You shouldn’t do that

me dad

My dad is the person that I admire the most. This is not the first time I have written about him – as I grow older, I get closer and understand him even more. As a kid, especially during my pubescent years where I made it my personal crusade to be the most rebellious little shit in the world, he stood by me.

I never understood why.

He believed in me when I went into a period of an intense hedonistic lifestyle of drugs, alcohol and indiscriminate sex. My dad never supported my choices though – I remember the first time I was arrested – I expected him to bail me out of jail, but he didn’t. I was in there for the standard 14 day remand until a friend bailed me out.

…now some of you might think that means he doesn’t love me. No, that isn’t true. It means he loves me so much he wants me to learn. I didn’t at that time but he kept on believing in me and encouraging me to sort out my life.

He would just tell me his personal take on things and advice me on life. I have always hated his advice – advice being the worse kind of vice and all that – but as I grew older, I started to appreciate it.

Now that I’m turning 31 I find myself looking to him for counsel for all the difficult decisions in life.

I wish I had more time to tap into his wisdom and life experience. Sure, there’s a huge generation gap between us but some things in life will always be true. I have learned love from him – and I believe I will be able to provide the same kind of unconditional love – agape – to my future children.

dad me

I really hope he’ll be there to see that and experience raising my kids with me.

I’m trying to live a healthier life and doing what I can to prolong the time we have together. There is a Wellness Profiling Tool which I’m using to find out about the little bad habits that I’ve never really thought about. It’s on the Great Eastern website and they have a motto that really tugs at my heartstrings – We believe that only you can be there for the ones you love.

There’s also an iOS and Android app called Great Eastern 21 days which you can use to break the bad habits that you have. Research suggests that it takes exactly that amount of time to truly stop a bad habit or start a new (good) one.

Surfing through the site made me realize that I’ve never taken a lot of photos with my dad – there is just a couple of snapshots over the Chinese New Year period and I really want to change that. There’s a Facebook contest where you can win a priceless photo shoot by celebrity photographer Russel Wong by uploading a photo and writing about how much that person means to you.

Your photo will join a gallery of Malaysia’s most irreplaceable people. The contest is called There Will Never Be Another You.

That’s exactly how I feel about you, dad. I’m sorry I was such a hard kid to raise up and I hope I’m doing enough to make up for it now, although as you always say, you don’t want any of that…all you hope to see is for me to be a good person. I’m trying every single day. I love you dad.

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23 thoughts on “You shouldn’t do that

  1. I bet your dad worried of you day and night in that 14 days. trust me. I know how it feels like. Because I’m playing the mothering role for my sister. When she faces some shitty thing in uni, it makes me worry to no end, even if I don’t know how to express it or do things contradictory to what i feel.

    • Sorry to hear that Michelle! :(

      Yeah, my sister was playing the mothering role for me when I was in Christchurch while I was 15 too. It didn’t work coz I moved out.

      I know it’s hard but you just have to trust that things will work out in the end. :)

    • That’s the strange thing, as a teen you’re embarrassed about your parents and don’t listen to a single word they say.

      However, as you grow older and realize their wisdom and need their advice, you wish that you had listened as a kid.

      Such is the irony of life. :)

  2. at first i was like wow this is really touching, where the hell is my tissue box…then halfway thru it BAM, i see the great eastern word and i yell out WHAT THE FUCK…come on…seriously? do you need to sell your soul for some cheap advertising? you fucking cheapskate?

    • You don’t understand, I wrote what I felt. This just reminded me of how during Chinese New Year I only took a couple of photos with him.

      Most of the time I asked him to video *me* playing with firecrackers and I felt really bad about that.

      I want a photo with him and I don’t want to take him for granted.

      I could have written about anyone but I wanted to write about my dad coz I really love him and I want him to know that, even though he already does.

  3. HB, your father or should I say parents blend over backward for you and sister . They made unselfish act and love and devotion to you. I got almost in trouble with the law with my sister in nightclub by starting a business using my friend. We sort of pimp her as escort in club. She would talked and dance with the would be John and get paid by him and he buy her a drink too.

    My mother found and see her told me and my sister to stop it for plain clothing police sometime visit club to check on things. Sure enough there were some in plain clothing and good thing we stop it and never and. One police was off duty that and was suppose been my sister date I saw him with another date he lied saying he was sick. I went over and sock him in the nose cause him to bled. His date and him were drunks and she ask me what my name and I sock her also saying my name is Fists!

    • Yeah, it comes from a Greek word called “agape” – it means “unconditional love”. It’s usually only used in terms of God as it is believed that only God can achieve unconditional love but I don’t believe that, I think parents can too.

      I’m do feel that for my parents and I will do that for my children too. However, I learned you can’t do it for everyone. Unconditional love is very exhausting.

      I tried doing it for someone, it didn’t work out. Maybe I’ll write about it some other time.

  4. Your dad’s a great guy, Huai Bin. I guess work commitments took him away most of the time when you were growing up but it was all for the family…and you. Guess you’ve heard this a million times before, an overkill perhaps…and I guess you know it only too well yourself. Cheers, buddy.

    • I know mate. He’s an awesome guy, the greatest person I’ve ever known.

      I don’t think work commitments has anything to do with it, I’ve always enjoyed the weekends where he came back. Some people are just born that way e.g. rebellious, doing this their own way, wanting to experience stuff a.k.a. people like me. :)

      Cheers mate!

  5. When i was 14, I skipped school, and my dad threatens to send me to rehab. I didn’t understand why. I was going through a very difficult phase in my life. I didn’t fit in and I don’t feel as if I belonged in school. When my dad told me that he will send me to school for juvenile kids back then, I thought he was cruel and didn’t love me. I’m a mother of a little boy now, and my boy is a very handful child. He did many things that irked me and made me feel like throwing him into a boarding school and only see him once a week for his own good. We never understood our parents until we’re more mature to understand their actions. They wanted us to grow and be a good person…even if they have to make a very cruel decision in the process.

    I suppose your dad did the right thing, even though you felt it was cruel of him back then. We’ve come full circle, huh?

  6. Being a father of pre teen kids made me realised that the best way to love them is not to have too many rules/expectation for them or for things in life. Sometimes we get too caught up in our own expectations that we miss out on enjoying our family, friends and life.

    Your dad chose to not to impose his rules/expectations on you and chose to be there for you as his son rather expect you to be society’s stereotype of a good son. I can see that your dad is a very compassionate man.

  7. Hey Man,

    I read your blog years ago and just found it again now some 5 years later. Some big changes you have made.

    Just wanna congratulate you

  8. Awww. That is definitely sweet. I never tried telling and doing something like this for my dad.
    Advance happy father’s day.

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