DIY handphone repair

zhng phone

I don’t quite understand why a monkey wrench would be required to repair such delicate items like cell phones. It truly boggles the mind.

The text literally reads “Cell phone broken, can fix here” with a huge Phillips screwdriver and a monkey wrench (of all things) beside a Sony Ericsson cell phone.

I, for one, am certainly not sending my cell phone for repairs there…

I don’t know what it would look like after the specialists in this epicenter of forefront, cutting edge cellular technology zhng the mobile with a monkey wrench. πŸ˜‰

The Grim Eater: Happy Family Ice & Refreshment House

grim eater

The Grim Eater reviews:

happy house

Happy Family Ice & Refreshment House is a small, sterile eating establishment occupying a side lot of a shop house unit. This is a vegetarian establishment that does not serve meat.

happy interior

The interior looks very common, with generic seating arrangements. The proprietor obviously believes in the absurd concept of having ceiling mounted air conditioning units in an open space. The air conditioning units are never turned on, which makes one wonder as to why they were installed in the first place.

happy warmers

The food warmer units ridiculously occupying the entire left counter is almost empty, suggesting that the place is doing less-than-brisk business for a reason. The original stickers were also left on, which displays deep fried cholesterol, carbon and oxidant laden chicken. I would think that the proprietor would have taken the trouble of replacing the placeholders with vegetarian fare, but apparently, the sliding mechanism proves to be too complicated.

happy retail

There is also an opportunistic retail section that offers vegetarian fare from the dubious food factories of China.

happy rojak

The Vegetarian Rojak is tasteless and has no redeeming value at all. It also seems that the concept of presentation is lost on the cook.

happy laksa

The Vegetarian Laksa did not bring back wonderful childhood memories of my late mother cooking for me.

happy laksa macro

I find the dish a putrid mockery of this established Sarawakian dish. It is not merely tasteless, but undercooked.

happy baked spag

The Roasted Cheese Noodle is translated as Italy Noodle. I would be amused if not for the blatant ignorance of simple pasta like spaghetti.

happy baked spag macro

The establishment also confuses the word “roasted” with “baked” and should take English lessons. The shitake mushrooms did not infuse enough flavors into the dish and the pasta was not al dente, which is essential to prevent sogginess in al forno dishes.

I find this establishment an insult to my taste buds!

The Grim Eater is not happy at Happy Family Ice & Refreshment House.

happy us

However, Autumn did bring a (single) tear to my eye. Hmph. It’s the only reason I didn’t look my usual grim self.

The sixthseal.com Guide to Human Advertising

cutting intro

The words “self harm” and “self injury” has been bandied about a lot by psychologists and teenage cutters obsessed with their own angst. It has also been mistakenly labeled as “suicidal behavior” which is grossly inappropriate since most cases are not intended to hasten the kicking of the bucket.

I propose that this behavior be exploited, I mean, explored as a new avenue for advertising instead. We’ve all heard of tattoos as a form of advertising with human advertising billboards but there are problems associated with that (mainly the permanent nature of the process).

Cutting may be a more appropriate “human advertising” medium for events. This is the sixthseal.com Guide to Human Advertising.

razor blades

Step 1: Obtain a box of old skool razor blades. It doesn’t really matter what brand you use as long as it’s properly wrapped, clean and sharp.

steady hands

Step 2: You will require a pair of steady hands. This is necessary to avoid transcription errors due to shaky hands. πŸ˜‰

cutting fresh

Step 3: Use the razor blade to carve the name of the event you want to be promoting. It should optimally be short – use initials when possible e.g. “RWMF” instead of “Rainforest World Music Festival” since skin real estate is at a premium.

cutting healing

Step 4: Please allow sufficient time for the blood to coagulate – it is the body’s natural healing system at work here and it prevents bacteria and other Nasty Stuff (TM) from entering an open wound.

Example:

I have included a video tutorial on skin advertising – this is for the “Sarawak Cultural Festival”, abbreviated to SCF due to skin real estate issues.

Caution:

The right amount of pressure should be applied consistently. It is obviously unwise to apply too much pressure (razor blades are sharper than you think) but enough downwards pressure should be present to achieve the desired results. Please direct your attention to Exhibit A (Cleaned and Healing Scar) below.

cutting guide

The S character has too much pressure applied – this would result in a raised scar. The C character would probably result in a scar that is not visible unless at certain angles, while the F carving would be the optimal result for a scar that is not visible at all, unless under direct sunlight in certain angles.

cutting healed

What do you think? The advertising industry is constantly on the lookout for new opportunities and mediums. Could this be the next new wave of advertising? Or will it be relegated to the fringes of society?

Enter the snake

…a long, long time ago a master in the secret martial arts of Snake Kung Fu trained an elite group of disciples in The Way of the Snake. The sect was sworn to secrecy but a rogue member rebelled against the arcanum and used his skills for nefarious purposes.

snake intro

This rogue member is known as the self-proclaimed Snake King and his deviant teachings has survived the centuries, passed down from generation to generation. His twisted disciples are amongst us, they look like us, masquerading as hardworking white collared working professionals, while covertly incurring losses amounting to millions to companies and corporations around the world for personal gain…

snake productivity

…through loss of employee productivity. πŸ˜‰

The devout members of this ancient brotherhood engage in generally repellent behavior like running personal errands during office hours, covertly surfing the net at work, replying personal emails and phone calls in the office…but there is said to be One who does much more than that, reaching the highest and final level of Snake Style Kung Fu, previously only known to the now reclusive Snake King.

son of snake

He is said to be trained by the Snake King himself and is one of his favorite disciples. The zhue zhao (translates as “ultimate technique”) of The Way of the Snake has been mastered by him and he was seen pulling off the ultimate feat – driving off to a nature reserve park 11 km away from his office and taking the morning off without permission…

snake char kueh tiaw

…to eat char kueh tiaw.

bukit aup

(and taking a leisurely stroll around the park)

This has earned him the nickname…

snake king

Son of Snake (SOS).

Disclaimer: The HR Department is advised that this is a satirical post done by the author on a Sunday morning with work clothes on. None of the activities stated in this post suggests, either implicitly or explicitly, that the author has ever, or will in the future, engage in activities that contravenes the guidelines in the employee handbook. πŸ˜‰

Note: This is a highly localized post. The term “catching snakes” is used to describe unauthorized activities in lieu of work during office hours such as hanging out at a coffee shop/cafe, going to a shopping mall, or running personal errands on the clock. This post is based on that terminology (or slang, rather).

The Balcony Incident

balcony club

I lost my Sony Ericsson W580i cell phone AND my Sony T2 digital camera on Saturday night at Balcony, Miri. Balcony is a club that opens till late and is very popular with the Mirians. I arrived in Miri at around 8 pm and met up with Kim and Mark at Shiki – the Japanese restaurant for dinner.

island club

We went to Island Club (a pub) after that for drinks and Darren joined us there. I took a total of 111 photos that Saturday but didn’t have time to upload them to my notebook due to excessive social commitments. I had to meet up with some other friends straight after that at Balcony so I went there after Island Club.

ketamine note

SWIM was given a complimentary RM 1 dollar note, folded in a rather peculiar manner as a gift. I was a little taken aback by the RM 1 folded note offering – it’s not everyday someone gives you an RM 1 dollar note. I took the keta…er, I mean currency and opened it up.

ketamine

The content inside the folded RM 1 note was rather unusual – it consisted of a white powder, which I assumed was sugar. *cough* This photo was taken the next day – I lost my digital camera that very day so it couldn’t have been from the original batch. The original gift had MUCH MORE powdered sugar than from this batch.

balcony urinal

I went to take photos and videos of the Balcony club and decided that a sugar rush would do me some good since I was pretty tired from the drive. I locked myself inside the toilet and partook in the saccharine particles. Perhaps I was a little bit too drunk and I accidentally insufflated (snorted) the entire contents of the sugar inside the toilet instead of consuming it for the sugar energy.

balcony toilet

This was a mistake since I don’t think the stuff was sugar at all. πŸ˜‰ I immediately felt the characteristics of a certain NMDA antagonist come over me the moment the entire batch was snorted. I looked up into the ceiling and saw several layers of ceilings (?) and felt my entire perspective altered. I was looking at the RM 50 dollar rolled up bill that I used to insufflate the powder and thought…Oh, fuck!

balcony stairs

I wanted to call my friend (who were all looking for me – apparently I was inside for the better part of an hour) but I couldn’t manage to move so I was kinda stuck inside the toilet coz I was so fucked up I didn’t even know where I was. I was told the next day that the staff of Balcony unlocked the toilet door and helped me to my feet (and I couldn’t even walk straight even with two people holding me up).

balcony blur

The two staff members went from table to table to ask which group I was with. I think I sat down with an unknown group of people and talked to them (at least to the extent to which you can talk on that particular NMDA antagonist) before my worried friends found me. They took me home and I realized I lost my cell phone AND my digicam. One of my friends went back to search for it but it wasn’t there anymore – I don’t know where I left it.

kj faye

Much thanks to KJ and Faye for taking care of me that night! I lost RM 700 from my wallet and my Public Bank credit card and Faye canceled my cell phone service and credit card that very night in case someone stole it and used it.

boulavard

I went to the Sony center at Boulevard to get a new digital camera the very next day since I really needed one for blogging. Faye gave me her spare cell phone and her backup SIM card so I still could use a phone. I was meeting up with Kim the next day for lunch so I really needed to replace all the photos that were taken that day. I was undecided about whether to get a Sony T70 or T300 but settled for the former since I seem to have a penchant for losing things when I’m less than sober.

sony shop

It cost me RM 1178 for the T70 plus a 2 GB MS Pro Duo memory card and a Sony leather case. The T300 would have set me back RM 1599 which is not a lot more considering it has a 3.5 inch LCD (versus 3 inch for the T70) and it’s a 10.1 MP digicam (versus the 8.1 T70) but the decision to go for the T70 (besides me always losing things) is that that the 3.5 inch LCD on the T300 makes it hard to put it inside my pants pocket and I want a compact digicam for me to bring around.

sony t70

The worst thing about The Balcony Incident wasn’t the loss of the money, credit card, cell phone or digital camera. It’s the 111 photos INSIDE the digicam that I took earlier during the road trip and in Miri. That cannot be replaced while the others can. Oh well, at least I’ve learnt a lesson – reduce my sugar intake. I’m switching to Pal Sweet. There’s a lot less calories in the latter to boot. πŸ˜‰

Liger

faye liger

I made a friendly wager with Faye the other day regarding the existence of an animal called liger. I’ve never heard of such a creature in my entire life! Faye swears it exists and that she personally saw it with her own eyes in Korea and even had her photo taken with it! I tend to be rather skeptical about her “facts” since…well, let’s just say that she’s fond of getting them from dubious sources. This is the same person who told me frequent sex will damage my kidneys coz a Chinese medicinal practitioner told her so.

Personally, I think that’s just a convenient excuse she uses (the equivalent of a headache) so I tend to take the fountain of questionable facts she shares with a fistful of sodium. She told me she had her photo taken with this “liger” creature during a tour of Korea and the tour guide told her it’s the result of a lion and tiger mating. The name is supposed to be a contraction of the two parent animals. She even took a photo with it!

liger photo

I don’t think she made this up, but she can be a little too trusting at times. I said the tour guide probably told her that to make the trip more interesting and shared an anecdote about the time I went to KL when I was really young. We were sitting beside a large tour group of Caucasians and the tour guide told them that the dish on the table is tiger meat.

The tourists took it all in hook, line and sinker and was overheard commenting about how “different” it tastes. The proprietor, who had no lost love for the wayward tour operator, whispered to my dad that the dish is actually a mixture of deer meat (common over here) and wild boar (also a common meat). I strongly believe something similar to the tiger meat fiasco happened to Faye in Korea – the tour guide told them that a regular lion with perhaps less than usual features is the offspring of two different wild cats.

liger

We got into a heated debate after this, with me firmly taking the stance that she was fleeced in Korea and with her nearly foaming at the mouth with irritation at my disbelief. Finally, we reached an agreeable method of dispute resolution:

quality birdnest

If ligers exist, I would buy her a box of bird’s nest of her choice (not exceeding RM 300)

If this liger thing does not exist, she would be paying for one night’s stay at the resort hotel we’re planning to go to (dollar value RM 230++)

That being said, the conditions that I put forth was that it MUST be from a reputable source, with citations and references to respectable studies. No two bit website from Korea with a Photoshop image or stuff like that.

I fired up the browser to Google and typed “liger”.

I was extremely sure that I would win this bet since I consider myself well read and I’ve never heard of such an unusual animal. I was even thinking about whether to bring red wine or single malt to the beach resort!

Faye didn’t even hover over my shoulder. She just watched the expression on my face as I expelled a rather rude word in an excessive volume while incredulously staring at the search results.

One of the first results was from Wikipedia, and I didn’t really need to read the other search results. I knew I had lost the bet. From Wikipedia:

The Liger is a hybrid cross between a male lion and a female tiger.

…and it says there’s even such a thing as a tigon too, which is the result of a male tiger and a female lion.

birds nest faye

Incredi-fucking-ble.

A MapleStory from a Lvl 2X Swordsman

maple-story

I’m told that MMORPG players act out the deepest instincts suppressed inside the id in-game. I guess that says a lot about me.

I’ve always wanted to be a lumberjack. Just a simple axe wielding, tree chopping, lumber felling person, just like in the old days. It has been my dream since I was a wee little kid.

People grow up wanting to become a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer. I’ve always known what I wanted to do when I grow up – chop trees.

Unfortunately, my dad had different plans. Chopping trees cannot earn money, he said. Chop tree people look down on you, he said. Thus, he sent me for an overseas education when I was 15 to quell this “tree chopping fantasies” of mine.

maplestory 15

…but I did not waver from my True Purpose (TM) in life. I secretly chopped trees (and sometimes people when trees are scarce) in New Zealand. I started out with small shrubs, and graduated to tree branches.

Alas, I was sent back when the tree chopping shenanigans of mine came to light.

However, I was not to be stopped. I went to Australia to do my college and uni and started chopping trees again. I even bought an axe [sixthseal.com] early on in the blog.

maplestory aussie

I started my activities with earnest then. I started secretly twisting branches off larger trees and chopping small trees in the middle of the night. I also plucked mushrooms if I needed a quick fix. I was soon graduating to large trees and when I came back to Malaysia to work, I started moonlighting as a tree chopper, venturing into DBKL protected tree plantations to chop trees. FELDA settlements are also a frequent hangout, since I also enjoy chopping palm oil plants occasionally.

I ventured into virgin rainforests when I came to Kuching to chop timber trees with earnest (at night, of course). I even earned a moniker for my actions.

They call me the Mysterious Midnight Tree Massacre.

maplestory life

However, one fine day, I was arrested and thrown into jail for chopping trees. They said I needed a timber permit. My place was raided and all my tree chopping equipment and miscellaneous lumber was confisticated. I was filed with criminal charges of possession of timber without a permit with a court case pending. I was let out on bail several days later, despite the regulation two week minimum remand time on one condition:

I was not to chop trees or speak of it anymore.

maplestory

Filled with resentment, I started playing MapleStory [maplesea.com] and chopped virtual trees.

(I also chopped real trees sometimes, but don’t tell anyone)

There is no Bigfoot. I took a personal trip to Johor a couple of weeks ago and the trees uprooted themselves in sheer terror and started to walk, leaving those huge prints on the ground.

The Mysterious Midnight Tree Massacre LIVES!!!!oneonesixthseal.comveritascastitas.com

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Unholy Communion

Do this in remembrance of me…

unholy communion

Download: Unholy communion video [sixthseal.com]

For no one can enter the Kingdom of God, except through me. πŸ˜‰

This is a video of me fooling around with the communion service
receptacles. It’s not for the ones who can’t take a joke or those who
thinks blasphemy is a word in the dictionary. πŸ˜‰

For the record, no, I did not put red wine into any of the Ribena substitutes.

The blood of Christ! =D

Happy shopping, dear customers

kin orient trip

To provide a better level of service to our valued customers, we
have erected a steel pole structure hovering several inches off the
ground to catch you off guard and make you trip and fall face first
into our main front doors.

kin orient plaza

We hope that our new upgrade which encompasses the whole shopping entrance front will give you a better shopping experience.

Regards,
The Management of Kin Orient Plaza

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