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A long, personal journey worth having.

Fireworks multi-shot cake barrage exploding on the ground

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fireworks barrage

It’s made in China. Quality control is not a big priority over there and with no regulating body, malfunctions are bound to happen. When it happens with multi-shot aerial barrages, the results aren’t pretty. The first one happened to my neighbor during Chinese New Year eve when a 48 shot cake blow up right after the fuse went off.

It sent flaming balls of fire everywhere and I watched for a while before the tubes totally lost their integrity and sent some my way. I’m telling you it was the first time for years I’ve ran into the house. My neighbor shouted a quick warning and beat a hasty retreat as well.

It’s a good thing nothing major happened (except to the car of my neighbor).

fireworks explode

One of my smaller fireworks cake (a 36 shot) also blew up on the ground a few minutes later. However, this happened after most of it has been sent flying into the air to burst at the proper distance so the damage isn’t that bad.

I was filming it too, and I didn’t even realize it blew up until I felt something zip past me into the house and set one of my t shirts on fire. I was remarkably calm in the video though coz I thought it was a plain misfire (when a tube goes awry) instead of the entire cake blowing up. I was just standing 1 meter away!

You can hear sounds of explosions and fireworks despite none going airborne and the clacking of flying cardboard mortar tubes flying everywhere towards the end.

My mom who was watching from the inside was more concerned since she saw the entire thing. However, most of it missed me though and it was lucky that it happened towards the end.

unexploded mortar tubes

The other lucky thing that happened is that some of the tubes didn’t ignite (see the white, unblemished cardboard) so it didn’t cause an all out explosion – this can happen if the explosive force separates the burning ones from the rest in time. It’s not a built in safety precaution – merely chance and luck. 🙂

Why do fireworks cake barrages misfire?

1. Well, it’s made up of cardboard mortar tubes.
2. These tubes are linked by a fuse to create an aerial barrage of pyrotechnics.
3. A catastrophic event happens when the tube is not loaded properly and instead of the fuse burning into the next tube in line, the mortar tube (there’s a lot in a fireworks cake) explodes, causing a chain reaction that sends all the other tubes into a massive conflagration on the ground.

mortar tube exploding

You can see where the problem has occurred – instead of burning on to the fuse, it explodes and sends the other mortar tubes on fire – the entire integrity of the cake has been compromised then (it’s not meant to go off on the ground but in the air) so the tubes all start firing in every direction.

explosion fireworks

This is caused by the Stepping Up 36-shot barrage and I had to pick up cardboard mortar tubes from as far as 25 meters away. 😡

fireworks barrage explode

It’s a good thing this is my smaller fireworks cake instead of the bigger ones. I have a huge 20 kg one with 3” shells that would probably wreck havoc if it explodes on the ground.

Happy Chap Goh Meh everyone and stay reckless safe! 😀

How I Met Love-Box

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Okay kids, now over the years you’ve heard me mention several different stories on how I lost my virginity.

Story #1

riccarton high school

I was studying in New Zealand when I was 15 and hooked up with this Kiwi girl called Natalie. This is the generally accepted claim which I documented in my NZ high school chronicles.

Story #2

This is a little known fact that only a few of my closest friends know. I actually didn’t penetrate when I was 15. I had various sexual encounters over the years but never intercourse until I was 17. However, it was with a girl which I would probably never bring home to my family and when the time came (the movie Poltergeist was playing in the background – how’s that for total recall) I semi-penetrated without protection but ended up limp coz I was so afraid that she had HIV.

It’s an irrational fear of mine due to all the STI literature with graphic photos that my mom forced me to read when I was a kid. I tried again the next day with a condom but I just couldn’t get it up.

nye

I finally got over my fear during New Year’s Eve of 2006 when I was at the ripe, old age of 25. My girlfriend at that time was quite puzzled by my reluctance (since the opposite is usually true). We’ve been together for a couple of months and she made me overcome my fear (plus I thought I was way too old to be still a virgin then and it was NYE).

I did make up for lost time though and I can’t even remember how many sexual partners I have.

truestory

One of them is, anyway. 😉

I’ve actually won an award on a piece I wrote on the blog on the importance of HIV testing and it won the RRMA Media Award 2004 which to the best of my knowledge is the first mainstream recognition of blogs as a medium.

rrma

Sex education in Malaysia has always been rather lacking. A lot of people do not know about gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, HPV, HIV and other STIs. According to the Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey 2011, a staggering 40% of Malaysians do not use protection at their sexual debut. That is indeed quite shocking when you combine it with the other bit of information gleaned from that study.

34% of Malaysians do not know the sexual history of their partners.

sex

A bit of a recipe for disaster when you consider the lack of protection and awareness. I can totally understand the second bit – people usually only talk about their sexual history after they’ve known each other for a while. Strangely, the very same people have sex *before* they consider it polite or feel comfortable enough to ask.

Anyway, some of these problems can be addressed by using protection. It’s not 100% effective (nothing ever is) but it’s close enough for government work. You’ll have a better chance in getting hit by a car while walking down the street.

Durex Love Boxes

Durex is coming out with a limited edition product from 1st February onwards. It’s the most trusted brand around so you can’t go wrong with these contraceptives. The Durex Love-Box comes in 8 stylish and cool designs and it’s really a great way to carry condoms around.

Instead of slipping a single into your wallet (which is actually a very bad place to put it – heat and friction) you can put the box into your pants. Hey, with the interesting Durex Love-Box designs, it could even be a conversation starter. 😉

Durex Love-Box will be available exclusively at Watsons. There are 3 Durex Fetherlite condoms in each. Best thing is, you can use the boxes for other stuff when you’re done too. 😀

lovebox contest

In conjunction with the launch and upcoming Valentine’s Day, Durex is having a contest on Facebook where you can win the perfect getaway for 2 to Krabi worth RM 10,000. Just strike an affectionate pose and take a photo – no purchase necessary! Like the Durex Malaysia Facebook page for more details!

The loudest firecracker face-off

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firecrackers comparison

These two look similar (they even have the same name) but they’re actually very different firecrackers. Crazy Bang is just a marketing moniker – a wrap around the salutes. It doesn’t really mean anything – chai lei was called Pop Pop (the contact firecrackers kids play) one year.

crazy bang thunder king

The large one is actually the original Thunder King while the smaller one is the new Thunder King. It’s a very “Luke, I am your father” moment. It’s really hard to find the old ones nowadays.

Original Thunder King a.k.a. Caucasian dick

thunder king size

It has an OD (Outer Diameter) of more than 1 inch. 3 cm to be exact.

thunder king length

It is almost half a foot long – 14.5 cm.

New Thunder King a.k.a. Asian dick

size thunder king

Diameter of less than 1 inch – about 2.3 cm. You can’t really go much smaller than this for loud salutes.

length thunder king

The length is nearly 4 inches. It’s 9.5 cm.

Of course, the size doesn’t mean a thing – it’s the flash powder charge inside and how it’s constructed that determines how powerful and loud it is so I have here…a side by side test!

I lit both of the Thunder King salutes within close proximity of each other (but not so close that the first blast will send the other firecracker flying) and recorded it while I stood in the middle.

It sounds almost similar but the original Thunder King has more flash powder inside and you can actually feel the strength of the salute as it sends flying debris around. You can see that in the video. The originals are the bane of schools everywhere as kids tape it inside toilet cisterns with a time delay (usually a mosquito coil) and breaks it.

firecracker size

There was one memorable year where the girl’s toilet had more ruined cisterns that needed replacing when I was in high school. I know the girl who did it. Heh.

Giant black snake fireworks

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black snake fireworks

I remember these things from the days of pull string crackers. Black snakes are novelty fireworks that doesn’t do anything except grow in size…exponentially.

black snakes tablets

It comes in a packet that has a roll of 6 black tablets. You can set each of the tablets on fire individually and a large roiling snake-like thing will emerge from the black mists of creation…or you can just light the entire twist of black snakes to create a gigantic one.

black snakes fireworks

I opted for the latter and you can see the results here. I didn’t unwrap the roll, I just lit the ends of the twist and it burned and hissed and formed into a long and huge snake.

Putting this and a lighter in your pocket will give new meaning to the line “Is that a snake in your pants or are you just happy to see me?”. smirk

python fireworks

It is woefully fragile though and breaks up when you touch it. Even a gust of wind will shake it as the video shows. This is one of the retro fireworks that turned up this year – it’s fascinating to watch a giant black snake grow from a small pellet.

It totally blew my mind when I was a kid to see that happen. 🙂

Playing firecrackers and fireworks with the neighborhood kids

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kids playing with firecrackers

I was playing with firecrackers the day before when some kids from down the street came over. They very unselfconsciously asked if they could watch and I said sure, but told them to stand back coz I was lighting some huge aerial salutes then.

One of them asked if they could play with my firecrackers and I let them fire off the the stash I brought out. I helped them light it and watched very closely as they did, telling them to be careful.

lighting firecrackers

The smallest one was probably around 7 years old or so – at that age I was playing with loud salutes like chai lei so when he asked if he could light one himself, I let him have the lighter and stood beside him while he lit the fuse.

I believe with proper supervision, kids can learn how to let firecrackers off safely, like how I did when I was their age. I even let the smallest one light one of the large Crazy Bang salutes. I had to hover over him while he did it and tell him not to touch the firecracker while lighting it though.

throwing firecrackers

It was very tiring having to babysit but the smiles on their faces and their glee from the unadulterated fun they had was worth it. All three of them were enthusiastically taking turns to let off the firecrackers. I like them – very polite kids, thanked me for the experience.

They came *running* back last night when they saw me playing with fireworks and together we finished up most of the stuff I got.

It was one of the most memorable Chinese New Year experiences I’ve had this year. 🙂

Firework tank with report

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tank fireworks with report

This is one of the fireworks that I used to play with when I was a kid. I haven’t seen it around for *ages*. The most interesting bit about the complex (in the sense that it’s not a simple salute) build is that it behaves more or less like a tank.

tank fireworks

It has wheels that actually work and the fuse propels it forward in a surprisingly sudden fast turn and it emits a spray of sparks (which I imagine is the flamethrower) before the grand finale – at the very end the tank actually fires it’s main gun.

fireworks tank

Tame stuff, but nostalgic. This cardboard tank spits out an arcing ball of fire which travels a short distance and explodes on the ground.

It’s very cute actually. The video shows the firework tank in action – during the heydays before the firecrackers and fireworks ban, there were lots of nifty and creative fireworks like this.

It’s the little tank that could. 🙂

CNY gambling – stack of 100 x RM 1 notes

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blackjack

It has become a tradition that we have dinner at my grandma’s place on Chinese New Year eve before everyone play Judi Bola or situs poker online with rolet. Online poker real money got chance to win bonuses, best slots offers, progressive jackpots, free slots, payouts, customer support and much more. Of course, it also deals with the legal aspect of gambling on slot machines to ensure safe play and payment methods. We can also check  score 88 poker news and played casino at home. My uncles used to be the dealers when I was a kid but as that generation passed the dealer was me today. All my cousins come over to my grandma’s house to play and to spend some quality time together.

stack of money

It’s small stakes only, just to pass the time until about 11 pm before I get ready to let off the firecrackers and fireworks. Thus, I ended up with this stack of 100 x RM 1 bills. I exchanged RM 100 for this and it’s in mint condition and still has the band on it.

serial number

You can see the start of the serial number – ACJ7895101

rm1

…up to ACJ7895200 – exactly 100 pieces of RM 1 notes.

cny gambling

I also had a special jackpot giveaway where you can automatically win RM 20 from the dealer (that would be me) if you get “2012” e.g. three cards – two 2’s and a 10. It’s all for fun, just money changing hands.

I only realized I’m up by RM 13 when I went to exchange the notes for proper ones.

How to make firecrackers exciting

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shun lee hung firecrackers

It’s the most popular firecrackers around. Shun Lee Hung firecrackers. The yellow boxes of Chinese firecrackers that goes for RM 15 each. You can’t go wrong with these…but then again it’s helluva boring to wait for the tiny plinks and plonks while the 3,000 individual firecrackers go off.

…so how do we spice it up?

Just open the box, drag the first strip out as a “fuse” and keep the rest in the box.

Don’t hang it up.

LIGHT IT UP!

popular chinese firecrackers

Imagine the stacked firecrackers going off all at once. It’s fast. It’s furious. It’s fun.

I only let off Chinese firecrackers on:

  • Chinese New Year Eve before reunion dinner
  • Chinese New Year 12:00 midnight
  • Chinese New Year 1st day before you head out in the morning for family visitations

Of course, there are many times you can actually do that, those are just three personal *musts*.

The acrid smell just reminds me of childhood. It’s a connection to the past.

Yes, there is commentary from my extended family. This was taken at my grandma’s place. It’s part of Chinese New Year. 🙂

Optional: You can pick up the banner with *insert prosperous couplet* (that I can’t read) and hang it on your gate if you want.

Guess what I’m doing?

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ebanking

I’m not chilling at the couch back home. Well, I *am* doing that, and watching TV but that’s not all I’m doing. I’m back home for the holidays and since I nearly missed my flight, I didn’t manage to do all the chores.

There are some things in life where you just have to brave the traffic and parking woes to get done.

There are other things in life which you can do at the comfort of your own home, wearing comfortable clothes and generally being a slob.

slob

E-banking is one of them. I have never gone back once I started unless it’s to cash in cheques or something like that. It’s just so convenient to use a phone, tablet or PC to perform all your banking tasks. I’ve gotten so used to it that if you asked me to physically go and pay bills I’ll probably just terminate the service.

rhbmobilehd

I personally use the RHB Mobile Banking app on my iPad. You can get it from iTunes – it’s a free download and you can perform all the banking related tasks you want from the comfort of your couch. Very convenient stuff. 😀

Anyway, there’s this online game using the Unity engine which is also going to be available from iTunes and the Android Market. It’s called RHB Now Race – Race For a Ducati and you can actually *win* a legendary Ducati bike and other real life prizes from it.

It’s pretty easy to play the game – if you don’t have an iOS or Android phone/tab – you can play the web based version here.

game

You’re in control of a Ducati bike and you need to collect gems for 60 seconds while avoiding obstacles. The arrow keys steer the chopper and the space bar allows you to jump over obstacles.

double jump

Tip: You can press the space bar twice in quick secession to do a “double jump” – twice the height and distance to clear tough obstacles.

It’s fun to play by itself but the best thing about it is that you stand to win a Ducati Monster 795! How cool is that? 😀

All you need to do is to be a RHB account holder registered with RHB Now Internet & Mobile Banking. Just perform any RHB Now transaction and you’re set to win the prizes in the game! There’s a minimum transaction of RM 50 but hey, your power or broadband bill probably tops that easy. 😉

prizes

You’ll need to perform a transaction first to lock in your high score. I did 50k easy on my first run but then again I’m a gamer so these things come naturally to me. Now who’s up for beating my high score? A Ducati Monster 795 and other cash prizes await! Heck, even the *consolation* prize starts at RM 7,000.

Race and win here!

Happy Chinese New Year 2012 everyone!

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10:30 am

firecrackers for chinese new year

Setting out the fireworks and firecrackers for tonight to dry out in the afternoon sun for the last time. Yes, this actually has a logical basis behind it. I’ll explain some other time. Heh.

3:00 pm

Went to see Ah Beng The Movie – a Malaysian production. It’s a Chinese New Year movie, wanted to catch one before the reunion dinner later. Anyway, the ticketing counter wrote Cineplex 2 on the stub and we waited until 3:10 pm and finally went to ask at the counter if the movie’s starting.

It turns out it was at Cineplex 3. The person made a mistake. I complained and the person at the counter gave us RM 7 tickets instead of RM 9 – got RM 2 each back and got the RM 7 “movie night” tickets instead. I was pissed off coz I hate missing the start of movies but that’s the best they could do. Oh well, that’s Sibu for you.

It’s CNY eve so it was good to catch a CNY movie. 🙂

5:45 pm

I’m about to head out for the extended family reunion dinner. I’m bringing some Chinese firecrackers along, it’s a tradition to let it off before the dinner. I can hear my neighbors already – the sound of firecrackers going off is almost unbroken, everyone starts burning the long Chinese fireworks before the CNY eve dinner.

My dad filmed me playing with this old skool traditional triangle shaped fireworks. It’s called Judas Belt in the Philippines when it’s in a long string, but we get single ones over here – the Chinese name translates to “triangle firecrackers”. I do not recommend you play with firecrackers like I do, I’m actually pretty blase about these things coz I’ve been letting them off for as long as I can remember.

The video is actually quite funny, you can hear my dad’s commentary. Heh.

6:30 pm

cny reunion 2012

The Chinese New Year eve reunion dinner! This is my grandma. I really like her. She’s one of those people that’s cheerful and jovial against all odds. Always love spending time with her when I’m back.

We’re Heng Huas and one cultural thing about the CNY eve dinner is that we don’t eat rice. We eat longevity noodles tossed with lard. It’s not the Foochow type where you eat it in soup – that’s actually totally not cool with Heng Huas coz eating soup during the reunion dinner is supposed to make it rain.

heng hua noodles

Heng Huas eat dry longevity noodles tossed with lard and some deep fried shallots for the reunion dinner. I love the stuff, it’s very flavorful and tastes good with the dishes. That’s one of my favorite on the plate – braised pork with fatt choy (it’s a type of bacteria, seriously).

I’ll keep on adding stuff until tonight!

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! 😀

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