I spent a nice weekend lazing around at home with Melody and decided to throw together some burgers for brunch. Well, here at sixthseal.com, all our cooking projects requires a catchy name and an irreverent goal, so this was dubbed Project 3 1/2 Inch – to make a burger that would have a height of at least three and half inches. 🙂
You will need:
Beef burger patties
Unbreaded crab flavored claws (this adds bulk and height, as well as taste)
Six (6) eggs
Arrack Putih (local distilled 50% alcohol)
Melody insists that Arrack Putih (translated as “bai jiu”) is meant for cooking. I vehemently disagree, having had more than my fair share of drinking cheap local liquor. It’s RM 5 – RM 10 for a 640 ml bottle containing 50% distilled liquor that tastes like vodka.
I have to applaud the local distilleries for marketing a high proof alcohol that doubles as an excuse for cooking purposes so stay-at-home moms can live in denial about their drinking habits. It’s the local equivalent of “just a nip of the cooking sherry”. 😉
To prove my point, I downed a full glass of the alcohol neat, while Melody had 1/4 an inch of the stuff, also neat. She agreed it tasted like vodka too. This begs the question as to why we’re drinking the cheap stuff and the answer to that is simple…times are hard, my friends. 🙂
Anyway, after being imbued with some Dutch Courage (or Irish Motivation rather), I fired up the gas stove and heated some oil (coz we used up all the butter in the previous cooking expedition) in a frying pan…before remembering that the beef burger patties weren’t defrosted yet. Thus, we waited 30 minutes for it to thaw out and started with the crab claws.
There happened to be some debate about how this should be done. I was in favor of steaming it, which she said was ridiculous since the metal instrument was way too tall for the wok to be of any use.
She was all for boiling it in a pot of water with some salt, since that would not only quick defrost the crab claws but we could turn off the gas and control the heat so it’ll still be warm when the burgers are done.
I agree in principal, but boiling will result in an unacceptable loss in the taste of the crab claws. Still, I went along since the ethanol was kicking in and I was in a cheerful disposition. =D
Thus, with the disarmament peace talks reaching a positive conclusion, the beef burger patties were fried in vegetable oil. We fried four beef patties – two for each of us, while the crab claws were being boiled tasteless. 😉
I’m not much of a health conscious person, which is pretty obvious by the way I live my life, but Melody insisted on lining the plate with tissue paper before putting the beef patties in to soak up the excess oil.
However, there is on thing I excel at – The Ancient Art of Breaking an Egg with One Hand (!!!). =D
This is the sixthseal.com guide to breaking an egg with one hand. It serves no purpose whatsoever, but makes you look like you know what you’re doing in the kitchen. Chicks dig it. 😉
Anyway, I soon realized that six (6) eggs would not make a paper thin wrap around the burger patties Ramly burger style due to the volume so I decided to just fry it all and make an omelet of sorts.
The sheer volume of the unborn chicken fetal material was a bit too much for the wok to handle, but I have a trick I learned while frying eggs in primary school (I love eggs!) which basically involves moving the liquid pooled inside the recessed wok out to the sides so it’ll cook faster…
…and then use the spatula to move the cooked egg back in so more liquid egg can be displaced into the treasured hot surface area to the sides. It’s called The Swirling Egg Trick (TM). I’ve been doing it for ages. You’ll have an omelet up in no time using this method.
Meanwhile, Melody started draining the crab claws. I didn’t have a strainer but she has some tricks up her sleeves as well, and managed to get the crab claws out. She dropped one into the sink though…
Crab claws are actually made of fish meat and flavored with crab flavoring – whatever that is. The flavoring industry has made leaps and bounds in their technology and I’m sure they can make an artificial flavoring that tastes exactly like you. 😉
The problem with the kitchen at my place is that there’s really no proper cooking implements to speak of…bread knifes were nowhere to be seen. I tried my hand at cutting through the burger buns with a regular knife…
…which didn’t work out so well,
so Melody did the cutting instead.
The burger bun was sliced in half, and the beef patties layered on top of fried eggs before everything is topped with crab claws, peppered with…er, pepper, and doused with chilli sauce.
It’s a huge gooey burger, but it tasted delicious!
It’s 3 1/2 inches. We measured. 🙂
I must admit…I had a bit of a hard time eating it though…