You motherfuckers can never do it like I can do it. Don’t even try, you look stupid, do not pursue it.
I’m going as Eminem.
I’ve never really liked Eminem coz I grew up listening to West Coast gangsta rap like Tupac Shakur (Makaveli the Don!) and the only white rapper I knew was Vanilla Ice and you all know how the Ice Ice Baby’s career went – the one-hit wonder, relegated to being a euphemism for methamphetamine users.
However, I have to admit that Eminem slowly started growing on me. I can relate to the lyrics a lot more coz I can’t claim to “cut your young ass up, leave you in pieces, now be deceased” but I certainly can connect with “all these bitches on my dick, that’s how dudes be getting sick, that’s how dicks be getting drips, falling victims to this shit“. ;)
Erm…not that I’ve ever contracted gonorrhea or any other STD/STI before though. *cough*
Granted, I can’t rap like he does…this would probably snag the mystery prize for the The Most Uninspiring Blogger Award.
…but still, who wouldn’t want to be him?
I would have a harem of girls attending to my every need. I believe the term used in this industry is “hos”. ;)
I’ll need some fine hydroponics of course…you can’t claim that “smoking weed was an everyday thing in my household, and drinking liquor till you’re out cold” if you don’t actually hit the bong. Gotta keep it real.
Disclaimer: This is a very old photo I took in the veritas days.
I’ll want a selection of the best firearms…
The Cx4 Storm Assault Rifle.
The IMI Desert Eagle .50AE, made by some bad ass Hebrews. Fucking-A!
Glock 17 9 mm.
Beretta 92FS .45 caliber.
You can’t be riding and strapping unless you’ve got the gear. You gotta get people to feel you (not that kind of feel, the “feel” in Ebonics terminology).
JC himself condones it in Luke 22:36: He said to them, “But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.”
It’s straight from The Good Book (TM). ;)
P/S – I’m going to bleach my hair blond if I get the invite and wear the suit in The Eminem Show (complete with replica handgun).