I have practically slept since Sunday and haven’t had anything to eat. Today is a Wednesday. I know I’m getting better because going through our photos doesn’t hurt so much anymore.
I will survive. This is the last emo post guys. Promise. 🙂
relationships
My girlfriend just broke up with me…
Rainie has broken up with me. I really have given it my all. Maybe I could have done more. I don’t know if it even matters. She has now moved back with her ex-boyfriend. I will neither assign blame nor vilify her.
It hurts like hell. I feel an emptiness and I have to keep myself from calling her and begging her to come back.
I usually fail.
I really, really loved her and I did a lot of things and accepted a lot of things about her which I usually won’t.
It’s no one’s fault.
I don’t even know how to begin to write this but for myself, I need to.
She’s a really great person and I really loved her. I still do.
I have trust issues which I felt was very justified. I will not vilify her, she’s a great person that maybe I could have saved but I wasn’t strong enough.
I’m glad things moved this fast though. I never regretted a moment we had together. However, it really hurts to be treated like this.
She left me while I was in Phuket. We had an argument over my trust issues and she packed her bags and went back to her ex-boyfriend (which would make that her current boyfriend again) instead of waiting until I got back as we agreed. I now know things that I didn’t.
I have forgiven her for things which goes against my very principles. She was one the only 3 people I’ve ever loved like this.
I won’t go into details because it’s her life. I will not assign blame, if there’s anyone to blame, let it be me.
I just wished she could have told me instead running off when I was in Phuket. I wish she hadn’t taken the easy way out. I would have understood.
Worst of all, I know that if she comes back I know I’ll still love her and forgive her.
Perhaps people with the dark triad of personalities is destined to only get the girls during that crucial period before their ovulation.
Never to be together with someone, only to be a temporary fling as you seem more attractive during that time, forever, and ever, and ever.
…and that is a very dark thought.
It’s so disheartening that once I stopped being a player and started to be a nice guy, the ladder theory proves true. It’s so easy to get girls when you’re being a player but when you’re being serious in the relationship, the tables are turned and you get played.
However, I won’t go back to being what I was. I want to be a nice guy and I want my partner to love me because I love her, not because I’m a manipulative player.
No one can take that from me. I know I’m ready for a serious relationship and I have really tried and I’ve given it my all.
I saw a cute little girl while out tapao-ing food I won’t eat just now. She’s adorable and I looked at her parents and it made me think that maybe nice guys won’t always finish last.
In a fit of Zen, I have looked at it another way. It could be that the dark triad of personalities tend to attract some type of girls but I don’t think that your personality is set. I wasn’t a player before and I stopped being a player now, ergo, I have discarded the attributes that used to fit the dark triad of personalities.
There is someone out there waiting for me. Someone I will love and cherish and who will reciprocate. Someone who will not lie to me and whom I will not lie to.
A relationship built on trust.
That is what keeps me going during this difficult period.
Going to Phuket!
Greetings everyone! 😀
I’ve been busy the past few days with my girlfriend moving in and us doing all that lovey dovey relationship stuff…
…like staying in, ordering pizza and watching TV series.
…and erm, getting groceries together. Haha!
Anyway, I’m off to Phuket in less than 12 hours so I’ll catch you all on the flipside. 🙂
My girlfriend just moved in with me!
I know it’s a big step to be taking in the relationship – one of the major milestones. However, I feel that the time has come. A lot of people have told me it’s too early to be doing this but I’m not the type to let tradition or “relationship rules” dictate what I do.
…so I just went and did it.
I asked her to move in with me. 🙂
Well, for those of you who’ve been to my studio apartment, you’ll know that it’s a bit of a pigsty. Irene famously said that it can sustain its own ecosystem and probably has created new forms of life in its time. She’s seen my pad in Kuching and while the one in KL isn’t as bad as that, it’s still pretty nasty.
I managed to get two cleaners to come for 4 hours and an electrician from https://www.electricianperth.net.au/industrial-electrician-perth/ to fix all the lights. There is only one light in the kitchen, the rest of my place has bulbs that have shorted out. Yes, I am living in darkness (in more ways than one).
I had to help the two cleaners do their work coz 4 hours wasn’t enough to clean my studio…which is just a little over 500 sq ft, so you can imagine the kind of messiness (understatement of the decade) that we’re talking about.
Two cleaners for 4 hours: RM 100
Cleaning accessories: RM 142.65
Replacing the 9 lights in my condo that has shorted out: RM 205
Getting groceries so the fridge and pantry will be stocked: RM 182.50
Living with my girlfriend: Priceless
I’m really happy to be taking the relationship into a whole new level.
I don’t know how things would go from here but what I do know for sure is that I’m fixing everything that’s wrong in my life for the one thing that is right. 🙂
I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses
I came back to KL over the weekend and my girlfriend surprised me by picking me up from the airport. It’s a really nice feeling to have someone you love do that. 🙂
I guess all Arians are closet romantics and I tried to make the weekend special for her too.
I just want to say that I love you Rainie. <3
Meluahkan perasaan dalam Facebook
I don’t know…is love supposed to make you feel this bad? It’s a Friday night and my bros are out but I begged off saying that I have a touch of food poisoning.
…which is partially true but not entirely the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
I’m greatly troubled with my It’s Complicated (TM) relationship. I can’t seem to get her off my mind and there are…complications which makes me feel a rather strange and unusual emotion (!!!) – sadness, loss, pining, and all that romantic crap.
I guess I’m trying too hard, which is a mistake I should have learned by now. But I’m really into her and I want this to work out.
I don’t know, there’s a lot of issues that I’m not at liberty to say and I wish I could be like Barney and go “When I feel bad, I stop feeling bad and feel AWESOME instead“.
…but that doesn’t work in real life.
I’m probably 40% sick and 60% lovesick (probably the wrong term, it’s fear, uncertainty and doubt, very karma feelings which I never feel when it comes to girls) and it is a damn strange emotion for me I’m supposed to be this badass player and feelings like these are only experienced by sorry, self-pitying, pussy-whipped boys.
It’s karma, I tell you.
I’m supposed to go out partying with my bros and feel awesome.
…but instead I’m at home, thinking of her and feeling like crap.
P/S – My sister actually reads my Facebook feed quite religiously and starts every morning with a clumsy attempt at bonding by saying “Hey, I saw on your Facebook that (insert stuff that I posted)“.
Please do not do that Yih Jia. I do not wish to discuss this matter, least of all with you. It’s just going to make me very uncomfortable and it also ruins my “Huai Bin is invincible, an veritable emotional fucking cornerstone when it comes to girls” image. so I’ll appreciate it very much if you could pretend you didn’t read this. kthxbai
P/P/S – Seriously, don’t talk to me about it sis. It’ll be very awkward and I probably would deny I even wrote this.
That was a re-post of something I wrote on Friday night. I still feel less-than-awesome so I’m putting this up and heading to bed. It’s verbatim from the Facebook page so I’ll insert a photo in lieu of writing 1,000 words. That is a bottle of Bowmore Enigma, a 12-year-old single malt Scotch whiskey from Islay. I got it for about SGD 58 from duty free – the Enigma expression is a travel exclusive.
Back to the post:
Has anyone ever told you that you look like a star?
It seems like everybody’s got something I have not – a reason not to die.
– NOFX
My Valentine’s Day
I met this girl at TDH last Saturday morning. I was early (actually everyone else was late, I was late by 45 minutes myself) and I got there first. I saw this girl laughing while watching a movie on her iPad so I went over, said hello and ended up talking to her for an hour.
It turns out that her name is Rainie – I added her on Facebook and got her number. I said I’ll call and we’ll meet up for lunch or something next week…and today, that’s exactly what we did. There’s some epicness in the middle but for the sake of length, I’ll leave that out.
This afternoon, on the 14th of February, I went out for lunch with “the TDH girl” (as she will be affectionately known) and made plans for dinner.
It was very casual, the plan was no plan and we ended up having dinner at Wong Kok Char Chang Teng (of all places!) coz she was sick and wanted to eat porridge. There wasn’t any porridge so she made do with ramen and hot lemon honey juice.
I think we spent 3 hours there talking until the movie started. She’s someone I can click with and there’s definitely something going on here.
She looks different every time I see her! It’s like she turns more attractive each time I meet her. It kinda scares me coz I don’t recognize her for a split second each time she waves at me!
I don’t know what comes next. I won’t pretend I do. We’ll see if this works out.
I’m just glad:
- I went to TDH last Saturday at that particular time
- I made it to lunch today
- We spent 6 hours together on Valentine’s Day night despite work tomorrow
…a lot of things would have been different if any of those decisions were made differently.
I’m just glad things turned out the way they did. 🙂
Cold feet
I’m writing this before I board the plane back to KL. I’m hauling back several boxes of my girlfriend’s belongings with me. She’s coming over in a couple of days to work in KL and she’ll be living with me.
I’ll be honest here. I’m feeling more than a little trepidation at the idea. I don’t know how it’s going to turn out. There is a grand total of three (3) serious relationships I’ve been in where the other half moves in with me. The first one happened when I was just in my teenage years – it also happened to be my first real relationship.
Her name was Wendy and it lasted all of six months.
It was all fine and dandy until we moved in together. The relationship lasted longer than that, of course – prior to that, we were practically inseparable. I don’t know why seeing each other day in and day out became so taxing on the relationship.
Familiarity breeds contempt?
It always starts with the little things – small issues that becomes the flash point of every argument. The same old problems brought up again and again. It’s something akin to cabin fever…I’ll even go so far to say it’s like prison, being cooped up in a small place with the same bunch of people 24/7.
It never ends well.
The second relationship (Louisa – the very same person that still resides as a tattoo on my left forearm) also went that way. We were together for YEARS. I graduated from Australia, came back to KL and moved in with her.
BAM! The relationship went downhill almost immediately.
However, we tried to work things out as adults – giving each other space, making concessions and compromises but in the end it still didn’t work out. We made a last ditch attempt to save the relationship by me moving to Kuching (it was just as well that I got a really good job offer there) and it was all good for a while…and then we broke up.
The third and last serious relationship where my girlfriend moved in was when I came to KL again. I came with Doris in tow and maybe it’s the nostalgic rose tinted glasses but I felt that I could have done things better and maybe it could have worked out if I had not turned into a complete asshole.
I’ll admit that much. I was a total asshole to her. I was an ungrateful son of a bitch who didn’t care about someone that loved me that much. I loved her too but I got too caught up with myself to realize that I’ve been taking her for granted. She’s a very nice girl and perhaps things would have been different if I had been the person I am now.
…or perhaps not.
The thing is, I’ve learned a lot from all these experiences. It made me take a good, hard look at myself and I didn’t like what I was seeing. I have been making amends since then.
I’m no saint, I’m not saying that I became the poster boy for abstinence after that. Hell, no.
…but I never did get into another serious relationship after Doris until now.
It’s funny isn’t it? When you’re single, all you want to do is get in a relationship. When you’re actually in one, the idea of being alone and free to do anything you want sounds pretty appealing.
The grass is always greener on the other side and all that.
However, I really want to make this work. I don’t think I’ll make the same mistakes again and I’ll try very hard to keep the relationship alive. I know my own weaknesses and I hope I am more patient and understanding now. I’ll give it my all.
I hope that the fourth time’s the charm.
I hope.
