Hard! Hard! Mi Goreng

hard hard mi goreng perisa ketam

This inappropriately named snack was found at a grocery store near
my workplace today. It says Hard Hard Mi Goreng Perisa Ketam, or Hard
Hard Crab Flavored Fried Noodles.

hard hard logo

This is what the Hard Hard logo looks like. It rather resembles a
phallic structure with some sheath over it, presumably to avoid er…crabs. The logo even has shows having its cap “blown off” the top, so to speak.

hard hard keropok

This is what Hard Hard keropok looks like. We now know that it not only has crabs, but genital warts as well…

However, I’m rather dubious about marketing crab infested and wart
filled phalluses (phalli?) as edible material towards children. This is
a very dangerous precedent to instill towards young, impressionable
minds. I think I’ll write a letter to the Consumers Association of
Malaysia to convey my concerns about this disquieting product. Excuse
me…

Sahip brandy

sahip

Sahip brandi (brandy) is another locally made “compounded brandy”.
It retails for RM 20.60 and can be recognized by the prominent Sikh
riding on a horse label. The brandy contains 40% alcohol. I’m not a big
fan of Sahip though…the “fusel oil smell” is particularly strong and
I associate that smell with cheap liquor. Anyway, if you don’t know
what fusel oil smells like, buy some lacquer from your local hardware
shop and have a good whiff. πŸ˜‰

sahip brandy

Well, beggars can’t be choosers, so let’s move on to the non-taste
related characteristics of this locally distilled brandy. It’s made in
Selangor by Vintage Jaya Sdn. Bhd. The effects are rather pleasant, and
this is nice and chuggable if you ignore the fusel oil. It will get you
the ethanol effects that you’re after…at a relatively cheap price.
However, if you balk at the smell of fusel oil in your drink, you’ll
probably want to avoid this. It’s pretty common with certain distilled
liquors and Sahip is one of them.

Canned oysters

canned smoked oysters

I’ve always wondered about oysters in a tin…are they any good? I
decided to get one to address this pressing question. This is S&W Fancy Whole Smoked Oysters
from Korea. I can understand canned fish…but I’ve always thought
whether canned oysters would taste the same as fresh ones, or at least
bear some resemblance to it.

canned oysters package

It comes in a small flat tin inside a cardboard insert. It costs RM
9.80. The back of the packaging read “S&W Smoked Oysters – Simply
Wonderful. A tasty snack specially selected and smoked over sweet woods
for a delicate flavor”. Hmm…we’ll see.

smoked oysters tin

The actual flat tin is unremarkable – there are no marks on it, just a plain container, with a pull up ring.

here be oysters
Here be oysters…

eat smoked oysters

It didn’t look all that good to me. The oysters are squashed pretty
tightly inside the tin, packed like…er, sardines in a can. I ate a
couple.

mmm oysters

The ones in the middle are rather brittle in texture, and I would
not have associated it with oysters if it was a blind taste test. The
ones towards the side of the can, however, maintain the springy and
moist texture I associate with mollusks. I wonder if this anomaly is
due to the canning and preservation process.

oysters good

Nevertheless, I pronounce canned oysters as Good. It may not
look so good, but at least it tasted somewhat like smoked oysters. I’m
not a big fan of canned food, but this one is alright – it adheres to
the smoked oyster taste and texture.

I’m sending you an SMS

sms art

This is art! I realized how messy my desktop was and I
thought…some multicolored candies will add a bit of cheer to that!
Thus, I intentionally scattered a handful of sunflower kernels across
it. I flung it like Picasso (or whoever started abstract art) splashes
paint buckets across his paintings. The mess…it became…art! Thanks
to SMS!

Yes, I stayed in front of the PC the whole weekend – starting Friday
night, no sleep, no food, and just less than a liter of water consumed.
That’s why it looks like that. Yes! I like to drink Livita with two
straws (can drink faster)! And yes, I like sending SMS!!!

Actually, wait…it’s one of my least favorite things to do. But I’m
sending you an SMS anyway! I’m sending you an SMS, I’m sending you an
S-S-SMS!!

My friends asked me to go deep sea fishing on Saturday but I said I can’t. They asked, “Why not?”

I said “BECAUSE I’M SENDING YOU AN SMS!!! I’M SENDING YOU AN S-S-SMS!!!!”

send u sms

And they said, alright. Then some other friends wanted me to go
clubbing and I told them, “CAN’T IT WAIT???? I’M SENDING YOU AN
SMS!!!!” and they said “But you never even reply SMS why the sudden
urge?”

I said, I’m sending you an SMS, let’s not talk on the cell phone,
can’t get through this way. Oh, and you don’t want to see me in this
state anyway. Why? Because my friend is fried. I mean my brain
is fried, and all I want to do is send you an SMS. I am so thirsty now.
I’m going to boil some water. I’ll send more SMS after that.

What did I do sitting on my ass in front of the computer this whole
weekend? I was typing the rest of Black Kingdom, the next one will be
up tomorrow night. After I send you an SMS.

sms filth

Please send me an SMS too, and tell me to clean up all that mess before I crash tonight.

I’m sending you an SMS. I’m sending you an S-S-SMS.

I should go to sleep.

Fuck the bugs crawling all over my skin man…I feel them but
there’s nothing there when I look. I’m used to it though, I don’t mind.
Does anyone really freak out and start cutting themselves with razors
to get them out? Sounds like an urban legend to me. I mean, you know
it’s not real and this always happens so why do people freak out to
that extent? Personally, I just send the invisible insects an SMS and
tell them to stop doing that.

The longest chicken rice in the world

fang yuen

I have just eaten at the longest chicken rice outlet in the whole
world. I was told that the chicken rice here is the best in Kuching.
It’s called Fang Yuen (opposite Hock Lee Center) and it used to be
located at the old bus stop (or something) until it moved to its new
premises. I was told to go early coz the place is likely to be full, so
we went at 6:30 PM.

It was a sight to behold…the place was indeed full, and we were
lucky to secure a seat outside. I noticed that everyone was
just…waiting.

fang yuen no chicken

Waiting for chicken rice. Except there was none, only neatly stacked plates…

fang yuen lonely broth

Broth simmering in a lonely manner….

Thus we waited…everyone had drinks ordered and were just waiting
for the chicken rice to arrive. This was starting to look rather absurd
to me…this had better be good chicken rice, I told my friend. It took
one hour (and two drinks) before the van carrying the chicken rice
arrived.

the eagle has landed

They unloaded the goods…and now we have…

fang yuen chicken

Chicken!!!

There was a flurry of activity and suddenly our chicken rice arrived.

fang yuen drumstick

The chicken

fang yuen chicken rice

The rice

fang yuen sauces

The three sauces

i pity the fools

The poor people who didn’t arrive early enough to secure a seat and had to resort to take away.

Talented canine artist creates sculpture

dog shit

This wonderful piece of abstract art of canine origin is a sight to
behold. The carefully molded sculpture is made entirely from organic
materials. Like all abstract art, it produces different interpretations
and evokes different feelings from different people.

I don’t know about you, but it’s just dog shit to me… πŸ˜‰

Kapak (axe) brandi (brandy)

kapak brandi

This is Kapak brandy – a locally made (Klang, Selangor) brandy that
retails for RM 16.10. That makes it a mid priced liquor, perfect for
the middle of the month. πŸ˜‰ The beginning of the month starts with
premium brands (JD, Absolut, Johnnie Walker etc) and the end of the
month is delegated to budget distilled spirits (Langkau, Longhouse
etc). I wouldn’t say I have a drinking problem, though that can be
attributed to denial, since I drink every day. πŸ˜‰

Anyway, distilled spirits are best consumed on an empty stomach –
that’s my daily routine…get home from work, take a variety of
benzodiazepines (the usual is 20 mg nitrazepam, 4 mg clonazepam and 2
mg alprazolam) and drink before getting something to eat. No, this is
not in the interests of harm minimization but if I’m worried
about stomach ulcers (er…already have them) or brain damage (meth did
that already), I would have stopped my crystal meth consumption…and I
never did. :p I don’t expect to live a long life, carpe diem and all
that cliche shit.

I couldn’t be bothered with taking pictures since I got home from
work at 7:30 PM (there was a client) so I just made a video post:

Download:
Kapak brandi [sixthseal.com]
9.63 ZIP file, which contains a .mov file. Requires Apple Quicktime.

Transcript:

Hey, you’re watching sixthseal.com and this is Cap Kapak…a locally made whisky…er, a locally made brandy.
It says “Brandi sebatian” – a reconstituted brandy or a mixture of
brandy…its RM 16.10, pretty cheap, and it contains 37% alcohol.
Make me forget…coz I’ve had a shitty day…and…
It’s just like…it tastes pretty good actually.

I’m pretty tired from not having enough sleep (coffee, ya know ;))
and I just had an argument with my gf (so what else is new?) and I had
a pretty shitty day in general. That has all changed now though, I’m
feeling borderline normal…in fact, I’ll go so far as to say that I’m
feeling semi good. πŸ™‚ Yes, I can type while under the influence of
alcohol…people who act all fucked up and shit on alcohol irks me to
no end.

Alcohol and benzodiazepines…for the times when you can’t afford meth to feel like God or ketamine to escape into dreams.

Disclaimer: alcohol and benzodiapines may cause CNS depression
(leading to death) so caution is adviced for inexperienced users
attempting to leverage on the synergy from multiple CNS depressants.

Black Kingdom: Chapter 3 – Bonding

bonding

I didn’t really get to bond with them until one fateful weekend. It
was during lunch break on Friday when Aaron suggested that we go to
Palladium that night. Palladium is a club in the Christchurch city
which enforces a 21 and above only entry rule due to alcohol being
served. I was fascinated (and slightly apprehensive as well) – I’ve
never stepped foot inside a nightclub before. I’ve always been told
that these places are evil and I shouldn’t ever patronize one.

The years of parental propaganda wrestled with the strangely
attractive notion of doing something “bad”…and it was the latter that
prevailed, albeit with slight tinges of guilt. The others have all been
in there before and assured me that I won’t be asked for ID. I beg to
differ coz I have a rather innocent and young looking face. I would not
pass as a 21 year old unless the bouncers all happen to have a long due
appointment with their optician.

Thus, Aaron got me a fake ID from one of his university friends. The
photograph on the ID does not look like me at all and the name was an
Indonesian name. I had to memorize the name and the birthday. Anyway,
the others told me about the dress code and we arranged to meet in
front of the Riccarton High School gates at around 7 PM. We had planned
to crash at Tom’s house so I brought along a change of clothes in my
backpack as well.

I have never stepped foot into any entertainment venues before
this…tonight was going to change all that. I was looking forward
(with some trepidation) to what my mind’s eye imagined the club would
be like. The four of us met up at the rendezvous point and walked to
Church Corner to catch the bus to the city. We went to have dinner at
what would be our regular haunt in the days to come – the Chinese
eatery near the town square. The wonton was really good and relatively
cheap at NZ$ 6.

It was time to head into the club. I was constantly reminded to walk
in confidently and not to look guilty. There were two bouncers outside
the door of Palladium and I avoided eye contact with them and tried to
walk in nonchalantly behind Aaron…until I heard one of the bouncers
say “Hang on mate, can I see some proof of age please?” The others
stopped with me while I passed the fake ID to the bouncer. He looked at
the card and gave me the once over and asked me what year I was born in.

I faltered before remembering the birth date on the fake ID. “I’m
26, born in 1970”, I replied and tried to look insulted at this
affront. The bouncer raised his eyebrows skeptically and I silently
cursed Aaron for getting a fake ID that puts me 10 years older than I
really am. However, the bouncer just shrugged and handed the card back
to me and waved us inside. I’m in!!! We had a good laugh about how
Asians must look all the same to Caucasians because no one would
mistake an Indonesian for a Chinese.

Palladium was not what I expected…I have been fed with stories
about the sinful debauchery and violence that occurs inside clubs was
expecting it to be some dirty den filled with society rejects. I was
rather surprised to see everyday people in the club – university
students, office workers…normal people. There goes another false
depiction drilled into me since I was young. We secured a table beside
the dance floor and ordered a round of drinks.

I have never had any alcohol before so I sipped my bottle of
Heineken tentatively. We had a bit of a boogie at the dance floor and
after two hours, Ah Boon noticed that I was still holding the
very same bottle, which had barely three small sips taken out of it. He
asked me whether I had bought more drinks and I said it’s the same
bottle from when we came in. He was appalled at the speed (or rather
the lack of it) of my drinking. πŸ˜‰

It was rather funny, now that I think back to it. I told him that I
was afraid of getting drunk and didn’t feel like drinking it anymore. I
handed it to him and he gamely chugged the relatively full bottle down.
I wasn’t inebriated at all…it was just all that propaganda that made
me fear being drunk that prevented me from imbibing the golden amber fluid. I later realized that I have a high alcohol tolerance…

However, that was not true for Tom. He has a very low alcohol
tolerance and was completely inebriated and flushed from just one beer
and one shot of tequila. He kept on saying he felt like throwing up and
later resorted to lying in the fetal position at the plush chairs at
our table and told us to wake him when we leave. We left soon after
that though, coz Tom was complaining that he had a pounding headache.

We went to the 24 hour KFC nearby to get some supper. Tom promptly
threw up and did so again during the taxi ride back to his house. He
immediately fell asleep when he got home and we got some rest too. It
was around 12 PM when we woke up the next day. I had expected that
we’re going to head home. I was still a newbie at that time and one
night was considered a big one then.

However, the others had plans to go play pool at this snooker and
pool outlet in the city called 9 ball. I was wondering whether I should
go or not, since I was pretty tired…I’m not used to sleeping anywhere
other than my own bed so I didn’t get much sleep the night before. I
was intrigued by pool and snooker centers though, coz the propaganda
machine told me it was full of juvenile delinquents so I decided to go
along and see if that was true. Strike two, another parent instilled
horror story disproved.

Ah Boon taught me how to play pool…the setting of the balls, the
way to properly hold the cue, the method of striking without deviating
from the aim, how to hit different spots to manipulate the ball
movement, how to follow through and stop for positioning, about solid
and stripe balls, the angles to hit the balls to pocket them –
basically, the rules of the game for someone who hasn’t played pool
before. I loved it. It helped that the heroin chic looking (in a good
way) girl who manned the counter was really friendly and hot too. πŸ˜‰

It was night when we left and we grabbed some fish and chips to eat while waiting for the bus back.

End of Black Kingdom: Chapter 3 – Bonding

[ List of Characters ]

Next: Black Kingdom: Chapter 4 – Veritas vos liberabit [sixthseal.com].

Sapu days

sapudays

Those dreaded Fridays and Saturdays…also known as Sapudays. I hate them!

Sapu is the colloquial term for police drug raids at entertainment venues.

99 kuching

The night started out at 99. It was packed and pretty uneventful.

99 may 16

Some people had some pills (not me, of course *cough*).

waterworld closed

We headed down to Waterworld and found that it was closed. This is a bad omen.

earthquake may 16

We adjourned to Earthquake. This venue is usually packed during the weekends but was surprisingly empty for a Saturday night.

equake may 16

Our group sat there for a while before one of the Earthquake staff
(we know them) whispered to us that there are sapu vans outside. Time
to leave? The first photo was taken there – it’s one of the sapu vans,
there were 2 police trucks preceding that, but I didn’t get a photo and
I don’t want to get too close anyway for obvious reasons. It turns out
the police was just scoping out the area – staring at the patrons, most
of which started leaving in droves. The place was soon empty.
Earthquake didn’t get raided (coz it was empty) but since there was no
one there anyway, we left.

passion closed

We went to Passion at 4 1/2 mile. It was closed early too (it was
just 3 AM when we got there). It seems that Kuching is the target of
the inaugural drug raids at entertainment venues again. *sigh*

We tried the MJC outlets, but all of them were closed too. News of
raids spreads fast and no chemical brother would want to be in one of
them when the police barges in, except foolhardy ones. πŸ˜‰ We saw three
sapu trucks filled with people while on the way back…now that’s a
really bad omen, so we decided to call it a night.

Related:

Orange blanks pill review

orange blank

Pill name: Orange blanks
Contents: Tested out to be MDMA
Circa: February – May 2004
Rating: 7/10

It’s a relatively strong MDMA pill. It has no logo or imprints
whatsoever – people just ask for it by name (i.e. the orange pill).
It’s quite nice, if you like MDMA…but MDMA has lost its magic for me.
I did feel classic MDMA characteristics, but I’ll go for crystal
methamphetamine or ketamine any day. MDMA just doesn’t feel good to me
anymore. Such is the life of a tweaker…nothing beats good old crystal
meth.

Marquis:

orange blank marquis
Reagent to black indicating MDMA.

It’s MDMA, from reagent testing and personal qualitative experience.
Go for it if you still like pills, stay away if MDMA has lost its magic
for you.

Those dreaded Fridays and Saturdays…also known as SAPUDAYS. I hate them!

Lam’s Place – from Menggatal, Sabah

lams place

Lam’s Place is the new eating establishment in Chong Lin Park
specializing in ngui chap (beef noodles). It just opened a couple of
days ago – it’s located right beside Waterworld. The place has a banner
that says: From Menggatal, Sabah’s “Ngui Chap” (Beef Noodles etc) & others available now!
I have a juvenile sense of humor so I didn’t really get over the
“menggatal” reference. Menggatal can mean ham sup or horny…a rather
unfortunate name for a town.

lams place interior

This is what the interior looks like. It’s pretty packed,
considering I arrived late. Their opening hours are from 8 AM – 2:30 PM
and 5:30 PM – 8:30 PM. The seating arrangements (a pretentious word for
tables and chairs ;)) consists of perfectly square wooden tables meant
for 4 people.

lams place thingies

They have a variety of condiments on the table and this place
operates by writing down your order into a bill, which is then
tabulated and placed in an ornament on your table. You take it to the
cashier and pay the bill when you’re done.

lams place beef noodles

Here’s my order – Raw beef & beef balls with noodles (RM 5.50).
The wet (soup) version is basically the same thing, but they combine
the noodles in the big bowl of soup instead of in a separate bowl.
Lam’s Place serves beef noodles as its staple (both the wet and dry
version), though you can opt to have rice to substitute the noodles if
you want. I’m not a big fan of soup dishes, so I went for Raw Beef and
Beef Balls noodles (dry).

lams place noodles

This is a closer look at the noodles. The noodles taste absolutely
great! I can’t remember having a more delicious bowl since this beef
noodle stall in Sibu shut down. It was infused with a variety of tangy
and salty flavors.

lams place beef soup

Here’s a photo of the soup, served separately. There are beef balls
floating on the top (don’t think they’re home made), with beef slices
at the bottom, flanked with veggies and bean sprouts. The soup was not
as salty as I like it to be, but the salty noodles more than makes up
for that. The main portion was very generous too, though I would have
liked a larger bowl of noodles.

lams place beef slice

This is the raw beef slice that’s put into the bowl before serving
to slowly cook. I love it – the beef doesn’t get overcooked this way.

I highly recommend this place if you have a hankering for beef
noodles. It’s their specialty and they have great service. I’m not sure
if the service is the type typical of newly opened eateries or they
really do have good service, but that hardly matters considering the
food. They apologized for my order taking so late to arrive (I didn’t
even think it was that long of a wait) and I was asked whether I
enjoyed my meal and how my food was when I paid the bill. I told them
it was good. πŸ™‚

I’ll reply all the comments later, I’ve got to head out now. Cheers!

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