The “OMG there’s a police car tailing me” FAQ

dangerous police

Q: OMG! There’s a fucking police patrol car tailing me! What should I do?
A: Calm down. Are you really sure it’s following you or is it just on a routine patrol?

Q: I’m fucking sure man, it’s on my ass and following my every turn! How ah how ah?
A: Turn down your stereo, wind up your windows and act like you’re just on your way back home.

Q: I can’t close the windows I’m smoking a cigarette!
A: Okay, hold on to it, you don’t want to fog your car up.

Q: It’s burning my fingers!!!!
A: You’re gonna have a lot of other burning sensations if you chuck it out now so just take it like a man.

Q: Okay, I’m holding on to it. The patrol car is shadowing my every move. Fuck la!
A: Resistance is not futile. Chill. Just go with the flow and don’t draw attention to yourself.

Q: How do I sit ya? Can they see me inside my car ah?
A: Can you see the car in front of you when you have your headlights on? Ya, don’t ask stupid questions. Just be nonchalant.

Q: Shit la, I turned into an alley and this asshole Nissan is like driving 20 km/h and the police is still on my tail and they’re pointing at me. Fuck la, I seriously freaking out dy.
A: WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT YOUR REAR VIEW MIRROR FOOL? That’s like a sure fire sign you have something to hide. Act like you don’t know it’s a police car behind you can or not?

Q: What if I get stopped ah? Die la!
A: Check your wallet. Got cash or not? Check your car. Got contraband or not? Check your system. Can pass test or not? Actually this all just crap, the first question is the only important one.

Q: Should I take a photo of the police patrol car for my blog?
A: Eh, your mom dropped you on the head as a baby izzit? Idiot! Use stock photos la.

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25 thoughts on “The “OMG there’s a police car tailing me” FAQ”

  1. Cheers: Haha! I wasn’t hallucinating. It really was tailing me for reasons known only to them. T_T
    kimberlycun: Heh! In hindsight it was pretty funny but last night it was a bit gnarly having them peering into my car from behind and talking among themselves.
    I think it must be paranoia, I just had a lot of stuff in my car from moving. πŸ™‚
    Haha! Yeah, I could do that – since the coinbox is actually an ashtray. πŸ™‚

  2. KY: Haha! Yeah I remember that. πŸ™‚
    eiling: …but they’ll see you do it since they’re right behind with the headlights shining in! πŸ™‚
    autumn: Heh! There was a patrol car tailing me for AGES last night at Kelana Jaya. My third trip there to finally move all my stuff and pass the keys over. It was quite late at that time so I guess with my car stuffed with stuff, it kinda looked odd to them. πŸ™‚
    annant: It’s one of’s (useless) Guides to Everything. πŸ˜‰
    Haha! It’s meant to be tongue in cheek, all my guides are. πŸ™‚
    cumidanciki: Nope! I thought the police had me TARGET LOCKED + AQUIRED but it turns out that they were just curious about my car (which is full of stuff, including a TABLE). πŸ™‚
    No contraband. =D

  3. loved this , HB. aint doing a damn thing, got the seat belts on. hey, just a check, to make sure we got insurance. hey, dont flip that out of the car. well what am i supposed to do, let it burn my fingers? well i don’t know… but this car aint taged right, and we both got beer breath, ( well we did have a beer or three, well five, you know how that goes ) me and a friend were coming back from the hospital, ( no smoking) from visiting his wife. shit. breast cancer. The cop took one look, smiled, and said go on… I thougt I was gonna have a heart attack… but even cold sober… and I know nothing was wrong, and hell, I am one of them, still makes my heart pound… bad fashion… now gimme yout green card… you dont joke about that shit any more hope you had a nice thhanksgiving. after all was said and done,we had turkey and ham. and a few beers. at home, though. thanks HB. luck of the Irish, I guess. and how was yours, again? tom.

  4. all right stamp it out on the damn floor, just dont roll down a window and throw it out. cause then they got to hunt for it. really? yeah really. , hey it’s just a damn car rug. hell, this car don’t even come with an ash tray, much less a lighter… sigh. just be nonchalant…

  5. you should add altho police tailing, but you still have the most reliable streamyx, how lucky you are and never dissapointed wiht streamyx…

  6. Always carry your undercover Police Captain badge whenever driving. Guaranteed to get you out of sticky situations like this.You instantly outrank those annoying junior patrol offices and send them on their way promply…or even better, get them to escort you to your final destination…err which could be to jail if you can’t prove your a real police captain. Run!

  7. tom: Indeed my friend! I consider myself pretty lucky too, but Lady Luck (just like her sister Fame) is a pretty damn fickle mistress. πŸ™‚
    Take care my friend and be well! πŸ™‚
    redsky: Haha! Ya, I forgot. :p
    Nice one mate. πŸ™‚
    Jeff: Whoa! That is a a one way ticket to jail, do not pass go, do not collect RM 200. I’m not even going anywhere near that stunt. It would be pretty funny if it’s pulled off but REALLY unfunny if it’s not. πŸ˜‰

  8. last time i never scared when saw any of them but now cant as im driving illegally…no road tax,window tinted not pass and engine upgrade havent get approval from puspakom…lol

  9. HB, you and your misadventure are so interesting. I had a police tailed me and pull me over saying my blinker is mess up. Car shop mess it up by not having tail light working just front . Now it fix and no problem.

  10. J2Kfm: What kind of pass is that? I’m intrigued! πŸ™‚
    ah nel: Eh, that’s a lot of infractions…better get your car sorted out, it’s gonna cost a lot in fines (or bribes). πŸ™‚
    Michael (Mike): Ah, that’s good to hear! Sometimes the police over here stop people just for nothing a.k.a. profiling. πŸ™‚

  11. i agree that being calm is the key to handling various situations… i was paranoid when i saw policemen checking every car and i wondered if i’ve ever broken a rule without knowing… so, yea.. πŸ™‚

  12. aidi-safuan: Nope, they left me alone. πŸ™‚
    Apparently, they had other stuff to do (or other people to harress). πŸ˜‰
    Esther: Indeed! Police are like animals, they can smell fear on you so you really need to be as cool as a cucumber when you deal with them. πŸ˜‰

  13. Some time before, I did need to buy a car for my firm but I didn’t earn enough cash and could not purchase something. Thank heaven my brother suggested to get the loan from banks. Hence, I acted that and was satisfied with my consolidation loan.


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