My girlfriend just broke up with me…

rainie breakup

Rainie has broken up with me. I really have given it my all. Maybe I could have done more. I don’t know if it even matters. She has now moved back with her ex-boyfriend. I will neither assign blame nor vilify her.

It hurts like hell. I feel an emptiness and I have to keep myself from calling her and begging her to come back.

I usually fail.

I really, really loved her and I did a lot of things and accepted a lot of things about her which I usually won’t.

It’s no one’s fault.

I don’t even know how to begin to write this but for myself, I need to.

She’s a really great person and I really loved her. I still do.

I have trust issues which I felt was very justified. I will not vilify her, she’s a great person that maybe I could have saved but I wasn’t strong enough.

I’m glad things moved this fast though. I never regretted a moment we had together. However, it really hurts to be treated like this.

She left me while I was in Phuket. We had an argument over my trust issues and she packed her bags and went back to her ex-boyfriend (which would make that her current boyfriend again) instead of waiting until I got back as we agreed. I now know things that I didn’t.

I have forgiven her for things which goes against my very principles. She was one the only 3 people I’ve ever loved like this.

I won’t go into details because it’s her life. I will not assign blame, if there’s anyone to blame, let it be me.

I just wished she could have told me instead running off when I was in Phuket. I wish she hadn’t taken the easy way out. I would have understood.

Worst of all, I know that if she comes back I know I’ll still love her and forgive her.

Perhaps people with the dark triad of personalities is destined to only get the girls during that crucial period before their ovulation.

Never to be together with someone, only to be a temporary fling as you seem more attractive during that time, forever, and ever, and ever.

…and that is a very dark thought.

It’s so disheartening that once I stopped being a player and started to be a nice guy, the ladder theory proves true. It’s so easy to get girls when you’re being a player but when you’re being serious in the relationship, the tables are turned and you get played.

However, I won’t go back to being what I was. I want to be a nice guy and I want my partner to love me because I love her, not because I’m a manipulative player.

No one can take that from me. I know I’m ready for a serious relationship and I have really tried and I’ve given it my all.

I saw a cute little girl while out tapao-ing food I won’t eat just now. She’s adorable and I looked at her parents and it made me think that maybe nice guys won’t always finish last.

In a fit of Zen, I have looked at it another way. It could be that the dark triad of personalities tend to attract some type of girls but I don’t think that your personality is set. I wasn’t a player before and I stopped being a player now, ergo, I have discarded the attributes that used to fit the dark triad of personalities.

There is someone out there waiting for me. Someone I will love and cherish and who will reciprocate. Someone who will not lie to me and whom I will not lie to.

A relationship built on trust.

That is what keeps me going during this difficult period.

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95 thoughts on “My girlfriend just broke up with me…”

  1. Your ‘new’ girlfriend just moved in and you went to Phuket alone without her? Three times you have been left. You need to get professional help. If you are happy being alone, better that way don’t upset any more girls. Seriously, do you ever wondered what is wrong with you?

  2. owh mann so bloody sorry to hear about this. It was just last week i was congratulating you on the older posts and now this?

    Take care bro, i may not know much but im sure something good must have come out of this.

    ok so pint?

    • Oh well, such is life bro.

      It look me almost a week before I could even start thinking straight.

      I’m alright now, I’m back on my feet.

      Thanks mate! πŸ™‚

    • Hey Constance, thanks for your kind comments.

      Yeah, it’s quite unfortunate but I’m glad she’s happy and I’m slowly getting better. I’m back on my feet at least, which is something.

      I’m glad to hear that. Words of encouragement indeed. Thanks Constance. πŸ˜€

  3. Greetings from the US:
    I just wanted you to know that I read your blog all the time. It seems as if you are a caring, intelligent person with a lot to give the world. I’m sorry that you are hurting now, but I think you will find the love you deserve. Be well and use this time to take a breath. Soon the sadness will subside.

    • Thanks for all your kind words and support, my friend.

      Yes, with time the sadness does subside. Time heals all wounds as the old saying goes.

      Cheers for the vote of confidence, I’m much better now. πŸ™‚

  4. Man that fucking sucks. At least you knew quickly and didn’t have to spend a bloody year trying to find out like I did last year. This isn’t rock bottom in the slightest. You have lots to do and look forward to.

    • Oh crap, I’m sorry to hear about your experience bro. 😑

      I hope you’ve recovered from that and moved on.

      Thanks for the perspective.

  5. Hey HB, cheer up! You still have me πŸ˜›

    p/s : I guess the “moving in” part is a curse. Remember you wrote abt it multiple times? haha

  6. I’m sad that it’s dated today πŸ™ It was Japan tsunami during my birthday last year.

    Anyway, staying as a nice guy is the right choice. Don’t ever change that. Have faith and someday, someone more suitable will come along. I’ve had the same experience as you did but we never started. Until now, I still wouldn’t trust guys who tell me they’re interested in me.

  7. big wtf, seriously. i was reading your lovey dovey post with her at 3am this morning, and now i can’t believe i’m reading the break up post already.. D:

    anyways, have you ever ‘like’ someone before it turns into ‘love’?
    a good thing about you is that you won’t blame her or what. what a great guy you are πŸ™‚ cheer up! you still got time to find the right one. πŸ™‚

  8. Well ! if you do belive in religious…then you know this is pay back time!! but if you have decided to turn a new leaf then take the blow!! No problem ! you will got your true love.

  9. HB, sorry what happened. Love is strange you cannot plan it sometime. It something that will hit you so fast you won’t even know it at time. You will meet someone that will like you first see soon in your future. You will feel something like lightning shock when it happen.

  10. if we are both in china now, i will register u for “fei chang wu rao” programme, all the gals in there are serious for relationship.

    dont think too much, if she cannot wait/trust for u for few days while ur in phuket since she already moving-in with u, i think she is not worth it.

    huggs tc

  11. hugs. i’m so sorry to read this. i’m glad that you’ve chosen to not be too bitter over this, and not let it get in the way of your resolve to be a better person. don’t worry, something good, something better might just come out of this. and whatever it is, you still have friends around who care about you =)

  12. Maybe religion can help. I suggest you to attend church activity maybe starting from youth group. You might as well forgot a girl that you can sleep with and moving in with you in less than a month. I can guarantee that she will not be a good wife. Your father shall be able to help you. Why not start praying even if you don’t know God.

    • Hey, if you want to insult people, can you please be not a dick?

      I also seriously think you are the worst kind of Christian. Do stop quoting the bible (its on yr blog), that’s a real insult.

  13. The ‘girlfriend-moving-in’ curse? BS! It’s all self prophecy. You say it’s going to happen you made it happen. Blame yourself for it and not some mumbo jumbo invinsible force such as curse. Grow up and get some life!

    • Never said it was a prophecy dude.

      Things didn’t work out. I got played but I’m happy coz I found out this early instead of just dragging it along.

  14. HB, so sorry to hear that. I have no other words so I don’t think I should try. Sending you a comforting stranger’s hug from Australia.

  15. Dont think the world as being so black and white man. If you’re a nice guy you be played and if you’re a player you’ll be safe??

    I think the best way to think of it is to trust when you’re ready. and hey, nice guys will get the nice girls. at least, from my POV, i won’t want a bad guy in my life. the bad guy stereotype may work for me when i was 16 though

  16. *hugs* things happen…and sometimes we kick ourselves that it happened. Sometimes we blame others.

    but when it comes to trust or commitment issues, it takes two to clap. and it takes two to tango. no one is to blame. not you. not Rainie.

    move on. take a break. the right one will come along then.


  17. errr.. Sorry to hear this, and stay strong. the right person is yet to appear.

    P/S: happy for you because contributing one head count into the “good man” statistic now. =D

  18. On the bright side of things, her moving in made you clean and fixed up your place. Good thing! Don’t mess it up again. Be a man.

    You won’t vilify her but for her to be moving in back and forth two guys pretty much makes her a slut. Nothing lost brother.

  19. It’s called karma. You’re not going to get away from all the past hurt you gave the girls you played.

    No way. No amount of apologies would make up for the past.

    You have to pay back for every action you did to hurt others.

    • I know I’ve hurt a lot of people in the past.

      If it’s karma, then let it be, but I don’t want it to be karma coz she’ll be bearing the brunt of it if it is.

  20. Cheer up bro, all is not lost. At least you have tried. I am pretty sure there is someone out there who is worth your wait!

  21. Huai Bin…. sad to hear about this, really. But believe that everything happens for a reason, so long we’ve given our all, live with no regrets ya! I must say this ended as fast as it started, though you have even wanted her to move in with you (which is pretty huge).

    Look on the bright side, I’ll intro you my daughter (well that’s what my doc says anyway) in a couple more months to come ya! As i’m currently 7 months preggie now πŸ™‚

  22. She was just using the guy as an excuse to dump you. That is not her ex/bf at all.

    She changed her mind, regretted about being with you, after getting advice from many of her friends about your mental condition and drug use history.

    Too bad, none of her close friends like you, so she did what they advised her to do.. even got one of them to act as her ex-bf.

    She’s also afraid of you turning out to be a psychopath/sociopath and this makes breaking up with you much harder in future.

    So she decided to jettison the dangerous cargo before it sinks her ship.

    • wow that explains everything huh? looks like apart from the 1 week ending period which i was right about, i think i even got the reason correct too. this is like a no brainer at all.

  23. Wow! The amount of vitriol astounds me. I’m not a fan of HB but the lack of decency in some of the postings in here makes me wonder – and some of them profess to be religious! Interesting how some of the posters in here only have the courage to criticise whilst using a pseudonym. Real courage there, mates.

    BTW, the guy’s going through a breakup, give him a fucking break

  24. can’t say i’m surprised. but look at the way you even met her. you were only together for what, 1 month? and you hardly knew each other before you got together. i’ll even venture to bet that you hardly knew each other WHILE you were together. you shouldn’t have been that emotionally attached in the first place. still sucks to have that happen. take care.

    maybe you need to start looking for girls in different ways. your previous gf seemed a lot better imo anyway (in terms of being a good girl). but obviously i don’t know either of you personally so it’s just an impression. good luck with that.

  25. LOL i hate to say this but…I TOLD YA! i gave it a week and here he goes again. boohoo and next thing you know he’ll be posting another girls pic. this is more predictable than the oscar. so whos next? πŸ™‚ any itchy pussy…cat out there?

  26. dude the only way you will ever get a partner is find a gay guy. seriously dude this is what they call KARMA. stop acting like a crybaby and be a man for once. blogging about relationships make yourself look like a fxxking p u s s y.

    • he has a right to blog about relationships and whatever he wants to… it is his blog after all!.. maybe you can stop reading his blog if you hate it so much

  27. Hi,

    Most of the time, red flags are there for a reason. Yet when we’re passionately in love, we tend to close our eyes.
    If we see ourselves being in the same situation but with different person, Universe/God is trying to tell us something. The issue is not about the other person, but ours.
    Know yourself first, then you will know the right person you want to be with.
    Take care.

    • Thanks jimmy!

      I will stay true to myself. Not going to be a player anymore, I know how it hurts people, even with the best of intentions, it’s selfish in its core.

      Thanks for reading bro. πŸ™‚

  28. “……………………………………..” (I don’t know what should i say and what you want me to say)
    May be what i can suggest is consult the person who appeared in the post before this. I think he will be the one who really can help you, give you best advise and support. Andalso, same like before, i not going to say any word to comfort you. You start it yourself, your finish it too.

    • Of course mate.

      I don’t expect anything from anyone. That’s the way I’ve always lived my life, which is probably why I’m so misunderstood. πŸ™‚

      I’m already healing and I will be a better man because of this.

  29. It’s alright dearie, Look at it as one of your favourite dish from your grandma. Chai Poh (Pickled radish) comes in bits and chunks, Life and relationships come in this form too. Obviously you don’t want bits and chunks because you want to own a radish farm to cultivate good quality radishes for them to be pickled, no? You have gone through so much with your past and you are doing fantastic! C’mon, don’t feel sad. You will be fine because I know you will..;-)
    Take care.


    • Heh! What an analogy Yvonne! πŸ™‚

      Thanks for that, you really made me smile. You’ve done more for me than I could ever ask for.

      I appreciate that you’re trying to help me through this and for that you have my sincere thanks.

      Thanks Yvonne. πŸ˜€

  30. All of us have history. You are not answereable to anyone of us. You are an inteligent boy and you know what you should do. Look at all the comments, Some are negative BUT alot of them are positive. Lucky guy, you! There are alot of people who cares about you, Take care.;-)

    • Yup, at least you know who your friends are. πŸ™‚

      There are some who judge but I don’t care what they think about me. I have peace knowing that I did the best I could and nothing could have prevented this – nothing. It wasn’t about me.

      Thank you Yvonne, for the kind comments. You take care too.

  31. Somehow this is important news too:

    Sex-deprived flies drink more alcohol, study finds
    By MALCOLM RITTER, AP Science Writer, 15 Mar 2012

    Barflies: Sex-deprived male flies go for the booze

    NEW YORK (AP) — Guys, when your sweetheart says “No thanks” to sex, do you knock back a few stiff drinks to feel better? Turns out fruit flies do pretty much the same thing.

    That’s the word from a new study that may explain why both species react that way.

    In Friday’s issue of the journal Science, researchers propose a biological explanation for why “Not tonight, dear” may lead to “Gimme another beer.” If it proves true in people, it may help scientists find new medications to fight alcoholism.

    In that case, we can thank thousands of frustrated flies.

    One by one, these eager Lotharios were put into a container with a female that had just mated. So she was really, really not interested in doing it again anytime soon. She would run away. She would kick the male. She would stick out her egg-laying organ to hold him at bay.

    The male flies went through three hour-long sessions of this every day for four days, enough rejection to discourage them from trying any more.

    After that experience, rejected flies were put in vials and given a choice of regular food or alcohol-laced food. They consistently went for the alcohol more than did the male flies that had just mated. In fact, they evidently got plastered.

    Some rejected males were moved to a different environment, where groups of guys mingled with receptive females. After the guys had sex, their yen for alcohol declined.

    The researchers also paired thousands of other male flies with dead virgin females, so that they didn’t experience rejection but didn’t have sex either. They still hit the sauce.

    What’s going on here?

    The researchers did other work that implicates a substance in the fly brain called NPF. They theorize that pleasurable activities like having sex boost the activity of brain circuits that use NPF, and that feels good. If a fly is denied sex, the system goes into deficit, driving the fly to seek other rewarding activities such as drinking alcohol.

    “I think it’s a pretty good bet that it will translate to humans,” said Ulrike Heberlein of the University of California, San Francisco, who led the research. If so, “one can say we could now understand why a negative experience, such as a sexual rejection, could drive somebody to drink.”

    Further research into NPF brain circuitry could shed light on the biology of alcohol abuse and possibly point to treatments someday, said Troy Zars of the University of Missouri in Columbia, who didn’t participate in the new work.

    Fruit flies are a favorite lab animal in part because scientists have exquisite control over their biology. Here, the researchers were able to alter brain function to zero in on NPF’s role.

    Whatever the relevance to humans, the work already pays off when Heberlein meets people at parties.

    “It makes for wonderful conversation,” she said. “When you tell them this story, they just really can’t believe it.” – Associated Press

  32. That was sad. Don’t worry, just think that it is not your lost but hers. Let her go to his ex and someday she will regret that she leave you after all the things you did for her. Just think that there is someone better that will come.


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