Drug addicts are not welcomed

drug addicts

*high and mighty tone*
Hmph…then I’ll take my business elsewhere! ;)

HDS:

2002: University life in Australia.
2003: Working life in KL.
2004: Cigar review in Kuching
2005: Blogger’s block. It was an omen for things to come…I couldn’t find anything to enthuse over and it culminated in perhaps the best post of sixthseal.com (in terms of mainstream controversial content) on the very same day a year later. :)
2006: Psychotic break but not documented until two days later. ;)

lame suicide attempt

Hmm…it seems like I have some form of Seasonal Affective Disorder hitting me around this time of the year. My posts during this time has been, for the most part, uninspiring and almost mechanical but if the annual trend analysis produces consistent results, then this is where Exciting Things (TM) start to happen to me as well, and the writing will pick up pretty soon. =D

HDS (The Undocumented and Personal Version):

2002: I had no direction, and was in a long distance relationship I wasn’t really happy with.
2003: I had no direction and was in a dead end job paying me peanuts and trying to support an increasingly expensive methamphetamine problem. I was tweaked out of my mind most of the time and on benzodiazepines the rest of the time.
2004: I liked working in Kuching and the pay is much better but I’m still supporting a destructive pattern of methamphetamine use.
2005: I was probably coming down from a 3 day meth run. It’s increasingly affecting my life and has evolved into a schedule where I don’t sleep or eat for three (3) days in a row and then crash and sleep on the third night for 12 hours before wash, rinse, repeat. This pattern can be seen from my posting frequency and style but I hid it pretty well with scheduled posts (this was back before CMS had scheduled posts) during particularly inspiring periods while tweaking.
2006: The first real love of my life (not drugs, a girl) dumped me. I thought she was perfect, she’s a pharmacist (what more could a drug user want? ;)) at a renowned private medical center but she turned out to be carrying a Shitload (TM) of emotional baggage that she hid really well. She was 29 and I was 25 and I just worshiped her. Unfortunately, she has self-esteem issues (despite being really beautiful) and other miscellaneous Problem Accounts Brought Forward (TM). I had switched to using opiates and had problem with heroin and other opiates like DF-118 (dihydrocodeine) and methadone. I had a bit of a psychotic break with all the stuff I was using and tried to kill myself. Drama. Pffttt…
2007: I was in a drug rehabilitation facility missing The Great Outdoors (TM) and telling myself (for the umpteenth time) that anything would be better than this. I counted the months and days till I could get out and promised myself not to use again.
2008: I kept my promise and haven’t used drugs but am involved in a devastating pattern of unhealthy relationships with unavailable girls/women. Sigh…my so called life. Oh well. :)

Why is August so depressing? Is history doomed to repeat itself? Why am I doing this to myself?

My apologies for sicking this Pity Party (TM) on you. Misery loves company. ;)

The next post will be more uplifting, I promise. :)

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