Brass Monkeys Consulting

My network connection was down for practically the whole day yesterday. Thus,
I have decided to sleep early and wake up early today to prepare for the final ITPM presentation. I
woke up bright an early at 8 am and headed down to my campus to rehearse with my other team
members:

Group 702: Brass Monkeys Consulting

From left: Poh Huai Bin, Dan Chandrasoma, Sheralyn D’Rose, Bela Farbas

I think we did pretty well in the presentation, but there was a group with an
impressively feature packed product though. Good thing the marks are not scaled…at least I hope
they’re not. =D Anyway, I had to wake up early yesterday too. It seems that my National [national.com.au] bank account has been
overdraft to the amount of A$11.12 (don’t ask me why a savings account can be over drafted).
Since I already have a Commonwealth bank account (my main account now), I’ve
decided to close the National one. The only branch around here is in Clayton town. There was one
in the campus center last time, but it has closed and the space is now occupied by the Business
Systems laboratory.

Well, I also got to eat the Beef Salsa Burger, which is part of McDonald’s
ever changing New Tastes Menu
[mcdonalds.com.au]. It tasted like the old Italian Romano Burger (part of their Tastes of the
World Menu) to me, and the burger is rather small-ish too. I’ll go for a Big Mac or Filet-O-Fish
over it any day.

Link of the day: Firebugs threaten mosque
attacks
[theage.com.au]

I knew this was going to happen sooner or later.

“krow is work spelled backwards” and a childhood story

Note: I haven’t fallen into “The Zone” while writing for a long time. Feels good to be back. Please read the story.

Hmm…I feel contented coz today was quite productive by my
standards, which unfortunately, is not high at all. =D I did get chewed
on a bit today by my IE supervisor though. It’s understandable coz our
group seems to be rather behind schedule. There was a semantics issue
involved as well. I had assumed that a non-reply will default to the
affirmative regarding meeting times, but apparently that was not the
case. Well, you know what they say about assuming. I can’t resist
reiterating though, assuming makes and ass out of u and me. There.
Anyway, I was grilled for a while about PHP syntax too. Felt like I was
back in graded school. Heh. Oh, which reminds me. Back in primary
school, we had this Nazi math teacher who would force us to memorize
the multiplication tables up to 13. Now, every time she comes in,
she’ll carry this big ass rattan (flexible wood-like plant) cane and
swish it around a bit. Then, she’ll start to traverse the tables and
rows, asking each one a random multiplication. She’ll give you 1
second, and 1 second the most. If you couldn’t answer correctly by
then, she’ll give you a hard lashing with the cane.

So down she’ll go, asking “What’s 3 times 12?” “What’s 7 times 13?”
“What’s 11 times 10?”. Now, each day, she’ll add one lashing to the
punishment for the wayward ones who couldn’t figure out the
multiplication tables in the head (no tables are allowed). This went on
until the punishment was 50 lashings (!) on the 50th day. She promised
that the counter will reset itself to 1 the next day. I’m not kidding,
this really is true. Note though that capital punishment was acceptable
in Malaysia when I was in primary school. Anyway, I could answer
everyday, right up until the dreaded 50th day. Many of my classmates
has conveniently brought a tube of Colgate toothpaste, which is said to
numb the hands so the lashings won’t hurt so much. Well, the guy in
front of me, an Iban, didn’t get the answer right, so the teacher
started to give him 50 lashes. Right around the 35th lash point, the
cane splintered and frayed, but the teacher kept on going. Well,
besides being not good with multiplications, the Iban guy was
unfortunately not good in acting too. He was smiling after the rattan
cane frayed, because rattan canes don’t hurt much once they’ve frayed.
This is because the kinetic force applied to the cane distributes
through each fray, which then lands on a larger surface area.

Unfortunate. The teacher started to realize this and started
slapping the guy instead, substituting each lash with a slap until the
prescribed 50 were up. The poor guy started crying (we were 12 years
old at that time) and the whole class was in a quandary regarding this
new development. The Colgate Method TM has effectively been
nulled, voided and stamped with a big red NOT APPLICABLE, sorry mate.
Anyway, once the slapping has been dealt with, the teacher moved to the
first girl in my row. We were (rather ruthlessly) hoping that the next
few people will “get it” too, since the bell was 10 minutes away from
ringing. Inferring and extrapolating shows that the teacher can produce
30 slaps per minute (SPM).

[Edit: Replaced original ASCII depiction with JPEG graphical representation.]

pristory.jpg

Thus, if 5 people in the row of 9 “gets it”, I would be spared from
any questions, since the bell would have already rung. I think we
learnt more math by trying to avoid a spanking than memorizing
multiplication tables. Unfortunately, the next girl was the smartest
girl in our class, so she instantly got the answer right. We were
momentarily elated for a couple of seconds, when the teacher fired off
3 more questions in quick succession, as if wanting to get the girl to
slip up. Unfazed, the smart girl answered all of them with impunity.
And thus it went, until it was the turn of the guy beside me. The clock
still had 7 minutes to go at the time, so I was about to resign to my
fate…until I thought of a trump card. Of course! I’ll go to the
toilet. So,

Me: Cikgu, boleh saya pergi ke tandas? Perut sakit…

[Teacher, can I go to the toilet? I have a stomachache…(which was
only half untrue – who wouldn’t get a stomachache with this kind of
pressure?)]

Teacher: Eh, tidak boleh…sudah hampir sampai giliran kamu. Mahu lari kah?

[Of course not…it’s nearly your turn to go. Are you trying to get away?]

Me: …………………………

And thus, it was my turn. “What is 7 times 9?” said the teacher.
“Er…62?” said I. 7’s were always my weakest multiplication tables.
“SALAH!!!” boomed the teacher with delight, glad for an opportunity to
flex her muscles once more. Salah means wrong in Bahasa Malaysia if you
haven’t figured it out by now. I had never gotten the multiplication
tables wrong before. I could hear a sigh of relief from the row behind
me. Infidels. The teacher made me stand up and started giving me a
slap. However, she apparently could not bring herself to do it a second
time and contented herself with giving my cheeks a hard pinch. “Huai
Bin” the teacher said. “Jangan salah lagi, ah, kamu budak pandai”.
(Don’t make any more mistakes, you’re a clever kid).

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”
went the class, voicing discontent at the preferential treatment I was
getting.

Oh well.

I feel liberated

I finally managed to get a haircut today. It only cost A$17, which is
pretty cheap over here. I went to Monash Hair Salon at the campus center.
Anyway, I watched a HK movie on VCD just now. It was the 2002 Chinese New
Year movie by Andy Lau and Gigi Leung. I don’t know the name, but it’s
about mahjong. The plot is predictable, but that’s not the point. It’s a
Chinese New Year movie, it’s supposed to be a feel good movie, not one
where you can endlessly debate the intricacies that motivated the main
protagonist. I like Gigi Leung before the breast augmentation surgery (in
the movie). She seemed rather top heavy after that. Heh. I want to go home
for Chinese New Year. Update: The movie is called Lik Goo Lik Goo San Nin
Choi (Fatt Choi Spirit). Man, that rice bit was funny. =D

Reading:
Calculating God by Robert J. Sawyer
(A damned (damn?) good book)

Mun Fun with lots of soy sauce and pepper

I had dinner at Wah Kee today with Adrian and Jun Wei. I’ve been craving
after their Combination Mun Fun with heaps of soy sauce and pepper.
Basically, it’s a combo of chicken, beef (?), char siew, squid, prawns and
vegies cooked in a tasteless sauce (hence the soy and pepper part). I had
some short soup too. Short soup is what they call wonton soup here. Later
we headed over to Jun Wei’s house, where he has an autographed photo of
Stephanie Sun when she was in her youth. Heh. Nah, actually it is a photo
of his girlfriend, but she sure looks like Stephanie Sun in that photo.
Anyway, I’ve got heaps of work to do before tomorrow. I’m sleepy and I’m
demoralized. End of semester sucks. And I can’t even look forward to going
back because I’m not going back during the summer vacations. I have to
stay back because IE runs for two consecutive semesters. Shit.

Link of the day:

Bali Bombing Full Coverage
[theage.com.au]

Chad is stoned…

I headed down to Chadstone today to do a bit of shopping. I wanted to cut
my hair too, but the prices at Chadstone “The Fashion Capital” ranges from
A$45 – A$75 and I couldn’t justify paying those prices. Especially not
when I pay around A$5 – A$10 for a haircut back home. =D I was going to
get

Contacting Aliens: An Illustrated Guide to David Brin’s Uplift Universe

[davidbrin.com] too, but the Borders at Chadstone did not carry it.
Hmm…one of the best things to eat in the food court is the lunch plate
of Sizzling Wok. I like having honey chicken and Mongolian beef. Their
Mongolian beef is really salty and their honey chicken is really sweet and
that combination tastes good. My thoughts are kinda foggy today, I’m still
feeling the flu. More of a runny nose and mental slowness today though.
Yeah…Well, anyway, I like
Lush.

The store smells really nice and I like the idea of huge block of soap
that you cut and wrap up yourself. They have
really
nice names
[lush.co.uk] for their soaps too. Their

bath ballistics
[lush.co.uk] looks fun to use, but unfortunately, I
don’t have a running bath. Oh well. I feel slow today.

*cough* *sneeze* *clears throat*

I think I’ve caught the flu. Or it could be the asbestos and lead fibers
I’ve been breathing in for the past week. I’m relegated to a short life of
mental retardation, doomed to die of lung cancer. Roberts Hall was
opened in 1971, so it’s safe to assume that the walls are built solely with
asbestos (and plenty of manpower) and slathered with some good old lead
based paint to hold it together. There was some work done on my ceiling
one week ago to fix my ceiling light. The electricians replaced the entire
housing and left my carpet strewed with debris of dubious origin. Being
somewhat of a hypochondriac, I find myself waking up with a sore throat,
stuffy sinuses, and significantly reduced mental capabilities. The last
one might be psychosomatic though. =D Anyway, I went to the operations
office today to ask whether the ceilings have asbestos in them. The
receptionist was quite taken aback by my question. Heh.

Me: There is asbestos in the ceilings of Roberts Hall, isn’t there?

Receptionist: (startled) I’m not sure…why would you think that?

Me: (describes my symptoms, both real and imagined =D)

Receptionist: Oh dear, let me get someone better qualified to answer that
question.

(The receptionist goes into the office and
gets the director)

Director: Hello there. How can I help you?

Me: Well, I’m concerned that the Roberts Hall ceilings contain asbestos.
There was some work done on my ceiling which left a lot of dust and debris
and I’ve been having respiratory problems after breathing it in.

Director: (phrasing his words carefully) Well…I’m not familiar with the
architectural aspects of Roberts Hall, but I would think that there isn’t
any asbestos in the structure. What does the dust look like?

Me: It looks like long, thin fibers. It doesn’t seem to break easily.

Director: (guardedly) Oh…hmm…I think that might be the spray on
concrete they use to coat the ceiling. I’ll check and get right back to
you. Do you want to leave a contact number?

Me: (gives my cell phone number)

Director: Thank you. I’ll personally get back to you when I know.

Hmm…that conversation wasn’t reassuring at all. I didn’t think about the
lead issue until later though. I spent the better part of the evening
vacuuming my room and washing my bedsheets. I know that vacuuming will
stir up the particles and that’s more dangerous since it will be easy to
breath it in, but my floor is saturated with that shit anyway and walking
alone will disturb the fibers. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

I spilled detergent powder in front of my door just after I returned the
vacuum cleaner. Wonderful.

……

I’m sleepy. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in two days and last night
was even worse. I couldn’t sleep at first, and when I finally thought I
might be able to, I laid down on the bed for two hours – but still no
sleep came to me. The dawn light that filtered through my blinds didn’t
help either. I like to sleep in absolute darkness. To make matters worse,
the lawnmower man came at the UNGODLY hour of 8:30 am and started to mow
the fucking lawn. I haven’t started to sleep at that point and the noise
from the lawnmowers (it the kind you drive) made it really hard to sleep.
I tried pulling my bedsheets over one ear and stuffing the other ear with
my pillow, but that didn’t help much. As if things couldn’t get any worse,
I had to field several phone calls informing me that a client meeting is
scheduled today. Joy. Okay, enough bitching. πŸ™‚

Springvale train station

Anyway, I headed down to Springvale today to see if they still have any
Item X’s in stock. It should be noted that the Store X in Springvale is
nowhere near the town center. There is quite a significant traveling
distance involved too. However, all is not in vain, for they had one last
Item X in stock. =D They were actually holding it for another person, but
the manager decided to sell it to me anyway. That’s good then.
Hmm…anyway, is it just me, or does Springvale look dodgier and dodgier
every time I go there? Puzzling.

Link of the day:

Korean man dies after computer games binge
[theage.com.au]

FUD. People don’t die from playing computer games non-stop for 86 hours.
People die from heart attacks while ingesting stimulants. Notice that he
died in the toilet. My…uh, friend told me that it’s common for people on
methamphetamines or similar stimulants to experience constipation or

oliguria
(got this word from my med school sister). This friend of
mine once tried to force himself to take a piss coz he hasn’t done so for
quite a while and said he nearly passed out. He felt a surge of blood
going to his head and his heart started to pound really fast, and he
thought he was about to kick the bucket there and then. Stimulants
increase blood pressure and makes your heart work harder. People generally
don’t stay up for 86 hours non-stop without stimulants. He died with a
felafel in his hand. I mean, he died in the toilet. Do the math. Oh, and
don’t force yourself to piss while on meth. =D

Running around in circles

I had a group meeting scheduled today at 2 pm, so I took the 1:40 pm
shuttle. Right as the shuttle was turning into the campus, I got an SMS
telling me that the meeting is cancelled because everything has already
been completed (!). Well, that’s a first. =D Thus, I decided to go to
Store X to shop for Item X. I have to be discrete you see, because Item X
is supposed to be my girlfriend’s birthday present, and she reads my blog.
There is a Store X in Carnegie, so I headed down there to see if they have
Item X in stock. There is a promotion involving Item X where Store X is
selling it at less than half the price of other retail outlets (for a
limited time only). Unfortunately, Store X is Carnegie is out of Item X,
but I was told that the Store X in Glen Waverley might have some in stock.
If you haven’t figured out by now, Store X is a large chain. Now, a
temporary lapse in cognitive thinking made me associate Glen Waverley with
Blackburn. I had dinner at Glen Waverley with a couple of my friends last
Mid-Autumn Festival, and I swore I saw the Blackburn station right in the
middle of Glen Waverley. Anyone with a map of Melbourne will know that
this is rather unlikely as the stations are in fact quite far away.
However, I didn’t know this, so I took a train to Richmond station to
catch a Hillside train back down to Blackburn.

                 
<——————- Carnegie

        
Richmond                     

                 
————————————————————————>  
Blackburn

As you can see in the ASCII map (an overstatement) above, I had to first
travel in the opposite direction from my destination to catch a train to
Blackburn. This is because the trains in Melbourne runs on different lines
so if you want to catch a train to a different line, you need to go to to
a switching station, which can mean backtracking. That trip took nearly an
hour.

Anyway, as I arrived in Blackburn, I started to sense something amiss. One
side of the station exit houses residential estates and the other side is
populated by just a small strip mall. Hmm…I thought. Upon questioning
several passerby’s, I was forced to conclude that Glen Waverley !=
Blackburn. Luckily, I spotted a 703 Blackburn bus pulling into the bus
stop, and boarded it, safe in the knowledge that the 703 bus will pass by
Glen Waverley. Alas. That is not true, as I soon found out. I could take
the 703 back to the halls, but I really wanted to go to Glen Waverley
before Store X closes, so I asked the driver how to best get there. He
advised me to stop at Syndal station and take the train down to Glen
Waverley. A good 2 1/2 hours after I boarded the train in Carnegie, I
finally arrived in Glen Waverley. I hurried to The Glen and rushed into
Store X right before it closed only to find out that…they were out of
Item X too. What a waste of time. At least the store personnel told me
that the Store X’s in Springvale and Ringwood still have a few Item X’s in
their inventory. I will follow it up tomorrow after my tutorials.

On the other hand, I managed to find out that the

Forest Hill Chase Shopping Center
[foresthillshoppingcentre.com.au]
has a 10 theatre Hoyts. This is more convenient for me than Chadstone
since the 703 bus passes right outside my halls and goes right to the door
of Forest Hill Chase. Also, I managed to stock up on some Cadbury 250g
bars. 2 for A$5 dollar dazzlers in Coles rule. They usually go for A$3.59
each. Oh, and the new Vanilla Coke is pretty good as well. Tastes like a
vanilla ice cream coke float (or spider or soda or whatever you call it).
Interestingly, it coats the mouth with a rich vanilla taste.

Word of the day: HAMPALANG EH (from Daniel)

Foochow. Adjective. A sarcastic term for someone who acts like he/she
knows everything. Correlates to “Smarty Pants” and “Mr Know-It-All” in
English. See also: HU NO EH, DEI LEI KIAN.

My hair is shagging in my eyes

Dragging my feet to hit the streets tonight, to drive along this shit town
lights…

I need a haircut badly. I feel like I’m wearing a furry hat on my head. It
really is that thick and heavy, but unfortunately I don’t have time to get
a haircut until the weekend. The thing is, I need to take a bath after a
haircut coz I cannot stand those short hair bits trying to crawl down my
neck and have their way with my chest and back. Thus, I have to put aside
about 2 hours if I want to get a haircut, and I’ll rather sleep than wake
up early to get a haircut. So, I’ve decided to wait until the weekends
before I get my much needed haircut. I hate the way it pokes into my eyes
and feels all heavy on my head. Hmph.

Link of the day:
The
Quaoar FAQ
[caltech.edu] (maintained by one of the co-discoverers)

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