Hmm…

The strangest SMS

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strangest sms

I mean seriously, I didn’t know the Alpha and the Omega was within cell coverage. I was surprised Yahweh keeps up with the times at all. I guess that newfangled business with U2charist and praying for the CEOs of Google and whatnot is not hogwash after all.

What Would Jesus Do (with a cell phone) indeed…

 

Update:

#1: Number has been removed. The girl texted me back saying that you guys are spamming her number. 😉

#2: Jeff answered the rhetorical question:

Hmm.. What would Jesus do with a mobile:

1. Ring Josef & Mary
2. Call God for instructions
2a. Report Sinners.
2b. Get weather reports from heaven and hell.
3. Top up less fortunate peoples credit on prepaid plans.
4. Perform miracles, like turn old phone batteries into new ones. Gasp!
5. SMS sermons to his followers.
6. Order pizza.
7. Prank phone calls to Romans esp. Pontius Pilate.
8. Translate Ancient Hewbrew into Latin and debate the pros and cons of roman numeral keypads.

Enough. Now let us pray…

Snooze kills

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snooze kills

Snooze is evil. It must be punished. I planned to wake up at 4 am this morning to do my MDG 2 post and a very long Valentine’s Day Mist writeup but I pressed the snooze function and the next thing I know it’s 6:30 am. (!)

 

Snooze is a disease. Don’t take the risk. Change your lifestyle to avoid snooze. Contact your doctor for more information.

I swallowed my tongue piercing

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glistening gem

…and was pleasantly surprised to see it again in the bottom of the toilet bowl.

“I once was lost, but now am found”

I accidentally swallowed my tongue piercing during lunch with my coworkers and I usually don’t see the by-product of this unfortunate event. It’s happened a couple of times before but this is the first time I’ve done my bowel movements, flushed, just to find a shiny gem waiting at the bottom of the toilet bowl. 🙂

hidden gem

It usually goes down with the excrement and TP so I was pleasantly surprised to see it glistening at the bottom, as if it wanted to be found.

I take this as a sign from above, and thus, I retrieved it. 😉

Imagine the journey it has gone through, the poor thing!

Protex soap giveaway

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protex giveaway

Protex came out with a new Aloe flavored (scented?) bar of soap and they were giving it away at Kelana Jaya. I saw two guys handing out the soap to people passing by while going out for lunch with my coworkers. This is the second time I’ve received freebies in Kelana Jaya – it seems to be a hotspot for working people.

protex aloe

It came just in time too – I have been neglecting my toiletries ever since my newly single status. The body shampoo ran out a couple of days ago and I am relegated to using shampoo as a substitute. Seriously.

soap tp

Dude, where’s my soap? Use TP much?

At last, I have proper soap to shower with again! =D

Toilet paper – disastrous FAIL

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tp fail

God, I hate fishing toilet paper out of the toilet bowl.

It just had to happen. I reach for the TP, fumbled and the entire roll fell into the toilet bowl. I didn’t want to fish it out since I just peed in there so I thought I’d try and flush it down.

It’s very innovative, ground-breaking stuff. Sounded like a great idea at the time.

Guess whether it works before watching the video.

The condo I’m living in has great water pressure…

…but apparently not good enough.

Oh well, at least the flushing process sanitized the wet toilet roll somewhat.

It’s not as bad as the previous time it happened – I was sitting on the porcelain throne doing some serious bowel movements and dropped the nearly empty roll INTO my merchandise. It should be noted that the consistency of the excrement was akin to (brown) porridge and I haven’t finished wiping yet.

I wished I had filmed that one, but I couldn’t very well go and get my digicam with The #2 Special dripping from my ass (it was diarrhea okay). I offered my prayers to the Porcelain God and flushed…

…and it went down, toilet roll and everything. I would not have wanted to retrieve that, not with the combination of Maggi mee goreng, nasi kandar, several eggs and instant noodles fermented for 1 1/2 days in my stomach cavity accompanying the TP roll.

DIY handphone repair

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zhng phone

I don’t quite understand why a monkey wrench would be required to repair such delicate items like cell phones. It truly boggles the mind.

The text literally reads “Cell phone broken, can fix here” with a huge Phillips screwdriver and a monkey wrench (of all things) beside a Sony Ericsson cell phone.

I, for one, am certainly not sending my cell phone for repairs there…

I don’t know what it would look like after the specialists in this epicenter of forefront, cutting edge cellular technology zhng the mobile with a monkey wrench. 😉

Don’t drink and drive!

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drink drive

Please don’t drink and drive. There are very serious consequences and ramifications to driving under the influence…

drink drive consequences

…you might need to take a piss by the roadside. On long road trips. Under heavy rain. With a PINK umbrella awkwardly positioned at your neck.

It’s very serious. Accidents can happen should strong winds get the better of the umbrella and whip it into someone’s windscreen temporarily blinding the driver. It’s no joke. Keep a tight leash on your umbrella. This community message service has been brought to you by sixthseal.com. 😉

I love dogs!

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dog yum

Ever since I admitted to a certain indiscretion during my youth on Yee Hou’s blog chronicled in the comments here:

Hmm…I’m not sure if PETA reads your blog but I’ve done it before with a couple of friends when I was really young. Involved a stray dog, similar situation (target, rather) and a firecracker tied to said anatomy.

I know it’s evil. Sorry. I think I was 10 or 12 back then.

Dr. Tan: I have a little question though. How the hell did you manage to get hold of the dog and not have him bite you?

WTF man so evil one you.
Huai Bin | Homepage | 08.01.08 – 12:01 am | #

It was quite easy. The dog was a stray and thus quite easily tempted by food. It (he) was eating the Chinese New Year bak gua and my friend duct taped either a chai lei or ta di lei gong (those huge crackers) to his scrotum area.

I am sorry to say that I was the one who lit the fuse.

Dr. Tan: I once threw a chai lei onto a zinc roof of some kampung guy and a hole appeared.

I also heard rumours that two da di lei gong can blow apart a public phone, after which you can access the coin box.

What happened to the dog?
Huai Bin | Homepage | 08.05.08 – 11:35 pm | #

I don’t know. It ran away like a bolt of lightning after the firecracker exploded. There were drops of blood on the floor and everything. My bad.
Huai Bin | Homepage | 08.06.08 – 5:21 pm | #

I have felt the urge to repent and proclaim my love for all canines around the world. I love dogs. I’m sorry I aidded and abbetted in neutering one with a firecracker in my youth. =D

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