You can’t control what people think, you shouldn’t control what people say

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accident

Barrack Obama said that in one of his addressed to the UN where mentioned he has become used to people calling him appalling things every day. While I won’t dare to equate myself to him, it generally applies to everyone. I have an anecdote from my very first (and expensive) private rehab where I spent 28 days.

The psychologist told me before I left not to expect people playing kompangs (a Malay drum usually used for celebrations) to herald your new found sobriety. No one is going to believe you.

A lot of ex-addicts get snared by this apparent “lack of support” and relapse due to the mentality that “Well, if no one is going to believe me anyway, I might as well go right on doing drugs.”

What has that got to to with anything?

It has got to do with everything.

espresso

I’ll like to thank all my readers for being supportive throughout my Project Listen campaigns. There’s a handful of naysayers (but that’s to be expected, and coming from the same IP, disregarded by me) but the point of that lesson is learning how to believe in yourself!

That is the true path to recovery.

That is the only way to become a better person.

You don’t rely on what others think or say for your self-confidence – that is the worst thing you can do. Just believe in yourself and want to be a better person.

…and that is my journey, from my darkest days of drug addiction, to facing the skeletons in my closet and my journey to become a better person.

Of course, it takes a long time (nay, a lifetime) to become a better person but I wanted to start anyway coz every journey begins with a single step. I have taken enough from the ones dearest to me. I have lived life to the fullest extent. Now it’s time to give it all back.

arguing

I could have just written about anything mundane, but I choose to write about the most difficult parts of my life and how I’m changing it. I firmly believe in the reach of Project Listen and I hope that the experiences I’ve been through could be of help in some way to someone.

Thank you again for sharing my videos, it was hard doing them, it was a decision that I made and I’m glad I did it.

home

One last note – if there’s any of you out there stuck in the depths of drug addiction, know you can set yourself free, but only if you choose to. If any of you are in a spot coz of unwanted pregnancies colliding with religious beliefs, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

josiah

Finally, cherish your family and those dearest to you for they are the ones who stay when everything else goes to shit.

Love,
Huai Bin
sixthseal.com

What’s your best looking side – left or right?

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I’ve heard that everyone has one side that they look better in. The real pros actually navigate themselves so that their “best looking side” e.g. angle gets presented each time they take a photo. Heh.

right

I don’t know if I have a good looking side. Here’s my right profile.

left

…and this is my left side.

I think it looks just about the same but please do correct me if I’m wrong – I’ll love to know. 🙂

Do you have one side that you look better in?

The long journey to finding myself

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journey

I’ve written about the struggles that I’ve been though and put my significant other (at that time) through when I’ve had an abortion.

It was hard, but I wanted to tell the story, to let it reach out to as many people as it can, so perhaps it can help some.

I’ve also written about my previously estranged relationship with my parents and how it’s always true that blood runs thicker than water.

I think I’ve lead an extraordinary life and I’m glad I’m still alive to write about it. I’ll like to thank you all for sharing my video stories and the kind (and also not so kind) comments. Life is worth living, you go through it and become a better person if you’re willing to change for the better. Cheers!

The Prodigal Son

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I wrote this for Project Listen a while back and I’m re-posting it on my blog so it can be kept as an archive. Cheers to my family for enduring me all this while and I’m glad I have a chance to make it all right.

family

I’ve always felt that I haven’t been doing much for my family. I’ve put them through a lot – it all started when I went to New Zealand as a permanent resident to do my high school in Christchurch. I was 15 then and quite very extremely rebellious.

The freedom I had there pushed my rebellious nature to new heights, and I got involved in drugs, gangs, etc etc – basically your “regular” teenage rebellion multiplied by a billion in intensity.

reverse mohawk

That was more than 15 years ago and although I came to my senses I still never quite bonded with my family, creating more burden and causing more stress instead of what I was supposed to do as a filial son.

I can safely say that during my career as a professional human lab rat, I’ve tried more drugs that the vast majority of other users, sourcing for not just common drugs like heroin and methamphetamine but exotic research chemicals like 6-APB, UR-144 and 5-MeO-MiPT which most people have never even heard of, much less tried.

drugs

I was arrested for drug possession when I was 24 and appeared on many newspapers, some with extremely detailed information about me, which must have caused my parents a lot of grief. I’ve also went through rehab three times and been hospitalized countless times – overdoses, ICU admissions from permanent renal and liver damage, suicide attempts during psychotic breaks.

It was chaotic.

night out

I’ve never felt that I’ve contributed much to the family and I was never really close with them even as I got older. I was in Sibu for a period of time and even then I’m always out with friends when I’m back home for the holidays and coming home just to sleep. I’ve even brought girls back in the middle of the night for noisy drunken sex and wake up the next afternoon to shower together…

…in my parents house!

I never thought of how disrespectful I was being.

I never though of how much I hurt their feelings.

I never even communicate much with them – most of the conversation goes one way – with me talking about the latest exotic drugs I’ve tried, the inevitable escapades with police that I’ve gotten away with, the girls that I’ve fucked.

I never really listened to what their needs are. It took me a loooong time before I started becoming more attuned to their needs. I’m ashamed to even put a year to when I stopped. I shudder to even think about what I’ve done now.

…but like the Biblical story, my parents have always been believed in me despite my numerous flaws and downright disgusting behavior.

My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2010 and it was only then that I understood what family meant. The way our family pulled together to support her as she went through multiple surgeries, radiotherapy and chemotherapy sessions taught me what being related was all about.

I’ve always thought of my mom as a nag, and didn’t spend much time listening to her at all.

mom

However, since the diagnosis, it just struck me how fast the years fly by and how little time we actually have together as a family unit.

I regret not spending more time with my mom, and I started to realize that the “relationship” that I have was basically non-existent – I was just being selfish.

I started to really spend time with my parents at that point. Instead of just gaudily flaunting my sexual exploits, I started to listen more to what they have to say. I developed a genuine interest in their life and well being.

cancer

Hell, I even start to worry about them.

I talk to them more instead of the obligatory weekly check in phone call to make sure I’m not dead or in jail.

I listen and try to get them to talk about their problems.

lung cancer

We eat together when I’m back home instead of me heading out which sad to say was common until as late as 2008.

I lounge in the living room after and chat about everything – news, politics, religion – with my parents instead of skipping out and coming home drunk in the middle of the night.

I understood the importance of just hanging out with my family – listening instead of just talking, helping out with chores at home, comforting my mom when she’s throwing up.

It’s made us into a better family unit.

birthday

I just received a birthday card from my parents (it was somehow lost until a few days ago) and it nearly brought tears to my eyes when I realized that they’ve mailed me one every single year without fail while I barely remember their birthdays.

I am truly ashamed of how I’ve behaved and I’m trying my level best to be a better son now. I visit my mom in Singapore more often, where she’s having her treatments done. We all chip in to help – not just financially but emotionally.

I really want to save up enough money to bring my parents for a trip around the world.

simple meal

They’ve worked hard in raising us and my dad still works hard and I think it would be the least that I can do. I’m actually being extremely frugal right now – limiting the times I go out, being careful with spending, saving up money so I can help out with the medical bills and especially to let my parents visit the world.

They’ve always saved up for our education and it’s time for us to give back

Not because of some attempt to seek forgiveness for past transgressions.

Not because of my ongoing mother’s fight against cancer.

Not because of guilt.

It’s because I want to, out of the love I have for them.

parents

I want them to know that someone cares, someone always will, and that someone is FAMILY.

3 delicious and dirt cheap meals with bread

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I never eat white bread. It’s nutritionally inferior and I prefer the taste of brown bread nowadays anyway. I go for wholemeal/wholegrain (including the fad ones that has “enrichments” like Canadian Purple Wheat). It’s more expensive at RM 2.80 – RM 4.50 but definitely worth it for the additional vitamins for a balanced (hmm..) diet.

1. Sandwiches with surimi, sausages and boiled eggs

bread sausages surimi

This is considered a treat in survival mode. Heh. The surimi is store brand and family pack sized for extra savings, the sausages are the ultimate manifestation of mystery meat (plus it’s on sale at under RM 2) and eggs are eggs – you need them.

Coincidentally, these are the same items I use to cook ramen. smirk

2. Bread with milk

Ah! The staple since time immemorial. I’ll suggest fresh milk – it’s well worth the price premium for the fortified essentials – fat, for one. 😉

bread milk

Just plain bread goes a long way with flavorful fresh milk. Don’t skimp and go the reconstituted crap or low fat variants – if you’re in survival mode, you’ll need those extra calories.

3. Bread dipped in raw egg

This is a surprisingly delicious combo that I discovered. You can do it with balsamic vinegar and olive oil…so why not raw egg?

bread raw egg

Just crack one (chilled – leave it in the fridge for at least 24 hours) egg into a saucer and it can last for 4-5 slices of bread.

You can eat it by it’s own too, there’s taste and texture in some of the nut enriched ones and that’s what I do most of the time. These are just 3 examples are just to break the tedium of eating bread alone.

You know how it goes, man shall not live on bread alone. 😉

Chicks @ Microsoft Windows 8 Malaysia launch

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angry birds troupe

I meant Angry Birds.

hot chick lowyat

Of course, there were models there too. Windows 8 powered devices, not girls, although they had that as well. Heh.

must have left it open

There was this really good group that kicked off the Microsoft Windows 8 launch in Malaysia – they had a very vigorous and visually exciting skit that incorporates elements of classic Windows alerts.

angry birds win

You know, the default sounds it makes during various operation like the distinctive “Ding!” you hear when you’re trying to click somewhere other than a mandatory notification that demands your attention before moving on.

angry birds bunker

It’s all of that combined into a dance and skit routine (which includes the aforementioned Angry Birds parody where they launched chairs into bunkered “pigs”) that made it one of the best launch gimmicks I’ve ever seen!

You’ve gotta watch it!

models

The Microsoft Windows 8 launch was held at Low Yat Plaza on the 29th October.

reps

The Managing Director of Microsoft Malaysia – Mr Ananth Lazarus (guy with the blue shirt in the middle) came on stage to describe Windows 8 in detail. I was quite impressed!

camera

There are a lot of features that are in the latest iteration of Windows. I’ve been using it since Windows 3.11 (which had to be booted up from MS-DOS 6.22) and gone through every single update ever since. This is the first time that there was a huge and noticeable difference – Windows 8 has evolved so far from Windows 7 as to be unrecognizable.

devices

There were demonstrations on the new Start Screen, Picture Password, Charms bar and other touch-friendly implementations which most of the new devices were made for.

banter

I’ll personally say that Windows 8 is best experienced with a touch-capable device and all of the new ones coming out have that feature, fitting into every niche and blurring the distinction between smartphones, tablets, notebooks and even smart TV screens!

picture password

Complete social media integration is now done with emphasis on shortcuts and user friendliness. I’ll describe this more in detail in another post, it’s awesome!

local apps

There’s also Live Tiles, which appear on the new Start Screen and updates it constantly so everything can be viewed at a single glance.

detach

However, the Microsoft Windows 8 Malaysia launch is first and foremost to introduce the new concepts and features of the operating system. There were refreshments galore and a chance to play with the new devices.

me windows8

I had my hands on one of them – there are various designs out there, from standard tablets to a more enterprise minded slider design with a physical keyboard. Some of the latter can be even detached into two (!!!), creating two separate and different devices, both capable of running on their own and with dual batteries.

noh nina passion8

Noh (of local band Hujan) and Nina (of Mizz Nina fame) also announced their upcoming show called Passion8 which will be aired on 8TV.

windows8 devices

Congratulations to Microsoft Malaysia for a great launch event for Windows 8! The capabilities of the new OS is really impressive.

windows 8 girls

This isn’t the Windows of old, I can really foresee Windows 8 being the dominant OS in not just traditional PC/notebooks but also tablets, smartphones and other devices which defies categorization, being as unique as they are.

windows 8 malaysia launch

There was food served at the end…

windows 8 doughnut

…which includes donuts with marzipan (I think) Windows 8 logos which are obviously edible. I had two.

windows8 start

I can’t wait to hear what everyone thinks – I personally love Windows 8, it’s not just a facelift with minor features but a great new leap forward! 🙂

Bakmi babi in Jakarta

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bakmi pork indonesia

Bakmi literally means meat noodles and despite the Muslim majority capital of Indonesia, there are shops which caters for people who wants a dose of porcine goodness. One of these is located in Mangga Besar – a quirky name which means “big mango” (a tropical variant of the Big Apple ;)).

Bakmi Ahau claims to have been around since 1962 – that’s a good 50 years (!!!) of operation. It’s still situated in a dingy stall right by the roadside but that’s part of the appeal. If the claims are true (or if the date is based on the Muslim calendar, which produces its peculiar brand of irony) it means that they must serve a really good bowl of bakmi babi (pork noodles)…

bakmi ahau 1962

…and I can attest to that!

It has been around for a couple of years at least, a friend of mine brought me here to eat a very late supper when I was in Jakarta. The place was packed even though it was way past midnight.

bakmi jakarta

The bakso (that’s meatballs) accompanying the bakmi here is made with pork and it’s deep fried before being served, producing a crunchiness that goes very well with the juicy pork meatballs. They don’t skimp on the meat – there’s just a thin coating of batter on top. I reckon it’s the deep fried bakso that makes this stall stand out.

bakmi mangga besar

The noodles are also tossed with lard and there’s bit of char siew (barbecued pork) and deep fried pork skin to go with it. It’s also not fully “dry” – almost a quarter of the dish is filled with the seasoning gravy (or bumbu) which is a mixture of lard, soy sauce, and other things the workers are reluctant to divulge.

pork bakmi

However, it is 100% goodness! I have had a lot of pork noodle dishes and this is one of the times where it stood out in my mind. The bakmi in Mangga Besar is just one stall in a long chain but you can find it from the distinctive t-shirts that they wear.

bakmi jakarta me

A large bowl of pork bakmi with extra bakso with a glass of iced jeruk (local Mandarin orange juice) from the stall beside just cost under 20,000 rupiah (about RM 6) – a nice break if you want something other than chicken in Jakarta. A mean and delicious dish of authentic roadside bakmi at a price that’s hard to beat.

A spoiled brat

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lost

That’s what I would call myself in hindsight.

It may sound like exaggeration but it’s really not. I told them when I was in high school in New Zealand that I could support myself financially (through criminal enterprises), that I’m legally an adult there (almost 16) and I was free to do whatever I wanted.

I even said I wanted out of the family.

It took a major crisis that made me reevaluate how my relationship with my parents go and what a shitty son I am.

I’m glad that that’s all in the past and I’m really enjoying a great relationship with my parents now.

Blood runs thicker than water, after all.

My first Baskin-Robbins ice cream giveaway! (and more to come)

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ice-cream-truck

Greetings and meet my ice cream truck!

voters

I’m kidding, I just chanced upon that while heading to my first appearance. I was at MidValley last Saturday on the 3rd of November to giveaway more than 100+ ice cream scoops in cones and cups. It was supposed to be my first appearance and I’ll learn more from this for my second appearance, which is this weekend! 🙂

baskinrobbins elections

I started setting up at around 2:30 pm and I had unfortunately only brought 1 notebook along for voting. This created a huge bottleneck there as people who wanted to vote got tired of waiting. I shall have to do something about this for the next one.

smartphone

I’ll bring another notebook to the next session so there will be more “voting stations”, so to speak. It is an election after all. 😉

vote me

I have allocated all of my budget to giving away free ice cream and ice cream cakes. I decided to “get on the ground” (yup, lots of political terms here going on here) and get the attention of passerby’s by telling them about it. Haha. I wanted all of the budget to go towards ice cream for everyone! 😀

br flavor elections

Actually, that was A LOT of fun. Now I know how those credit card sales promoters feel like. I have been rejected before I even opened my mouth but on the other hand there were plenty who heard my pitch and request for votes and actually wanted to vote for me after I’ve explained what I was doing.

voting station

It was very heartwarming to see Sue Ann and Jamie helping with getting people and manning the voting station (which is a grand term for my notebook), even Samantha from Baskin-Robbins pitched in to help – many thanks for all that! 🙂

first
The first person!

I’ve been looking at the opinion polls on the Baskin-Robbins Malaysia Facebook page and it’s good to see a lot of people participating in that too. This is actually going to be taken into consideration so your input would be awesome!

opinion poll

I voted for Exotic – sea salt ice cream or hot & spicy. It would be great to see more unique flavors in Baskin-Robbins here.

I’ll love to eat a steak flavored ice cream! How about that? An ice cream flavor that tastes like a meal! Heh! It would certainly be intriguing.

…or even better, see something like a limited time promotional flavor for Christmas – turkey with cranberry sauce! Won’t that be something? I bet people would want to try it just out of curiosity. I certainly would! 🙂

There are also other opinion polls ranging from what CSR activities you want Baskin-Robbins Malaysia to do to what kind of promotion you think gives you the best value for your buck. Join in if you want your voices heard!

last family
The last family I gave ice cream to at 5:03 pm!

vote for me

I’ll be having another appearance at Baskin-Robbins Sunway Pyramid this Sunday 11th November where I will not only give out ice cream cones and scoops for free but also ice cream cake vouchers at random!

mini heart

The ice cream cakes are sold at RM 55 each and you can redeem it right there and then if you want.

campaign-promise

In addition to the 500 free Junior ice cream scoops I’m giving away, those 30 ice cream cakes will bring the total to RM 4,400 worth of Baskin-Robbins ice cream products (that’s not including the service charge). I told you all my campaign fund is going to spreading happiness. 🙂

sixthseal campaign

…and that’s surprisingly what I felt good about the most – the people who waited in line to vote after listening to what I’m doing and the people who came for ice cream. It felt good giving away ice cream especially when someone told me how grateful she was coz she’ll never be able to spend her money on this. I was touched by that.

cookies n cream

Anyway, if you want some of the ice cream cake action, I’ve got several to give out at random at my next appearance:

Venue: Baskin-Robbins, Sunway Pyramid
Date: 11th November (Sunday)
Time: 3-5 pm

jamie hb sam sue

Thanks again to my impromptu team for helping out with everything that day – Jamie, Sue Ann and Samantha!

vote

You can vote for me at votenow.com.my (I’m Cookies ‘n Cream)or come on Sunday for some free ice cream on me. I’ll also be giving away ice cream scoops and cakes on the SixthSeal Facebook page.

free br ice cream

Getting in touch with my consistency since 2012. 😉

Of accents and English

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english

I read something about regional accents being eroded by TV (in this case, the particularly heavy one in Maine) and it got me thinking about the subject of that and how true it is.

I’ve seen people go overseas for barely 6 months and come back armed with heavily accented Aussie/American English, complete with the appropriate slang. Some of them are obviously affected (a nicer term for faked or forced) but it could be argued that they just spent more time hanging with the locals.

Well, I have a pretty good command of the language but my verbal enunciation is sadly lagging way behind the clear grasp I have of the written form.

…and I come from a small town that speaks minimal English and only started using it on a daily basis when I went to New Zealand when I was 15.

I was doing Form Six English and I still can’t figure out if it’s reverse racism that the teacher keeps pointing out to the entire classroom that I’m the best in the class despite it being my second language. I didn’t do ESL (English as a Second Language) like the majority of non-Kiwis there, I went to the regular class.

…and I don’t think Chinese is my first language. I can certainly speak it fluently but can’t write a single cohesive sentence. That is an overstatement, I can’t even make sense of anything except a handful of basic characters. I never bothered learning, it was too hard and my mom didn’t insist when I was a kid unlike the other subjects coz it wasn’t in UPSR (our primary school graduation aptitude test).

I also did my four years of college and university in Melbourne and spent most of the time hanging around Aussies for simple reasons – the lifestyle I was living at that time with (real) raves/doofs and substances is a niche that not many Asians participate in.

Which leaves childhood, since that is the time when language retention is at its highest. I didn’t watch a lot of TV as a kid, it was frowned upon and strictly regulated by my parents. However, I enjoyed reading at a very young age, graduating to age-inappropriate material and adult novels before I even hit puberty.

(which was encouraged by my mom at least)

I still love reading for pleasure – in fact, I’ve somehow conditioned myself to be constipated unless there’s reading material nearly (back home there’s always the latest TIME magazine or National Geographic in the toilet). Hell, I still need to read the news or an ebook when I’m taking a shit nowadays.

Anyway, back to the accent, I’ve never quite figured it out (except for the affected cases) – do people who watch more TV when they’re under 12 years old speak better English?

What is your personal experience?

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