I’m back in Kuching

kch safe sound

I have arrived safe and sound in Kuching. πŸ™‚ Oh, and I just said
that I was carrying only legit scripts to cover my ass, I had
some…er, items that does not come with the prerequisite prescription
in my effects. πŸ˜‰ Nevertheless, that is moot now that I walked past the
sleepy customs officer. I have to apologize for the lack of proper
updates these days, I’ve not been getting enough sleep and I want to
get some rest today before I go back to work again tomorrow. I’ll post
up the huge backlog of posts and reply all the comments tomorrow.

martell vsop cognac

Thanks again for all the comments, I shall partake in this Martell VSOP cognac now and catch up with Mr. Sandman.

Here’s a photo of me and my girlfriend before I boarded the flight:

me louisa before flight

No, I don’t know why I’m staring vacantly into space, perhaps sleep would help. :p

Item may have been delayed due to insufficient postage

brother card 23

I just got a birthday card from my sister…23 days after my birthday. How appropriate, considering I’m 23 this year. πŸ˜‰

nz insufficient postage

My sister, if you didn’t know, is practicing medicine in
Christchurch, New Zealand. No, that doesn’t mean I get the fringe
benefits of having a doctor for my sister. I wish you luck if you’re
planning to pull off doctor shopping techniques with her. She wouldn’t
even script her only brother, nay, her only sibling, benzodiazepines.

I have been trying to get her to give me some collectibles like pens
and notebooks, the sort of stuff pharmaceutical companies gives out
with names of recreational mediations on them, but I’ve never seen the
shadow of those. I have also been trying to get her to get some of
those “physician samples” of recreational pharms with neat packaging
but she won’t bring those back either. It’s just my luck that I get a
straight laced, law abiding sister.

If I had a sibling who appreciates recreational pharmaceuticals, I
would have taken the liberty of sending heaps of dextroamphetamine,
fentanyl lollipops, oxycodone and benzodiazepines with “Happy Birthday
– Enjoy! I know you will!” on it. I imagine that’s why I didn’t go into
medicine…I would have my license revoked very quickly, I suspect. πŸ˜‰

23

bday04 huai bin

Today, the 5th of April, 2004, is the day I turn 23. I don’t feel
older (that’s what people always say, pardon my use of this cliche),
and I’m still battling the same old demons. I will not turn this into a
depressing post though, even though my serotonin levels are dismally
low. It’s not chemically induced, mind, I just get depressed every 3
months or so, for no particular reason, and I have the misfortune of
having my quarterly depression fall on my birthday this year. However,
I shall turn this into a more upbeat post!

bday04 package

I received a package in the mail from my girlfriend, who is studying
in KL. I always tell people my birthday is on Ching Ming, but I have
neglected to account for the leap year factor. There’s 29 days in
February this year instead of the usual 28 days, which pushes my
birthday to one day after Ching Ming. This just happens once every four
years, on leap years, my birthday is always on Ching Ming otherwise. πŸ™‚

bday04 body shop
The package contains a gift-wrapped box from Body Shop.

bday04 soap
This is what the inside of the box has – a variety of soaps.

bday04 card
She also sent me a birthday card, and I was surprised when I opened it,
due to the (relatively) large portion of text. My girlfriend usually
writes “Dear xxx” on top and “Love xxx” at the end, and then does the
“” thing on the pre-printed birthday wishes. Heh.

Thanks Louisa! I won’t have to factor soap into my budget for a while. πŸ˜‰

bday04 parents
My parents also sent me this nifty birthday card that plays a birthday song, complete with flashing lights.

I had planned to go out and celebrate my birthday tonight with
friends, but I had to cancel it because I’m a little too depressed to
feel like going out. I’ll probably sleep at 5:30 pm or something. It’s
just another day anyway. *shrugs*

P/S – Excuse me for not replying the comments today. I will reply
all comments after my quarterly serotonin depletion passes. This one
should probably last one or two days max, you can “feel” (ie gauge) how
long the depression will last after you’ve been though several. The two
main factors in determining this for me is the intensity of depression
and the time needed for partial recovery (which can be measured by how
long it takes for you to feel slightly better). I’ve had monsters –
debilitating depressive episodes lasting for many weeks, but
thankfully, this is not one of them.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes! πŸ™‚

I, Insect

i insect

Drenched with the blood of Christ
What is the meaning of life, the universe, everything?
Only darkness awaits.
One step at a time
Taking me closer to my death
Self destructive
One foot in the grave
I can see the end of the road…
I await the eternal cold
and I’ll embrace it when it happens.
Running around in circles,
Living a life of solitude.

Graduation in the papers and my Kuching plans (accomodation?)

newspaper grad

Sin Chew Jit Poh and See Hua (local Chinese dailies) had graduation
photos of me and my sister today. Anyway, about my future plans that
I’ve meant to post about – I’ll be based in Kuching starting February.
I’ll be pulling in a 2k salary, which was part of the reason behind the
decision to move. There’s also an EPF (KWSP) contribution and Kuching
living expenses are much cheaper than KL which means I’ll have more
money to pay for the unholy excess bandwidth charges that sixthseal.com
racks up. :p

My field is somewhat similar to what I was doing in KL, except I’ll
also spearhead their networking solution in addition to being a
programmer. I’ll be working a six day week (well, five and half days to
be exact) – 8 am till 5 pm weekdays and 8 am till 12:30 pm Saturday.
I’ll be driving in Kuching so the earlier start time wouldn’t be an
issue. There you have it, I’ll be flying back to KL on the 27th to pack
up the remainder of my stuff and flying back to Sibu on the 30th and
it’s off to Kuching I go on the 31st of January.

Speaking of which, does anyone know of any rooms to rent in Kuching?
I’ve heard of several, which are either too expensive or not suitable.
I’ll like a room in a house with a washing machine and air conditioning
(optional), the ability to get a phone line installed and privacy (that
means no barging into my room and I have the only set of keys to my
room). I am not noisy (I always use headphones) and do not mind noisy
environments (I have benzos ;)). Open minded and discreet fellow
residents would be appreciated.

Shall we dance?

shall_we_dance.jpg

I did it. Like all big decisions it has left me thinking about
whether it was the right thing to do. I’m not so sure really, but I
like to think that “No remorse, no regrets” and “Hard to port, steady
as she goes” are good phrases to live by. Contrary to the image I like
to portray, I’m really an emotional sucker at heart and I do have
“feelings”, strange at it may sound. I do “miss” people and places,
even though the feelings may or may not be reciprocated. Plus, the
bottle of hand shampoo hardly even got used.

I am not exactly sober right now though (not anything illegal, mind
you, just my script and good old neurotoxic but legal ethanol) so
everything I say is just me talking out of my ass. Forget I said
anything. Big boys don’t cry and all that.

Hey ho, let’s go! πŸ™‚

Oh yeah, the photo above was taken earlier today, at Suria KLCC
center court. I’ll be celebrating Chinese New Year this year for a
change, it’s been a while and we only live that long so every new year
is a good chance to get all (emotionally) touchy feely with the
extended family and friends back home.

Now what the fuck did you just say young man? Put that bottle of vodka down and keep in mind that Xanax is not candy.

Excuse me.

Let’s dance…

Destination: Melbourne, Australia (and a contest for readers)

melb_convo_baggage.jpg

Greetings, my excellent friends! This is the last post I’ll be
making before leaving for Melbourne. I will update there, but posts are
likely to be sporadic since I’ll be very busy once I get off the
flight. Anyway, due to a mess up with bookings, I’ll be staying at UniLodge
[unilodge.com.au] on Saturday and Sunday. Technically staying anyway, I
won’t be in for most of the day. It’s the one smack dab in the middle
of the city (Swanston), beside Melbourne Central, the one with a Subway
beside it. I’ll be moving to The Paramount [theparamount.com.au] after the first two days till the end of my stay.

I will be going to the Deviant Species
[deviantspecies.co.uk] (dark sounding psy, lovely!) headlined outdoor
rave (which makes it technically a doof?) at the abandoned mountaintop
airstrip on Saturday, right after I arrive. It will be fucking awesome,
I’ve been looking for an event to put a cap to the Melbourne scene, and
I had thought the Lab4 one at Hard Kandy would be good (the circle
completes), but I will not be able to make it to that one due to my
flight.

However, my buddy Liam, who happens to be staying at halls over the
summer, told me about this psytrance event and it sounds absolutely
perfect – the venue sounds amazing, and it’s has an underground feel to
it. Call (03)88104396 for venue details. I’m looking forward to this
one, good thing Liam has bought himself a car so transportation is
sorted. πŸ™‚ Yeah, Liam is the same guy some of you might remember in the
“last rave” in Melbourne [sixthseal.com] before I came back.

This will go on till Sunday so I’ll have one day to recover before
my convocation ceremony on Tuesday. T+ 48 eh…prognosis doesn’t look
all that good, but that’s never stopped me before. πŸ˜‰ It will be my
last (really) rave in Melbourne in the foreseeable future, so I’m going
to have fun. You go in hard, and you go in fast! Don’t stop! Which hard trance song has this sample? Name the song title. Hint:
The one word title is biblical in nature and is tied to this site’s
domain (sixthseal.com) in the events depicted in the book of Revelation.

The first one who gets it right will have to email me a postal
address to receive a gift. The gift will be something from a headshop.
Should the winner be from Malaysia or another restrictive country, it
may be considered “drug paraphernalia” or “counter culture”, so there
is the option to request an alternative item, or accept the gift at
your own risk. Naturally, the item will be mailed from Melbourne and
the contest will end on the 17th of December 2003 at 12:01 am so I’ll
have time to send it out the next day. If there isn’t a correct answer
by that time, the prize will go to a commentor (on this post) chosen at
my discretion and the winner will be announced.

This is important: The winner must agree to provide a photo
of himself/herself with the prize (upon receipt of the gift) for
publication on sixthseal.com. If the winner does not own or have access
to a digicam, a photo print from a non-digital camera can be mailed to
a physical address which I will provide or scanned and emailed to my
email address. By doing this, the winner agrees to transfer full
ownership of the photo to sixthseal.com and forfeits all rights to the
photo, thus giving sixthseal.com full ownership and copyright to the
photo. Obviously, this is based on trust, so please don’t agree unless
you’re willing to fulfil the above requirements.

You can comment on this post without entering the contest, the
contest is based on the correct answer to the question above. However,
commenting on the post without answering the contest question qualifies
you as the alternate winner in case where there is no correct answer,
though you will be given the option to decline if you don’t agree to
the contest regulations. Another alternate winner will be chosen based
in the case this happens until someone who agrees to the conditions is
selected. sixthseal.com reserves the right to publish all (if any) the
names of the alternate winners who decline. Without the pretentious
legalese, this just means I’ll say something like “xxx was contacted
for (reason) but declined. yyy was then contacted for (reason) and
agreed. yyy is the alternate winner.”

Anyway, we’ve digressed far from the real reason I’ll be going to
Melbourne. πŸ˜‰ Regarding the graduation ceremony, it will be at Robert
Blackwood Hall @ 8 pm, and since it’s summer, it should be relatively
light during the photography session after the regalia hire. I will be
using the on-site professional graduation photography services, would
be doing the standard boring degree in hand, smile on face, “I have
graduated from university” pose with a backdrop of bookshelves…as
well as family shots (all of them will be there) and…unorthodox ones. =D

No one would possibly want to publish the unorthodox ones, so, dear
readers, anyone with deep pockets who’s willing to put out the
obligatory “announce to the whole world that someone has graduated” ad
with a very subtle and discreet subversive message will have my
external thanks as well as the shared notoriety of (probably) the first
subversive graduation congratulations ad of this manner in the history
of Malaysia! πŸ˜‰

I’ve always had a bit of a pet peeve at the “I study 16 hour days
and I attribute my good results to the blood, sweat and tears from
that. Self discipline is very important, I force myself to study when
people go out to have fun and I don’t have a girlfriend because that
will affect results.” type statements in UPSR/PMR/SPM/STPM high
achiever interviews. I’ve seen other people with similar results say
“Hmm…never did study till the last 2 weeks…crammed my ass off and
what do you know, straight A’s. I’ll be damned.” but those never get
printed/shown, presumably to not affect those poor impressionable minds
out there.

My unofficial graduation photo would be one which accurately shows how I got through university. πŸ˜‰

The next update will be from Melbourne. Till then, take care of each other and have an excellent weekend!

Set engines to Warp 9. Engage! Bring us out of here.

Time flies when you’re having fun…

it really does. I can’t say I had fun in the exact sense of the word
today, but even though people think that today is a beautiful day to
die, I will not kick the bucket today, so that’s a cause for
celebration if anything. πŸ™‚

Hey, look at me, I did not buy the farm, it’s nearly 12 AM! I told
ya, que sera sera and all that since the prognosis for an ICH
(hemorrhagic) stroke isn’t exactly very promising. πŸ™‚ Don’t ask me why
I’m quite sure it’ll be this variant that hits me, I’ll just say
predisposing factors and leave it at that. I made sure that my wishes
for a DNR was clear after the first incident (self diagnosed as TIA)
happened. I’ll state it again, I have strong feelings about it, so in
the case of severe neurological damage, Do Not Resuscitate. Thank you.
:p

Anyway, I can’t answer any questions about why I have conditions of
these nature at a relatively young age. I’ll just say I’ve been
stressing my cardiovascular system for a long time now, and I don’t
mean exercise if you catch my drift, and it’s not very happy at me. πŸ˜‰
I also have hypertension, highest recorded was over 220 systolic in ER,
but usually 145/100 (measured with those portable units instead of
hospital grade equiptment though). Blah blah, will update again later,
I’ve been feeling less than optimal for the whole day.

Also, no lectures about not going to a hospital please, for reasons
of my own, I do not want to check in unless the big one is definately
impending and even then, there’s no point since well…my brain would
probably be ravaged before the ambulance arrives when that happens, and
the doctor would be all “Hey, your son’s prognosis doesn’t seem to
good, and er…oops there goes his brain, slippery fucker, the
cerebellum just herniated, now that’s not good…no sir, that’s not
good at all…”. πŸ˜‰

Its funny huh, how I always fear losing my cognitive abilities more
than anything else. I didn’t even give much thought to the delibitating
chest pains, even though it was, er…theoretically capable of
making grown men with high thresholds of pain accidentally produce
moisture in the ocular region and also gave them an urge to lie on the
ground, though the person in this example insists he did not collapse
in pain, but merely felt like sitting down. He just sat down a little
faster than usual. *cough* So there.

Do you people get this? I mean caring more for your gray matter than
anything else? I had the time of my life (heh) this morning, the
headaches and “pressure” around my head was killing (pun not intended,
but the previous one was) me and to top it off my body thought it would
be nice to shout me some malignant hyperthermia, how nice of him. Oh
yeah, if any of my housemates reads this, don’t eat the ice in the
freezer, I made batches to “agressively” reduce my core body
temperature (brain damage = bad) by putting ice cubes in my groin area.
So yeah, it probably won’t taste all that good with coke after I was
done with it. πŸ˜‰

Anyway, some doctors seems to suggest that ice bags in the groin
area to dissipate heat works better than a full on ice bath or a cold
shower in some cases, like mine, where cardiac complications were
present. Which reminds me of something funny, now my sister has just
graduated not too long ago, so she’s a “real” doctor now, but her
knowledge in the areas of this particular medical emergency and
biopsychiatry disturbs me quite a bit. The second bit is
understandable, since I’m…well, rather familar with the issues and I
have a personal interest in it as well.

However, her suggestions for managing the unfortunate morning
incident should it repeat itself seems to be less than optimal, no
offence intended of course. She knows more about other fields while I
just read about what would affect me and things I’m interested in. She
doesn’t think that hyperthermia is related even after I told her
(legal) sympathomimetic substances were involved. She’s going to kill
someone one day, hyperthermia is usually present in cases of excessive
consumption of sympathomimetics. πŸ˜‰

Disregarding that fact, that leaves the two possiblities – either my
thermometer broke down sometime between last night and this morning but
yet managed to get consistant records, or the readings are somewhat
accurate (it’s a first aid kit supply, so it’s not exactly industrial
quality, but it’s rectal, which should be more accurate). It’s 51 C
btw, my body has a golf player’s mentality…always seeking the perfect
high score and beating previous records.

[Note: My sister states that it’s its not possible to survive
that reading, and since the thermometer is working perfectly, and
barring devine intervention, the logical conclusion would be human
error – I must have misread the temperature in the confusing mental
state during the incident. I measured it again now (3:49 AM), and it
reads 39 C which is slightly above borderline, so I would guess that
the previous reading was 41 C. I feel much better now though, and
that’s the benzos talking since I literally took the advice of
“generous” amounts. πŸ˜‰ I am tolerant (call it dependant if it makes you
happy) so I am able to remain cohesive and awake on high doses.
However, this is something my doctor is helping me with, I am on a
taper plan, so we’ll not talk about this. I’m concerned that the
readings are above borderline even though I keep trying to remain cool.
There is no other issues besides this and chest pains. Fever is present
but I don’t “feel” hot. Cognitive abilities not affected, though I’m
concerned about the prolonged nature of higher than threshold
temperature measurements and the predisposing factors are all there. I
will take a shower now and see how it goes, even though I feel cold (?)
though my forehead is very warm. Rhabdomyolysis is becoming a concern –
lack of fluid intake, use of a sympathomimetic with known toxicity and
direct links to reported deaths due to renal failure from
rhabdomyolysis, muscle weakness and pain since morning but was told not
to worry about it by sister. I don’t know man…I can’t be having these
levels of anxiety while on a high dose of benzodiazepines and urinary
output is very low (haven’t gone in 12 hours, but will go now) but then
I’ve experienced these before and came out right as rain. Question for
anyone who knows, can a GP provide a Serum CK test or would going to a
pathology lab be better? Thanks.]

I would not have shoved ice cubes down my pants and got so worried
if it wasn’t for that and the TIA. πŸ˜‰ The incident passed after a while
though, except for the hyperthermia, why the fuck would I append
“malignant” to it if it’s just a once off event? :p I still have ice
cubes in the freezer. Anyway, residual “strangeness” (confusion),
problems with feeling extremities and the occational chest pain was
present till now but naturally, those were taken like a man ;).

I’m not worried about kicking the bucket due to heart failure or
rhabdomyolysis induced liver failure…I’m only worried about the
possibility of hemorrhagic strokes and the severe and recurring
hyperthermia because that has a high possibility of causing permanant
neurological deficits. I usually keep this shit to myself, but today
was special. I wouldn’t want to describe the feelings during the
suspected TIA, but it wasn’t fun, ya know, plus it’s a little blur to
me, my chronological sense was heavily affected.

I felt that it was necessary to remind them about my strong feelings
against being put on life support coz I’m a green vegetable, thus I
called my sister and told her about my wishes for a DNR, just in case,
since TIAs are usually followed by the big one. It still hasn’t come
though, and I believe it won’t. πŸ™‚ Que sera sera either way. You’re
wrong, I didn’t buy the farm today. I agree that it’s a beautiful day
to die, but I don’t want to. πŸ™‚

Hmm…I’ve been quite personal in this post. Just a disclaimer to
say that I’m not some poor sick kid, I’m perfectly fine, I just have a
couple of medical issues like most people, which may manifest itself
like it did today. Doctors would probably know what triggered my
existing hypertension and cardiac problems from the symptoms and
medical issues that I’ve mentioned, but please note that I didn’t want
to go to a hospital and self medicated for a reason.

Thus, I have go on record saying that the catalyst is a perfectly legal sympathomimetic agent – caffeine,
commonly found in coffee and other drinks. I do not possess or use
anything illegal. Which reminds me, I have to give my sister credit for
her perceptiveness when she mentioned that if it really was caffeine,
then it would be out the system soon. In my defence, I said I drank a
lot and after a certain threshold, the elimination rate would be unable
to keep up and maintain textbook half lives. A pat on the back for me
too, for a good comeback. πŸ˜‰

Anyway. there’s no need to worry about me too, I’m perfectly fine
after generous administration of lorazepam, a fast acting
anticonvulsant, unlike slowpoke clonazepam, which was why I was never
worried about seizures. God’s gift to man. πŸ˜‰ I took diazepam in adjuct
to lorazepam as well, works pretty well, managed to bring down the
hypertension to a more managable point, slow down my heart and give it
some well deserved rest (it balks, then hurts me, then threatens to
stop when I do the mildest movements, like moving my arm) and also
calmed me down to boot. I swear benzodiazepines would be more handy in
a medicine cabinet than Panadols. πŸ˜‰

Anyway, keep in mind that I’m not a doctor and my sister disagrees
with me about the efficacy of benzodiazepines in treating the symptoms
above, but she can’t tell alprazolam from clonazepam, and medical
literature (not quacks, established ones) has shown that
benzodiazepines does produce the three desired effects either directly
or indirectly and it’s indicated for treatment of sympathomimetic
triggered complications, and not just to sedate patients. However,
standard disclaimer applies, I have a legitimate prescription and self
medicating is not an alternative to seeking medical help.

It can be very dangerous to self diagnose and self medicate and it
can make things worse. Just go to a hospital, at least they can break
out with the CT, MRIs and ECGs with leads that leaves a sticky residue
on you for ages. Do as I say, not as I do and all that. Trust me, it’s
fun, especially when the doctor shows you the CT scan and explains the
diagram to you. It makes you wonder when the intracranial bleeding will
start manifesting itself, and it’s wonder and anticipation that makes
life fun! =D

You’ll be all looking forward to the day when you start noticing
that your brain isn’t all that nifty anymore. The anticipation! Such
joy to be derived from a simple pleasure! I’m not speaking from
experience of course, veritas told me about his in Australia. Anyway, I
would advice visiting a hospital in such cases, however, I just can’t
and I don’t want to, due to personal reasons. Oh, Malaysiaku, aku sangat bangga dengan undang undang mu! lalala!

Right, I’m popping into the fridge to get some supplies. Excuse me.

You know, that incident felt like ages ago. πŸ™‚ Admittedly, I was
rather confused (hypertensive states tends to have this effect) and
don’t remember much, but I’m not worried either. That’s not the
benzodiazepines talking. Que sera sera. Whatever will be will be. The
future’s not ours to see and all that. There! I told you, my number is
not up today. πŸ™‚ My apologies for any disappointment caused by not
being 6 feet under. My cards weren’t up a couple of months ago and my
cards weren’t up today either. Someone up there loves me! πŸ™‚

Bread Talk – the catalyst

bread_talk.jpg

The catalyst? Pork floss buns and other pastries my gf’s cousin
bought and left with my gf’s brother. I’ve become selfish, ungrateful
and inconsiderate. There you go…that’s how much I’ve degenerated. It
embaresses me, especially since my gf’s bro is the opposite of that. I
was less than willing to take 15 min out of my preciously limited
personal time to go and get something someone bought for us. And he
bought it up to us. Someone knock me upside the head and call me names,
I deserve it.

I want more time. But before that I really need to work on being
less self centered…it’s shocking how I get affected by work to let it
affect my personal relationships. I really want to be a better person
in this regards. There are only so many hours in a day. It can be
extended if you want, but you’ve gotta crash one day. What did I want
to do with this “personal time” anyway? Fuck this shit man, time with
close people should be personal time too…I must not let this happen
again. This is not who I want to be, this selfish, ungrateful and self
centered person.

Fuck this shit man…

dbkl.jpg

I realize that I value my personal time a lot…and as it currently
stands, I have fuck all. I was about to make the chicken rice post,
re-sized all the photos and started uploading them. It’s 9 pm and I
haven’t eaten dinner and it’s such a small matter…we needed to walk
down and get some stuff. I was a little unwilling because it takes time
and time is something I don’t have with this job…I wake up at 6:30 am
if I want to catch the bus/LRT (and I have to if I want to live on my
1.5k salary) and by the time I get back (using LRT/bus again) it’s
usually 8:30 pm earliest, and usually it gets to be much later coz even
though official working hours is 8:30 am – 5:30 pm, sometimes we need
to stay back to finish up.

Which brings us back to the personal time question again. I have
none, not during work days. Just now, as we were about to eat, my gf
started being pissed off at me coz I was (admittedly) taking my work
stress out on her, grumbling about having to sacrifice even more
personal time to go out and she walked away without eating the stuff I
tapau and well…I must have had a lot of pent up anger coz I just blew
up on her…in front of all our housemates. I started enquiring (in a
volume that wasn’t suitable) about why she didn’t want to eat blah blah
blah and yeah…

I suck, it’s all this stress and nights without sleep and anxiety
about work security and the pressure to perform faster, stronger,
better than everyone else and the realization that I hate coming home
and having to go to sleep right away to get enough sleep, that or stay
up with assistance and weeks and months pass and you wonder where the
fuck your personal time went coz you sure as hell don’t remember shit.

I should not have taken it out on her, I’m such a terrible bf…I’m going to apologize now.

Fuck this shit man..all this even after 2 mg sublingual
lorazepam…I had wanted to talk about this to her too, about whether
working in KL is what I want and whether I would be more comfortable
working in a low paying but lots of free time ie teaching in a school
but fuck it, forget it, back to the daily grind.

Well then…this is quite a personal post isn’t it? Now, I’ll sit
here and wait for the masturbatory “oh, you just haven’t gotten used to
working life” comments to come in. See! Now I’m taking it out on my
readers…

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