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November 08, 2002

Veritas – Latin for Truth

“Mr. Foaf” is back, but with a new handle. He wishes to be referred to as
“Veritas” now. I hear it’s Latin for truth. The usual disclaimers apply – I am not him, he is not
me, the views may not necessarily represent the views of sixthseal.com etc etc. This is his
report:

Lab Report: The relationship of annual seasons with respect to
horticulture

Name : “Veritas”

Hypothesis : “The THC concentrations in cultivated cannabis has an
inverse relationship with increasing temperatures” aka Damn, my weed fucking sucks in summer.

Materials :

2 grams of hydroponically grown cannabis

1 x blue smoking implement (bong)

30 ml H20

1 x combustion device (lighter)

Methods :

1. A small amount of cannabis will be manually shredded to maximize
combustible surface area.

2. The cannabis will the placed on the entry point known as the “cone” on the
smoking implement.

3. Heat will be applied to the cannabis.

4. The subject will inhale, forcing the smoke from the cannabis to enter the
chamber and exit the mouth piece.

5. The subject will hold the smoke in his lungs for 2 minutes.

Safety Issues :

Cannabis is known to induce laughter.

Solution: The subject will watch an unfunny video.

Cannabis is known to induce craving for food (“munchies”)

Solution: The subject has access to several chocolate bars and has the
option of ordering pizza.

Results :

The subject (“Veritas”) has heard an anecdote that the quality of weed
decreases during the summer months due to some unknown factor affecting the cultivation of the
plant. The source of the anecdote did not elaborate further. The subject is rather dubious of this
claim considering some of the best cannabis is produced from temperate countries like Afghanistan.
Furthermore, the very claim that heat is detrimental to cultivation is somewhat mind boggling as
hydroponics involves the use of very hot lamps to simulate the sun. Thus, the subject has managed
to get hold of some of this purported summer cultivated cannabis to prove the hypothesis wrong. The
subject has procured a new smoking implement from Off Ya Tree, which is a alternative culture shop
in Swanston Street, Melbourne. The subject has also gotten hold of a nifty combustion device which
the sales attendant at Off Ya Tree was very enthusiastic about. Apparently this device has a normal
flame,

a green (!) flame

and a purplish blue flame.

The different colors are attained from twisting a ring located near the top of
this device. The device also has a small compass embedded into the top of the lid, apparently to
help guide confused stoners to the way home. The subject has partially filled the smoking implement
(which will be referred to as a bong from now on) with H20 (that’s water for those of you who
failed Chemistry) and filled the cone with an appropriate amount of cannabis. The lighter was
applied to the cone and held there while the cannabis material slowly combusted and displaced the
remaining air in the chamber of the bong with THC smoke. The subject has found that the cannabis
does differ in potency with other batches he has tried. However, the subject maintains that this is
not because of any relation between seasons and plant cultivation times, but rather because the
cannabis is comprised mostly of leafy material and has minimal hairs and THC crystals. In other
words, this is piss poor weed. It is however, fairly damp, which supports the source of the
anecdote’s claims that this is a recent summer batch.

Conclusion :

The cultivation time of cannabis does not affect potency in hydroponically
grown plants. The subject has pulled this conclusion straight out of his ass and would advise you
not to quote him.

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