Destructive relationships

The first time someone broke up with me was when I was 17. I was really in love with her. I’m a bit of a self-destructive sort back then so it spiraled into a haze of binge


that lasted for months. I guess you’ll call it


There are certain cycles in אסטרולוגיה when relationships are stressed to the limit. A good relationship that is based on the foundation of love, common interest, and trust will survive these astrological transits and other relationships with intrinsic or chronic problems will fall apart.

The first requirement is for you to know where your Venus is in your astrology chart. You can find this by looking at an ephemeris, look up the year, month and day. Under the sign of Venus you will see the degree and the astrology sign that your Venus is in.

Arguably one of the most challenging cycle or transit is a Pluto transit to your Venus. When you are under this influence your relationship will change in fact Pluto demands a major shift in your life in what you love and appreciate. This is one of the astrological indicators of divorce. The old relationship can be torn apart and you can meet and begin a new relationship. Relationships that begin under a Pluto transit are very karmic by nature and have a quality of deep intense attraction to that person. The way to survive a Pluto transit is to go deep within your psyche and reinvent your life. Get in touch with what is most important to you and let go of anything that is not in sync with your truth.

love at that age, but with hormones raging and all that, the emotional instability causes you to think it’s worse than it is.

Anyway, I started dating this girl after that who I guess can be called a rebound-turned-into-a-long-term-relationship.

However, 2 years later when the original came back and asked me if I wanted to try again (her words) I didn’t even think, I


the rebound.

The original girl I was so infatuated with dumped me 3 days after that for her old boyfriend. #bossplayer

That’s a two year relationship wasted for just 3 days of happiness. Rose tinted glasses does that to you.

The only other time I can remember being so #epicfail was when I was working in Kuching. I was dating this


who I literally


I thought she was perfection personified. She was The One (TM). I was happy for several months before I discovered that she was dating me for all the wrong reasons.

She dumped me for her old boyfriend (notice a trend here?) and left me devastated.



outside her house for an entire night until her mom came out with water and


for me. She on the other hand, never even bothered to look out the window. #likeaboss

I once again started a self-destructive methamphetamine habit (which I quit for her) and doing reckless shit like


90 cc of crystal meth with just 10 cc of water using the cold shake method. I also attempted


to get her attention. Little good did that do, hell, I’m even embarrassed to admit it now.

Anyway, since then I think I have zero meaningful relationships. I just messed around a bit (okay, a lot) and skated on thin, surface relationships.

I think in that period all my relationships can only be politely described as being with people who are


However, about a year back I started to think more about serious relationships. Not all of them worked but at least I stopped being such an asshole. I think that’s a really great start.

I guess life is like a box of


You never know what you’re going to get. smirk

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54 thoughts on “Destructive relationships”

  1. Hey man, kudos for the entry. It only goes to show how much you’ve learned from the past to be able to come up and write about it openly today. I believe it only gets better from here 😉

    • Cheers bro!

      Yeah, I was just talking about this to a friend while drinking at TDH last night…kinda progressed to this post. 🙂

      Thanks for the kind comments.

  2. All this kind of reminds me of my own breakup experience. Guys usually don’t take rejection well and that includes yours truly. Looking back, It seems silly to even imagine why I behave that way. Hey, you are still considered young. I believe you can find your own happy ending love story. Just try an advice a friend of mine gave me. Write down all the positive or negative attributes you want in other half and seriously consider which part is most important to you. Then, actively look for ones with those that you have highlighted. It will focus us and keeps you from entering bad relationships or relationships with no future. Finally, I hate to say it but stay patient as all relationships has their ups and downs, it’s usually how to deal with the downs that keeps the relationship together.

    • Hey, that’s a great one. I already know what attributes I want in a person for a serious relationship with someone. Thanks for the reminder. 🙂

      Well, it wasn’t too bad, in hindsight, I was just being stupid. You life, you learn.

  3. Life’s like that… We just live it the best we can…and enjoy the chocs whatever they may turn out to be. I don’t like the ones with nuts…so I would just spit them out after eating the chocolate coating and then, I would move on to another one, hoping that will be the one I would truly like.

    • Indeed! However, I have been gobbling chocolates whether I like them or not for a lot of years. 😉

      I’m glad I stopped doing that. That was the point of this post actually. Stop doing that coz it hurts people.

      Thanks Arthur. 🙂

    • Haha! Thanks bro!

      …but how can it be karma?

      I became an asshole player AFTER the pharmacist dumped me. I was really a very nice person before that. My ex-girlfriends before that can totally vouch for me.

      I’ve only been dumped three times out of…don’t know how many relationships. The third didn’t hurt coz it has grown to the point that I was kinda making her dump me so I don’t have to do it. 😡

  4. The way you wrote it is funny although it’s something sad… dunno how to react…
    I had a different experience though… I dumped a guy to be with someone whom I love more and he also loved me at the same time but when it’s time to start the relationship, he went back to his ex.
    After this experience, I won’t trust guy 100% anymore.

    • Well, I was really sad (understatement – depressed) when it happened but it’s been a lot of years now and I don’t feel anything anymore.

      Thanks for the concern though. 🙂

      Yup, totally get what you mean…sometimes shit happens, but you gotta learn to trust. *hugs

  5. HB,I don’t think you were ever a jerk but I had dated one that was. Every time we go out on a date he bring along some of his homeboys on the date. It like he need to be hand held in order to date me. These guys have him pay for all thing on the date too. They order most price items on menu. I kick this guy to the curb and let him stay there. Never again. Straight guy queer eyes maybe.

    • T_T

      I’m sorry to disappoint you but I can definitely assure you that I was MORE than a jerk. I was an asshole player who slept around and dumped people left right and center coz I was just having fun.

      Sorry to hear about your experience.

      Well, anyway, if there’s any redemption I don’t do that shit anymore. It gets boring and I really want a serious relationship.

    • Nope, never again shall I do that.

      I got out of a relationship that was quite complicated after that – told the person I’m breaking up with her even though I still do love her (but it wasn’t going anywhere – very long story).

      That was very hard to do, spent a lot of time thinking about it but avoided contact and yeah, it got better.

      You live, you learn. 🙂

      Thanks Kelly! <3

    • Haha! Thanks bro!

      Nope, it’s neither, I just thought it would be fun to do write a post like this. 🙂

      I thought the alt text would hover on mouseover but apparently my scripts are off.

  6. creative writing at its best.
    And u need to start from somewhere Bro. Doesn’t matter how far u fall, bring yourself up always and do yourself justice is what important.

    • Cheers bro! 🙂

      Yeah, I know, it was those two that hurt me the most. I can’t remember any relationships after that where I got hurt instead.

      I’m afraid that this could be one of the reasons I never could maintain a normal relationship…but I’m trying.

  7. The correct one will come along. We make mistakes to learn from them. Everyone’s been there and I certainly did! Good post to read and it definitely reminded mIe of what I had done. Have a great day~

    • Yup, these things happened a long time ago though. The second relationship I was referring to happened when I was 24 or 25, she was 29 or 30.

      It has been years and it really hurt at the time, did some idiotic things but I would have given the world for her. Oh well. 🙂

      Indeed, we live, we learn. You have an awesome week Ellis! 😀

    • Thanks Jess! 🙂

      Well, if it comes it comes, I don’t know if I deserve it yet or if I’ve managed to redeem some of the wrongs I’ve done but I can hope. 😀

    • Hello Michelle!

      Hmm…that doesn’t sound like a great idea to me, but that’s just me. I think it’ll be good to date and see what you like, what you don’t like in a person…and university is the best time to meet a wide range of people.

      However, that said, I totally respect and stand behind your personal decision. 🙂

    • Thanks Adam! 🙂

      Yeah, I thought it would display the alt text when on mouseover by apparently the script is a bit messed up.

      It could be a good thing, it works just as well this way I guess.

      Cheers and have a great week mate!

  8. The Right One will come when YOU become the right person. 🙂

    Don’t just keep on saying you’ve started to THINK more about serious relationships. Act on it dude!

    All the best!

    • Hello Joyce! 🙂

      Heh! I totally agree with the first bit about being a good person and doing no evil – I have changed a lot in the past year – all for the better.

      Well, about the second bit, I DID act on it, but it ultimately didn’t work out. Oh well. 😡

      I meant I’m thinking more about serious relationships but I’ll ONLY do it with someone I REALLY want to be with. I’m not going to get into a relationship just for the sake of it – made that mistake already.

      Trust me, I’ll go all out if and when I find someone who I really want to spend the rest of my life with. 😀

      Thanks for the well wishes Joyce! Have an awesome week ahead and all the best in everything too. 🙂

    • Heh! Well, actually the topic came up when I was drinking in TDH over the weekend. I decided to write about it.

      It’s partially prompted by this girl in TDH I met in the toilet with like major tattoos all over her arms and legs and multiple facial piercings – just the type I would go for in the past, but not anymore since I want a serious relationship. Anyway, it’s a long story and irrelevant. Heh.

      Get some coffee in you dude. 🙂

    • Hello Val! 🙂

      Well, that was what happened so I figured there was no shame in telling the truth.

      Okay, maybe a bit, especially about that stupid suicide attempt just to get her attention but hey, what can I say, I was really in a bad frame of mind back then. 😡

      In hindsight, it was an idiotic thing to even be so in love with someone who dated me for all the wrong reasons. I thought I was the perfect boyfriend, surprising her in Bangkok when she was at a conference there etc etc but I guess the age disparity got to her some. She was about 5-6 years older.

      Thanks for reading! 😀

  9. my bf had the similar failed relationships like yours, kena betrayed and dumped.

    you’re optimistic looking forward, but he kept telling me that those experiences kinda overshadowing him, even up to now. but if he already moving forward (and be together with me) shouldn’t him forgot the past and looking forward the future (with me)?

    • Hmm…I think I really only got over it after a while. 🙂

      I guess it depends on how badly he was hurt. It took me a couple of years before I could learn to trust again,

  10. Damn ~~ Glad that happens early as the effect won’t be that bad when you’re 30-40+ .

    Never inject yourself with anything foreign . Try mary jane instead =D

    • Hey there Patrick.

      Yup, we used to be together. We’re not now though, still on good terms though, went to Hong Kong on a vacation together recently. 🙂

  11. HB, been a silent reader of your blog for a very long time, and just want to say I’ve always enjoyed your honesty and humour when it comes to tackling issues that are/were very difficult for you. You’re very real and open to your own faults and I can see there’s a lot of effort from you to improve on those faults.

    Despite you calling yourself an A-hole and all that crazy crap you did…you’re truly a good person, HB. The right girl will come along one day and I wish you all the happiness and joy in life.

    • Thanks for the vote of confidence Jyannis! 🙂

      Appreciate that, but I do have a really bad history in relationships after this. I wasn’t a very nice person.

      However, I am trying to be now.

      Thanks for reading and thanks for the support! 😀

  12. I’ve been in a destructive relationship too and it hurts to think about it again. Your post is actually quite interesting to read!
    I’m glad that you’re strong enough to get through all these and move on. Wish you all the best in your new relationship.

    Cutebun FB

    • Thanks! 🙂

      I’m glad you’re out of one too – it can really sap your faith in humanity and lower your self-esteem to be in a psychologically abusive relationship.

  13. Damn right! Some bad Pharmacists = Legalised Pusher!

    But God is fair Judge of Karma. Appreciate all the that you have now for what you may lost just thrash it off.

    I believe in the Divine Selection. Hard to explain but The Right One have different feel and you’ll sense it.

    She will hold you tight even when you woke up from the bed. Her kiss is another dimension feels like a teleport to an alien world (half life game).

    But that doesn’t mean that you have to beat King of Swaziland’s 12 wives or seek royal pleasures (Coming To America movie) just to find the right one. You’ll get the feeling when time comes for both of ya.

    It will get even better the day she deliver your first of your many cute babies to come and always treat each othe good til the end.

    p.s. Not even King of Swaziland can emulate your happiness, ha ha!!!

    • I think that was part of the initial attraction 😉

      Hey, that’s a good way to explain The One (TM).

      Indeed, I wholeheartedly agree with you on the last bit. 😀


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