Messy Meth (Hello Nurse)

The best delivery system I’ve seen to date!

I have too many things to do so I’m going to keep this short. I had
a Class A meth induced freak out yesterday. It was my 5th day without
sleep and food (but plenty of meth and dexamphetamine), and I had
forced myself to half a pack of Tim Tams (chocolate biscuit, very
sugary sweet). I was browsing around when I felt my hands go completely
white like there wasn’t any blood. I was feeling very confused,
sweating, hand tremors, extreme dizziness and my vision was fucked.

I felt my blood pounding in my head, had sore muscles, my face was
crawling and my hands had parts that looked black too, which freaked me
out. I’ve heard something about hypoglycemia before and I searched for
it. I read some medical sites about starvation induced hypoglycemia,
reactive hypoglycemia after a high sugar meal stuff like that. I was in
a bad state of mind, and reading those made me worse coz I had those
symptoms. I spent 6 hours reading and debating whether or not to go to
a hospital.

Hmm…nah, I concluded, it’s just a meth freak out, not that
hypothingamajic. Sleep deprivation, overt CNS stimulation for prolonged
periods of time, you’re stressing that grey matter, not getting
starvation/reactive hypoglycemia. The symptoms came and went and I
thought okay, I’ll just eat something that’s not simple sugars to
re-stabilize…forced two small pieces of chicken about the size of a
thumbnail down and well, basically got worse.

The symptoms came again, even worse this time and I was really freaking out. Why?

The risk of permanent neurologic deficits increases with
prolonged hypoglycemia; such deficits can include hemiparesis, memory
impairment, diminished language skills, decreased abstract thinking
capabilities, and ataxia.

Basically, they advice quick medical attention because you’ll damage
your brain the longer you wait. There was one site that said go,
because the risk of not going is permanent brain damage. Fuck, I
thought. I still didn’t want to go, but I was scared coz I had these
effects towards the end during the last long meth run (6 days) too.
Ketoacidosis, hemiparesis (I don’t even know what this is!!),
neurological damage. Medical terms swirling in my head…

I decided that it was just methamphetamine induced paranoia and
sleep deprivation induced erratic thought patterns. Nothing to worry
about, I’ll just pop a couple (maybe more than a couple, har har)
benzos, down some beer, smoke some weed, get some food in me and sleep.
Except, it got worse, and got me seriously worried about my mental
health. Brain damage!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve always held my
superior intellect (in my opinion :p) in high regard and I don’t want
to fuck that up.

I guess the last straw was when I couldn’t think or speak normally.
I was having trouble getting what I thought into words and my speech
was abnormally…well, abnormal. My precious brain is getting fried, I
thought. What if it’s really hypoglycemia and not meth paranoia? It’ll
be STUPID to not go for a checkup, when neurons are at stake. I flushed
all my drugs down the toilet and my friend (can’t name him coz that’ll
give away my identity) took me too the hospital. Thanks buddy, I owe
you one! πŸ˜‰

Well, at the hospital, I had to wait for ages while the triage nurse
(the person that evaluates all incoming patients) fucked around. Most
triage nurses are bitches (and that’s a fact) but you can’t blame them
too coz it’s their job to sort out the emergencies and non-emergencies
for better efficiency. I’ve had experience with them before, I had to
wait for ages before I finally got approved after throwing up blood.
That time, I saw a guy with a broken arm cursing coz he had to wait
ages too.

I think you have to be 5 minutes away from death to get instant
approval from triage nurses. They have the “police syndrome” aka the “I
feel like God, I have so much authority bow before me lesser beings”
disorder. Anyway, I finally got a little bit of mini-God’s time and she
took my blood sugar with a tiny device that pricks the finger, all the
while telling me off. I have to say that not all triage nurses are like
this though, the previous one I saw was much nicer.

Well, she told me I had a blood sugar level of 6.7 which is normal
“and probably even better than mine” (her own words) and asked me
whether I wanted to see a doctor. I said no, because if it wasn’t
hypoglycemia, I don’t have to worry about brain damage. She berated me
for not eating (I didn’t tell her about my methamphetamine use – my
policy is disclosure on a “need to know” basis) and was a general
asshole about it. Regardless, I thanked her and stood up and she
impatiently asked whether I wanted to see a doctor again and I said no
(again). Major fucking bitch with a capital B.

Well, anyway, all is good except that I flushed good drugs down the
toilet for no reason. I know from experience that hospitals won’t
notify police or anything but try telling that to a paranoid delusional
after a meth binge. Anyway, I still have the symptoms but my conclusion
is that it’s just extremely high blood pressure from frequent meth
re-dosing. It went away after stopping and sleep. Did I really go on a
break? I’ve been using it too much, I don’t want to go into specifics,
but it’s too much.

Enough about that, yesterday was a great day for mushrooms but I
think that’s gonna be in a different post coz it’s completely
unrelated. Anyway, I didn’t think I did any serious harm, but my
intellectual abilities sure went down several notches today. It’s quite
noticeable and I’m still waiting for the verdict – benzo related
(temporary) or overheating + high blood pressure (permanent). Hope that
it’s the former, wish me luck people. =D Well, fuck this wasn’t short
after all. Ah…methamphetamine, you’re such a contradiction – my best
friend and my worst enemy.

I need a haircut…


I mean seriously, look at me! I hate having hair shagging in my
eyes, it makes me feel irritable and I’ve been meaning to get it cut,
but I’ve always managed to put it off because I’m lazy. Now that it’s
seriously long (for me anyway), I want to get it cut but I
can’t! It’s Easter weekend and today’s still a holiday for most shops
(Easter Monday) and Anzac Day is coming up and I don’t know when I can
get a haircut. I’ve been known to chop off my own hair
[] and I might do that again if I don’t get around to
making an appointment with a hairdresser soon. Right now, I’m just
managing by slicking my front hair back with water, and quickly putting
on my headphones and that gets it out of my eyes at least.

Straight from Penang…


I just got Likki’s [] birthday present. Thanks Lik Chuen! I really appreciate that you took the time to make the card yourself. πŸ™‚


There’s also a letter and a LoTR ring inscribed with the elfin
script in the package. Looking at the handwritten letter, it strangely
reminds me of a pen-pal I used to have when I was in early secondary


The package is actually dated 11/4 but I just got it today, even
though there’s no mail on Sunday. (?) Thanks again Lik Chuen, for your
present. πŸ™‚

Well, today was very rainy and cold so I spent most of the day
sleeping. I couldn’t help myself, when it’s dark outside at 3 pm I felt
so sleepy I crawled into bed and slept with the heater on. Heh. Dark +
rainy + cold = sleep. Well, I’ve got to finish up my tute exercises now
since I spent most of the day sleeping. It’s the weather I tell
you…making me all sleepy and lazy, but I love this kind of weather
anyway. Mmm…melancholic.

5th April 1981

I was born 22 years ago, so I guess that makes today my birthday. πŸ™‚
I’ll probably just go out for a buffet BBQ and maybe a movie with a
couple of my ex-classmates from Clayton. I had planned to head down to
QBH later where some of my uni mates are, but that has been scrapped
due to my unfinished assignments that’s due next week.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about resurrecting my 24/7 webcam now
that I’ve found a fast way to tunnel through the uni’s proxy, but
that’s still on the back of the to-do list of items. There’s bandwidth
issues to consider as well as the possibility of the webcam showing me
doing something compromising, like smoking a bong or something. Haha!
I’m kidding. That’s it for now. Catch you all later.

I have a confession to make…

Disclaimer: This is an April Fool’s Day Joke by veritas, who is a guest author on this blog. The owner of this domain is not responsible for the posts made by any guest authors.

I am actually Huai Bin. There is no guest author on
There is no veritas. veritas is the pseudonym I use to distance myself
from drug related postings. I’m surprised no one picked this up. The
writing itself should have tipped you off. The writing style, formation
of sentences, terminology, language quirks and favorite words should be
a dead giveaway. πŸ™‚ It’s hard to change one’s writing, it’s like a
fingerprint. I’ve also made some mistakes that would give me away in
the past, which I thankfully picked up and corrected before anyone
could notice.

However, other than the language style (and what one my good friends
refered to as photography style) I’ve done well to cover my tracks
though. One example I particularly loved is the “veritas still in
Malaysia while killuminati is already in Melbourne”. I intentionally
posted the pill report late because there was suspicion brewing. I also
did little things like commenting on the veritas’s posts comments box
with my killuminati nick and then replying with the veritas one again
so it seems like two people are actually having a conversation. Got
tired of that after a while though, which is why I don’t do that
anymore. πŸ™‚

There isn’t even an email address All of that
goes to a catch-all email address which is, so I would
be hesitant to reply you unless I don’t know you personally and even
then I’ll have to caution you not to mention anything about it in the
blog because:

1 My parents read my blog
2 My girlfriend reads my blog
3 Law enforcement officers may stumble upon it

Numbers 1 and 2 are against recreational experimentation with
illegal substances and I don’t want them to worry about me. I’ve tried
educating them about the effects, risks and any dependency issues which
can arise from the consumption of various drugs, but the government
propaganda machine is sadly much stronger than me, despite my
references to research papers and studies done by distinguished
scientists and researchers of the field. I don’t want them to have to
worry about me, so veritas sprang into existence.

Number 3 is to protect myself against any raids from the police,
although without the amphetamine induced paranoia, I think that’s
pretty unlikely. Wasting the money and manpower just to bust some uni
student on possession charges isn’t very likely, although I’ve heard
horror stories about that happening. The risk factor is pretty low, the
time, money and manpower involved in coordinating a raid just to find 2
grams of cannabis isn’t a very likely scenario. Personally, I think the
chances of that happening are pretty low because their resources would
have been better spent on raiding drug dealers or underground chemists.
However, being safe is always better than being sorry. πŸ™‚

Anyway, it also distances me from being associated with recreational
drug use, as the general public back home is being terribly misled by
the government propaganda machine and associates all drug users with
the “dirty junkie” stereotype. I don’t want to have the social stigma
of that hovering over me, because the uninformed public just look at
you and treat you like you’re some kind of scumbag. I find that even
some friends have subtly changed their opinion about me after a
disclosure. It’s like recreational drug use is the overriding factor in
evaluating my character, instead of more important things like honesty,
integrity, loyalty and any other more important characteristics that
you have.

Of course, the media doesn’t help either with their misinformed and
ill-researched articles, news items and shows. There are exceptions
though, I’ve read some mainstream magazines with well researched and
accurate articles about recreational drugs. Unfortunately, this is the
exception to the rule. In the media business, their bottom line is to
ultimately to draw in more viewers. What better way to do that than
sensationalist reporting? Which headline do you think sounds better?

b) Excessive consumption of water lead to a water poisoning death at a rave last night.

b) probably won’t even make the news. Ecstasy doesn’t kill people.
Irresponsible drug use kills people. Not knowing contraindications
kills people. If you’re interested, there’s plenty of links to the left
where you can find out more about harm minimization and real facts
about illegal or legal substances. I remember reading a funny article a
couple of years ago in a Malaysian newspaper. This was a “Dear Abby”
type advice column where someone writes in. Anyway, this guy wrote in
and asked if taking Ecstasy is harmful to the body.

The reply: (paraphrased from memory) ARE YOU KIDDING???
Taking just one will hook you for life! It makes your head shake so
hard uncontrollably you won’t even be able to stop it and you’ll feel
like your neck is going to break off and it probably will.

I would laugh, but I was too angry at this irresponsible and
misinformed reply. Oh, it’s worthy to note that most “Ecstasy” pills
(or feng tau yuen (literally: shake head pill) in the local dialect)
here are mostly meth(amphetamine) or ketamine. The “amphetamines makes
your head shake” myth stems from the local version of the Melbourne
shuffle. The users congregate around speakers and does a repetitive
horizontal movement (picture yourself while saying “no”) with just
their heads. I admit, doing that is fun while on amphetamines,
repetitive movements just feels right and it gets you nicely dizzy and
adds to the high. MDMA pills does exist but it’s not that common, since
the market is saturated with the cheaper (meth)amphetamine and ketamine

And don’t get me going about the government propaganda in Malaysia.
They actually print absolute fucking bullshit as “facts”. I don’t know
if it’s getting better now, but with the government’s “2003 War on
Drugs” campaign, I don’t think it would. Shock tactics like saying
you’ll die/go down an irreversible path to addiction/get brain damage
the moment you try a drug does not work. In fact it’s
counterproductive. The first drug I took was LSD was at a rave, and I
had an experienced group of friends with me and it was an amazing experience. I didn’t get irreversible brain damage, I didn’t go blind, I didn’t go psycho, I didn’t get addicted to it.

Instead, it opened my mind and at the risk of sounding clichΓ©d, it
gave me a new and improved perspective on everything. After the
experience, I find myself being more open to new and unorthodox ideas
and this “thinking out of the box” mindset has been with me ever since.
πŸ™‚ This is contrary to the government propaganda I read, so like many
other people, I thought “Hey, what they’re saying isn’t true…hell,
probably all the things they say isn’t. I’m going to try another drug
now”. This is bad because some of the things they say are true, and
that deserves mention. I’m very much for a harm minimization approach
which gives accurate information (including the positive effects as
well as dangers) about drugs.

The government’s approach to dealing with the “drug problem” is not
going to change though, at least not in my lifetime. I have a friend
who was forced to go into a stay-in “drug rehabilitation center” (read:
prison) where you can’t leave the premises and visits are for family
members only. Guess what he was busted for? Nothing! There was no drugs
at his house, he just failed a urine test. He smoked cannabis a couple
of days ago, and that’s the sentence he got. Can you imagine that? Just
for detecting cannabis use in his urine test…he was a minor at that
time (17) so he was forced to go to rehab. It’s for his own good you
see. He’s an evil marijuana addict. Hey, I typed that without laughing too hard.

I’m sure everyone has heard of the drug laws of Malaysia []. If you don’t read Bahasa Malaysia, here’s a short summary about the interesting bits (emphasis mine):

Section 10 Sentence for possessing drug paraphernalia like a bong (without drugs, just the equipment):
Jail sentence up to 5 years AND a fine of up to RM20,000 (A$10,000)

Note to self: Do not bring bong back

Section 39(A)(1) Possession of 20 grams or more of cannabis (marijuana):
Jail sentence not less than 2 years but not more than 5 years AND a MANDATORY caning between six to nine times.

You’ll fear the caning if you’ve seen it done before…

Section 15(B) Being in the same premises where drug use is
taking place (just being in the same place, it doesn’t matter whether
you’ve taken drugs):
Jail sentence not less than 2 years or a fine of not more than RM5,000 (A$2,500)


Section 15(A) Ingesting a scheduled drug (positive urine test):
Jail sentence not less than 2 years or a fine of not more than RM5,000 (A$2,500)

Very, very puzzling. I’m seriously mystified by this. Possessing a
bong gets a higher sentence than ingesting a drug? Who made up these

I’ve got a question for any Malaysian lawyers reading this. Do I get
to choose or is it the courts decision? How nice it’ll be if I can just
consume whatever and pay RM5,000 (A$2,500) for a “Get out of Jail Free”

Anyway, despite my differing views regarding Malaysia’s (and just
about every country’s) drug laws, I still love my country. Home is
where the heart is, even though the draconian drug laws make me
paranoid every time I take any illegal substances back home. Oh well,
at least Xanax and other pharmaceuticals are OTC if you go to the right
pharmacists. πŸ˜‰

Oh, and look at the date. 1st of April. April Fool’s Day.

Olive me

I just received those mini-sticker prints from my girlfriend though the mail! πŸ™‚

Here’s a glimpse into my personal life:

Left -> Right
Richard (my gf’s bro), Alice (Richard’s gf), Louisa (my gf), Shu Yee (Alice’s friend)

You can guess the cast from the list above.

The pics are small because I could only make the pics quadruple the
original size before the scan quality degrades. The source was a small
photo sticker.

You took the best so why not take the rest?
Why not take all of me?

– NOFX’s Olive Me

I love you Louisa! πŸ™‚

On another note, war in Iraq has started and Iraq retaliated by
firing missiles at Kuwait. Kuwait??? Why Kuwait? I wonder how Saddam
Hussein’s mind works. I thought with his anti-Zionist tendencies, we
would have fired at Israel. Don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely
nothing against Israel or Jews, just speculating why he fired at Kuwait
instead of Israel. Scuds can reach Israel as seen in the first Gulf
War. Perhaps he’s scared of fierce retaliation? I’m still scratching my
head…someone help me out here. Or does Saddam have something personal
against Kuwait?

For the record, I think US is a dangerous bully and Bush is a loose
cannon. Why isn’t anybody doing anything other then vocally
“condemning” the strikes? AFAIK actively seeking to assassinate the
leader of another country violates international law. They didn’t even
get UN backing. Oh well, might makes right.

It only takes 26 muscles


I keep a journal of sorts on my PDA because I get “stoner
epiphanies” sometimes and I usually forget them before I even have a
chance to write them down! Smoking weed and taking high doses of
benzodiazepines with alcohol daily is taking a heavy toll on my short
term memory. I’m going to adopt a “no benzos or alcohol except during
weekends” policy starting from the 9th of March. Cheers to a close
friend of mine who made me reevaluate the frequency of my recreational
drug usage. You know who you are. Thanks! πŸ™‚

Anyway, that was not what I wanted to talk about. I was on that “bye
bye short term memory” combo this evening before I went out with a
couple of friends. I was snapping pictures of buildings along the way,
it’s so fun to do while on drugs. Anyway, we soon pulled up to this
building where one of our friend lives and while waiting for her to
come down, I was being shutter happy and taking pictures of everything.
There was this pretty girl standing outside a bar SMSing or something
and she turned away when she saw me taking pictures of the building she
was in front of.

Well, I thought she was unhappy about my unintentional intrusion
because she started walking to the side but she soon came back to the
same spot and continued with her SMS action. She probably just did not
want to block my photo of the nicely ancient building. Well, the story
of this rather pointless post was that we passed by her while driving
out of the lane and she looked at me so I gave her a friendly smile and
she smiled so sweetly and happily back that I couldn’t help but feel
pleased. I thought that was nice of her coz not many people smile to
strangers nowadays. I had an epiphany about human nature right about
then too, but as usual, I forgot about it…

I don’t know what I’m talking about half the time, it’s so all over the place.

All I know is people should smile more often.

Naval gazing

What has this picture got to do with introspection you say?!? What has this picture got to do
with introspection you say?!??!?! Erm…well, it looks introspective.

I did not sleep at all last night in an effort to finish my ITPM and IE
deliverables, which was due today. I nearly went into a coma when I had a plate of char kueh tiaw
for lunch. I was loaded with coffee and by the end of the day I was tired and edgy. I kept nodding
off in the shuttle bus and had to keep re-reading a sentence from Darwin’s Radio, the book I’m
reading on my commute now. I just could not focus and promptly forgot the sentence as soon as I
read it. Heh. Well, sleep deprivation is probably not a good time for introspection, but I’ve
learnt two things about myself today. Actually, I’ve known it ages ago, but I’m going to ADDRESS
the problem starting from today. These are two things I would like to change:

I. A variation of the God complex

I tend to feel that I can meet unrealistic deadlines. I actually believe that
I can make impossible deadlines, because I usually do. Unfortunately, that does not happen all the
time. I need to think about whether it is possible before saying I can do it.

II. Pride

I do not like asking for help. I find myself trying to find solutions to every
problem by myself, and perhaps that is not the best way to do everything. I also tend to turn down
help even when I need it, preferring to go about doing my own things myself. Another “personal risk
list” that needs to be addressed.

Small steps, but it will help me in the long run. Hmm…but then I’ll probably
forget about it the next day. Heh. Oh well, writing about it is half the battle…or something. You
learn something new everyday. =D I don’t even know what I’m talking about, I am going to sleep now.
Well, damn, I was drafting out an insightful post in my mind when I was taking a shower and now
I’ve forgotten half of it. Huh?

It’s actually a prayer mat on a mattress wrapped with construction paper.
It has rice, some twigs, some leaves and I don’t know what the third bowl holds. Saw this on the
5th floor of B block when I had my client meeting just now. One of them public art

I want to believe

Isn’t it interesting that Lucifer translates to Bearer of Light and
the apple in Genesis is known as the fruit of wisdom? Is too much
intelligence an impediment to child-like trust? Let’s go to the most
basic dogma of Christianity – the resurrection of Christ. I want to
believe, but there’s this small nagging voice in my head that goes “It
won’t be too hard to sneak the body out of the tomb – more impossible
heists have been pulled off before”. Or the miracles in the bible, can
they not be group hallucinations from some drug slipped into their food
and drink during their feasts? Can the small pieces of fish and bread
feed 5,000 because they were eaten together with Khat or a similar
stimulant/appetite suppressant plant? It’s common knowledge that the
Bible was compiled from a long list of written material, with only the
non-contradictory material included. Heresy, you say? Sacrilege? I want
to believe, but the skeptical part of my brain keeps on providing
counter-points. Help me believe, Lord. I’m going to church tomorrow.