"I don't want to feel" – videos of me cutting myself

cutting myself last nite

I was feeling particularly depressed last night and thought it would
be interesting to use a balisong (butterfly knife) to do some
self-inflicted wounds. Okay, it wasn’t coz it was interesting, it was
coz I was feeling down. :p I didn’t “feel” anything, everything is so
routine, so numb, so meaningless, and I am so fragile, so replaceable,
so useless.

cutting myself knife nite

Well, I punched the wall in frustration and I liked that. It made me
“feel”. I didn’t feel the pain much so I thought I’ll cut myself. Two
cuts, like an X, with my el cheapo balisong. I tried looking for my
Benchmade but I couldn’t find it, and I couldn’t be bothered to look,
so I just used this one.

cutting myself intro

Download: I don’t want to feel [sixthseal.com]

no feel

The interesting is, I went from “I want to feel” to “I don’t want to
feel” coz the world is a shitty place to live in, as I felt at that
time. I’m feeling better now, this video is the manifestation of the
sixthseal.com Quarterly Serotonin Depletion Moment (QSDM). I get
depressed every once in a while. I don’t know why, no drugs involved, I
just get depressed.

x spot

Download: X marks the spot [sixthseal.com]

Here’s the second part of the video. I just felt down and kept on
repeating “I don’t want to feel” for some reason. I should have used a
razor blade though…and there are two things I learnt from this:

1. I need to sharpen my balisong.
2. I really need to sharpen my balisong. ;)

I mean seriously, I use that thing so much it’s become blunt. I was like “Draw blood, dammit!”…it used to be very sharp.

cutting myself today

Here’s what it looked like this morning. I think the uneven cuts
don’t look so good, so I might have to touch it up a little for a nice
scar. I hope it’ll scar anyway. It felt good, cutting myself. The
strange thing is, I didn’t feel any pain, but I felt ALIVE!

I FELT! It gave me the catharsis that I needed. I slept like a baby
after that. It’s nice. I felt so alive. I just might be interested in
this self-inflicting wounds thing. With God as my witness, I felt! :)

Disclaimer: I’m perfectly sane and this is… (Choose below)
1. If you’re my friend:
…just a publicity stunt for sixthseal.com I mean come on, the cuts aren’t even deep, superficial at best.
2. If you’re my coworkers:
…mind your own business. I don’t bring my personal problems to work.
3. If you’re someone who loves me:
…er, I accidentally cut myself…twice. ;)

P/S – Don’t make a big deal out of this, it’s not a “suicide
attempt”, a “plea for help” or any of that bullshit psycho-babble.
There’s nothing melodramatic here, it’s just all in good fun…alright?

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