Toilet paper – disastrous FAIL

tp fail

God, I hate fishing toilet paper out of the toilet bowl.

It just had to happen. I reach for the TP, fumbled and the entire roll fell into the toilet bowl. I didn’t want to fish it out since I just peed in there so I thought I’d try and flush it down.

It’s very innovative, ground-breaking stuff. Sounded like a great idea at the time.

Guess whether it works before watching the video.

The condo I’m living in has great water pressure…

…but apparently not good enough.

Oh well, at least the flushing process sanitized the wet toilet roll somewhat.

It’s not as bad as the previous time it happened – I was sitting on the porcelain throne doing some serious bowel movements and dropped the nearly empty roll INTO my merchandise. It should be noted that the consistency of the excrement was akin to (brown) porridge and I haven’t finished wiping yet.

I wished I had filmed that one, but I couldn’t very well go and get my digicam with The #2 Special dripping from my ass (it was diarrhea okay). I offered my prayers to the Porcelain God and flushed…

…and it went down, toilet roll and everything. I would not have wanted to retrieve that, not with the combination of Maggi mee goreng, nasi kandar, several eggs and instant noodles fermented for 1 1/2 days in my stomach cavity accompanying the TP roll.

Serious Shit

serious shit toilet

This is some Serious Shit (TM) right here…

There is hard, compacted stool from my methadone using days, the more liquid form of excretion during withdrawals, constant use of DF-118 (dihydrocodeine) and the small compacted shit that you see underlying the rest.

There is even a log in there the size of an 8″ dildo after a colon blockage from extensive and excessive use of opiates (three week’s worth of shit backed up) that hurt like HELL coming out. Now I know how it feels like to be ass fucked. πŸ™

The yellow goo is new, fresh from last night and this morning’s offerings to the porcelain throne.

I think there should be a lot of puke in there too – projectile vomiting from excessive drinking and general throwing up…and deep, deep down, if you care to look (even the police wouldn’t) there should be about 5 points (500 mg) of methamphetamine in 5 straws and a meth pipe (plus several syringes) down there (if it hasn’t turned into shit already) during a moment of paranoia when I tried to flush it, pulled too hard and broke the damn thing.

…and what did I do? I shat on it, that’s what I did. I figured no one would want to dig through all that shit (easily a year’s worth, no shit) so I’m good and safe eh? πŸ˜‰

BTW, does anyone know a good plumber?


Water slide for shit

shit water slide

A lot of people understandably don’t shit directly above the water
receptacle due to the “splash factor”. We usually aim upstream, so to
speak, to avoid public use toilet water from splashing on our ass
cheeks (or worse, into the actual hole itself).

shit water slide close

This practice seems to be widespread, as this water slide show.
We’ll deliver your shit straight down, so it won’t stain the bowl! The
wonders of modern sanitation engineering! πŸ˜‰

shit water slide shit

It seems that my logs are a bit too much for the water slide to manage though coz it just stuck there.

It should have followed the laws of physics and the dynamics of water and slid right down, but it didn’t.

I guess that says a lot about my diet. πŸ˜‰

Homemade chocolate mousse write-up

chocolate mousse bowl

This is the photo of the chocolate mousse I made after three days of
preparation. The recipe and step-by-step procedures will be furnished
below, including a video clip of the interesting chocolate mousse

chocolate mousse fleas

Step 1: Line the mixing bowl (toilet bowl) with serviettes (toilet paper).

Step 2: Start putting in the first layer of chocolate (shit). The first chocolate layer should be semi-solid in nature.

Step 3: Line the first layer of chocolate (human excretion) with more serviettes (TP) and add another layer of solid chocolate (#2).

Step 4: Garnish the second layer of solid chocolate with another layer of serviettes and squeeze in a final layer of melted chocolate (liquid shit, best obtained when you really need to go).

Step 5: Marinate the chocolate mousse at 37 degrees Celsius for three days.

Step 6: Serve at room temperature. Recipe serves 2 people.

chocolate mousse serve

Download: Chocolate mousse serving method []

It’s actually just my backed up toilet which was attracting fleas of
all sorts. Watch the fleas swarm out as I take a piss in the movie! – Pushing the boundaries of good taste since 2002. πŸ˜‰

Radioactive orange toilet fungi

I first noticed the splotches of orange on the toilet bowl.

orange fungi toilet

I didn’t think much of it then…it could be paint, blood, the
stains of an orange plastic bag. It was an unused toilet bowl after all.

However, as the days go by, I found it harder and harder to ignore
the spreading of the stains. I found it slithering down the porcelain
throne while in the shower one day.

orange fungi creeping

It started to grow on the walls. I’m certain that this is no benign
matter by then. This had to be organic…it seems to be…fungi.

orange fungi wall

Overnight, a particularly nasty orange red colony decided to settle
on a patch of the bathroom floor. I tried to wash it away, but it
wouldn’t wash away.

orange fungi colony

I watched with trepidation as the fungi seem to grow over and infect anything it touches.

I resolved not to make contact with the surface in any way.

This morning, I found that it has taken over the drainage system…orange splatters burst from the floor.

orange fungi drain

It was fast…too fast

…and if I listen really hard, I can hear a cacophony of voices from the orange fungi colonies.

“Braaaiiinnnss…”, they groaned.

Fear gripped me and I stumbled out of the bathroom, knocking my hip painfully and scraping my arm along the sink.

I turned and watched with growing horror as the radioactive orange toilet fungi spread to the sink.

How long has it been there?!?

Could I…could I have, touched it?

orange fungi sink

Sheer terror set into me as the implications of this became
clear…blind panic from the horrible realization, the certainty of
what would become of me.

I have touched the orange toilet fungi.

I have touched the orange toilet fungi!

I fearfully looked at my arm.

I’m creeping death…

Faham? Awas! (Understand? Beware!)

lung toilet awas

I saw this classic toilet sign at a washroom facility in a row of
shophouses. It was apparently handwritten to dissuade wayward
proprietors (shared toilet) and their customers from changing the state
of the toilet to an unacceptably filthy level. This is what it says in

Keep this toilet clean
If we find it dirty…we will…take the necessary measures ok…

It didn’t seem to strike the fear of God into the hearts of the urgent though, because this is what I saw:

lung toilet floater

It even had a floater in it…there’s a log of human excretion to the left, which is visible if you squint a bit.

Mmm…’s at Halls

Mmm…vomit @ Roberts Hall

Mmm…urine @ Richardson Hall

The regurgitation stained toilet bowl has been left uncleaned for
almost a week now. πŸ™‚ It looks like the person with poor aiming skills
behind this missed the bowl by a large margin, most of it ended up
towards the side. I think I’ll make this one Picture of the Day. The
second picture is of a clogged up urinal, I thought the color was
interesting and the amount is quite voluminous (as you can see) so I
took a photo of the toilet. I like the Webster’s definition:

In man, the urine is a clear, transparent fluid of an amber color
and peculiar odor, with an average density of 1.02. The average amount
excreted in 24 hours is from 40 to 60 ounces (about 1,200 cubic
centimeters). Chemically, the urine is mainly an aqueous solution of
urea, salt (sodium chloride), and uric acid, together with some
hippuric acid and peculiar pigments. It usually has an acid reaction,
owing to the presence of acid phosphates of soda or free uric acid.
Normally, it contains about 960 parts of water to 40 parts of solid
matter, and the daily average excretion is 35 grams (540 grains) of
urea, 0.75 gram (11 grains) of uric acid, and 16.5 grams (260 grains)
of salt. Abnormally, it may contain sugar as in diabetes, albumen as in
Bright’s disease, bile pigments as in jaundice, or abnormal quantities
of some one or more of the normal constituents.

Yes, I really have nothing better to do. πŸ™‚

This week is Week 10!!!

Week 10! I thought it was Week 11!!! Who told me that it’s Week 11?
Fess up now, I know someone did, or I wouldn’t have got this idea into
my mind. I need to…thank you, coz that really put my ass into gear. :p

Things that have gone wrong (in a good way) because I thought this week is Week 11:

I submitted my GSC2714 Alcohol and Drug Use essay on Monday and
wrote “Sorry about submitting this late, I didn’t realize it was due on
Week 10”. I wasn’t late after all because this week is Week 10!

I actually did my GSC2714 Alcohol and Drug Use presentation today.
Oops…I was scheduled for Week 11, but I thought this week WAS Week 11.
No harm done anyway, there wasn’t anyone else in contention for the
presentation spot and I think I did okay in the presentation even
though I fudged up my lines a bit.

I…uh, drank a lot of coffee because I wanted to stay up late
today to finish my CSE3151 Network Performance assignment that’s due on
Thursday Week 11, which I thought is tomorrow, but it’s really next
week. Duh!

Oh well, at least I got most of my work out of the way. It feels
good to “gain” a week. =D Anyway, I’ve been messing around with the
blog last night and earlier today coz of that gaining a week thing. I
read up about the Movable Type tags and made some changes to the
layout. The things that have changed are:

Recent Comments
I’ve added some tags to display the 8 most recent comments with a link
(Go!) straight to the comments section of the post in question. I did
that using #comments which is somewhat of a hack, sometimes it works,
sometimes it doesn’t. Oh well. This is replacing the previous “Recent
Entries” sidebar, which displayed the 5 most recent posts. I doubt
anyone actually uses that since the main page has 14 days back anyway.
Or am I mistaken and there’s people that actually like that navigation
bit? The comments are set to be truncated at 50 characters, so it won’t
take up too much space. The nick of the person who commented can be
clicked to open up a new window to their URL (if they provided one) or
their email if they didn’t. This doesn’t really work well though, when
you click on an older post, it only shows the comments for that post
and if you click on an older month, it shows the 8 most “recent”
comments for that month. However, it works fine on the main page, so I
guess that’s okay.

Sticky Posts
I’ve wanted to do this for a while and finally got around to getting it
done. I was planning to add another field in SQL to mark a post as
“sticky”, but Movable Type’s category tags gives the same functionality
without having to modify the database so I used that instead. It makes
things easier by automatically showing all posts that is marked
“sticky” in the sidebar. Veritas has a link to show all of his posts, I
feel that this is appropriate as his posts are very specific (almost
always about substances) and it would be good to have an archive of his
posts without making too many posts “sticky” as that clutters up the
sidebar. I’m not doing that for myself because my posts are more
general, so there isn’t much point in implementing that. There is a
problem with the way the tags work though – clicking on an archived
month will only show the sticky posts that is chronologically behind
that month. Thus, if you click on the first month, you can’t see any of
the sticky posts. Oh well. πŸ™‚

Persistent sidebar
I’ve made the sidebar to be always visible, don’t know how you all feel
about that, but it does make navigation slightly easier and makes the
site more cohesive. I just took the sidebar stuff out and put it into a
template to be included automatically by every page. I read that
there’s an easy way to create an “About me” page based on the Movable
Type tags, but I didn’t bother to go through that, so I’ve changed all
the about pages to PHP so I can just include the sidebar template
easily without having to read up on the tags. Unfortunately, while
doing the sidebar, I lost all the blog links!
I haven’t done backups of the site since the time I changed hosts so I
had to rebuild everything from memory. My bad, I cut the sidebar stuff
out and cut some other thing again before pasting, thus overwriting the
sidebar stuff. πŸ™ My memory isn’t really good, I’ve tried to put up all
the links that I could remember but I’m sure I missed quite a few,
because the list looks much shorter than before! I didn’t remember the
exact order too, but anyway, if I linked you before and it’s not here
now, it’s because of the cut and cut fiasco. I can’t remember every
single link I had, my memory is going down the gutter as the days go
by. Sorry about that, please email me if I accidentally left you out.

Aesthetic changes
I made the date bar grey with black text to differentiate the archives
easier. The posts on the main page have a white date bar with grey
text, and all individual and monthly archives shows the grey one so
that it’s easier to see that you’re browsing the archives. I also
changed the banner, so a different banner will load up if you’re
reading the older posts. It’s nothing much, just applied the “Wind”
filter twice and turned down the hue and saturation to make the banner
look “older” and more uh, weathered. That and the grey archives date
bar would give a better visual cue that you’re looking at the archives
instead of the new posts.

That’s basically it. Tell me what you think of the changes, I’ll
love to hear some input regarding the new features. I think the sticky
posts makes the sidebar a bit too cluttered and long, perhaps I should
be more discriminatory in marking a post “sticky”. I already tried to
squash the list by using a small font size and minimal spacing in the
CSS class definition but it’s still fairly long. Anyway, I’ll
appreciate any feedback regarding the changes. πŸ™‚ Thanks!



I had a supervisor meeting again this morning and since the shuttle
bus does not run outside the normal semester, I’ve been taking the
train to get here. Anyway, I just noticed today that the male toilets
on Platform 4 in Caulfield station are pretty ancient. They must hail
from the 1940s or something, it’s comparable to the one at the
Caulfield Racecourse. I usually take the train on Platform 2 coz I tend
to take late afternoon/evening classes so I’ve never really noticed
until today. Hmm…

Anyway, it seems that ticket prices goes up every time I come back…or maybe it’s only for Zone 2? Noticed a 10c increase.

Oh, how I wish I was back in Malaysia for the Chinese New Year
holidays. I had been looking forward to my final (don’t get much
holidays when you work) 4 month summer holiday before I graduate, but
it has been cut very short into a meagre 1 month holiday. Hmph…

Can the time go faster, please? I think I’ll feel much better once
Chinese New Year is over…although I suspect I won’t feel 100% until
semester properly starts again in March. It’ll only be 3 months until I
go back again then. Whee.

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