My girlfriend just broke up with me…

rainie breakup

Rainie has broken up with me. I really have given it my all. Maybe I could have done more. I don’t know if it even matters. She has now moved back with her ex-boyfriend. I will neither assign blame nor vilify her.

It hurts like hell. I feel an emptiness and I have to keep myself from calling her and begging her to come back.

I usually fail.

I really, really loved her and I did a lot of things and accepted a lot of things about her which I usually won’t.

It’s no one’s fault.

I don’t even know how to begin to write this but for myself, I need to.

She’s a really great person and I really loved her. I still do.

I have trust issues which I felt was very justified. I will not vilify her, she’s a great person that maybe I could have saved but I wasn’t strong enough.

I’m glad things moved this fast though. I never regretted a moment we had together. However, it really hurts to be treated like this.

She left me while I was in Phuket. We had an argument over my trust issues and she packed her bags and went back to her ex-boyfriend (which would make that her current boyfriend again) instead of waiting until I got back as we agreed. I now know things that I didn’t.

I have forgiven her for things which goes against my very principles. She was one the only 3 people I’ve ever loved like this.

I won’t go into details because it’s her life. I will not assign blame, if there’s anyone to blame, let it be me.

I just wished she could have told me instead running off when I was in Phuket. I wish she hadn’t taken the easy way out. I would have understood.

Worst of all, I know that if she comes back I know I’ll still love her and forgive her.

Perhaps people with the dark triad of personalities is destined to only get the girls during that crucial period before their ovulation.

Never to be together with someone, only to be a temporary fling as you seem more attractive during that time, forever, and ever, and ever.

…and that is a very dark thought.

It’s so disheartening that once I stopped being a player and started to be a nice guy, the ladder theory proves true. It’s so easy to get girls when you’re being a player but when you’re being serious in the relationship, the tables are turned and you get played.

However, I won’t go back to being what I was. I want to be a nice guy and I want my partner to love me because I love her, not because I’m a manipulative player.

No one can take that from me. I know I’m ready for a serious relationship and I have really tried and I’ve given it my all.

I saw a cute little girl while out tapao-ing food I won’t eat just now. She’s adorable and I looked at her parents and it made me think that maybe nice guys won’t always finish last.

In a fit of Zen, I have looked at it another way. It could be that the dark triad of personalities tend to attract some type of girls but I don’t think that your personality is set. I wasn’t a player before and I stopped being a player now, ergo, I have discarded the attributes that used to fit the dark triad of personalities.

There is someone out there waiting for me. Someone I will love and cherish and who will reciprocate. Someone who will not lie to me and whom I will not lie to.

A relationship built on trust.

That is what keeps me going during this difficult period.

You shouldn’t do that

me dad

My dad is the person that I admire the most. This is not the first time I have written about him – as I grow older, I get closer and understand him even more. As a kid, especially during my pubescent years where I made it my personal crusade to be the most rebellious little shit in the world, he stood by me.

I never understood why.

He believed in me when I went into a period of an intense hedonistic lifestyle of drugs, alcohol and indiscriminate sex. My dad never supported my choices though – I remember the first time I was arrested – I expected him to bail me out of jail, but he didn’t. I was in there for the standard 14 day remand until a friend bailed me out.

…now some of you might think that means he doesn’t love me. No, that isn’t true. It means he loves me so much he wants me to learn. I didn’t at that time but he kept on believing in me and encouraging me to sort out my life.

He would just tell me his personal take on things and advice me on life. I have always hated his advice – advice being the worse kind of vice and all that – but as I grew older, I started to appreciate it.

Now that I’m turning 31 I find myself looking to him for counsel for all the difficult decisions in life.

I wish I had more time to tap into his wisdom and life experience. Sure, there’s a huge generation gap between us but some things in life will always be true. I have learned love from him – and I believe I will be able to provide the same kind of unconditional love – agape – to my future children.

dad me

I really hope he’ll be there to see that and experience raising my kids with me.

I’m trying to live a healthier life and doing what I can to prolong the time we have together. There is a Wellness Profiling Tool which I’m using to find out about the little bad habits that I’ve never really thought about. It’s on the Great Eastern website and they have a motto that really tugs at my heartstrings – We believe that only you can be there for the ones you love.

There’s also an iOS and Android app called Great Eastern 21 days which you can use to break the bad habits that you have. Research suggests that it takes exactly that amount of time to truly stop a bad habit or start a new (good) one.

Surfing through the site made me realize that I’ve never taken a lot of photos with my dad – there is just a couple of snapshots over the Chinese New Year period and I really want to change that. There’s a Facebook contest where you can win a priceless photo shoot by celebrity photographer Russel Wong by uploading a photo and writing about how much that person means to you.

Your photo will join a gallery of Malaysia’s most irreplaceable people. The contest is called There Will Never Be Another You.

That’s exactly how I feel about you, dad. I’m sorry I was such a hard kid to raise up and I hope I’m doing enough to make up for it now, although as you always say, you don’t want any of that…all you hope to see is for me to be a good person. I’m trying every single day. I love you dad.

The Friendliest Day of the Year

March 17th

I hear it’s being touted as the Friendliest Day of the Year.

people

It’s one of the few holidays that break out from the country of origin (Ireland, in this case) to metamorphosis from obscurity to become something more…something global, something truly epic!

eat play love

It’s St. Patrick’s Day!

st pat 2010

I go every single year. Guinness has held the biggest St Patrick’s Day parties for two years running in Malaysia. I was at the 2010 celebrations in 1Utama.

st pat 2011

I also went to the 2011 street party at Changkat Bukit Bintang where they have all the awesome street performers and even awesomer (spell check just warned me about this word with the red squiggly line) launch with the jugglers and huge motorcycle parade.

I couldn’t get a good shot at the actual event with everyone jostling around but here’s what it looks like – that’s from the preview event and is almost exactly the same. :D

dancing

It is always a day full of fun, friendship and laughter.

Fun Fact:
A popular Irish toast on St Patrick’s Day is “May the roof above never fall in, and may we as friends beneath it never fall out”.

performers

This year sees a return of the celebrations to Changkat Bukit Bintang! There will be a month full of celebrations starting right about now. Remember when I said March 17th is going to be known as the Friendliest Day of the Year?

Well, there’s this obscure, little book that you might have heard of. It’s called the Guinness Book of World Records. ;)

friendliest day of the year

This is the real thing, the authoritative tome that people refer to when a feat or record is in doubt. It’s no local wannabe, if you’re in it, you know you’ve done something worth writing down for posterity in the entire known world.

parade

Guinness is attempting to set a new Guinness World Record for the Friendliest Day of the Year by getting 1 million people to pledge online at www.facebook.com/guinnessmalaysia and www.stpatricks.com.my to get into the book. Just click on COUNT ME IN to make it happen! :)

st pat 2012

I’m telling you, it’ll be the best fun you ever had. The crowd is always nice and there’s fun and laughter. Get ready for the pure awesomeness that is the main St Patrick’s Day street party:

Date: Saturday (17th March)
Venue: Changkat Bukit Bintang
Time: 6 pm onwards

street performers

There’s even going to be a busker dressed like a court jester. What more can you ask for? :D

Get more information on the various other parties and promotions being held at www.facebook.com/guinnessmalaysia.

Walking Like a Dream

walking like a dream

I always get reminded of my trip to Bali to visit Tanah Lot when I listen to the song. The vocals evoke an emotional response that elevates it from a mere song to something a lot more. Walking Like a Dream is the latest Yuna single – it is groundbreaking in a lot of ways.

yuna sms

I wrote a post about Yuna creating music history by having the first online concert in Malaysia. Well, I was one of the 10,000 who got the SMS invite and I logged on to watch her perform.

yuna media session

It was amazing. There was actually a media event at twentyone.tables+terrace in bsc but I elected to use my home connection to watch it.

yuna new single

In hindsight, I wished I had gone to the media session – for one, the screen is much bigger than my notebook and I bet the sound system is more awesome too.

yuna live

Nevertheless, I had an awesome time watching Yuna perform her new single…

yuna music video

…and after a campaign to get the public to star in the music video via Hotlink Yuna Music Booths nationwide (it was in a lot of cities and towns around Malaysia) the final production is complete!

Her single (which was untitled at the time) was also done the same way – the winning entry (crowd sourcing FTW) turned out to be Walking Like a Dream.

yuna single

It really is a great song, I’m loading it into my iPad when I travel to Thailand. I bet it’ll be amazing to listen to it by the beach in Phuket!

tanah lot

You can listen to the awesomeness that is Walking Like a Dream by surfing over to www.nowyoucan.my/yuna – the music video is also there and if you’re a Hotlink or Maxis user, you can download the single from Music Unlimited and listen to it wherever you go. :)

It’s a mellow and chill song that’s perfect for anything from beach vacations to stressful drives during rush hour.

Going to Phuket!

hb rainie

Greetings everyone! :D

I’ve been busy the past few days with my girlfriend moving in and us doing all that lovey dovey relationship stuff…

movies

…like staying in, ordering pizza and watching TV series.

groceries

…and erm, getting groceries together. Haha!

Anyway, I’m off to Phuket in less than 12 hours so I’ll catch you all on the flipside. :)

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