Month: November 2002

“Waterfall bong bath” review

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I bought this at Off Ya Tree for A$5. It’s supposed to be a bath for
bongs that will “neutralize all those nasty bong-water smells”. That
would be quite an impressive feat, so I got one to try it out.

Trial #1:

I emptied one cap full into my dirty bong water like the
instructions said and sloshed it around. The dirty bong water + bong
bath mixture did not froth much. There were very minimal air bubbles at
the water line.My bong was filled with the bong water from last night’s
session, and lets see how well this bong bath attacks it. I was
supposed to leave it there for 5 minutes and then clean it with a brush
and water. I forgot about it though and didn’t get around to it until
40 minutes later. The smell of the dirty bong water + bong bath was
particularly nasty. It smelled like the worst of the bong bath (kinda
musty and dull) and the worst of dirty bong water (all that charcoal-ly
ashtray smell). If you try really hard you could smell the mild perfume
of the bong bath, but it didn’t mask the bong smell much. I washed it
out with cold water and a brush, but the smell was still there. I had
to wash the bong again using my A$3.29 blast dishwashing liquid and it came out smelling like lemons.

Trial #2:

I emptied one cap-full into the dirty bong water from the night
before and shook the bong. I never get around to cleaning the bong
after a night’s session until the next night’s session. 🙂 Anyway, I
timed myself and left the mixture in for EXACTLY five minutes. I
figured the dismal results from Trial #1 was due to leaving the
mixture in too long. After the 5 minutes were up, I cleaned it again
with cold water and a brush. It did smell slightly better, but there was a musty tone to it, which doesn’t make it smell very nice. blast, on the other hand, makes it smell lemony fresh.

Verdict:

blast or any other dishwashing liquid would be cheaper and
produce better results. Waterfall Bong Bath is probably geared towards
the novelty market and simply doesn’t work as well as common
dishwashing liquid. Save your money, unless you want one for the
novelty of it.

Hmm…

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hmm.jpg

Someone ate too much watermelon. I noticed a whole bunch of seeds in
the toilet today. At least I think it was seeds. I tried flushing it
twice, but the seeds just bounced around in the water turbulence and
the flushing only got about half of them each time.

Mmm.velvety

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I saved a man’s life today. Well, maybe not his life (it was his
luggage), but he made it sound like it. I had felt like eating indomie
at 5 am in the morning and walked to the kitchen. Halfway past, I heard
a scuttling of feet and someone calling “hey”. I stopped and looked at
the dude, but I didn’t recognize him so I looked back and saw this taxi
waiting there. I assumed that the guy was talking to the taxi driver so
I walked along, but I heard more urgent “hey”‘s and frantic waving and
running while carrying 3 pieces of luggage. I stopped and the guy
caught up with me and said “Thank God I saw you, I thought no one would
be coming along”. I went like “Of course, mate it’s 5 am in the
morning” and he went on about how he was leaving Australia to go back
to Japan for good and he had already dropped off his key at the
operations office (there is a hole in the wall for after hours key
drop-off) before he realized that he left a piece of luggage in his
room. The thing with Roberts Hall is that every stairway has a locked
door which can only be accessed by a Roberts resident’s key. Since he
already dropped his key off, he couldn’t get back to his room. The
operations office only opens at 8:30 am and no one will be out and
about THIS early during the summer holidays. He said he was about to
give up on his luggage when he saw me. Anyway, I opened his stairway’s
door for him and he kept thanking me. The taxi turned out to be for him
and he has already asked the taxi driver to wait for nearly half an
hour while he waited for someone to come along. He got his luggage
anyway, I saw him with 4 pieces of luggage rushing towards the taxi
while cooking my noodles. Interesting moment. Which reminds me of the
room I lived in last semester. There was this girl who lived two doors
down who always locks herself in accidentally. So, she got to sticking
this big ass cardboard lettered with “DO YOU HAVE YOUR KEYS??? CHECK!!!
DON’T LET THE DOOR CLOSE!” and pasted it at the top of our floor’s
stairs. Man, that was a hoot. It’s good for me too, coz I always lock
myself out as well. I’m scatter brained. So the sign served 2 people
instead of one.

Anyway, look at this:

sludge.jpg

I had bought a pack of goat’s milk a couple of days ago and the next
day, I got a 2L bottle of chocolate milk. I had already drank about 3/4
of the goat’s milk the day before and drank about half of the chocolate
milk that day. Since I’m storing it for the night in the fridge, I
decide to combine the two, so I only have to store one container
instead of too. Thus, I added the goat’s milk into the chocolate milk.
The next day, this resulted. The chocolate milk + goat’s milk has
totally solidified into a jelly like sludge with the consistency of
pudding. I know because I actually tried it. Ugh. Tasted velvety,
that’s the worse thing. I loved the texture, but the taste was way off.
Sort of a dull cardboardy taste. I had expected it to be sour, but it
wasn’t. Strange. My theory is, the UHT goats milk has been pasteurized
and maybe still has a couple of bacterium killing active stuff in
there. This kind of thing is not my area of expertise, so I don’t know
how valid my theory is. Anyway, I postulate that the pasteurized
thingy’s attacked and killed the (harmless) bacterium in the (fresh)
chocolate milk when they were combined and thus the battle resulted in
the sludge, which is the pasteurized stuff absorbing the water from the
bacterium and puffing everything up and making it jelly-ish solid. What
do you think of this phenomenon?

tsalogo.gif

Incidentally, I’ve been playing a lot of Natural Selection (for
Half-Life) lately. UHT’s pasteurized thingies = Kharaa and the natural
(good) bacterium thingies in the chocolate milk = Frontiersmen. The
Kharaa just killed the Frontiersmen’s spawn is just what happened to my
chocolate milk + goats milk combo. Hmm…I’m torn between liking the
fast Zergling – uh, I mean Skulk and the bountiful mass of the
Ultralisks, ah, Onos. I totally love being a Frontiersmen as well.
“gimme hmg” “rtb” and so forth. hmg = heavy machine gun and rtb =
return to base by the way. Jim Raynor, REPORTING!

OJ! OJ! OJ!

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I got a bottle of orange juice to wash down my dinner today. It’s
that freshly squeezed stuff that has pulp. I shook it and opened the
bottle cap. I put the bottle cap down on the table and opened Windows
Media Player 8. I took up the bottle and SHOOK THE DAMN THING AGAIN! I
estimate a good 250 ml splashed out of the bottle and went EVERYWHERE.
This is the pulpy stuff that’s hard to wipe off. The worst thing was, I
still wasn’t aware of it and KEPT SHAKING THE BOTTLE until my mind when
“uh-oh” and I went “fuck…” and THEN did my right hand stop shaking
the bottle. All this took about 3 seconds, so yeah, you can imagine the
damage it did. It was like a giant ejaculation.

SEXPO 2002 Melbourne

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The best photo I took today. Thanks, Cherie, for being a good sport!

I just came back from SEXPO and it was great. I came in just as the
first stage show was starting. It’s a devil themed striptease by
Brianna from Club X.


Gotta love the cape

She did a very good job, lots of eye contact with the audience and
her set was full of energy too. From her set, she looks like one of
those girls who looks real innocent but can be nasty too.
Unfortunately, she didn’t get much of a response from the crowd, it was
still early at that time and alcohol induced rowdiness was still at a
minimum then. 🙂 I didn’t get many photos though, coz the stage shows
cannot be photographed unless you have a media pass (SEXPO policy). I
only managed to take a couple of photos before a security guard waved
at me and mouthed “no photos”.


Brianna has a nice smile too

Anyway, the next stage show is a male striptease and hmm…I wish I
could perform like that guy. Heh. The stripper is Donny from Crystal
T’s and he was doing a cowboy themed number. It was really good, even
from a guy’s point of view. I also got a G-string rose from the
presenters. They were throwing bunches of them from the stage and I got
one. It’s a G-string hidden in a plastic rose.


The expo started getting crowded at around noon

There wasn’t any more stage shows until 1 pm, so I browsed around
the booths for a while. I got myself a T-shirt with “RELEASE SARAH
TONIN” printed in front for A$25. That just works on so many levels,
and I couldn’t resist. It’s a play on all the Release Kevin
Mitnick/Dmitry Sklyarov/whoever T-shirts. Sarah Tonin, who is in jail
for being too er..ecstatic, can be released by posting bail at your
friendly neighbourhood drug dealer. Bail is set at A$35.


Saints and Sinners

There was a lot of exhibitors there, mostly adult shops, brothels
and alternative culture booths. The biggest exhibitors were
adultshop.com and Club X. I browsed around for a while before catching
the next stage show – a Body Bitz presentation of their body moulding
thingy. It’s some sort of cement type stuff which solidifies in 45
seconds. Basically you pour the stuff into a bucket or some other
receptacle and immerse any part of your anatomy in it. It then sets and
you’ll have a mold of the said piece of anatomy. Andy from Big Brother
(Australia) was demonstrating how it works.


Andy topless, but you’ve already seen that before in Big Brother: Uncut

The mold was then auctioned off to the highest bidder. It is
supposed to be one of only two casts of her breasts. The picture didn’t
turn out too well, coz I had to take it from far back. I arrived too
late to get a good spot. However, I could take as many pictures as I
wanted coz the security is only in front.


It’s hard to get shots of the booths in crowded conditions

I walked around some more after that and got another freebie – a
video of The Making of “The Private Gladiator” by Private Gold.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a VCR, in fact, I’ve never even owned one.
Anyway, there was also a rally simulator there and it was pretty good
too.


Not your grampa’s motion simulator

A$5 for entry and it’s a 3 minute ride in a motion simulator. It
rocks, the motions are not your standard run of the mill movements, but
really “hold on to your hats” ones. I was not expecting that and nearly
fell headfirst into the screen. Apparently, the hand holds are not just
for decoration but actually serve a function here. This thing here puts
the word MOTION into MOTION SIMULATOR.


Kages on King

There was also a lot of booths offering nude pictures with their
girls. A good place to cop a feel if you’re into that sort of thing.
The girls are pretty easy going too, within reason. Gallery
Entertainment had one where you can pose with two fully nude girls.
Club X has two, one is a topless one and the other is with a
dominatrix. Kages on King’s has the best variety of girls and most of
them are pretty hot. Not that I went to any, of course.


Being disabled doesn’t mean your sex life is over as this woman dressed only in sheer netting attests.You can check out an article from PlugLust relating to this one.

There was also a small part dedicated to health and the disabled.


I love this car, it’s made for one driver and the passenger seat is occupied by tank of N20

Anyway, there was also non-sex industry stuff on display. There was
a big car show at the back with vintage and souped up cars. There was
also an F1 boat dealer (like the ones seen in Tomorrow Never Dies).
Those cockpits are really small. I squeezed into it and felt
claustrophobic once the hatch was closed. It could barely hold me.


A different kind of sexy

There was also a light plane dealer. It costs A$16,000, which isn’t a lot considering it’s a aeroplane.


The girls were painted using body paint

The next stage show I managed to catch was a body painting competition with the girls from Kages on King.


The painters then pressed against the girls to get the imprints on their white T-shirts

There was also a shadow theatre running where two couples simulate
sex behind a piece of cloth. This was also done on a highway somewhere
a couple of days back to promote SEXPO. The police have yet to release
the road fatalities statistics from that day.


Shadow theatre. Wayang kulit never looked so good

Other interesting things of note are:


Off Ya Tree having a glass pipe making demonstration


The car show girls taking a break by going into the demostration spas


The walking dick


Crystal T’s girls. I give them best of show. Quality.

Anyway, I did manage to catch Ron Jeremy [ronjeremy.com] after all. He came in with Jacklyn Lick [jacklynlick.com] to do autographs together. Unfortunately, the other US porn star who is slated to appear – Serenity
[serenity.net] did not come with them. I got a signed photo taken with
Ron and Jacklyn. The most commonly heard comments around their booth
were “that dude is a porn star??”, usually said in incredulous tones.
Heh. Ron Jeremy is one of the most recognized male porn stars in the
world, and he has 1600 (!!!) films under his belt, no pun intended.
Jacklyn looks older in real life than in her films, but she’s friendly
and eager to talk. The photo came out pretty good. I was actually
respecting her personal space and just put an arm around her, but she
pulled down her top and put my hand on her breast. For the record, I
moved it to the side, and not just because I didn’t want to obscure her
breasts from the photo, but also coz I’m in a relationship and I don’t
think my girlfriend will appreciate me posting a photo of me grabbing a
porn star’s boobs in my blog. 🙂 So there you go, if you want to touch
a porn star’s boobs, go to SEXPO tomorrow, it’s the last day. Between
you and me, now there’s one less thing on my list of things to do
before I die. 😉


Autographed photo taken with Ron Jeremy and Jacklyn Lick

SEXhibition

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Q: What is the greatest expo in the world?
A: Why, SEXPO [sexpo.com.au] of course

ticket.jpg

The annual Health, Sexuality and Lifestyle expo is in Melbourne
again. I missed it last year because I was already back in Malaysia by
then and I missed it the year before because I didn’t know about it
until 5 pm on the final day and couldn’t justify paying the entrance
fee since it was already that late. This year, I have gotten the
tickets in advance from the Club X in Clayton. I saw the advert while
passing by today and thought I might go this year. The porn legend Ron
Jeremy and Miss Nude World 2002, Morgan Summers will be gracing the
expo this year, but I don’t think I’ll stay on that late. Morgan
Summers is due to appear at 10:30 pm and I’ll be going in the morning,
so I don’t think I’m going to catch her show. Nevertheless, check back
tomorrow night for pictures of the event. I’ll be bringing my digicam
along to put the SEX back in sixthseal.com. “But sixthseal.com doesn’t
even have the word sex in it”, you say. It does, ye of little faith,
it’s just not consecutive letters. You need to take the s, drop the i, get the x and put the e from seal in between. There. 🙂

kcuf

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Fuck, I hate messing around with checkboxes in PHP. I just couldn’t
get it to work properly with dynamic data. The client meeting is in 5
hours and what I hate even more is having to ask the client for an
extension. Fuck, I hate not being able to meet deadlines. It makes me
look bad and even worse it makes me feel bad. Grrr…fuck! Fuck, I say!
Fuck!

Everything must go!

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mars.jpg

Mmm…half price for everything at the Roberts Hall shop. Too bad
they’re all out of Twix. That’s my new favourite bar, but Mars bars are
pretty good too. I saw a lot of V/Red Bull energy drinks, but I’m too
loaded with caffeine now anyway. I have another IE client meeting
tomorrow, so I’m staying up to finish my stuff.

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