My best fiend

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I’ve had a best fiend since high school. I did not make a typo, fiend as defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary is:

Devil, demon, a person of great wickedness or maliciousness

I have in fact dedicated two entries in the annals of about my best fiend. The one post I remember back in 2004 was about schadenfreude – the German word for gaining pleasure out of other people’s misfortune, which he personifies.

Anyway, my fiend has been talking behind my back and generally spreading rumors about me. I was amused for a second this morning when someone related to me a really funny rumor that was so untrue (since the time line does not compute) but the bulk of what he said really annoyed me.

I called him this morning but he didn’t pick up so I texted him:

You have nothing better to do than to backstab me, spread lies about me and create false stories about me izzit? Is your self esteem so low or are you so jealous of me that you feel the urge to talk shit about other people? I’m not pissed off at you. I pity you.

It’s a bit harsh, granted, but friends, I mean, fiends, should be able to give honest opinions about each other right? πŸ˜‰

…and I really do feel a little bit of pity for him. He doesn’t just do it to me, he does it to all his friends. He would talk about other friends behind their back, putting them down derogatorily, usually with other people who doesn’t know the person around. He never does it in front of the person, he pretends to be nice to everyone but he’s well known amongst our group of friends as being a backstabber.

I used to accumulate an excess of temperature beneath a circular, tight fitting clothing component (Get hot under the collar in unpretentious terms ;)) by his behavior but I’ve come to terms with it and not be bothered by it, since most people who have known him long enough knows what he’s like.

My friend (this is a real friend, not fiend, and different from the person mentioned in this entry) told me never to text or write or react when I’m angry, which is good advice. However, I look at things in the Drawing of the Three.

The Drawing of the Three by
1. Is the relationship worth it?
2. Can the person help you in the future?
3. Will the person help you in the future?

If it’s no on all three counts, then by all means, flame away. πŸ˜‰

The most important aspect of it is #1 and #3. #3 is more important in a business oriented sense. Just because someone can help you in the future doesn’t mean that he will. My fiend is definitely not someone who is willing to help any friends, since all he cares about is putting them down.

It’s like he’s trying so hard to be the good little boy that he doesn’t even realize the social skills and PR required in the real world. Well, it’s not my problem anyway, and it’s not my job to tell him, since I’ve tried that before and he never changes.

It’s like sending dense shelly concretions through the air to fall in front of stout-bodied, artiodactyl creatures. πŸ˜‰

Pat yourself on the back if you can decipher that last bit. Heh!

Do you have a fiend in your life?

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27 thoughts on “My best fiend”

  1. The last paragraph means Throwing pearls before swine. I love your English.
    People like your ‘fiend’ are all around. I used to work in an office with a fiend too.

  2. I trusted people I helped in life too much and gotten hurt by them too. There were long time ago trust someone I thought was my friend and behide my back secretly seeing my guy. Well he seen by me now as scumbag and her dirt and slut. (Sorry for words) He got Greencard that why she did it and as far to get pregnant so he had to marry her. Serve them both right!
    Working is the same thing. My manager told to help train new worker and turn around manager give new worker more money earn and I stay the same and call her asst. manager. I got nothing out it. There no one you can really trust in life. But my nature no matter what will still help people because I care. Peace to you.

  3. This subject is close to home for me also. I can see why you are so upset still of it. As for Shelly’s blog it happen to my sister and still scorned but she moved on to a nicer person. I was used to train a new worker at work diss out of a promotion to new guy I train and manager was so ungrateful not to put in good word for me found out he did for new guy.
    HB, I know you been burn by this person but still be a good person in life. Kama to bad people. There still be people who need help and I am not going stop helping anyone it how I grew up to be.

  4. Boy, HB you pick a very strong subject for readers to blog to you about. Many out there had experience same thing also. I too nice to some then friends and turn around forgotten to help me when I need someone to. They made excuss not able to. One person I lend laptop to use and she damage it and refuse to fix it saying maybe it was already damage. Karma to them.
    Nice people should not change just because some corupt people burn them. Do not lower yourself to their levels. They get what they deserve in karma.

  5. They have a name for this kind of person called socialpath. Who goes around hurting people behide their back. They take great pleasure in doing so. They gain nothing from it because in someway sick mentally and so hateful of other who are happy and have more friends.
    They are very ungrateful type never can repay a favor. I you know anyone like that stay away or you get hurt badly by them. They have no feel for anyone at all. Just be kind and loving and never let those evil people lower you to their level.

  6. Scoiopath people are everywhere. Can’t tell at time but they are out there. They have no conscience in regard to other people feels and will do anything to ruin their life in being happy with friend too. Their behavior problems started maybe since child hateful and jealous with people as they get older more dangerous.

  7. Here you are saying that this fiend betrayed you and then you go and write such a post about him? Aren’t you doing exactly the same thing the same thing as him? Geez, I would hate to be a friend of yours as well.

  8. HB, please do not lower yourself to his level. Good people do get hurt but evil ungrateful ones get karma. We all had this kind of person in our one or another but would become like them.

  9. I agree with Erica, dont make yourself as bad as him:P
    If he really is a “fiend” then not worth the effort of getting razzled by his crap, everybody knows hes a liar, screw him.
    I kinda feel a little sorry for him too, this shows he has nothing better to do than talk shit about people. Sounds like hes having fun!

  10. Oh, so it’s ok for YOU to name and shame him in public. Mind you, you and this mutual “friend” are also backstabing him, breaking his trust and all.
    Your Drawing of Three is good, but how can you base your friendship with someone on benefits you gain from them? When I make friends, I don’t expect them to help me – that’s not why I am making friends. Also, has he helped you in the past? I’m sure you guys won’t stay as friends for the past 12 yrs if he hasn’t helped you. What? Just because he is of no use to you, you decide to dump your friendship like that? Shame on you, Huai Bin.

  11. Ha! That sounds too familiar.
    I know a person exactly like your fiend. He’s Lewis Lim from Ambank Miri branch.
    He bad-mouths everyone that he knows… and when there’s really nothing bad about the person he attempt to bad-mouth, he’ll go to the extent of digging the person’s childhood moment like: “hah….he cried so much”, “Hah…he was a ugly kid”, “Hah…He fell into a monssoon drain” etc.
    This Lewis guy is really sad, right?!

  12. these “fiend” frens are real attention seekers, pathetic fucks and all.
    hmm, lucky that i haven’t come across much of these fugly’s

  13. Ah, Huai Bin, very nice article. I guess you are “very important” to him as he is trying really hard to defame you. Feel proud and be really sorry for him. πŸ˜‰
    Fiends have hurted me deeply before. But now, I just don’t care about those bullshits. Say what they want to say, at the end, I am the one that enjoying the life, and he/she can only filled with jealousy and try to cause verbal damages. πŸ™‚

  14. Sometimes I don’t even want to waste my 5cents to text the person but then again, it’s good that the fiend is given a direct confrontation rather than we go around talking bad about him/her.

  15. Hmm…on second thought, it does seem a bit harsh of me to do that so I’ve mosaic out the name.
    YingYang: I don’t live by the three rules, it’s just when things mess up that I do that. I make friends because I like them, not because of benefits I can glean from the relationship. πŸ™‚
    Yeah, I’m the kind of person that does the tit for tat thing too, I think most Aries are.
    Cheers buddy!
    Old Man: Casting pearls before swine. Yeah, your English is spot on, mate. πŸ™‚
    Darren: Well, if he’s such a fiend, then stop hanging out with him/her. πŸ™‚
    clement: Yeah.
    naeboo: OMG! One would be too much and you have more than one. πŸ™‚
    eugene: Well, that’s life I guess.
    Shelly: Shit happens. I’m sorry to hear about the cheating part and the office politics. It happens, sometimes it’s best to just shrug it off and c’est la vie. πŸ™‚
    Jason: Yeah, I’ve thought about it and decided to mosaic out the name. I won’t let a couple of bad apples spoil me. πŸ™‚
    Jennifer: I won’t. I still trust people easily, and love freely until they break the trust. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. There was a person I really trusted too but yeah, she ended up burning me. Oh well, you live, you learn. πŸ™‚
    Aviao: I don’t even know you mate. I don’t backstab people coz:
    1. I don’t find anyone worth backstabbing
    2. I prefer direct confrontation
    Amy: Yeah, that’s true. I would stay away too, coz it’s a destructive fiendship. πŸ™‚
    Alex: At least most don’t turn out to be psychopaths…now that would be even more damaging. πŸ˜‰
    s: Well, I trust easily and make friends easily, but if the person break my trust, then I stay away. If the person keeps on doing it until my breaking point, then I retaliate.
    At least I don’t talk shit behind people’s back. I do it straight in their face. My policy has always been:
    You fuck with me, I’m gonna fuck with you.
    Besides that, I’m a really nice guy, if you get to know me. I forgive and forget easily.
    Erica: I won’t. I’m sorry, after reading all the comments, I have decided to mosaic the name.
    Tom: I’m okay, and you’re all right. I shouldn’t have done that. Mosaic. I forgive and forget easily, actually.
    abc: It’s not okay. I’m just giving him a taste of his own medicine. I regretted it, and decided it was harsh on my side so I mosaic the name.
    I don’t base my friendships on The Drawing of the Three. I make friends with people I like, not the benefits I can get from the. The Drawing of the Three only applies in terminating relationships.
    You don’t seem like an impartial third party though, knowing so much about us.
    Where are you coming from?
    cotton: Yeah, well, there’s people like that everywhere. πŸ™‚
    eugene: You are lucky, mate. I’ve a couple of them in my life. πŸ™‚
    fish fish: Yeah, I know. And I actually benefit from it. People who take the trouble to get to know me actually finds me surprisingly nice and friendly, unlike the characteristics people have been talking about me. So it’s great, it works in my favor actually. πŸ™‚
    It’s just like if you expect a piece of chocolate to be bitter and then you try it and it’s actually sweet. πŸ™‚
    eiling: Yeah, I always prefer to go for a direct confrontation that to bad mouth the person. Resolves conflicts faster and easier. πŸ™‚
    bongkersz: Oh well, I guess it stems from high school. I’m not bothered by it anymore, too busy with other stuff. πŸ™‚
    Thanks for the stuff mate. πŸ™‚

  16. yeah I’m not hanging out with him, he just keeps bugging through the phone with abusive msgs and all the way from overseas. I just can’t imagine what would he do when he gets back here, I guess I better be prepare for the worst :(.

  17. Darren: Hmm…that’s a very interesting scenario. I guess you could always lodge a police report. *shrugs*
    anonymous: Yeah.
    anonymous: Well, I did the mosiac thing, not coz of him, but just coz I thought it would be the right thing to do.


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