flappable pressure pan. It browns the skin and cooks the interior very well.

I served my mac and cheese with plain, unseasoned prawns the last round and I wanted to experiment with a heavier flavor profile this time. I tossed the cooked and rested fried chicken legs in some hickory smoke BBQ sauce. I really liked how well this tasted but unfortunately Mandy isn’t a fan of BBQ sauce. I had to wipe away the sauce for her portions of the drums.

The secret to my cheese sauce is flour. A lot of people omit this step but it’s essential to making a thick cheese sauce. You first melt butter in a saucepan then stir in the flour slowly to make a roux. Milk or cream is added next, stirring all the time so it combines well. I also add Shaoxing wine, fish sauce and chicken stock at this point. Cheese is added last and as soon as it melts, you pour the entire saucepan over the cooked macaroni.

I also had a side of broccoli to cut down on the heavy flavors. It’s simply microwaved with a bit of water so it’s still crunchy – the way Mandy likes it. It’s delicious! I like how the BBQ chicken drums go together with the creamy mac and cheese. Mac and cheese is another recipe that I’ve mastered and I can say with confidence tastes good.

Don’t you think so, Chika cat?

Tonight’s Menu: Two types of fried fish 🐠 with Thai chilli sauce 🌶, Broccoli 🥦 with oyster sauce, Crispy duck egg 🦆

I sometimes (not often) get the motivation to cook something other than my usual chicken rice – buffalo stew meal prep. Yesterday was such a day. I was driving my housemate Mandy to her workplace when we saw a morning market. I seldom wake up early enough for these things and she wanted to eat fish so I went to check out their offerings.

I got ikan bulus – a tubular type of white fish which is delicious when fried and a small broccoli. She wanted the small, flat kind of white pompfret but all the stalls there didn’t sell it. I managed to get some from the Jaya Grocer under my condo though.

I remember why I don’t cook fish often – it’s troublesome to remove the guts and descale the fish. I also don’t like how the scales fly everywhere and get my cat all excited. She’ll pounce and pat the scales and distribute them to the furthest corners of the kitchen, necessitating a good mop after.

I didn’t do much to the ikan bulus and small pompfret – just salted them liberally and fried them in hot oil. I bought a small bottle of maize oil cooking oil for this occasion. I don’t use oil in my regular cooking. I even skim off the buffalo fat the next day!

I also scalded the broccoli and pan-fried it with oyster sauce. If you’re wondering where the stem of the broccoli went, I blended it with cold water and drank it. I consume a lot of raw vegetables each night as a source of fiber and nutrients.

The fish kemek (lost structural integrity) during the frying process. I’m not sure what went wrong. It just started disintegrating. Maybe I should have battered it with tapioca starch so it’ll maintain its form. It still tastes good though. Half of the fish is ikan bulus and half is small white pomfret, served with Thai chilli sauce.

I also fried two duck eggs with a crispy bottom a la Chinese style. I’ve been buying duck eggs instead of chicken eggs lately coz I prefer the creamier yolk. It’s about 50% more expensive than chicken eggs but worth it.

This is the broccoli pan-fried with oyster sauce as a source of greens. I cooked fresh basmati rice to go with dinner and I also served my tom yam buffalo stew with beer.

It was almost 10 pm when I finished cooking. It tasted pretty good despite the simple execution. The fish was really fresh!

My new housemate

Mandy

I have a new housemate. She’s 24 and staying here for 3 weeks. I have lived most of my adult life alone, so I was a bit hesitant to have someone stay over. I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t mind paying a bit more for the entire unit instead of having to share rooms. That’s not to say that I’ve never had roommates. In various stages of my life, I’ve had female companions (I hesitate to use the word girlfriend) stay over at my place long term.

Mandy-KL

The most memorable (though not for the reasons you think) was this wild girl who stayed in my room when I was 17. She was 19 and hung out with this lesbian crew of motorcyclists. No need to fantasize coz they’re all very dismal looking. Hideous, rough and stocky. Except her though, she was slim, feminine and quite good looking! A friend of mine who joined the 3rd Mile gang in Kuching introduced her to me. “Eh tang chiau eh,” he whispered conspiratorially. You can play with this one. God knows where he found/met her.

Mandy-Milk

I had to go back to Sibu for Chinese New Year and she convinced me to let her stay on while I was away. Bad decision. She ran up a RM 200+ phone bill, threw parties with her lesbian biker friends, got into a fight with the neighbor who told her to keep the noise down, police were called, my landlord was called, they were all kicked out. She even wanted my landlord’s address so she can go kick her ass! I was almost evicted for letting an unauthorized person stay over.

Mandy-Office

Needless to say, that experience did not endear me to housemates. The sex wasn’t great either, mostly coz she had a serious BO problem. Her armpits were very funky! I’ve had other roommates since but none I remember as vividly as that first one. She gave me PTSD about people staying over. Hahaha.

Housemate-Shopping

Thus, when my friend asked if his girlfriend can stay over, I was exceedingly reluctant. My roommate from hell 20 years ago was still fresh in my mind. Also, I’ve seen her photos and she’s very attractive. I thought it best to not expose myself to such enticement. Flee from temptation, the bible extorts us. Flee! I grudgingly said okay.

Mi-Sedaap

She came on Saturday and we’ve had a chance to hang out and talk. She’s grown on me. This one is a college psychology graduate – a nice, soft spoken girl miles apart from my first ever roommate. I was secretly pleased when she asked if I’ve eaten when she arrived at KL Sentral – she wanted to tapao for me. Gam sek zou! She also likes Mi Sedaap so bonus points for that. Haha.

New-Housemate

I found myself enjoying her company. It’s nice to have people around. Like a cat, but more interactive. 😄

Mandy-Housemate

There’s really no point to this post. I just remembered my terrible housemate from 20 years ago and wanted to share the story. Here comes the abrupt ending.

Kuching-Housemate

I know my first housemate was a rare outlier and she’s on one extreme of the negative-experience-with-roommates scale. This one is on the other end – the positive-experience-with-housemates end. Both are rare and most people fall somewhere in the middle. I don’t mind nice housemates. Sekian, terima kasih.

Home Improvement

Tape

I have my own place now but it’s still quite empty. I spent 20k on an initial renovation but that’s mostly air conditioning, fans, concealed piping and wiring, and kitchen cabinets. The apartment was completely empty when I bought it. Even now, the only fully furnished area is the kitchen. I’m actually okay with that coz I spend most of the time in the bedroom and I never felt the need to clutter my surroundings with stuff.

DIY

However, I have recently got into slowly upgrading things around the house. My minimalist goals were slowly eroded by practicality and the fact that I live above a mall so I tend to pop into this cheap DIY shop to look around. I have accumulated stuff, necessary stuff, but stuff nonetheless. It was a rail for my bath towel at first. Then came the small hook for a face towel beside the bathroom sink coz I thought it’ll look nice. Then a holder for my shaver, toothpaste, toothbrush, deodorant, floss. You know how it is.

Bidet

It’s gotten to the point where I’m actively looking for new things to add to my place. I won’t say it’s a bad thing, doing this gradually over a year has actually become quite pleasant and I must admit I feel a mild consumerist rush when I install something new in my condo. It’s quite fun. Today I bought small wooden hooks for my car keys and house keys as well as a bidet. I don’t have a bidet but I have a tap beside my toilet.

This one only cost RM 16 or so. I was told I can just install it without any tools but the guy told me to buy these adhesive thing so the bidet won’t leak. I put everything together as per instructions and it works fine but the top part is leaking. Not where the tape is, it’s the bit where the connecting hose comes out so I suspect it’s defective. I’ll go and change it tomorrow.

Hook

I’m pretty happy with the hooks though. I’ve always put my keys on top of my fridge, but I thought it’ll be nice to hang it beside the main door instead. I know these are simple and basic things but doing a small project like this every few days makes me happy.

My very first Boyzilian!

Bananas

I have just finished my very first Boyzilian waxing session. Yup, it’s the male version of the Brazilian, where they remove all your pubic hair and the ones around your anus/crack too. I’ve made it a point to keep my dick clean shaven coz I like women to be hairless down there too and I thought I’ll return the favor. Most females prefer a shaven look. I have usually taken to it with a razor but it’s so annoying to have the little hairs grow out and tickle you down there.

Waxing

Thus, I called up a waxing place and they told me they’ll give me RM 39 for my first time. It turns out to be RM 60 but it’s still really cheap compared to their usual price. I also went for underarm hair removal, everything was RM 89. I have heard many horror stories about the application and removal of wax by force to the nether regions and I must admit, I was a little apprehensive.

I also wasn’t used to girls I’m not sleeping with touching my junk. However, I’m not an excessively modest or conservative person so I really didn’t mind either. I honestly would prefer a female to a male.

Me

I stripped down to my birthday suit and got on the massage table. First up was my pits. Not very complicated, although I had just recently shaved so she needed to pluck out the smaller ones with tweezers. I had to control my tickle response though. I kept bursting out in laughter when she touched my armpits. Ticklish.

Next, the main event. She did the area below my ballsack first. The sides of the legs where it’ll show the most when you don swimwear. It really wasn’t that bad at all. I didn’t even find it painful. No big deal. I was puzzled by the feedback on Brazilian waxes being painful.

Brazilian

Then she moved on to the sides of the balls. No problem too. She removed all the hair beside my testicular region and moved to the upper part.

Wax

The part that joins to my actual penis. I was playing with my phone, taking photos and such when she pulled off the first strip. I actually had to bite my tongue to prevent me from shouting out in pain and surprise. It was surprisingly gnarly. I was half afraid she’ll accidentally rip my penile shaft off.

Boyzilian

You’ll notice that my toes are curled in at this point. I was doing that in trepidation of the next time the wax strip is pulled off. It’s not unbearable but definitely uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. Worth it for a clean bush though.

Clean Dick

I’ve never even done any sort of waxing before this so it was a learning experience. I would do it again, but I’m too lazy for this to be a regular thing, unless I’m sleeping with someone. I’m not currently banging anyone so I guess the only people I have to show my new cleanly shaved dong is you guys. Enjoy! Hehe

I’m back!

So…I have taken a 1 year sabbatical from blogging to find my passion again and I’ve recently started to feel the faint stirrings of that. Or maybe it’s just an urge to share my inane thoughts with you all. Haha. Since then, many things have happened. I shall try to condense and distill them in point form.

Gym

1. I am into the fitness lifestyle now

Those who follow my personal Facebook will have no choice but to see this, as I’m fond of posting gym photos to my timeline. I do it several times a day even, since my workout routine is 3 hours per day, 9 days out of 10. It’s been more than a year now since I’ve joined the congregation of the Church of Iron and my gains has been coming along. I like being buff. I enjoy displaying my beautiful body and getting compliments, so remember to give me some. Thanks.

2. I have quit drinking, smoking and recreational drugs

This is somewhat related to 1. I have gotten many puzzled questions about this. Did I find God? Did I have a near death experience? Maybe got arrested again? Some other close call? No, no, no and no. I just decided I wanted a change. It’s that simple and boring. I feel that these things usually are. True change comes from just wanting a change, nothing too dramatic. I think change that is derived from those sensational life events tend to be short lived. I even quit Suboxone (my maintenance opiate medication) and benzodiazepines. I really mean no drugs anymore. Suboxone (buprenorphine) was really hard though. Couldn’t sleep for 2 weeks, felt like shit, will tell the story some other day. Been clean ever since. I also stopped drinking. No reason, it’s not a religious or moral thing, I just don’t feel like it anymore.

3. I am single now

Again, no surprise here for people following me on FB. Things didn’t work out and I have been hitting the Tinder scene for a while late this year. Nothing promising from Tinder, although I did have a few hook-ups. Including with a girl half my age! Oh boy, do I want to tell you all that story someday. Hehe. I’m so happy I still have it. Whatever it means. Also, since I’m kinda jaded with the Tinder scene now, I’ve taken to asking people from Facebook for dates. So don’t be surprised if you suddenly get a message from me asking you out for lunch or dinner. It’s coz I find you attractive and I’ll like to know more.

4. I have a cat

I recently got myself a cat. Her name is Chika. A friend of mine told me the stray she’s taking care of has a litter and I picked one. I was initially apprehensive about having a feline companion in my place. Sounds like a lot of work. And responsibilities. I wasn’t a huge fan of either. However, I am really glad I have her. She’s one of those friendly cats. To me anyway. Waits for me when she hears my key in the locks coming back. Sleeps between my legs at night. She’s always beside me. Her warm and furry presence soothes me. I love my cat. Best thing I did this year.

5. I moved into my own place

I bought a condo in USJ and have been living it it for almost a year now. I’m still very behind in furnishings, the only area I can call fully furnished is the kitchen. I cook my meal prep so having a working kitchen is important. The living room is empty. I haven’t even taken off the plastic the contractors put over the living room air con coz I’m always in my room. It’s nice to have my own place though, and I got it for 380k, which is 20k cheaper than the market price. The best thing is it’s above a mall so grocery shopping and gym is just a lift ride down.

I’m struggling to find new things to talk about and since my musings have veered into cats and condos, I should probably stop. I’ll try and update more frequently now.

Day 14

I feel like the 14th day is the usual time you break through the tough part. The past two weeks have been hell and I still have terrible insomnia (which is a special kind of torture) but all other withdrawal effects have pretty much subsided. I still have occasional bouts of the chills and sneezing as well as diarrhea but it’s nowhere near as bad as the past fortnight. I have only had 8 hours of sleep since Day 1 and that was with promethazine (and a cocktail of other first generation antihistamines).

Trashing Room

Unfortunately, I got a bad case of akathisia (state of agitation from antipsychotics, promethazine can elicit this effect) from all that. It was so bad I felt like I was going crazy. I thrashed my entire room and kicked in my TV and notebook. I’m not the type of person to rock star trash rooms and I’ve never done anything like this before. I also bit myself on my arms to get some relief from the intense akathisia and paresthesia. It was so fucking intense I couldn’t believe it. It’s like you accidentally took a deliriant with a super heavy body load. I knew I shouldn’t but I pulled all my clothes out of the wardrobe, threw instant noodle packets to the fan, tore blankets and bedsheets with my bare teeth and just went Hulk on the entire room.

I love the photos and videos and assorted data I have in my notebook and one part of my mind was telling me “Don’t do this, you’ll regret it” but the other part, the dominant part, smashed my notebook anyway. I had to go buy a new one yesterday coz the screen is smashed and the hard disk was non-functional after being kicked around the room. Jesus fucking Christ. It’s not just akathisia of the body but of the mind, I felt like I was possessed by a stronger willed being which was causing me so much discomfort and downright insanity that I had to do something to relief myself.

Of course, there are no such things as beings and possession, I’m merely using an analogy to describe how I felt. I didn’t dare take any after that but after not sleeping for 2 more days after that I popped 3 x 25 mg promethazine again and managed 3 hours of sleep last night. I also had TERRIBLE akathisia but knowing the carnage I left that time, I was smarter and locked up all my electronics (especially my new notebook!) and the destruction was minimal – mostly just tearing up blankets with my teeth and biting myself and punching and kicking walls. It’s hard to tell yourself not to behave like that coz the overriding imperative from the akathisia is so strong. It’s hard to explain coz you already get RLS and akathisia from opiate withdrawal and this is excarberating it.

The reason I was taking mild sedatives was coz I didn’t want to take benzos anymore. I was wondering why my benzodiazepine withdrawals were so mild when I quit earlier this year. I had some bad effects and seizures for a few days and a few bouts of rage where I had to physically restrain myself from kicking someone’s ass for no reason but otherwise it was quite easy. Well, I found out later (now) that it was coz the Suboxone was masking most of the effects and making me chill and calm and still able to sleep. Thus, the intense withdrawals of Suboxone I’m feeling are also mixed with the tail end of benzo withdrawal which I masked with opiates. Fuck…

Oh well, things looks quite positive now though, I’m going to force myself to sleep with promethazine every 3 days or so and ride out the akathisia, It doesn’t feel like it’s worth it when I’m feeling it but after I get rested I think it’s all good. The worse of the Suboxone withdrawals are over, just the insomnia part and the depression and the anxiety. The last two I can deal with pretty well due to my long term usage of benzodizepines most of my adult life and the process of withdrawing from that so it’s not too bad. I just want more sleep and I’ll be normal again. It’s not too bad. I’m glad I did it. I’m glad I quit Suboxone but it’s definitely not something I want to repeat. The past week has been a nightmare, the worst thing I’ve been through. Even though heroin and OxyContin withdrawals are worse, you don’t feel it as long – would you rather lug a 5 kg bottle of water for 1 day or a 1 kg bottle of water for 14 days?

Most people would rather do the former coz it’s easier and there are ways to get over the shorter duration. I wish I hadn’t gone on Suboxone when I wanted to quit heroin and OxyContin but it was a government approved thing at the time and I wanted relief. I would have told myself to tough out the few days instead of the fortnight if I could. I’m better now so there will be no more updates. You can withdraw from Suboxone, I jumped from 4 mg daily which is a relatively high dose to quit from so try something less if you want the symptoms to be less intense. Peace out!

Addendum: I got 2 hours of sleep last night au naturel without antihistamines or any other sleep aids. This is the last post I’ll make about this, things are really getting so much better now so if you feel like you’re going to give up, just wait till Day 14 and reevaluate coz I promise things will look so much easier after a fortnight.



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