RM 500 bribe for failing a breathalyser test

fuck the police

I had four drinks. FOUR. I was sober as hell when I drove home. I was praying to the heavens above that there won’t be a road block coz I’m a cop magnet.

Guess what?

No don’t guess, you know from the title of the post.

I kena road block. Jalan Kuching while going back from Zouk.

The first car was stopped, the second car was let go, and I was hoping mine would be too since I was ferrying 2 girls and didn’t look too dodgy.


That was not meant to be.

The police asked me if I had drank tonight. I wanted to be truthful so I said yes, a little.

Enter breathalyser.

I blew (cheated coz I held air in my mouth and exhaled halfway).

The cops asked me to do it again and I failed. There isn’t even any indication of how much I have exceeded the limit. It can’t be much since 1 drink per hour is the usual rule of thumb.

I was told to get out of the car and you know the drill. Go to police station, blood test if you want to contest the breathalyser and overnight in jail.

I said I’ll settle it for RM 300.

The police refused. They had the BALLS to ask me to go back to my car and ask my friends for money. They took another look at me and said I had to go for a urine test too. WTF????

I went back and rummaged further and discovered I had RM 400. Mich passed me RM 100 and I told her not to give me anymore, not going to pay the pigs so much.

The fucking porker came over and I said RM 500 is all I have and passed it to him.

He was pretty happy and let me go, even telling me that there is an (unopened) can of beer in my car. It’s been there forever!

I am giving the middle finger here as a big fuck you to the men in blue not coz of the DUI (wasn’t even drunk but I shall not comment further). I’m not saying they are assholes for probably messing with the breathalyser to fail everyone who has taken a single sip. I am not angry at them for doing their job, staying up late at night, manning road blocks so your tax money is hard at work GETTING THEM SIDE INCOME.

I am pissed off coz they had the audacity to get me to ask my friends for more money.

Hello PDRM? It is my fault, what’s it gotta do with them? BTW, you have corrupted cops (not that it’s breaking news – it’s stale as a 4 year old slice of bread) every weekend pocketing money from people driving home from clubs.

…and to all the sanctimonious fucks out there, get off your fucking high horse – it happens to everyone. Yes, I was over the limit but 4 drinks within 3 hours isn’t that much. Yes, it is technically wrong to bribe cops. I’ll like to see you stick to your untested rationale when you’re damn tired and just want to go home and is threatened with a night in jail and a urine test. We’ll see what you’ll do then. Judge not lest ye be judged yourself.

Oh, and of course I know certain opportunist parties out there will say “See, that’s why you shouldn’t sit in Huai Bin’s car” and trying to pass it of as a joke. YOU are the joke my friend. Everyone knows you slam others in front of everyone else, I don’t know about other people but I certainly don’t take you seriously. I think you’re a malicious little fuck.

Anyway, if you don’t like reading rants, please go watch Barney the cute purple dinosaur on TV. Yeah, switch on that idiot box.

Ending on a more positive note, thanks Mich, you’re an angel. Cheers for agreeing to take over the wheel after that just in case there are more road blocks and for everything else. <3

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46 thoughts on “RM 500 bribe for failing a breathalyser test”

  1. This is quite a little compared to what my friend went through. He got caught in a secluded area with his girlfriend and the police threatened to call the media and him, being very naive bribe the police. (I say naive because, according to the law, it is not wrong to be in a secluded area unless you’re a Muslim and they cannot threatened you with the media.) He agreed to pay them the amount they asked – RM 800!!!!! Of course he didn’t had that much cash with him so the police asked him to go to the bank , but he cannot bring his gf along. Left with no choice, he went to the ATM alone … and the worst thing happen – the police TRIED TO touch his gf.

  2. how much is the compound if issued summons? no jail terms right?
    I always extra careful on Saturday after midnight. Those uniform guys are out on full force.

  3. Ouch tough luck man…been there done that, 4 times to be exact. Each time they gave me the breathalyser, i passed. Heres the secret man, whenever the police ask “ada minum tak”, just say no. DO NOT ever say a little cos little to him means yes. Have to be a good actor on this, give him the poker face. If he still decides to give you the breathalyser, either blow lightly or blow other direction. Imagine I’ve drank 2 bottles of wine, felt like floating in the car, couldn’t even feel my feet or seat, whole face red like a tomato yet they still let me pass. What i find weird is the shape and size of the breathalyser…some are as small as the straw, some are as big as an exhaust pipe! And from what i heard the bribe amount is based on what car you’re driving. Facing this kinda situation i believe you have to be an expert in haggling lol…

  4. I bet the rigged the breath analyzer. There was once, I didn’t drink any alcoholic drink and the analyzer came out positive.I stood firm that I didn’t had any drink at all. You can charge me for speeding but not DUI I told the police and he let me go wtf.

  5. Hey everyone in the car is responsible don’t say things like it’s your fault and it has nothing to do with us le ok?
    Thanks for driving even when it’s such a big detour :S You prolly didn’t even need to pass through that road if you were goin home T_T

  6. dude how come you had to pay so much? I had friends who got caught with some drugs and they paid rm500 per person only. Usually when it comes to DUI you shouldn’t need to pay this much!
    Did they pull off the bad cop good cop routine? usually if you kiss enough ass they’ll lower the price lol.

  7. Just a very very wild thought
    What happens if you step out of the car and open up a can of beer in front of him and down it before you do the test ?
    Confirm to fail, but he got no proof u are drink driving because you drank after you step out of the car ? He cant charge you for drink driving right ?
    Dont drive to drink next time la.

  8. OMG!! RM500 I’ve passed that pig with the reason where i brought my frens from sarawak to linger around KL City with a mouthful of chewing gums…lol…It’s Unlucky for u…god bless~~!!

  9. dude. . .keep a bottle of breath freshener and tell them its the alcohol frm there. Get one frm AMWAY – GLISTER. . .they cant charge u then. spray b4 breathalyser.

  10. Real tough luck there bro. Sometimes the cops are just plain too much. There was once, I was forced to do the breathalyser test even when I was yet to touch a drop of alcohol. Guess they were just taking advantage of the situation as I had a few girls in my car.
    And I don’t think the cops deserve the name PDRM, it’s more like PRDM – Polis Raja Di Malaysia.

  11. One glass only – more than that you will fail the test already. Be a responsible drinker if you want to drink – take a cab! Definitely less than RM500. Ah well, you can always go up to Genting some more…

  12. the blue uniform pork is OWES like that.. i kena a lot of time asking for more…. and like if only me alone..then i will show them i don have enuf money.. but IF i have passenger.. HOHOHO!
    they will tell me.. kami sini ada 2 orang.. macam mana cukuP! !~@##$%^&! suruh kawan tolong… *doubled ~!@#$%^&*! *
    celaka betol neh! catch thief din see they so li hai.. bribing.. wah! number one!

  13. heh. 2 consecutive posts about pork.wonder what popo BKT would taste like……500 bucks is not to bad a deal for a good nights sleep. imagine being locked up for a night. you may have to do squats and get filmed by some cunt with a mobile phone….heh.

  14. Genova: It’s very common over here actually, they WANT the bribe more than they want to put you away. Think about the amount of cars they stop and a few hundred per driver…imagine how much they can net in a single night. πŸ™‚
    Michelle Chin: Yeah, very unfortunate. πŸ™
    Genova: Yup, have actually forgotten about it and written it off as a loss. πŸ™‚
    ShaolinTiger: Yeah, ridiculous! My friend had 3 drinks – one less, and she kena stopped too. Passed the breathlyzer though coz that 3 drinks was 3 hours before, same time. I was unfortunate in that I took a drink after that.
    Jhnhth: …and also NOFX – Murder the Government. πŸ˜‰
    WEEN: There is no court date buddy. πŸ˜‰
    I paid the cops off.
    Augustus: Yeah, I can’t believe I blew positive. I only had 4 drinks. Sheesh!
    thenomadGourmand: Yeah, they’re damn greedy nowadays. The most I ever paid was a RM 5,000 bribe but that’s a different story. Also on the road. T_T
    chefmel: That’s the worst! He tried to molest the gf too? That’s Malaysian men in blue for you, corrupt as hell, licensed gangsters. :S
    jasonlow: Yeah man, my sentiments exactly.
    horace: I think it’s quite a bit…and with my dubious record, I think my license might get suspended too. I got DUI before this too. I didn’t want to risk that so I paid up. πŸ™
    No car = can’t do shit.
    Jason Chow: Heh! Okay, will try that next time. I just thought if I said the truth, it’ll be alright. I was sober as hell, so perhaps next time I’ll just say no, I didn’t drink. πŸ™‚
    Simon Seow: Yeah, I won’t be surprised if they do. However, a friend of mine blew negative with 1 drink less than me though. Not sure if it’s the same road block.
    michellezyenn: No worries! Thank you for taking over the wheel that night. Yeah, I probably won’t have had to take that road, but then I might get stopped elsewhere so it’s no one’s fault. πŸ™‚
    seonpcs: Yeah, win from Genting, straight into police’s pocket. T_T
    58200: I just got back at that time, showered and wrote this long rant. Heh! I only went to sleep at 5 or 6 am.
    keep this anonymous: No good cop bad cop routine, just one cop. I think they had KPIs to meet coz they were serious about pulling people over and hauling them back to the station. Guess they had to hit to quotas that night.
    mrPP: HAHAHA! That is a REALLY good idea and a REALLY bad idea at the same time. The cops will be probably so pissed off they’ll haul you off on some bullshit charge. πŸ™‚
    Fahriee: Yeah man, they’re getting very greedy. πŸ™
    Cweelee: Yup, luck wasn’t on my side that night. It was a common road block spot but I was following the GPS so didn’t realize it until it was too late. πŸ™
    Cherry: Thanks Cherry! πŸ™‚
    foodcrazee: Hmm…it might work but they wanted me to go back with them to the station and have the girls drive my car home for a blood test to check my BAC levels. I’ll be fucked then coz it’ll show up anyway. πŸ™‚
    crappy booze: Good luck in Genting, bad luck with cops. πŸ™
    lightyoruichi: Yeah, I was VERY SOBER coz I was sober. T_T
    I should have said I didn’t drink.
    headsteadi: Yup, will do! πŸ™‚
    Marlboro Guy: Haha! Nice one. Yeah they’re getting a bit too much these days. The amounts they ask are starting to border on the ridiculous. :S
    suituapui: It’s one standard drink per hour – I had four in 3 hours so I guess technically I was over the limit by a bit, but 3 of them was taken in quick succession during the first 15 minutes so it’s only 1 drink. Oh well. πŸ™‚
    ahlost: I paid 10 TIMES that amount to four cops who stopped my car on a Saturday AFTERNOON once. 5k. 3k wasn’t enough for them. Now that was ridiculous. πŸ™
    yienyien: Yeah, it’s like their SOP now – getting EVERYONE in the car to fork out some cash. A bit too much! You’re right, better time could be spent doing ACTUAL police work.
    eiling: …but I don’t. T_T
    I look like a nice guy and I was wearing long sleeves to boot. πŸ™‚
    spike: Haha! Yeah I still remember that. I’ve spent time in jail and prison before – it’s not that bad since it’s not very long (not as long as rehab anyway) but still not something I want to do when I’m tired. πŸ™‚

  15. HB,
    Would it be cheaper to take a cab?
    Just follow law like how jack neo would put it, then those fat porkers can’t take a cent off ya..
    no supply, no demand..

  16. dont feel bad. done it my self. and am sitting here drinking a damn beer. and I read about your 29th birhday. and I have royally fucked things up. multiple times. really. am 50 now. at your age ( 29) I was an up and comming leader in my plant. I could do every thing. open pit minining. this was after I was busted out of the air force cause i failed day celestial navigation. cause I was drunk the night before. but no matter.. I worked ten years. and a good guy. too. untill I was runing the locmotive and I blurted out somthing I should not have said…. and they drew blood fore the test. dismissed. shamefull.. right? but I learned my lesson, right? wrong. I worked for years in the motel and hotel bussiness. nice people, and I learned a lot. at this age i would be about 36. but alot of pressure. talking care of my mom and dad. well… I blew it again. ended up in the hospitalital at age 38… what a promosing carrer… well managed to screw it up again.. was on disability… could not speak or walk even.. then worked as a qc guy at a cd dvd plant. and became night shift supervisor. then… they shut it down… but this time, it was not my fault… its just the way things happen some times at age 49. but dont feel bad… HB… you cant be as bad as me… yet.. the people you have helped.. just by your example… thanks and happy birthday..

  17. AN0N E MAU5: Hmm…not a bad idea, but doesn’t work in KL. The cabs rip you off big time. πŸ™
    Thanks for the suggestion though. πŸ™‚
    tom: Yeah, we’ve all been there before so when we’re old enough (not that I can claim to have your wisdom) we just don’t judge anymore coz we’ve been there and done that.
    Hey sorry to hear about that…but take care alright buddy?
    Thanks for the birthday wishes and I wish you all the best too my friend. πŸ™‚

  18. Seriously, im the last person to not break rules if i can, but if you drink and drive your a total asshole, doesn’t matter if you “feel drunk” or not. And im not justifying the cops, they are a fucking disgrace but, serves you right.

  19. i think it’s worth the money.. rather than the hassle of going to the police station, asking someone to post bail, attending court and having a criminal record..
    reminds me of my time in uk.. got stopped by police on christmas eve 8pm.. i was asked to sit behind their car and take the breath analyzer.. i was drinking from 2pm so the only thing i could think of is to “dilute” the breath with saliva.. (disgusting i know but i was a bit desperate) i ended up blowing saliva on their windshield and effectively messed up the machine..
    might be worth a try next time!

  20. happened to me b4 few years back.. was blocked at Jln Pudu (opposite prison) on our way back to Cheras.. a ‘po’ took us for a stroll around Imbi threatening that he’ll detain us unless we want his help.. all of us hid our money, leaving RM50 in our wallet.. at last we were freed with RM210 ‘fee’ + 6 remaining cig.. LICENCED ROBBER..

  21. Wtf: Mom? Is that you?
    aaron: Indeed bro! I totally agree on this account. πŸ™‚
    I don’t think there is any way to get around a breathalyser test. πŸ™
    coolesy: That entire bumming your cigarettes bit is just disgraceful. πŸ™

  22. hey HB keep on drinking and driving.. forget what these fucks are posting… you keep on doing what you want to do man.. impress the chickas that you can still drive after a few drinks… and have money to throw too…
    after all who are these people to tell you what to do.. don’t like don’t read and post lar right… gotta do all these while you are young and unmarried and without kids.. get this out of your system.. or not… hell keep on doing this as long as you want.. theres more fan club waiting to praise you antics…


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