“I don’t want to feel” – videos of me cutting myself

cutting myself last nite

I was feeling particularly depressed last night and thought it would
be interesting to use a balisong (butterfly knife) to do some
self-inflicted wounds. Okay, it wasn’t coz it was interesting, it was
coz I was feeling down. :p I didn’t “feel” anything, everything is so
routine, so numb, so meaningless, and I am so fragile, so replaceable,
so useless.

cutting myself knife nite

Well, I punched the wall in frustration and I liked that. It made me
“feel”. I didn’t feel the pain much so I thought I’ll cut myself. Two
cuts, like an X, with my el cheapo balisong. I tried looking for my
Benchmade but I couldn’t find it, and I couldn’t be bothered to look,
so I just used this one.

cutting myself intro

Download: I don’t want to feel [sixthseal.com]

no feel

The interesting is, I went from “I want to feel” to “I don’t want to
feel” coz the world is a shitty place to live in, as I felt at that
time. I’m feeling better now, this video is the manifestation of the
sixthseal.com Quarterly Serotonin Depletion Moment (QSDM). I get
depressed every once in a while. I don’t know why, no drugs involved, I
just get depressed.

x spot

Download: X marks the spot [sixthseal.com]

Here’s the second part of the video. I just felt down and kept on
repeating “I don’t want to feel” for some reason. I should have used a
razor blade though…and there are two things I learnt from this:

1. I need to sharpen my balisong.
2. I really need to sharpen my balisong. 😉

I mean seriously, I use that thing so much it’s become blunt. I was like “Draw blood, dammit!”…it used to be very sharp.

cutting myself today

Here’s what it looked like this morning. I think the uneven cuts
don’t look so good, so I might have to touch it up a little for a nice
scar. I hope it’ll scar anyway. It felt good, cutting myself. The
strange thing is, I didn’t feel any pain, but I felt ALIVE!

I FELT! It gave me the catharsis that I needed. I slept like a baby
after that. It’s nice. I felt so alive. I just might be interested in
this self-inflicting wounds thing. With God as my witness, I felt! 🙂

Disclaimer: I’m perfectly sane and this is… (Choose below)
1. If you’re my friend:
…just a publicity stunt for sixthseal.com I mean come on, the cuts aren’t even deep, superficial at best.
2. If you’re my coworkers:
…mind your own business. I don’t bring my personal problems to work.
3. If you’re someone who loves me:
…er, I accidentally cut myself…twice. 😉

P/S – Don’t make a big deal out of this, it’s not a “suicide
attempt”, a “plea for help” or any of that bullshit psycho-babble.
There’s nothing melodramatic here, it’s just all in good fun…alright?

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0 thoughts on ““I don’t want to feel” – videos of me cutting myself”

  1. believe it or not, people that do cut themselves use your picture of you cutting yourself to feel better without cutting. So thanks. You saved my arms today. (not kidding)

    Reply
  2. Kimmy: Er…thanks! Glad to be of service? 😉
    I had a lot of hate comments on this post back before I lost all the comments coz I didn’t back up my database when I was in rehab. Tons. 🙂

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