Project Doctor Shopping I – Project Deep Sedation

Project Doctor Shopping

Episode I – Project Deep Sedation

The Quest for the Holy Benzodiazepine

Happy days are here again

Success rating chart:

0/5 Nothing
1/5 No recreational pharmaceuticals
2/5 Small amount of benzodiazepines
3/5 Medium amount of benzodiazepines
4/5 Large amount of benzodiazepines
5/5 Permanent script

Let us dream and sleep tonight

Note: This is very long, but if you read everything, I’ll love you so much! Thanks! πŸ™‚


Recreational drug user branching into doctor shopping

Mr. Breathing Exercises
New age guy who’s very interested in breathing exercises

Benzo Nazi
Doctor who is very stingy with benzodiazepines

Benzo Gestapo
Doctor who lectures you about the evils of benzos before very reluctantly prescribing

The Angel
Nice counselor who would be very helpful if you really have problems. God bless you.

Benzo Messiah
Doctor who breaks out with the script, no questions asked

Note:Identifying clinic names have been changed to XXX and doctor’s real names have been replaced with pseudonyms.

Part I Mr. Breathing Exercises

Location: University of XXX Counseling Service

I walked into the place because it’s free and they have clinical
psychiatrists which I assumed would be able to script me some benzos. A
counselor invited me into his room and talked to me about my ‘anxiety
problem’. I told him I’ve had panic attacks before and I’m feeling
anxious and unable to sleep recently and I nearly had a panic attack
again so that’s why I came in today. I said I was just lying in bed and
for no reason my heart started pounding really hard and I couldn’t
breath. I thought I was going to have a heart attack and I felt sure I
was going to die.

During all that, I kept fidgeting and tried to look strung out and
anxious. The counselor said it sounds like I have a very bad anxiety
problem and wanted to teach me some breathing exercises. I wanted to
steer the conversation to medication so I casually mentioned that I was
prescribed Valium when I had a bad panic attack a couple of years ago.
I didn’t say it like that, it was like “Hmm…I was given something
called…hmm…I think it was called Valium? and it really helped me a
lot”. He said “Oh, that’s good, but I’m not a doctor so I can’t script
you anything”.

At that point, I was ready to walk out the door, but out of
politeness, I didn’t. He taught me breathing exercises to help control
my ‘panic attacks’. After 15 minutes he looked at the clock and said
“Oh, we have 30 minutes left so let me teach you another technique”.
God save me…I was just here to bum a script. Well, the counselor was a
nice guy so I just smiled and nodded politely when he taught me ways to
control my ‘anxiety disorder’. Do you feel calmer now? Yeah it really
work’s doesn’t it? Yes, yes I said while thinking “Can I please go
now?”. πŸ™‚ He’s a really nice dude though, so I didn’t want to be rude.


My handwriting is very distinctive, so…

A card with a list of things to do to control my ‘anxiety disorder’

Cost of consultation: A$0 – it’s a free service

Cost of medication: N/A

Success rating: -1/5
That’s for making me sit for 15 minutes practising breathing exercises!

Part II Benzo Nazi Visit #1

Location: University of XXX Health Service

This time I went to a real GP (doctor) at the university’s clinic. I
didn’t change my story from the first experiment but I embellished it a
bit. I said I had several panic attacks that I couldn’t control and I
checked myself into a hospital once because I really thought I was
going to die. I also mentioned I haven’t slept for several days and I
have a recurring anxiety problem. The doctor said not many Malaysian
students come in for anxiety problems and said it’s great that I would.
I said I wouldn’t come in too, except I had a really bad panic attack
yesterday and it’s affecting my studies. I stressed on the fact that I
couldn’t sleep and asked if there’s anything that would help me sleep
coz things gets strange after a while when I don’t sleep. I also said I
was given Valium before and it helped a lot with sleep.

Doctor: Have you ever taken any drugs? Ecstasy? Marijuana?
Me: No, I don’t take drugs. (lying through my teeth but maintaining eye contact)
Doctor: Do you go to clubs? Raves?
Me: No. (lying through my teeth and maintaining eye contact but wondering wtf this has got to do with anything)
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol?
Me: No…well, only during special occasions like Chinese New Year.
(again lying through my teeth but added an extra bit for realism)
Doctor: Well, I’m going to put you on something that’s going to help
you with the anxiety and panic attacks. Let me see if I have a sample

The doctor goes out of the room while I cross my fingers and hope
for benzos. The doctor comes in with: Zoloft (sertraline). Oh man…that
has zero recreational potential. I was trying to discourage him from
that and asked “Does it have any side effects?”. He said “Yes, there’s
quite a few” and told me about it. I tried to look doubtful but he said
he wants to try this before anything else. He said that even though it
might increase my anxiety as first, I should not stop taking one every
morning. I did not take any of course.

Temazepam tablets

He then reached into a drawer and gave me three tablets in a blister
pack. “Here, this is to help you sleep”. I wanted to smile so badly coz
it’s almost certainly benzos but I kept a poker face and asked again
“Does it have any side effects?”. Just for the sake of realism you
know. He said not to take it with alcohol and only take one a day. He
also told me to come back again next week and tell me how it goes.

Temazepam blister pack – back view

I thanked him and could barely walk out of the room before reaching
into my pocket and reading the blister pack. Temazepam. 10 mg tablets
marked under Normison. Woo hoo, that’s better than nothing. I had it with some alcohol and cannabis [] and it felt great.



7 x 50 mg Zoloft (sertraline) – no recreational potential

Temazepam blister pack – front view

3 x 10 mg Normison (temazepam) – a benzodiazepine

Cost of consultation: A$0 – used Medibank Private (health insurance)

Cost of medication: FREE

Success rating: 2.5/5
The extra 0.5 is coz it was free! πŸ™‚

Part III Benzo Gestapo

Location: XXX Road Clinic

Disappointed at the meager returns from my previous endeavors, I
decided a change in story is required. This time I didn’t use my
Medibank Private health insurance. That is because my personal
information and medical history is inside and I was planning to tell a
WHOPPER of a story this time. I filled in my details as Tan Kim Leong
and put a fake address and waited in the waiting room. A nurse came out
soon after.

Nurse: “Kim? Kim Leong?”
Me: (thinking) Who the hell is that guy who’s holding up the line?
Nurse: “Do we have a Kim Leong in here?”
I looked around the room.
I was the only Asian.
The nurse looked at me
Nurse: “Kim?”
I gave her a blank look.
Nurse: “Are you Kim?”
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck! I put Kim Leong down as my name! Stupid me! I didn’t even remember that! /kicks myself
Me: “Yeah, I’m Kim, sorry to have kept you waiting. I kinda zoned out a bit there.”
Nurse: “That’s okay, come on in”

Note to self: If you’re going to use a fake name, at least REMEMBER it, dumbass!

I went into the doctor’s office and told the doctor that I arrived in Melbourne on Wednesday (it was a Friday then).

Doctor: How can I help you?
Me: Well…..I had a bit of a…I guess you can call it a nervous breakdown about a month ago and I had to go to the hospital.
Doctor: What happened?
Me: Nothing, I was just sitting there, eating with my family when I
totally freaked out. I thought I was going to die. My heart was
pounding so hard and I couldn’t breath and the walls seem to close in
on me. I was so convinced I was going to die! The people at the
hospital refered me to a GP and I was diagnosed with panic disorder.
I’ve been put on this medication called…Klonopin I think it was. It’s a
round blue tablet with a K inside and I’m supposed to take it once a
Doctor: Klonopin. Let me check the database. Ah, its clonazepam. What happened then?
Me: Well, I came here on Wednesday and I had a month’s worth of tablets
with me and the customs officer seized it coz I didn’t have an
Australian doctor’s prescription. I didn’t even want to come to a
doctor but I couldn’t sleep and I had a very bad panic attack so I
called my mom and she called my doctor and the doctor said not to stop
taking it suddenly and asked me to see someone here. I tried to go to a
pharmacist but they said I had to get a doctor’s prescription.
(Man, I’m telling absolute whoppers here)
Doctor: Hmm…well that’s a very bad drug.
Me: Why is that? (pretending to be ignorant)
Doctor: It’s addictive
Me: IT’S ADDICTIVE?!?!? The doctor didn’t tell me that! (a bit of overacting but to keep the image right, you understand)
Doctor: Yeah, its very bad for you. I’ll teach you some breathing exercises to help control your panic attacks.

Oh God…not again…

Anyway, after the longest 10 minutes I ever experienced, the doctor
said, I’ll script you some tablets, but only take them if it’s

Doctor: (coming really close and looking me in the eye) Do you take
drugs? Amphetamines? Speed? Ecstasy? Heroin? Marijuana? LSD? (he
rattled off dozens of drug names and street terms, I’m not kidding!)
Me: (forcing myself to look straight into his eye) No, I don’t take drugs and I never have.

I was expecting lightning to strike me down on the spot. Please forgive me God. πŸ™‚

I put mosiac on the address coz it’s just some address I passed by
while on my way to the clinic. It belongs to someone else, so I didn’t
want to show it. Also edited out the script number and doctor’s
signature. Don’t want to cause anyone any problems. Needless to say, my
real name is not Tan Kim Leong πŸ™‚

Well, after that he broke out his script pad and he said it’s not the
same ones I got, but it’s similar in action. He reiterated the
addictive nature of benzos and told me to use the breathing exercises
instead of the tablets unless its absolutely necessary. He scripted me
20 x 5 mg Valium (diazepam) tablets.

I went to the pharmacist to cash in my script and got 50 x 5 mg
tablets instead of 20 x 5 mg tablets! The mind BOGGLES! The script
clearly said:
Diazepam tablets (5 mg)
Quantity: 20 (TWENTY)

The pill container said it contains 50 x 5 mg tablets. I took every
pill out and counted it and sure enough there were 50 inside! What
luck! Thank you Soul Pattinson Chemist for making a mistake giving me
20 extra tablets! That’s 50 mgs extra diazepam goodness. Haha!


Antenax – generic Valium (diazepam). That’s not my real name.

50 x 5 mg Antenax (generic Valium) (diazepam)

Cost of consultation: A$35 – didn’t use Medibank Private to support my whopper of a story

Cost of medication: A$10.65

Success rating: 3/5

Part IV The Angel

Location: XXX Community Mental Health Services and Counseling

This one looks promising. I went inside and made an appointment to
see a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist came out soon and invited me to her
office. She was very friendly and emphatic (psychiatrists are trained
that way) and I felt sorry about telling her my whopper of a story. It
was the same one I told in Part #3 Benzo Gestapo. She was extemally
symphetathic and was very apologetic because she said there are no
doctors here so she couldn’t script me the Klonopins. She was very
helpful and showed me where to go (because my whopper of a story said I
just came here two days ago) and kept on saying how terrible it was to
be under such stress right after coming here and how sorry she was for

She went out of her second floor office and walked with me to show
me where the nearest clinic was. I felt really, really bad at this
point coz I was just faking a story to get a script and she bought it.
πŸ™ She even walked with me the other way to show me where the
pharmacist was so I can cash my script after I get it. πŸ™ That was
beyond the line of duty. I’m sorry! I was lying just to get a script
but your empathy is not wasted. I shower your firstborn with blessings
from the bottom of my heart. Thank you very much, you’re a very good
counselor and I’m sure your real patients think the same and appreciate

Sympathy and a sincere respect for counselors

Cost of consultation: A$0 – they don’t charge

Cost of medication: N/A

Success rating: 0/5

Part V Benzo Nazi Visit #2

Location: University XXX University Health Service

I had made an appointment for one week after the first visit so here
I am again. It’s free anyway. I told the doctor I still hasn’t been
able to sleep and the Zoloft made me so nauseous I could not bare to
take it after 5 days. I got that side effect from
[] – the scripter’s friend. πŸ™‚ It was the highest incidence
among test subjects so I had already decided to use that excuse.

Doctor: What about the tablets for sleep? Did you finish that?
Me: (thinking) Of course I did, ate them on the same day with alcohol and cannabis even.
Me: (saying) No, I only took two because it didn’t help me sleep at all.

Why did I say that?

1.Saying I didn’t take all meant I’m not a benzo abuser

2.It also says that temazepam is not strong enough for me so hopefully a more powerful benzo will be prescribed

Front of brand name Valium blister pack

Well, the doctor said he’s going to put me on something new and went
out to get a sample pack. He came back with a box of Aropax
(paroxetine). -.- For crying out loud…why doesn’t he just script me
benzos. I was obviously steering him towards it. Now I’ve gotta give a
reason as to why I can’t take Aropax. Anyway, if you didn’t know, stuff
like Zoloft and Aropax is not recreational. You just don’t get high off
them but it has valid therapeutic uses.

Good thing he also gave me 3 x 5 mg Valium (diazepam) for sleep so
the trip was not a total waste. Everything was free anyway, so I can’t
complain. He told me to take the Aropax the same way and said its not a
first line defense against anxiety disorder so I’ll have to see him
next week again and see how it goes.


Back of brand name Valium blister pack

3 x 5 mg Valium (diazepam)

Aropax (paroxetine)

10 x 20 mg Aropax (paroxetine) – no recreational value

Cost of consultation: A$0 – Medibank Private insurance

Cost of medication: FREE

Success rating: 2.5/5
Again, the extra 0.5 coz it’s free.

Part VI Benzo Messiah

Location: XXX Medical Clinic

This one has a large sign behind the counter which says:

We DO NOT prescribe:
Or any other benzodiazepine and narcotics

This doesn’t sound good at all. I filled up the new patient form
anyway and put my faith in my acting abilities. I was so dumb as to
write my real family name at first. Force of habit, ya know. I crossed
it out several times before putting Tan Boon Hock as my alias. The
receptionist took one look at my crossed out form and regarded me with
extreme suspicion. Oops!

I had to wait a long time too coz this clinic was very busy. I
noticed that each patient was with the doctor for only 3 minutes! Isn’t
that amazing? Anyway, it was soon my turn and this time I remembered my
alias. :p It was Tan Boon Hock if you want to know. Heh! Well, I went
to the doctor’s office and told him about my problem.

It was the same “customs confiscated my Klonopin” story except I now
said I had been diagnosed with panic disorder for a year and I have
been on clonazepam for 8 months (instead of the previous 2 weeks
story). Personally, I think that this a better cover story because you
can get seizures and other withdrawal symptoms if you suddenly stop
from a long term course of benzos.

Why am I so keen on clonazepam? Well, I have easy access of Xanax
(alprazolam) when I’m in Malaysia and I take that often then so I
wanted something different. Clonazepam is the same strength to
alprazolam when compared milligram to milligram but clonazepam doesn’t
take effect until 1-2 hours while alprazolam is pretty mush instant.
However, clonazepam lasts heaps longer, and I haven’t had it before so
I’m keen to try it.

Anyway, the doctor says he’s not familiar with Klonopin and flipped
through some drug database book. I didn’t want to say clonazepam coz
that makes it sounds like I’m too familiar with the drug. I wanted to
play the ignorant patient, not the knowledgeable scripter. I said it’s
a blue pill with a K shape inside. I could say K shaped perforation,
but that doesn’t fit the ignorant patient image does it?

Doctor: Ah, I’ve found it! It must be this one. Clonodine.
Me: (thinking) Oh my God, no, that’s an anti-hypertensive for high blood pressure.
Me: (speaking) No, that’s not the one. It’s K-l-o-n-o-p-i-n.
Doctor: It could be this one, things may be under different brand names over here. I’ll write a script for you.


Time for something drastic!

Me: Hmm…er, I think…I THINK its also called clonazepam. I’m not sure though.
Doctor: Ah! Clonazepam. Let me read the book and see if I’m allowed to prescribe that.
(riffling for a while)
Doctor: Yes, I’ll write a script for that. How much did you say you’re taking again?
Me: (thinking) Yes! Yes! Yes! Wipe that smile off your face before you give yourself away.
Me: (speaking) I was taking it twice a day.

Doctor writes Paxam (generic clonazepam) and 100 tablets on the script.

/me shouts for joy. Again script numbers, doctor’s signatures and such have been applied a mosiac.

Not out loud of course.

Doctor: How many mgs were the tablets? 2 mg?
Me: I don’t know, it was a blue pill. (FUCKING OVERACTING! WHY COULDN’T I JUST SAY YES?)
Doctor: Hmm…there’s no blue pill in the book.
Me: Well, I just take a blue pill twice a day.
(I wanted to say 2 mg then but I didn’t want to blow it by sounding like I had “drug seeking tendencies”)
Doctor: Twice a day? It could be 0.5 mg then.

Doctor writes 0.5 mg next to Paxam.

I curse the most obscene obscenities in my head.

Me: Thank you very much doctor.
Doctor: No worries, just get the pharmacy to call me if they have problems with the script. Okay? Good.

And then he rushed out to see the next patient.
Total time spent: 3 minutes

I love this doctor, he’s so busy that he just wants to work through the patients quickly.

From now on, I dub thee DR. FEELGOOD. I know who to visit next time
I want some benzos. Thanks doctor, you made me feel so much better
already. Hell, I’m practically cured from my ‘anxiety disorder’. πŸ˜‰


Clonazepam love

100 x 0.5 mg Paxam (generic Klonopin) (clonazepam)

Cost of consultation: A$45 (!) but it’s worth it coz the street prices would be much higher

Cost of medication: A$18.85

Success rating: 4.5/5
The extra 0.5 coz it’s very possible to get a permanent script off Dr. Feelgood.

I’m still kicking myself over not saying yes when he asked whether
it was 2 mg. πŸ™ I could have 200 mg of clonazepam goodness instead of a
comparatively paltry 50 mg. Did you know that I said “Fuck, I’m so
stupid” loudly and countless times while walking to the pharmacy? Oh,
the lost chance to get 100 x 2 mg clonazepam. πŸ™ Seriously, I did that.
People must have thought I was fuckin bonkers…

Oh well, at least I got 100 x 0.5 mg. 100 x 0.5 mg comes up to 50 mg
of clonazepam so that’s nothing to sniff about. That’s 20 doses
assuming you take 5 mg + alcohol + cannabis.

Project Deep Sedation
Episode I
The Quest for the Holy Benzodiazepine



100 x 0.5 mg clonazepam (Klonopin)
50 x 5 mg diazepam (Valium)
3 x 10 mg temazepam (Restoril)
3 x 5 mg diazepam (Valium)

You have to be economical with the truth especially when they ask you
about any drug usage. This is a red flag that you could be a scripter.

Use your health insurance card sparingly. They collate information
and if they happen to notice you’re seeing different doctors and
getting scripts for restricted drugs off them all you’re going to be
flagged as doctor shopping.

Don’t cash scripts at the same pharmacy. You would look very
suspicious if you went up with a fistful of scripts for benzos from
different doctors.

The Bell Curve Cocktail

OMG I did a very, very stupid thing this morning. I went to my usual
pharmacy to get some diazepam (Valium) and alprazolam (Xanax) and
incidentally asked if they happen to have Phensedyl, GHB or worst of
all, ketamine (!!!). Oh, the stupidity. The pharmacist really
looked at me ONE KIND when I asked about ketamine. I felt like kicking
myself for asking about ketamine. I hope this doesn’t change our
relationship. It would be too bad if I lost my only benzo source.

Anyway 50 mg of diazepam (Valium) + 600 mg of caffeine + 2.5 mg
alprazolam (Xanax) seems pretty fun. It was taken in that order
(diazepam, caffeine, alprazolam). Perhaps it could be a cheap
alternative for a bit of fun if funds happen to run low.

Veritas’s el-cheapo recipe for getting high:

Recipe name: The Bell Curve cocktail (TM)

50 mg diazepam (Valium)
600 mg caffeine
2.5 mg alprazolam (Xanax)

Diazepam (Valium) @ 50 cents for every 5 mg tablet = RM 5
Caffeine pills (No-Doz) comes to about 25 cents each 100 mg = RM 1.50
Alprazolam (Xanax) @ RM 7.50 for a 2.5 mg blister pack = RM 7.50

Total cost: RM 14 or A$ 7

Modify dosage according to personal tolerance.

It’s pretty fun if you have nothing better lying around. It’s like
feeling mellow at the beginning, stimulated and pumped up at the
middle, and nice and nodding off towards the end. The best aspects the
benzo and caffeine shines through. It starts out really mellow and
after the caffeine kicks in it feels very stimulating and the euphoria
comes in waves and yet there is no “caffeine fatigue” and there is no
anxiety which can happen with larger doses of caffeine. After a while,
you start popping a 0.25 mg Xanax pills every 10 minutes or so after
you’ve enjoyed the stimulating caffeine. I think it feels better that
way instead of eating all the Xanax all at once. I’m eating them like
candy. Mmm…very funny feeling. Started out relaxed and anxiety free
and chilled out, then peaked on a caffeine high and then slowly
progressed to a pleasant nodding off stage. I had a feeling of being
slightly drunk, felt heavy and uncoordinated (stumbling), but in a
pleasant euphoric sense, during the trip. Highly recommended (and won’t
damage your wallet too much) if you don’t have any alternatives.

Kai Sing Guo (Fruit of happiness)

Afternote: Kai Sing Guo = Nimetazepam (a benzodiazepine). The pills are brand name Erimin-5 pills. Read this [] for more info.

What exactly is this thing? I acquired one of this tonight for RM 15
(A$ 7.50). The local street name here is “kai sing guo” which literally
translates to “fruit of happiness”. It’s definitely a pharmaceutical of
some sort, but I didn’t get it from a pharmacy if you get what I mean.
It’s mainly used here to ease the come down from methamphetamines
(people use it to sleep after taking meth pills). A search of returned two probable matches – Phenobarbital (a
barbiturate) and Clonazepam (a benzodiazepine). If anyone could shed
some light on what exactly this is, I’ll be very appreciative. Educated
guesses will do. I took several pictures of it:


This is the front of the wrapping. It has perforated edges, which
suggests it’s part of a larger set of similar pills. The color of the
front is red and there is a “5”, the logo that looks like a four leaved
clover/square cross, and “028” in BLACK font near the bottom of the
wrapping. It’s not visible in this picture.


The back of the wrapping is silver in color with the “5”, the logo
that looks like a four leaved clover/square cross, and “028” in RED


The front of the pill has a “5” imprinted and is a pink-ish color. The pill has beveled edges and no score.


The back of the pill has the logo that looks like a four leaved
clover/square cross and “028” imprinted. The pill has beveled edges and
no score.

Trip report

Time: 1:50 am
Method of ingestion: Crunched up on a fairly empty stomach
Taste: The pill tasted sweet (?) with a slightly bitter aftertaste.

1:55 am
a slight benzo feeling…numb fingers, blood rushing to the head/face region

1:28 am
sweaty palms, average loss on inhibition as if i’ve had a couple of drinks

2:05 am
hmm…feeling mildly drunk and rather much loss of inhibition. didn’t
have to think about anything if i didn’t want to, much like benzos.
slightly floaty.

2:09 am
eh, a mild hallucinogen effect when in partial darkness. face morphed
slightly and there were mild tracers when i moved my head. higher level
cognition is still intact. sounds sound better too, more 3d?

2:14 am
palms and feet sweaty. sounds sounds much louder than in real life. starting to feel somewhat drunk.

2:18 am
am i reading too much into it? feels very mildly hallucinogic in relative darkness

2:23 am
feeling very warm – definite rise in body temperature.

2:36 am
smoking felt reallly good. mesmerized by the smoke tendrils from the
cigarette. hypnotized by my feet when i took a bath. noticed more
attention to detail, like a roll of used toilet paper that was under
the door of my toilet. my eyes kept on going to it. brushing my teeth
made me notice my hands and toothbrush. closed eyes has a reddish tint.
not sure if my pupils are dilated – did look in the mirror, maybe only
slightly dilated. afterimages slightly prominent, like when i looked at
the monitor and then covered my face with a towel, the afterimage is
still there. is that also true when sober? i’ll try tomorrow.

3:00 am
feeling rather introspective. quite easily spooked too. πŸ™‚

3:20 am
return to baseline? feeling slightly drowsy now. should be able to fall asleep if i want to

4:36 am
sorry for the infrequent updates, i could not update as frequently as i
wanted due to reasons i won’t explain (not drug related). my higher
level cognitive skills were intact. i am not at liberty to divulge
information too much information but something could have happened and
i choose for it not to. btw, this substance started out slightly
stimulating and ended up being a downer. feeling sleepy now. my guess
is that it’s some sort of short acting benzo, but i can’t be sure coz
there were some interesting qualities that were not benzo like.

P/S – Any help in identifying this pill from someone who has tried it will be very much appreciated.

Xany Xanax


I’ve always wanted to try Xanax coz the 2mg bars just looks so sexy.
Thus, I decided to go shopping for some Xanax today. It’s a relatively
short acting benzodiazepine. Xanax is the same drug that Noelle Bush
(the niece of the current United States president George Bush) was
arrested for because she tried to pass off a fraudulent prescription
[]. The first pharmacy I went to regarded me with suspicion when
I asked for Xanax. They didn’t want to sell it without a prescription
and told me to get some at the clinic instead. I got a general feeling
of not being welcome the moment I mentioned Xanax.

The second pharmacy I went to was more accommodating. They didn’t
know what Xanax was and asked me to write down the name of a piece of
paper. I wrote down Xanax, Alzoram (the Malaysian generic brand name)
and Alprazolam (the chemical name). The old lady there asked his son to
read the paper and he instantly recognized Alprazolam. He told the old
lady it’s sleeping pills (?) asked where it’s kept.

She said they have some at the back and he went over to rummage
about under a cabinet. I was feeling hopeful at this point, I didn’t
even get asked for my prescription script. He didn’t find any at the
back and rummaged about some more in a box of Handiplast (the st
bandage). He came out with a stack of blister packs tied together with
a rubber band from the box of Handiplast. Don’t ask me why it was kept
there, I was puzzled too.


The old lady asked me who the medication was for and I made up a
cock and bull story about doing an exhibition about benzodiazepines for
my university and I was going to stick one pill on a piece of manila
card. I don’t know if she actually believed that story (I had the
feeling she didn’t from the look on her face) but there was not
questions asked after that. I got the impression that this is a “no
questions asked” pharmacy if you catch my drift. The guy came back at
this point and asked me how many blister packs I wanted. I examined one
of the blister pack and saw that it’s brand name Xanax pills with each
tablet containing 0.25 mg of alprazolam. I was hoping that they carry
the beautiful 2 mg pills, but oh well, this will work perfectly well
too. There were 10 tablets in the blister pack, which comes to 2.5 mg.

I decided to just go for one blister pack and it was sold to me, for
RM7 (A$3.50). This is the brand name Xanax (alprazolam) marketed by
Upjohn pharmaceuticals (the old name, they have since merged with
Pharmacia). On a side note, I’ve read in the newspapers that being
caught with possession of Xanax pills without a prescription carries a
RM2000 fine and/or a 2 year jail. Someone who was caught with 24 pills
got that sentence recently. They were credited as “upjohn” pills
though, which further illustrates that mainstream journalism has their
heads planted firmly up their ass when reporting on technical or drug
issues. Upjohn is a pharmaceuticals company, not a drug name.

Upjohn 29/single score at back

Trip Report

Substance name: Alprazolam (Xanax)
Street names: Z-bars, bars, Upjohn (in Malaysia)
Dosage: 2.5 mg (10 x 0.25 mg) taken orally in a mixture of
powder, broken off bits and whole pills. The pills seem rather crumbly
and some broke into pieces as soon as I pressed it from the blister
pack. I do not have any tolerance to benzodiazepines.
Usual recreational dosage for people with no benzodiazepine tolerance: 1-2 mg
Pills: White oval pills with Upjohn 29 imprinted on one side and
a single score on the other side. The pills have beveled edges. Each
pill contains 0.25 mg of alprazolam. They come in a blister pack
containing 10 pills for a total of 2.5 mg, if you eat them all.

T+ 0:00
I took all 10 pills at 11:00 pm sharp. The pills are in a mixture of
powder, bits of tablets and whole tablets. This was because the pills
are either very brittle or this is old stock so they break easily. The
tablets tasted like powdered mint (without any hint of sweetness) at
first and very bitter when i washed it down with water.
T+ 0:05
noticed some clumsiness and a heaviness in the head and a general feeling of being mildly stoned only 5 minutes later (!!!)
T+ 0:08
a feeling of not being very sober, but i can’t put my finger on what
exactly gave me this feeling of non-sobriety. i just feel not very
sober. the medical term for this is derealisation i believe.
T+ 0:14
mild nausea. a feeling of numbness in my extremities, especially the
fingers, very much like the feeling you get when you’re starting to get
drunk. Heaviness of the head is present all throughout the time.
T+ 0:18
feeling a kind of “super enhanced sight”. its like i can see every
movement i make is in full frame and with a high framerate. don’t
really know how to explain it besides this. it feels like the start of
a LSD trip visually, everything looks enhanced, colors stand out etc,
but this is very mild. clumsiness did not get any worse. numbness in
extremities still present.
T+ 0:20
a mild euphoria. not like ecstasy euphoria but more like codeine
euphoria. aka stupid euphoria. πŸ™‚ a better word will be contentment.
palms are feeling sweaty, which is peculiar for me since i seldom get
sweaty palms
T+ 0:22
pupils VERY dilated (?!?!?!) even in bright light. looking at myself in
the mirror feels wierd. uneven dilation. my left pupil is more dilated
than the right one.
T+ 0:30
feeling contented and relaxed. not much progression other than that.
feeling slightly disappointed due to high expectations. i’m more of a
fan of “fuck me up” drugs like LSD which provides cool visuals and
wierd trains of thoughts.
T+ 0:40
hmm…feeling slightly sleepy now.
T+ 0:43
er…i’m trying to fight this feeling of being sleepy. it’s getting stronger. heh.
T+ 0:50
i caught myself staring at a half eaten chocolate bar with a bit of
chocolate sticking out in an interesting manner. stop hypnotizing me
T+ 1:00
yawn. i’m trying to keep an open mind but it seems that this is all
Xanax has to offer. a feeling of being (very) mildly drunk and
admittedly quite significant relaxation. not much euphoria to speak of.
valium (another benzodiazepine) provides much more euphoria compared to
T+ 1:10
wtf? i feel myself returning to baseline already. baseline = normal (sober) state
T+ 1:15
i still felt slightly clumsy and my body feels heavier than usual when
walking. not much more numbness in the fingers and i’m still feeling
T+ 1:20
noticed some problems with memory. i dropped my cell phone to the floor
earlier and didn’t remember to retrieve it until 30 minutes later.
T+ 1:26
walking arond in the dark with my arms swinging freaked me out
considerably. and i thought Xanax was supposed to be prescribed for
anxiety and panic attacks. =D
T+ 1:30
feeling close to baseline now. i suspect i’ll have a nice deep sleep later tonight too. πŸ™‚
T+ 1:40
a nice afterglow can be felt. still feeling contended and happy.
walking still feels a bit strange, but nice. i just noticed that time
passes pretty damn fast on Xanax. i didn’t even notice that nearly 2
hours have passed since i took the pills. hmm…i wonder what i did in
those two hours since it didn’t felt like i did much at all. πŸ™‚
T+ 2:20
i did another time jump. don’t ask me where the past 40 minutes went, coz i seriously don’t know. i wasn’t even doing anything.

I don’t see the appeal in taking Xanax by itself. It’s basically just a
chill pill, and I’m not into this particular class of drugs. I can see
its value in helping with meth/coke/other stimulant comedowns, but when
taken on its own, it doesn’t have very much to offer. Possible good
combos will be Xanax + alcohol (be careful, a lot of deaths has been
attributed to this combination) and Xanax + cannabis (the sedative
effects will probably provide a nice synergy). Personally, I feel
Valium (diazepam) would be a much better alternative if you like
benzodiazepines. Valium actually gives pretty good euphoria when taken
in recreational doses. An interesting thing with Xanax is time seems to
go much faster. It’s almost as if time jumps forward. One minute you
look at the clock and it’s 2:15 am. You feel that only a minute has
passed but next time you look, the time is already 2:45 am and you’re
left scratching your head about what happened during the last 30
minutes coz you don’t remember doing anything at all. Huh? It happened
a lot of times during the trip too. Very bizarre.

Being in possession of prescription drugs without a prescription could be against the law in your country.

Additional info site:
Always follow a doctor’s instructions when taking prescription medications like Xanax. Deviate from doctor’s orders and take more of the said drugs, and you might find yourself addicted to prescribed drugs in no time.


Hmm…I’ll make this short coz talking about this is depressing in itself.
Well, I’ve been suffering from bouts of depression every few months.
Usually, it’s tolerable, but sometimes, it comes with anxiety attacks,
which makes it somewhat hard to shake off. I had one of those two days ago
and went to see a doctor. I was diagnosed with clinical depression (low
serotonin levels) and prescribed some Diazepam (Valium). It comes in
yellow 5 mg tablets and I was told to take two while talking to the
doctor. It did help heaps with the anxiety, and I found that if I think
happy thoughts, it helps with the depression too. However, I was hit by
some wild ass mood swings when it started to wear off, so I’m not going to
take it again. Also, I admit I have an addictive personality so I’ll
rather stay off benzodiazepines. I haven’t taken it since then, I’ll
rather tough out my depressive episodes instead of relying on
pharmaceuticals. Oh well, look on the bright side. At least I have the
option of not taking anything and still not kill myself. Some people do
not have that luxury and need to take benzos or else they’ll become
suicidal. I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts myself though, and in one
major depressive episode, I nearly did it. But I found out that running as
fast and as hard as you can until you collapse from exhaustion is a good
way to get your mind off things. That and praying. If you still feel
suicidal after that, sing (scream) as loud as you can to drown out those
thoughts and go somewhere where there are people around. I know that the
sheer desperation that occurs during depressive episodes is pretty
bad, but I’ve survived so far. =D Anyway, regarding yesterday’s post, I
was wondering whether moving to another halls will help. Change of
surroundings, you know. We’ll see. Hmm…now I’ll have to put a happier
post on top of this so I don’t have to see it when I load my page.

P/S – If you know me in real life, I don’t want to talk about this because
it makes me depressed. Thanks.

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