You’ll all heard of my disastrous relationships. This makes me somewhat of an expert in these things if you follow the logic of what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. 
I have devised a rather ingenious method based on countless personal encounters to qualitatively research and determine if the girl you’re with is:
- Just a tiny annotation in the tome called Your Great Journey Through Life
or
- The princess you’ve been looking for all your life. You want to marry her and live happily ever after till-death-do-you-part-amen.
It involves a pea.
Step 1
Buy some frozen peas from your local supermarket
Step 2
Insert pea under the bed
Step 3
Wait and see if the girl comments on it
Specifically, the fairy tale calls for your princess to be able to feel the pea under a mound of mattresses but since that would be logistically difficult to pull off (who sleeps on a stack of mattresses anyway?) – just chuck the pea under your bed.
The height required would be well fulfilled by the empty space below your bed.
Trust me. I have tried this numerous times before. The conversation in bed the first time usually goes like this:
Her: Hmm…that’s a very small pe…
Me: OMG! YOU FELT IT?
Her: Baby, I don’t want to offend you but I can barely feel it.
Me: IT DOESN’T MATTER! DON’T YOU SEE WHAT THIS MEANS? WE’RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! 😀
Her: Is it in yet?
Me: My princess! <3
Works like a charm.
Of course, I'm still single but...
Oh, wait. Damn.
i dun get it..
me either..
It’s just stuff I write for fun. It’s been a while since I’ve written stuff like this.
The OMG! I stepped on an electrical socket adapter! FAQ
and
The “OMG there’s a police car tailing me” FAQ
are two of my favorite whimsical posts. 🙂
and
Okay, it sounded funnier when I had the idea for this post yesterday morning. Heh.
The conversation is supposed to refer to “penis” but it’s cut in after “pe” so it sounds like “pea”,
It’s based on this fairy tale called The Princess & The Pea. 🙂
hahahaha **facepalm**
iyo bff..
Haha! I thought it was pretty funny but then again I laugh at my own lame jokes. 😀
LOL!!! nice 1 bro!
Cheers bro!
Glad you liked it! I haven’t written a post like this for a while, it’s fun to mix things up once in a while. 🙂
Muahahahahahahaha!!!!! Hilarious! I’ve known the story since small…but never looked at it that way. I guess your second name is Justin…as in Just in? LOL!!!
Heh! Thanks Arthur! 🙂
Good one on the Justin bit. Heh!
BTW, I’ve always found The Princess & The Pea to be full of double entendres…the princess complaining about something hard keeping her awake at night etc etc.
Cheers mate! 😀
hahahaha.. Justin !! Ok.. i will make sure I won’t name my son Justin 😀
Haha! Not just for this reason, coz of Bieber too. 😉
Bro .. One of the best short whimsical posts I have read for quite a while … Makes me think differently of you … In a nice manner *wink*
Hey you coming to the event after this ?? Call you later …
Heh! Thanks bro! I write stuff like this for fun.
Glad to hear that mate!
Hey, unfortunately I can’t make it tonight due to family obligations, please extend my apologies and I’ll be sure to come to the next one.
Cheers bro! 🙂
it is working? pea under your bed..? lol… i never hear about it before.. guess im from different centuries.. 😛
Heh! No I’m just kidding, it doesn’t work.
It’s a fairy tale that I read as a kid, quite a famous one in my time – it’s called The Princess & The Pea. 🙂
lol… i tot it works then i will go to grocery stores and get all peas that I can find.. 😛 ..
btw.. i think your post is really hilarious.. the way you put it.. 😛
Cheers mate! 🙂
Haha! It won’t work, I was only kidding bro. 🙂
HAHHAHA very tragic! and I’ve seen the said PEee….. :X
Haha! Yeah, I think it works better verbally though – it sounded great in my head but didn’t transcribe very well to words.
Oh well. 🙂
You’ve seen Justin, KY? @.@ Did you feel anytyhing? Muahahahahaha!!!!
Haha! Justin is like Bieber, very young so give him some time to grow. 😉
ROTFL!!!
LOL!
Funny. 🙂
Don’t eat frozen peas. The fresh ones are healthier.
Thanks Sharon! 🙂
Yup, I’m sure it’s healthier. It certainly tastes better too!
I didn’t buy the peas, I specifically went to the frozen vegetables section yesterday to take a photo.
I prefer eating peas in a pod anyway. 😀
pea as in penis? lol
Haha! Yeah, that’s basically it, but before she could say it, the guy assumed it was a pea.
I just wrote this for fun btw, filed under Satire/Parody and my whimsical and completely nonsensical Guides. 🙂
I guess the people who don’t get it have never been read the fairy tale as a child 😉
I thought it was completely hilarious, your spin on the old story 🙂
Yeah, I would have thought it’s a very common fairy tale!
The Princess & The Pea.
Thanks Sue! Appreciate the kind comments. I was lying in bed yesterday morning and this story came to me, progressed to a variant and I just had to write about it. It sounded funnier in my head.
It’s good to hear from you again! Have a great week Sue! 🙂
HAHAHAHAHAH why people don’t get it damn funny ok ahhahaahahah
Haha! Thanks Aud! 😀
I actually wrote three versions of this – had a different start each time before finally settling on this version. I even had a dictionary but left it out. Here’s the original bit:
Qualitatively: Requires a real effort in your suspension of disbelief
Research: Pulling numbers out from where the sun don’t shine
Determine: Making leaps of logic which would confound Einstein
I love writing one of my inane guides and FAQs.
When inspiration strikes for a nonsensical guide, I just *have* to write about it. 🙂
Nice writing! You always like to make fun of your own pe….
Thanks Jeanie! 🙂
that ‘is it in yet?’ was the clincher !!! Hahahahaha – thanks for making my Monday!!!
Heh! Glad you liked it Kate! 🙂
Mondays is always a good day for cheering people up. 😉
Re: Peas under the matress
Thathas got to be the worst thing I have ever heard, if the bitch cant sleep because of a pea, how the hell is she goinaa go through life? Oh the sun is too bright, the air is too warm, oh i am too fucking lazy to wipe my arse. hell no, send her packing already.
how was your trip to HK? Good shopping? All the big brands without the big price tag.
Heh! I didn’t mean it literally bro, was referencing the fairy tale.
Hong Kong was good but I didn’t go there to shop – went to experience the culture. 😀
LOL!
Haha! Glad you liked it Jane. 🙂
Aiks… hahahaha… poor the lady !
I hope that never happens. Haha!
It was a twist on the classic fairy tale…events not inspired by real life. *cough*
LOL! I’m serious, nothing like that has happened to me. 😉
haha very funny… So are you still single or not?!!
Heh! Thanks Eiling! 🙂
Yeah, I am still single! I’ve been single since I broke up with the ex last time. 😀
Good collection, many thanks for sharing
Good joke but ugh, what a slant to a child’s story! Loved the Justin joke too 🙂