You can’t control what people think, you shouldn’t control what people say


Barrack Obama said that in one of his addressed to the UN where mentioned he has become used to people calling him appalling things every day. While I won’t dare to equate myself to him, it generally applies to everyone. I have an anecdote from my very first (and expensive) private rehab where I spent 28 days.

The psychologist told me before I left not to expect people playing kompangs (a Malay drum usually used for celebrations) to herald your new found sobriety. No one is going to believe you.

A lot of ex-addicts get snared by this apparent “lack of support” and relapse due to the mentality that “Well, if no one is going to believe me anyway, I might as well go right on doing drugs.

What has that got to to with anything?

It has got to do with everything.


I’ll like to thank all my readers for being supportive throughout my Project Listen campaigns. There’s a handful of naysayers (but that’s to be expected, and coming from the same IP, disregarded by me) but the point of that lesson is learning how to believe in yourself!

That is the true path to recovery.

That is the only way to become a better person.

You don’t rely on what others think or say for your self-confidence – that is the worst thing you can do. Just believe in yourself and want to be a better person.

…and that is my journey, from my darkest days of drug addiction, to facing the skeletons in my closet and my journey to become a better person.

Of course, it takes a long time (nay, a lifetime) to become a better person but I wanted to start anyway coz every journey begins with a single step. I have taken enough from the ones dearest to me. I have lived life to the fullest extent. Now it’s time to give it all back.


I could have just written about anything mundane, but I choose to write about the most difficult parts of my life and how I’m changing it. I firmly believe in the reach of Project Listen and I hope that the experiences I’ve been through could be of help in some way to someone.

Thank you again for sharing my videos, it was hard doing them, it was a decision that I made and I’m glad I did it.


One last note – if there’s any of you out there stuck in the depths of drug addiction, know you can set yourself free, but only if you choose to. If any of you are in a spot coz of unwanted pregnancies colliding with religious beliefs, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.


Finally, cherish your family and those dearest to you for they are the ones who stay when everything else goes to shit.

Huai Bin

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34 thoughts on “You can’t control what people think, you shouldn’t control what people say”

  1. It’s called karma. You should also expect no mercy for your past misdeeds. Even though you sincerely think you’ve changed for the better, but that does not excuse you from your past mistakes.

    They will haunt you, and you will have to face them. Past enemies are not obligated to forgive you, and you should not expect to get away from consequences of your past actions.

    You can prevent yourself from committing future mistakes, but you cannot prevent mistakes from the past haunting you, or past victims of your actions, demanding justice and repay of debt.

    That’s why, it’s called karma. You can only hope to not cause anymore pain for anyone in the future, but past debts, have to be repaid, somehow.

    • and REPAY you shall, boy….
      and always believe in yourself?? Not when one self is leading the wild in the ways of a boy. With that kind of attitude, things will never ever change. You can only fool the people around you for x amount of time only.

      Prodigcal son? More like Wasted Talent mate….

      • Hello Brody/DEA/multitude of other nicks,

        I’m very flattered by the persistence that you display. In a perverse way, I quite look forward to your vitriolic tirades actually. It says a lot about you.

        …but that’s not who I am now. I feel sorry for you man.

        However, you seem to be really hurting inside, perhaps you should talk to someone about that.

        I shall leave you with a quote from a commenter:
        The only opinions that matter are the ones from the people you care about, not the white noise you get online or from other people irrelevant and inconsequential to your life.

        Cheers mate and I hope you find peace! 🙂

        • “…I feel sorry for you man” “…you seem to be really hurting inside”

          Wow, thats a rather generic and PREDICTABLE reply coming from someone who is constantly trying to hide their TRUE COLOURS. Nobody is surprised with your reply there mate. I would expected more from you actually….

          In a perverse way, I quite look forward to your vitriolic tirades actually. It says a lot about you.
          Oh no, no no, that says alot more about YOU actually 🙂 you just love to feeeeed on perversion…

          multitude of other nicks? HEH abit rich coming from someone who uses a multitude of nicks as well, aye veritas? 🙂 Also, one look at some commentators on this website and you have to question whether they are legit or not. Beware people, this guy is one cunning individual with wasted talents…. and oh such a waste indeed…

          • Haha! Well, I use the veritas nick in the past for drug related entries. 🙂

            It’s all cleared up now.

            BTW, I don’t ban people, you come from an IP that has previously used my name “Huai Bin” to fraudulently post so that’s why it’s banned.

            …and you never bother following the links that other commenters leave do you?

            You’ll see they are real people then, unfortunately, you’re the vocal minority. 🙂

            Oh well, you are what you are.

            I still feel sorry for you though and I hope you find real peace.

            Take care mate! 🙂

    • Hello there!

      That’s a good point, a reasonable one, although it’s all too human, and with that, comes the ugly flaws of being human.

      I’m doing right now and I’m not raised to believe in karma even though I invoke the term a lot. 🙂

      I have also been wronged in the past but I’ve moved on and forgave those who had wronged me. I neither dwell on it nor do I exact thoughts of vengeance. It’s always better to be the bigger (better?) man and forgive.

      I believe that’s the true way forward.

      Salvation is free, ask and it will be given, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened unto you.

      I am at peace with myself.

      Thanks for the input about karma though, it’s an interesting theory.

      Cheers mate! 🙂

  2. My buddy in uni and I always had this thing about how life is *only* about looking for true love and happiness and all other things being inconsequential.

    I’ve always believed that the only tune you need to dance to is the one that you carry in your heart. The only opinions that matter are the ones from the people you care about, not the white noise you get online or from other people irrelevant and inconsequential to your life.

    So soldier on. I’m certain you’d be able to make some kind of peace with the past and find some joy in your hunt for true love and happiness 🙂

    • Hello mela!

      Yup, that’s what I think too…

      …as long as you’re true to yourself, the opinions of others are inconsequential.

      I like that phrase – The only opinions that matter are the ones from the people you care about, not the white noise you get online or from other people irrelevant and inconsequential to your life.

      Those are wise words indeed.

      Yup, that’s exactly what I’m doing. The future is the way I’m heading, I don’t want to be dragged down in the past.

      Thanks for the kind comments!

      I hope you find peace, joy, and happiness too. 🙂

      …and also true love.

  3. I used to think and care what people will say about me. But in the end i will be the one suffering over the words. As time passes, i begin to feel that what matters the most is how i think of myself and family members..

    • Hello Hazel!

      Yup, that’s the way to go.

      Talk is cheap and some people just have nothing better to do than to put you down. It doesn’t matter, it actually says more about their fragile psychological ego than yours.

      It’s good to hear that!

      Keep on believing in yourself and your family members.

      I wish you all the best! 🙂

  4. The words of the song: “The Greatest of Love of All” come to mind but I will not bother to quote lines from it here – everyone knows the song and the words, I guess.

    But I would like to quote a very popular poster in the 70’s…the hippie days of flower power & smoking pot – the poster read, “When I die, bury me upside down so the whole world can kiss my ass!”

    I guess that says it all – it’s our life and we live it for ourselves and not for others., the hell with what anybody else thinks. We live it the way we want and the best we can but no one’s an island – just surround ourselves with the new we love and those who love us – friends and family alike.

    Those prophets of doom can go and fly kite – their kind will never see good in anything anyway…and nothing pleases them more than to drag everybody into the shit-hole they’re in. They’re all around, everywhere – even among my colleagues when I was working – all the bad-mouthing and the back-biting. Best ignored…and move on – life is too short to waste on the likes of these.

    • Heh! Cheers buddy! 🙂

      That’s actually very uplifting, thanks for the kind words.

      Yeah, I totally agree with you – it’s best to surround oneself with positive people and people you actually enjoy hanging out with.

      I’ve seen that a lot too – people becoming bitter and resentful coz of problems in their own lives. It’s quite sad actually, peace eludes them.

      Yup, I will not be dragged down with them.

      I know I’m doing right now and I’ll keep improving on that.

      Sorry to hear about your ex-colleagues – that’s life I guess.

      Indeed, life’s too short!

      Cheers for the kind words and see you when I get back buddy! 🙂

    • Thanks for the vote of confidence adel! 🙂

      Yup, that’s life, we move on and don’t get caught up in the past.

      Cheers mate! 🙂

  5. Been reading your blog from many, many moons ago and i’m impressed by your progress. I’m the mother with a daughter who cut herself during her teens. She’s turned out into a loving, caring adult now and i have you to thank for giving me some understanding of this condition, HB. You won’t remember it but i’ll never forget – thank you! Now i’ll make like Rob Schneider in all those Adam Sandler movies and go – ‘You can do it!’ 🙂 Cheers!

    • Hello Kate!

      Thanks for reading all these years! 🙂

      I’m sorry to hear about your daughter and I’m glad to hear that she’s turned out okay.

      I vaguely remember talking about that. I’m not quite certain though but if I was of help then I’m thankful for being able to in some small measure.

      No thanks necessary, my thanks to *you* for all the kind words. 😀

      I’ll continue moving forward, the past is the past and the future lies bright ahead. I believe that.

      All the best to you Kate! 🙂

    • Yup, that’s one of the truisms of life. 🙂

      You just can’t please everyone.

      Thanks for that! Yup, I’ve moved on and more than cleaned up my act.

      However, it’s still a long road – I’m no saint, but I’m trying to be a better person.

      Thanks for the support and encouragement! 🙂

      I wish you all the best too!

    • Hello Nat!

      Thanks for that, it’s a constant journey though, bootstrapping oneself to become a better person.

      It’s a continuous improvement kinda thing and certainly I’ll make more mistakes but each time I’ll be better off for it.

      I wish you all the best too!

      Cheers! 🙂

    • Thanks Amelia! 🙂

      Yup, it’s always a constant journey, this self improvement thing.

      I like that – better late than never indeed!

      Thanks for the support!

      Cheers and all the best to you too! 😀

  6. HB, well there some people out there say things without thinking and some say things pretending to be stupid not knowing it . Yet I see they do know what they are saying to hurt person but pretend not to in order to get away with it,

    • Hello Vickie! 🙂

      Yup, thus is the way of the world.

      It doesn’t matter, like I mentioned in the post, people like that are inconsequential – you just need to be true to yourself and the people you care about.

      That’s the important part of life.

      You’re not accountable to anyone else.

      Cheers and thanks for the support! 🙂

  7. Yes I agree on that..
    you can’t stop people saying .. but I will always think positive on their comments ..
    i always think that it is another opportunity for me to improve myself..
    everyone is not perfect.. cheers ….

    • Yup, same here.

      I really don’t bother with replying unless I’m bored, some of the people are stalkers to a very disturbing degree, so I don’t put any credit in what they’re saying.

      Indeed, that’s a great ethos you have there buddy.

      Constant self-improvement…that’s what I’m going after too.

      Cheers buddy! 🙂

  8. No matter what you do, there will always be the doubters and haters in life. I guess they just need their daily dose of schadenfreude. Heh. Life is too short to fret over these jokers (and I am sure you know that already).

    • Hello Vincent! 🙂

      Indeed there are, but no worries on that account coz I don’t bother with what they’re saying.

      It’s inconsequential anyway, since they’re mostly the same person commenting using different nicks.

      Haha! Yup, I know, cheers for the support mate.

      Their daily dose of schadenfreude – love that one bro.

      Cheers buddy! 🙂

  9. Mate, it’s good to see that you’re finally doing some reconciling with your past. I know some of us haven’t been really convinced about the “new” HB, but really, at the end of the day, you only need to be at peace with yourself, God and your loved ones. Keep up the good work, mate.

    • Hey, cheers for that mate! 🙂

      Yup, I agree that’s the way it should be, as I mentioned in the post, there was a very wise drug counselor who told me not to worry about what people think – it has lead to the downfall of many.

      That particular psychologist was also an ex-drug user (although those of us in the program had very little regard for him at the time considering he doesn’t inject and only smoked heroin – all of us users were IDUs – injecting drug users – and used more drugs and more intensely then he ever did).

      However, that’s a very immature way of thinking, the “I’m harder than you” mentality and obviously I don’t think like that anymore (or I wouldn’t even listen to what he says).

      He does have a lot of wise words as a recovering addict who managed to get into a very prominent private hospital here.

      Thanks to that, he has unwittingly helped us deal with a lot of issues post-rehab (although I don’t think he knows it considering none of my batch kept in touch with him – it wasn’t encouraged, even with each other although I got to know a few friends in Brunei from that stint).

      Cheers for the support mate! 🙂

      Yup, indeed, in the end you just have to be at peace with yourself and your loved ones.

      Thanks buddy!

  10. Hello and thanks for making this post – I believe in you!

    I’ve followed your blog for years, at least since the days of Veritas. Back then I was very taken by your posts and how they coincided with my own fledgling investigation into various narcotics. I’ve been struggling with addiction for some time now and I’m finally at a turning point.

    I recently started re-reading your blog, as I had not done so for a year or longer, and it brought some inspiration and hope to this otherwise confused and scared kindred spirit.

    I’ll be moving in January, in doing so I hope to make the final changes which will allow me to break free of the addictive mentality I’ve clung to for so long.

    It’s nice to hear someone verbalize the struggle of gaining acceptance, but I think this post has made me start to think in a way that such acceptance (from others) seems inconsequential.

    Thanks again!

    • Hello Cameron! 🙂

      Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment!

      I’m sorry to hear about your ongoing struggles with addiction, it can be really tough to quit and the addictive mentality that you speak of, or the potential for addiction is well documented in people like us with the A1 allele gene.

      Genetics aside, it is possible to quit, and I wish you all the very best in doing that.

      There is a danger of a “substitute addiction” though so be careful of that.

      I’m glad you’re taking positive steps and putting yourself first during this important time. What others think is inconsequential and you don’t have to prove an iota to them. Just believe in yourself and I wish you all the best.

      Cheers mate, nay, kindred spirit. 🙂

    • Thanks Eiling! 🙂

      Yup, I totally agree, it’s always up to the individual.

      I really want to change and become a better person – it doesn’t come overnight – it’ll take a lifetime but in the meantime you become a slightly better person daily.

      Kaizen, continuous improvement.

      Thanks for the support Eiling! 😀


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