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I must be running up a hefty sleep debt because the creditors (headed by
Mr. Sandman) was after me all day long. =D As promised, here is my writeup
of last night’s WWE Global Warning Tour Melbourne 2002. I arrived at
Spencer Street station at slightly past 7 pm and joined the influx of
people heading towards Colonial Stadium. We are a teeming mass. We hunger
for The Rock’s famed cuisine, the flirtatious whiffs of Ass Kickin’ Quiche
and Poontang Pie beckoning us. Heh. Anyway, I stopped by the official
merchandise hut to get the official Global Warning 2002 Melbourne t shirt
(A$45) and the program booklet (A$25). I was futilely searching for a
place that sells coffee but couldn’t find one in the short time before the
event is slated to begin, so I made do with a diet coke and heaps of
positive energy. I managed to find my seat in the Gold Box just a couple
of minutes before the event started. It’s pretty close to the ring, and we
have access to the ramp where the wrestlers come out of too. A note about
the pictures: The lighting was pretty weird, which made the pictures came
out badly. I heard that people with disposable camera’s only got pictures
of pitch darkness. The ultra bright spotlights on top of the ring made my
pictures underexposed and I didn’t get any good pictures. If I use flash,
the pictures will come out all dark, and if I didn’t use flash, the
pictures will come out blurry because the jostling will shake the camera
before the picture has been fully exposed. Damned if I do, damned if I
don’t. I didn’t want to use zoom too, because any shake will make the
pictures go out of focus.

Match #1 – Rikishi vs Rico

Stephanie McMahon, the General Manager of WWE

The event started with

Stephanie McMahon (yeah baby) walking out to the ring to give a speech
and she announced the arrival of Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. Brock was
basically going on about how he is going to win the title match tonight.
He was also trash talking about how he put Hollywood Hulk Hogan out of
action in their last meet up. Stephanie then introduced Rikishi and Brock
and Paul left via the ramp. The first match is going to be a “Kiss My
Ass” match where the loser has to kiss the winner’s ass.

Rikishi (one of my favorites) came out of the ramp entrance with loud
pyrotechnics and his entrance music video. He was pumping up his hands the
whole way and that got a lot of cheers from the audience. Damn, I love
that guy. His opponent is the colorful Elvis look alike

Rico, who I’m not familiar with. I’m not really good at commentating
WWE matches because I’m really just a casual fan and don’t really know all
of the move names. But Rikishi won this match and as promised, Rico had to
submit himself to Rikishi’s famed Stink Face. Heh. Rico didn’t want to
though, and tried to sucker punch Rikishi but the man avoided it and
dropped Rico near the corner where he lied semi-dazed in a perfect
position for…

Rikishi about to give Rico a Stink Face

Rikishi then slapped his ass with both of his hands driving the crowd
absolutely wild. Man, did I mention I love this guy? While Rico was
recovering, Rikishi spread his ample ass cheeks and squatted down on
Rico’s face. He even rubbed it in a couple of times! That was worth the
price of admission by itself. =D

Match #2 Reverend D-Von & Deacon Batista vs Mark Henry & Randy Orton

Mark Henry vs Batista. This is one of the better pictures.

This is a tag team match with

Reverend D’Von and

Batista in a team and

Mark Henry and

Randy Orton in another team. Again, I don’t really know these people
even though they’re from the SmackDown! roster. I thought D-Von was pretty
funny though. Mark Henry is supposed to be the strongest man on the earth.
Oh, I saw someone flash this funny sign during this match. It went “Don’t
Make Me Come Up There!”. Heh. This match was won by Mark Henry pinning
D-Von.

Match #3 Jamie Noble (with Nidia) vs The Hurricane

The Eye of the Hurricane

The two Hurricane fans in several rows in front of me went crazy when

The Hurricane came out.

Jamie Noble and

Nidia in comparison came out to rather subdued cheers. It was clear
that The Hurricane is the crowd favorite by the rousing cheers that
happened when The Hurricane did the Eye of the Hurricane move. Jamie had
the upper hand in the beginning but The Hurricane quickly started to
dominate the ring a bit and Nidia jumped in by grabbing The Hurricane from
ring side and gave him a wet sloppy kiss. Heh. She did that twice too, to
distract him and let Jamie Noble get the upper hand. Jamie Noble walked
away with the Cruiserweight Championship by pinning The Hurricane. He
didn’t get much cheers though and the crowd even started a “slut” chant
for Nidia. Nidia and Jamie can be seen arguing when they left the arena. I
felt sorry for Jamie though, coz he looked rather dejected and sad when he
left the arena. =D Meanwhile, The Hurricane was strutting around the ring
to the cheers of the crowd.

Match #4 Hardcore Holly & Chavo Guerrero vs Billy & Chuck

I reckon Billy is enjoying himself

Billy and

Chuck came out to “You are a wanker” chants from the crowd. They were
threatening to walk out when the crowd didn’t stop the chant and got
counted by the referee up to 9 before they jumped into the ring and
started pushing

Hardcore Holly and

Chavo Guerrero around. It was a pretty funny match, with Billy
grabbing Holly from behind at one point. He seemed to consider something
and then started humping Holly, much to Holly’s dismay. Heh. Funny, that.
Another time, it was Guerrero getting Chuck in a choke hold from behind.
Chuck seemed to like it and even protruded his ass way backwards in
invitation, but got a kick in the ass from Guerrero instead. The match was
taken by the Hardcore Holly and Chavo Guerrero team.

Match #5 Test vs Kurt Angle

Kurt Angle lying on the mat after a clothesline from Test

There was a short break after the last match, and then the lights darkened
and

Test came out from the entrance ramp. He is pitted against

Kurt Angle in this RAW vs SmackDown! match. Test was going on about
how Australia was very much like America because they both suck. That got
a lot of boo’s from the crowd. Kurt Angle, who is sporting a new bald look
from being scalped in a match sometime ago, came out after that and said
that by insulting Australia, he is insulting America and him by proxy and
then sucker punched Test. It was a pretty exciting match that could have
gone both ways but was finally taken by Kurt Angle with an Angle Slam.
There was a 20 minute break after this and the second part started with…

Match #6 Lance Storm & Christian vs Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio

Lance Storm dominating Billy Kidman while Rey watches from the
sidelines, hoping to get a tag

This tag team match is another RAW vs SmackDown!

Lance Storm and

Christian are from the RAW roster while

Billy Kidman and

Rey Mysterio is from the SmackDown! talent. I can’t remember much from
this match, but there was a lot of high flying action and one of the
wrestlers hit the referee by mistake. Heh.

Match #7 Chris Jericho vs Edge

Edge edging (heh) out of a Jericho hold

Jericho came out to initially good crowd reaction but at some point
the crowd turned against him and began the “You are a wanker” chant. This
was on of the best scenes of the night, because Jericho took hold of the
mike and shouted that he doesn’t even know what a wanker is. That got a
lot of laughs from the audience. For the record, a wanker is someone
who masturbates. I don’t know the origin of that word, but it seems to be
used exclusively in Australia/New Zealand. After that,

Edge came out holding a video camera and started filming the crowd.
That made him an instant crowd favorite and I could see everyone rooting
for him in this match. J2K tried to pull a Walls of Jericho on Edge but
Edge managed to reverse it and and pinned Jericho for the win. After that,
Jericho had a tantrum and started hitting the ring posts with a metal chair. He
stormed towards the exit and pushed the metal steps leading to the ring
over and threw a plastic chair into the ring. Edge, who was in the ring,
righted the plastic chair, sat on it and crossed his legs with a smug look
on his face, to which the crowd erupted in approval. Edge then did a
victory lap and even scaled one of the scaffolds around the ring and waved
to the crowd. Very nice.

Match #8 Stacy Kiebler vs Torrie Wilson

Stacy holding down Torrie while the audience looks on

The Big Valbowski came out to present this Bra and Panties match. He introduced

Stacy Kiebler as the woman “who has legs that can wrap around any man
three times”. Stacy came out to loud cheers and wolf whistles.
She did her trademark move of sliding one leg into the ring and slowly sliding
the other leg in, giving
the appreciative audience an eyeful of her ass. =D She was wearing a cut
off white top and a very short pair of black shorts.

Torrie Wilson
came out after that, wearing a pink outfit. The match started with
Torrie ripping off Stacy’s top (revealing a black bra and nice
cleavage) and throwing it into the rowdy audience. At this time, Nidia
came running up to the ring and joined in the fracas. Stacy and Torrie
teamed up and stripped her to her panties and made her run offstage. At
one point, the referee pretended to break apart the two women and
rolled with them a couple of times before standing up with a big grin
and adjusting his pants around the crotch area. Heh. Stacy was arguing
with the referee about this understandable act of unprofessionalism and
Torrie took this chance to grab Stacy and forcibly removed her pants,
winning the match. I think there might have been some unintentional
exposure, because Stacy hurriedly adjusted her black thong. =D Stacy
then walked down the ring to the exit, followed by Torrie. The Big
Valbowski walked up the ring, took hold of the mike and told Torrie
that he has one thing in common in Australia…he’s also very good
“down under”. Torrie then beckoned him with a finger and a come hither
look and they walked off arm in arm.

Match #9 The Rock vs Triple H vs Brock Lesnar

Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?

This is the no disqualifications, triple threat title match of the
evening.

Brock Lesnar was the first out of the entrance ramp to mild audience
cheering.

Triple H came out after that, and the crowd went wild! He did the
water entrance too, where he drinks from a bottle, throws it into the
audience and sprays it out when he got into the ring. There was surge to
the ring and I managed to squeeze myself near the ring and snapped a
couple of (very blurry) close ups. It’s hard to take pictures with
everyone jostling for position and with stray arms blocking the flash.
When Triple H got to the ring, a loud “If you smell…” refrain broke up
and

The Rock made his presence felt at the top of the ramp. The guy looks
good in real life too. The crowd began a loud chant of “Rocky! Rocky!” and
The People’s Champion nodded in approval and raised one eyebrow as he
entered the ring. The match started with The Game and The People’s
Champion teaming up against Brock. Brock was put out of action for a while
and Triple H turned against The Rock. Brock then grabbed Triple
H from behind and hit his head against the corner of the ring and threw
him out of the ring. Brock started to dominate The Rock and nearly
succeeded in pinning him before Triple H came into the ring again with
blood streaming down a gash in his forehead and pulled Brock off The Rock.
The unstoppable Brock threw Triple H out of the ring again but The Rock
had recovered by this time knocked Brock around the ring. The Rock did
that “three chops, spit on hand and a final chop” move and dropped Brock.
Then came THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW. Damn, I love that move. =D Brock managed to
stand up but got pinned by a Rock Bottom for the win. Triple H was up
again at this point and together with The Rock, they started teaming up
against Brock again and got him out of the ring. Paul Heyman (I think he’s
Brock’s manager or something) took a metal chair and hit The Rock from
behind. The Rock was unfazed though and turned around to confront Paul
with Triple H. There was a funny scene here where Paul Heyman was on his
knees begging and apologizing to Triple H and The Rock. The Rock pretended
to consider it but finally shook his head and Triple H did the Pedigree on
Paul Heyman and The Rock finished him with a People’s Elbow. The Rock then
asked Triple H to do the People’s Elbow on Paul Heyman too, and the crowd
was cheering them on. Triple H seemed to consider it and tentatively did
the three catapults off the ring straps and an elbow drop. The crowd was
absolutely wild at that point. I never thought I’ll get to see Triple H’s
version of The People’s Elbow. Heh. Triple H left to loud cheering and The
Rock took the mike after and said the famous words: “Finally, The Rock has
come back to Melbourne”. He pronounced it “mel born” though. =D He then
gave a short speech with involved eating Australian pie. Heh.

The Rock layeth the smacketh down on Brock Lesnar

This is the best picture I took that night. I was right at ringside when I
took this one. Click here
for a bigger version of this.

The DVD of WWE Global Warning Tour Melbourne 2002 is coming out on the
14th of November.