Hmm…

Full Body Condom

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full body condom

This silvery pack contains a revolutionary product known as a full
body condom. I got it for RM 12.50 – well worth the price, if you
factor in the total area of coverage. 😉

full body condom cont

Here’s the contents of the full body comdom. It has the red “full body condom” itself and an Operator’s Manual.

full body condom man

The manual proclaims this product as “The Choice of a Safe
Generation”. Heh! This is Brit humor at its best, although this product
is manufactured in the US.

full body condom 1

It shows step by step “instructions” on how to…er, don
the condom, as it were. The first step shows a divine entity and a
caricature of a man having the Fear of God (TM) struck into him in a
series of hilarious pictures.

full body condom 2

The second step shows outrageous and totally rib cracking funny text
and pictures proclaiming the “protection” this full body condom
provides.

full body condom 3

Here’s the third step…

full body condom 4

…the fourth,

full body condom 5

and the final step. I’ll let you read the manual yourself, it made me laugh so hard.

full body condom red

This is the actual “full body condom” – a gag which is made from a red thick plastic bin liner with a hole cut out on top.

full body condom start

Well, being the safe sex proponent that I am, I tried out this
magnificent product that will ensure protection (though at what cost,
I’m yet to ascertain ;)).

full body condom wear

I’ll tell you something…this full body condom is a tight fit, no pun intended. 😉

full body condom full

I finally got it on…it’s so hot in there, they weren’t kidding in the manual.

full body condom haircut

I must say that I find the full body condom to be extremally restrictive for any activity…that’s my new haircut btw…

full body condom off

I couldn’t manage to keep it on for more than a minute…at least it tore off easy. 😉

Full body condom – it’s a wonderful concept, but ultimately fails in the deployment stage. Heh!

Red bill from Telekom – RM 962.23

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red letter telekom

I received a red colored bill from our beloved national
telecommunications provider…it’s usually white. “Uh oh, this can’t be
good,” I thought. Red isn’t a good color, it’s usually reserved for
outstanding debts.

red letter creditors

Sure enough, it came from the Credit Management Unit of Telekom Malaysia…

red letter customer

In a strange semantics error, it states politely that my Internet
and phone server has been pulled (which I already know) and that I have
an outstanding debt of RM 962.23, but yet still refers to me as “Our
valued customer”. Strange, I thought it was well over 1k last time I
got a bill. 😉

red letter ipoh

The other letter I got was postmarked from Alor Setar and contains
no return address. I shook it vigorously, fearing anthrax, but it
sounded like a harmless booklet. 😉

red letter budha

It’s an unsolicited mail from some Buddhist organization and contains a yellow book which I couldn’t read…

red letter 4d

…but when I flipped casually through the pages, I saw that it’s
apparently advertising some service which allows you to strike 4D
(lottery). Well, slap me on my ass and call me Sally, if it’s so easy
and you have my address, then why don’t you help me pay my bills while
you’re at it? 😉

“I don’t want to feel” – videos of me cutting myself

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cutting myself last nite

I was feeling particularly depressed last night and thought it would
be interesting to use a balisong (butterfly knife) to do some
self-inflicted wounds. Okay, it wasn’t coz it was interesting, it was
coz I was feeling down. :p I didn’t “feel” anything, everything is so
routine, so numb, so meaningless, and I am so fragile, so replaceable,
so useless.

cutting myself knife nite

Well, I punched the wall in frustration and I liked that. It made me
“feel”. I didn’t feel the pain much so I thought I’ll cut myself. Two
cuts, like an X, with my el cheapo balisong. I tried looking for my
Benchmade but I couldn’t find it, and I couldn’t be bothered to look,
so I just used this one.

cutting myself intro

Download: I don’t want to feel [sixthseal.com]

no feel

The interesting is, I went from “I want to feel” to “I don’t want to
feel” coz the world is a shitty place to live in, as I felt at that
time. I’m feeling better now, this video is the manifestation of the
sixthseal.com Quarterly Serotonin Depletion Moment (QSDM). I get
depressed every once in a while. I don’t know why, no drugs involved, I
just get depressed.

x spot

Download: X marks the spot [sixthseal.com]

Here’s the second part of the video. I just felt down and kept on
repeating “I don’t want to feel” for some reason. I should have used a
razor blade though…and there are two things I learnt from this:

1. I need to sharpen my balisong.
2. I really need to sharpen my balisong. 😉

I mean seriously, I use that thing so much it’s become blunt. I was like “Draw blood, dammit!”…it used to be very sharp.

cutting myself today

Here’s what it looked like this morning. I think the uneven cuts
don’t look so good, so I might have to touch it up a little for a nice
scar. I hope it’ll scar anyway. It felt good, cutting myself. The
strange thing is, I didn’t feel any pain, but I felt ALIVE!

I FELT! It gave me the catharsis that I needed. I slept like a baby
after that. It’s nice. I felt so alive. I just might be interested in
this self-inflicting wounds thing. With God as my witness, I felt! 🙂

Disclaimer: I’m perfectly sane and this is… (Choose below)
1. If you’re my friend:
…just a publicity stunt for sixthseal.com I mean come on, the cuts aren’t even deep, superficial at best.
2. If you’re my coworkers:
…mind your own business. I don’t bring my personal problems to work.
3. If you’re someone who loves me:
…er, I accidentally cut myself…twice. 😉

P/S – Don’t make a big deal out of this, it’s not a “suicide
attempt”, a “plea for help” or any of that bullshit psycho-babble.
There’s nothing melodramatic here, it’s just all in good fun…alright?

Unholy Communion

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Do this in remembrance of me…

unholy communion

Download: Unholy communion video [sixthseal.com]

For no one can enter the Kingdom of God, except through me. 😉

This is a video of me fooling around with the communion service
receptacles. It’s not for the ones who can’t take a joke or those who
thinks blasphemy is a word in the dictionary. 😉

For the record, no, I did not put red wine into any of the Ribena substitutes.

The blood of Christ! =D

Happy shopping, dear customers

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kin orient trip

To provide a better level of service to our valued customers, we
have erected a steel pole structure hovering several inches off the
ground to catch you off guard and make you trip and fall face first
into our main front doors.

kin orient plaza

We hope that our new upgrade which encompasses the whole shopping entrance front will give you a better shopping experience.

Regards,
The Management of Kin Orient Plaza

Our father who art in heaven…

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our father heaven

Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name;
Thy kingdom come;
Thy will be done;
On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our RM 50 note.

This was spotted on a construction site. It seems that some workers
took the “Give us this day our daily bread” part a little too
literally, for the poster was carefully cut along the palm of Jesus,
and a small printed RM 50 note slipped into the lined edge.

I would like to shake hands with the construction worker who carved up this art masterpiece. 😉

Radioactive orange toilet fungi

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I first noticed the splotches of orange on the toilet bowl.

orange fungi toilet

I didn’t think much of it then…it could be paint, blood, the
stains of an orange plastic bag. It was an unused toilet bowl after all.

However, as the days go by, I found it harder and harder to ignore
the spreading of the stains. I found it slithering down the porcelain
throne while in the shower one day.

orange fungi creeping

It started to grow on the walls. I’m certain that this is no benign
matter by then. This had to be organic…it seems to be…fungi.

orange fungi wall

Overnight, a particularly nasty orange red colony decided to settle
on a patch of the bathroom floor. I tried to wash it away, but it
wouldn’t wash away.

orange fungi colony

I watched with trepidation as the fungi seem to grow over and infect anything it touches.

I resolved not to make contact with the surface in any way.

This morning, I found that it has taken over the drainage system…orange splatters burst from the floor.

orange fungi drain

It was fast…too fast…

…and if I listen really hard, I can hear a cacophony of voices from the orange fungi colonies.

“Braaaiiinnnss…”, they groaned.

Fear gripped me and I stumbled out of the bathroom, knocking my hip painfully and scraping my arm along the sink.

I turned and watched with growing horror as the radioactive orange toilet fungi spread to the sink.

How long has it been there?!?

Could I…could I have, touched it?

orange fungi sink

Sheer terror set into me as the implications of this became
clear…blind panic from the horrible realization, the certainty of
what would become of me.

I have touched the orange toilet fungi.

I have touched the orange toilet fungi!

I fearfully looked at my arm.

I’m creeping death…

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