I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about the direction this blog is going. The recent two controversial posts – the thinly disguised “human advertising” post and the profanity laced Dear Aries confession has received a lot of negative feedback from people I care about. I talked to one of my friends about this issue – he’s about the only one detached from the blogging scene to be able to give impartial comments and thought really hard about what I should do.
This is what I tend to doodle when I’m thinking about the direction I should be taking. I ponder the pros and cons while drawing opposite arrows.
I also found myself drawing this house/witch’s hat thing when I was particularly stressed out. I’m sure psychiatrists can make sense of my feelings from analyzing that, but I usually just draw this when I’m worried or stressed:
It looks like a zipper, a friend of mine told me. I’ve never thought of it like that. I am always thinking of teeth when I sketch that. It’s supposed to be the upper and lower set of teeth.
Anyway, astute readers would notice that several posts have been discreetly unpublished during the last week and I’m going to do the same to the two “controversial” posts as well. It’s not an easy decision to make but one thing my friend shared with me really hit me hard.
How long are you going to be the bad boy? Beh sian meh? (Hokkien for “It’s getting old”).
I must admit that a lot of my early inspiration was CKY and Jackass and I noticed one particular thing while watching Jackass 2.5. Johnny Knoxville looks really old. It was revolutionary when it came out, but the Jackass franchise is a little like flogging a dead horse. It’s fun to watch once in a while, but only in small doses. I can’t keep on doing this stuff all my life, even with the self-destructive tendencies that gets out sometimes and I shouldn’t burden unwilling readers with them.
Thus, I’ve came to a decision:
sixthseal.com is going to branch off – there will be a new domain for personal and “controversial” posts, made available to friends only. This blog (sixthseal.com) will be maintained as the main(stream) site while the other domain will be limited to sporadic and occasional posts, much like the castitas.com arrangement back then.
No worries though, the main content will always still be at sixthseal.com since I don’t do much controversial posts anymore anyway. I *heart* sixthseal.com and I can never let it be anything less, so the other domain will always be on a lower priority and will only be updated very rarely.
It will be password protected and when updates are available, it will still be announced on sixthseal.com – it would be just like the good old days with castitas.com. 😉
Woo~~~~ shucks, can I have the password plezzz 🙂
sz
huaaaaaaaaaaaaaai! i was in sibu about three hours last night but i couldn’t find your phone number from anyone. anyhow, i found tuak there 😛
i’m planning to go again maybe end of september or october, and i wanna meet up with you then.
ah, terclicked submit button.
wanted to add – it was always nice to have someone around who didn’t have to censor himself, it sucks what eventually happened. i suppose if you don’t want to appear like a 1 trick horse, which you aren’t, but hey, then this approach works too.
anyhow yeah…if you’re cool with meeting up next time i’m in sibu, drop me your number via email or something?
sz: I haven’t even bought the domain yet. 🙂
Lainie: OMG! LAINIE! HOW COULD YOU!?!?!
I was so free last night and I’m going to be free tonight too. Jesus Christ, I can’t believe you came here and didn’t meet up with me. I haven’t seen you for ages.
My number is 016 888 2069. Please SAVE it. Text me so I can have your number too.
Anyway, I shall be awaiting for you on your September trip.
Lainie: Yeah, it’s not just about that. There are several other factors involved too.
Anyway, you know me, I can change my mind in an instant and it’ll all be old sixthseal.com again. 😉
I shall email you immediately. We need to meet up. It’s been too long.
I also think that the 4th pic looks like a zipper more than the teeth.
So, who can gain entry to ur new site?
do harmless, long time followers of sixthseal.com get to purview the other blog?
😀
as russell peters would say, Be a man, do the right thing!
be well OG 😉
Choonie: It’s a set of teeth. 🙂 It’s not a zipper la. Or perhaps I’m subconsiously thinking of vagina dentata while drawing it? I still think of it as teeth though and it gets sharper and sharper the more stressed I get. It’s rounder at the beginning and gets sharper when I’m really stressed. 🙂
Entry to the new site is open to people I can trust (I can trust you from Rene, and the secrets you’ve kept throughout the years). I shall update when I actually purchase the domain.
Fist of Asia@JBC: Definitely, my friend. Definitely. I’ll definitely not forget my grassroots and veritas readers. Long time followers of sixthseal.com and veritas will have first priority to read the site. You’re one of them, my friend. 🙂
Cheers!
can i have the password? i always enjoy reading your “controversial” posts.. 🙂
‘Beh sien meh’ would mean not bored/tired of it meh? I would say the same thing but l was trying to bring out the happy, easy-going and pleasant Huai Bin that l enjoy being with, and l wouldnt want u to withdraw and go back into your shell. Then l’d lose u for good…..
«How long are you going to be the bad boy? Beh sian meh? (Hokkien for “It’s getting old”).
I must admit that a lot of my early inspiration was CKY and Jackass and I noticed one particular thing while watching…»
What the hell… fakes like Bam, alive and rich… or other kind of stuff, like Cobain and Kerouac, and where are they now :\
Just be yourself, dude. Sometimes it seems you give too much credit to what «the others» think. Let them talk. Let even the voices inside your head :X talk… You’re great.
Ah, and if that project of the secret lair goes ahead… drop me a line. Ok? 😛
so complicated(>.
I always did wonder, would veritas or castitas ever come up again? *cough*Pengsan*cough* as well 😉
Always sucks to have to censor stuff in the interests of others, but hey…c’est la vie? Just remember – everyone is entitled to be selfish as well 😉
Take good care of yourself. 🙂
Tough call ey? I’ve always loved your unique posts- it was your post on DXM that i first read that i was instantly hooked back in I can’t rem…2005? But it was more the honesty that I found interesting, today’s posts seem superficial and so heavily planned that the spontaneity and meaning are almost lost. I dunno just a thought but I still enjoy reading and I don’t want to push you to changing old habbits you might not want to change.
And I agree- you can’t be a kid for ever:(
hmmm…..
HB,
Just be yourself. I think the real problem is that you worry people who care about you, and you seem to have trouble growing up. You have an incredible amount of talent. You should seek people out who can help you see what you do well. I hope this makes sense.
David
Good for you HB…..but I will miss the “controversial” posts – or are you giving out passwords? Kay, I guess I am being selfish when I said I will miss your posts, but I rather have you kicking and screaming for decades and decades to come….. *HUGS*
PS: This is a rather sorta quasi cheesy/sappy comment from me! LOLs
Dude, don’t alter the direction of Sixthseal.com just for your friends around you or the Advertorial agency. Perhaps your friends are conservative, they conform to the rules of the environment and live up to the expectation of…working 9-5, get married, have kids….they can’t accept who you are, let them talk, let them go.
If you are born to be a bad boy, it’s in you ,to tame down Sixthseal.com, you are faking it and I bet the restrain wouldn’t last too long either.
Your blog shows the life of someone who returned to Malaysia after living abroad, taking home the free spirit and the lifestyle you choose to live. Keep it going.
Yes, you can be a kid forever as long as it does not affect your job performance.
Rock and Roll, dude!
It is always easier to be bad boy right? It grabs more attention.
Dear Aries, please add me too once you get the other domain ok. 🙂
Well, reading your controversy posts is more of the worrying about you for me. Your mood fluctuates more frequently and higher magnitudes than most of the people. So when the magnitudes go toward the opposite end, I just hope you will cope with it and starting to go back to the other direction. It is not easy, but when you get older, you learn how to handle stress better.
Just be yourself with the sixthseal.com. You are the only “bad boy” I read everyday. 😉 Hehe… but the advertorial trend is never my cup of tea.
By the way, that rows of teeth look more like the wells of electrophoresis gel for me. LOL Just like how I imagine the arrangement of elements C H O N when I am eating some proteins.
*hug*
The Sagit
well, whatever your decision for the direction of this blog may be, i just hope that you’re alright, emotionally and physically.
hugs.
btw your mention of vagina dentata kinda reminded me of this movie, teeth…
HB, this thing with being the “bad boy” has devolved into a way of manipulating people.
“If you won’t be with me look at what I’ll do to myself!”
I suspect you’re only half aware of this, so I don’t mean it too harshly. I love you man, I really do, so I don’t want to see you mess up your social scene like this. Nobody wants to date someone who will just offer up the entire story to his blog (but no, it was a “guest writer!” .. blah).
You’re an adult now, buddy. You can’t pretend to be unaware when you’re using the very public forum of your blog as a social bargaining chip (kind of like how this whole “guest writer” thing has worn pretty thin.. time to give it a rest).
Always be yourself HB. I personally could get by if your blog was entirely dedicated to food.. seems like a completely appropriate outlet for the sense of wonder and discovery that you used to put into your drug posts. Your post on rojak opened my eyes to many awesome new restaurants in nyc. There’s a success for you.
Dude
U mellowed out proper till the last few controversional postings…most of your readers here dont judge since we know what to expect from you but by not judging, it doesnt mean we dont care..we care..and some comments made are sometimes anti-therapeutic, some of those guys are actually encouraging you to tread the path less taken..best advise is: If its therapeutic for you to blog, please go ahead but if u think blogging hurts you, then we would understand why u stop. After all, nobody knows how totake care of yourself EXCEPT yourself..that is IF u want to be taken care. The jury is still out there.
Cheers, dude
Darren: Sure, when the blog is up. I still haven’t bought the domain yet. I’m thinking about using one of my existing domains. castitas.com is still mine, but that’s associated with a drug blog and I don’t want the branding to change, so it’ll probably be another domain.
suituapui: I’m not withdrawing. I’ll just be more discreet in the future. 🙂
My personality does not change, I was just thinking about some stressful stuff yesterday, I’m fine now. Cheers mate! 🙂
j..: Thanks for the feedback, mate. It’s much appreciated. 🙂
It’s true, sometimes I think too much. I used to supress that with benzos but now I just let the voices in my head talk. 😉
I’ll definately include you when the site comes up. Cheers!
vincent: Yeah, tell me about it. 🙂
lithiumite: Hmm…I don’t know. 😉 I hope not.
Yeah, censorship sucks and the worst kind is self-censorship, which was why the idea of another blog was conceived. 😉
Cheers!
Tom: Yeah, I remember that one. The first DXM post in 2002 and then there were several after that cumninating in a Forth Plateau and Plateau Sigma experience. I agree with you, the spontanity seems to be a little lacking nowadays, I shall work on that. Cheers, my friend. 🙂
(=’.’=): Hmm indeed…
David: I have to agree with you on both counts. Yeah, I can’t be forever young and all that. Thanks for the support, it does make sense. Cheers David! 🙂
Skwermy: I’m definately giving the password to you Skwermy. 🙂
Thanks for caring, I will be around as long as I don’t kick the bucket (which sounds like an oxymoron). Take care Skwermy! 🙂
I shall notify when the site is up.
e: Yeah, I know what you mean buddy. It’s so hard for me just to conform, I can’t EVER do that. You know the saying “The nail that sticks out gets hammered back in”, which is what society here is trying to do. The problem is compounded by the conservative community in this small town. I hear even the tongue piecing got their panties all in a twist. Imagine if they had read sixthseal.com a couple of years ago. 😉
I’m thinking alone the same lines as well, you can only restrain yourself for so long before you go Krakatoa. I’ll just be who I am.
Thanks for the support, mate! I will take it into account.
Jane: Actually, that’s debatable. Some people find it easier to be timid, lay their head low and fly under the radar. People like me find it easier to be controversial, confrontational and just plain attention seeking. 😉
It’s not easy or hard, it’s just how you were born and brought up. Ask a regular Joe to do the stunts I do and he’ll find it hard. Ask me to live the life he does and I’ll find it hard (or boring).
fish fish: Definately, fish fish. 🙂
Yeah, I’m highly bipolar and sometimes the mood fluctuations gets pretty intense. But once it’s stabled, I’m alright for a long period of time. It’s getting better now.
Thanks for the support fish fish! 🙂
Well, about the ads, it kinda pays the bills. Oh well.
Irene: I’m alright, Irene. Thanks! 🙂
I am thinking about going to Kuching end of this month coz there’s a holiday going on.
Hmm…teeth. I love the premise of the movie. 😉
musique: Hmm…these are very, very wise words indeed, my friend. Youre one of the older readers of the blog, so I appreciate your input a lot. I’ve never thought of it like that, being manipulative and all that, but it could be true. Hell, it probably is true.
Anyway, I don’t post relationship stories on the blog unless I have permission from the other party. Seriously, I’ve been in so many and I just talked about one or two. 🙂
Thanks for the wake up call, and thanks for caring enough to write all that. I shall just be myself. Cheers! 🙂
RC: Words of wisdom indeed. Yeah, there are opposite forces at work here, and I’ll decide to just be myself and continue blogging about the stuff I like to blog about. Thanks for the feedback, my friend. I appreciate it.
Huai Bin, have you ever thought the easiest way is probably just stop doing all the depressing stuff to yourself?
Sigh, just take care, okay?
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hey buddy. long years of doing this might have tire u. i’ve an honest opinion, i hope u don’t mind me saying these but if you do let me know and delete this.
when i first saw your site i thought that looking at your activities were quite scary though actually i was very eager to find out, “what’s the next experiment goin to be like???”. occasionally when you got deep with your posts that’s the part (like I said in previous comments) when I think your mind is fascinating. something about the writing style, less of the experiments you indulge in.
don’t know, even when you review stuff you do it quite the unconventional way, that i think is your trademark. you didn’t try too hard, that’s MOST important for me as a reader at least 🙂
u have this urge, ideas that i think you want to share with the world, thus the occasional deep thoughts.
i like your style and i hope you keep it that way. maybe i over analyzed you or i’m really off track but that’s my overall observations for the past, months since i don’t currently have life at the mo and i’ve ample time to check our your blog more often like i could 5 or 6 years back. when i came back here again, you didn’t change one bit maybe a bit mellowed down but you still have it. that attraction you put in this blog.
ok i sound like a stalker 😛 whatever it is, your own decisions are the best still.
You know, I’ve been lurking this blog for years, and it’s saddening to see you have to censor yourself.
It somehow felt “real”.. it was raw, unfiltered, through the good and bad it was all there for people to see – it felt like the most honest blog out there to me. Good or bad, it still felt like I was connected.
Even though there were many things you did that might have seemed shady or despicable, there were just as many times that I was enlightened by your posts.
This new direction you’re taking seems more and more commercialized. Just doesn’t seem like “you”. There are a million other blogs out there filled only with superficial, meaningless crap. I know you’ll never become one of those, but it saddens me to read a muted version of Sixthseal.
Heya! When the “alternate” site comes into effect, please do give me the password as well.
I’ve been an avid reader of your blog since 2004.
hmm. with power comes great responsibilities? 😛
i guess we all do, in a way or another, censor ourselves from time to time.
THIS is a public sphere afterall, and despite the fact that we’re not out to please everyone, it sucks when the people you care about are affected eh.
Simmy: Thanks Simmy! 🙂
I will…
…and I also want a kitten from you. 🙂
Bert: Hey, thanks for the feedback Bert! I appreciate it. Deep thoughts, eh. I’ve never thought about it that way. Yeah, I’ll just be myself and see what direction this blog goes. Thanks for the kind comments, I really appreciate it. Cheers buddy!
Niki: Hello there! Thanks for the feedback, my friend. It’s always good to hear what everyone’s thoughts are. I promise it won’t be a muted version of sixthseal.com – I just need a little time to get my affairs in order. I’ll explain in a bit on the blog.
DJ EZN: Sure thing, mate! 🙂
essentric: Yeah, I’ve learned that you can’t please everyone, and have accepted that fact. 🙂
Heh! I think I’m about to join you. 😉
hey HB, agreeing with lots of people here…
as a long time reader (around 2003) i have gotten to know you in a way as what kinda person you are and i think you should stay to that mentality and just be who you are, i think you are wise enough not to do tooooo bad things that fuck up your life permanently… and about the staying young, see it as an advantage (i’m 30 too already :pp ) as you can still have fun as a child but you have the intelligence to act as an adult when needed.
anyway, whatever way you may choose to go, i think it’s gonna be a good choice anyway.. 😉
greetz!
Don’t forget me. old friend.
You know my email so keep me up to date.
As a student/sufferer of art therapy I would say that that your main picture was of a house that you lived in when you were young.
The lines are very strong and this has meaning.
I would go on but don’t mean to be boring.
best regards,
your friend,
H.
Do what you think is best, well you have been through enough to know what is best for yourself 😉 Hey I want to have access to that another blog as well haha! Do I qualify for that? 😛
eh? join me? where? in terms of censorship? geographically?
ck: Thanks for the support my friend, and I agree with what you’re saying. I should always just be myself, come what may.
Thanks for being a reader all this while. Cheers, buddy! 🙂
henry the thirst: I always do have you in my mind, my friend coz we share a lot of common issues. Hmm…could it be that I draw a comfort zone when I’m stressed out as in the house I used to live in? Oh well. Will keep in touch via email. Cheers mate!
bongkersz: Can, can but I am great at procrastinating wor. I haven’t even got the domain up yet! Been busy with work.
essentric: Geographically. 😉
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I’d have to okay with you on this. Which is not something I usually do! I really like reading a post that will make people think. Also, thanks for allowing me to speak my mind!
Im not really a internet reader to be honest but your site is really nice, keep it up! Ill go ahead and bookmark your website to come back in the future. Many thanks