Seize the day!

pamela hb

Morning peeps! I’ve been up for quite a while so I expect to crash pretty soon. I had breakfast at TDH with Pam, which I usually miss coz:

1. I don’t really eat breakfast.
2. I don’t wake up that early on weekends

I’m glad I went today though, coz I ended up sitting in there for 5 hours (!) talking to Pam. She has this really cool tattoo that goes “Carpe Diem”.

carpe diem

Seize the day indeed, something that everyone needs reminding of once in a while.

pamela ooi

Anyway, Leanne was in town for the weekend from Australia. I had dinner with her at Jalan Alor and got some interesting insights from her. It’s truly inspirational how she travels while juggling all her responsibilities.

leanne mangan

Pam, Jess and Konstandinos joined us for drinks later at Changkat Bukit Bintang. We had originally wanted to go to a gay bar for something different (thanks for the recommendation Lynn) but the place didn’t serve food so we went to another watering hole.

leanne us

I ended up drinking diet Coke and singing in a jarringly off-tune key to classics from the 90’s – it seems that a couple of us has the same tastes in music. The DJ was constantly inundated with requests by us and the bar was dominated by our playlist of punk, rock and metal classics. Heh.

hb pam

Anyway, today is a date of some importance to me. I think. I won’t be sure yet for another 28 days but if all the stars align I’ll get a tattoo that says 22/7/2012.

Seriously.

Happy Easter and the search for God

salvation costs 200

Do I consider myself a religious person? No.

I’ve not stepped foot in a church for years. However I am quite well versed with the Bible, having read the scripture twice during an unfortunate time when reading material was not readily available. *cough*

However, something in Bali made me realize that I *do* believe in the Christian God. Yes, a kafir like me. I am not an “agnostic atheist” – not deep down in my heart where the id reigns supreme and the ego has no place.

I don’t know if this is going to be one of those temporary religious moments. I’m not an evangelistic Christian. I see no point in publicly announcing my return to the flock – another lost soul saved, Lord be praised.

Do you see the irony in that last statement? smirk

However, I do believe that religion has a place in our lives. Call it the opiate of the masses if you want.

I was raised as a Methodist so going to church till I was 12 during my childhood formative years might have something to do with it.

It’s a personal thing, this religion business. I think I helped my family to be strong in their faith, despite having next to none myself (this is slowly changing).

God works in mysterious ways. He helps us, guides us and tests us when we stray from the path he has designed for us. I was blind to the little things that probably made my life a helluva lot easier (and longer) – attributing it to luck, skills, or experience.

I believe the hand of the Lord guides us when we need Him. This can happen subconsciously (see formative years of Christianity) – a nanosecond of neurons firing, sending the message, Lord if you’re there I need you now. You probably aren’t even aware of doing that.

…but He answers. I have seen his work and I am humbled.

This Easter, let us give thanks to the Lord for all the small and big things he has done for us.

Praise the Lord. Amen.

Meluahkan perasaan dalam Facebook

I don’t know…is love supposed to make you feel this bad? It’s a Friday night and my bros are out but I begged off saying that I have a touch of food poisoning.

…which is partially true but not entirely the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

I’m greatly troubled with my It’s Complicated (TM) relationship. I can’t seem to get her off my mind and there are…complications which makes me feel a rather strange and unusual emotion (!!!) – sadness, loss, pining, and all that romantic crap.

I guess I’m trying too hard, which is a mistake I should have learned by now. But I’m really into her and I want this to work out.

I don’t know, there’s a lot of issues that I’m not at liberty to say and I wish I could be like Barney and go “When I feel bad, I stop feeling bad and feel AWESOME instead“.

…but that doesn’t work in real life.

I’m probably 40% sick and 60% lovesick (probably the wrong term, it’s fear, uncertainty and doubt, very karma feelings which I never feel when it comes to girls) and it is a damn strange emotion for me I’m supposed to be this badass player and feelings like these are only experienced by sorry, self-pitying, pussy-whipped boys.

It’s karma, I tell you.

I’m supposed to go out partying with my bros and feel awesome.

…but instead I’m at home, thinking of her and feeling like crap.

P/S – My sister actually reads my Facebook feed quite religiously and starts every morning with a clumsy attempt at bonding by saying “Hey, I saw on your Facebook that (insert stuff that I posted)“.

Please do not do that Yih Jia. I do not wish to discuss this matter, least of all with you. It’s just going to make me very uncomfortable and it also ruins my “Huai Bin is invincible, an veritable emotional fucking cornerstone when it comes to girls” image. so I’ll appreciate it very much if you could pretend you didn’t read this. kthxbai

P/P/S – Seriously, don’t talk to me about it sis. It’ll be very awkward and I probably would deny I even wrote this.

bowmore enigma

That was a re-post of something I wrote on Friday night. I still feel less-than-awesome so I’m putting this up and heading to bed. It’s verbatim from the Facebook page so I’ll insert a photo in lieu of writing 1,000 words. That is a bottle of Bowmore Enigma, a 12-year-old single malt Scotch whiskey from Islay. I got it for about SGD 58 from duty free – the Enigma expression is a travel exclusive.

Back to the post:

Has anyone ever told you that you look like a star?
It seems like everybody’s got something I have not – a reason not to die.

– NOFX

Making big decisions in life – from someone who learned the hard way

me

I have written a rather lengthy post about my life. Most of you have heard that I’ve been through rehab. Some of you know that I’ve been to jail before. Not many of you know the whole story.

It’s one about how a young and innocent kid started experimenting with drugs out of curiosity and how it quickly snowballed from recreational use into a vast methamphetamine and opiate addiction that nearly killed me and brought me to depths of depravation I never have thought I was capable of.

They say curiosity killed the cat…

…but satisfaction brought it back!

I’m not really sure that statement is true. It certainly rolls off the tongue nicely, but with the sacrifices I’ve made and the state of my health as it stands today – it bears to navel gaze and ask myself – “Was it all really worth it?

I guess that’s a question only I can answer.

It’s an unfortunate situation which I always say is essentially a “victimless crime” and drugs should be legalized but when you think about it and the havoc it wrecks on your family and loved ones…

…can you really say that it’s a victimless crime?

I don’t mean from a legalistic standpoint, but rather a moral one.

Pull up a chair coz here’s the entire story about how I thought I was too intelligent to be addicted. This is a story of an arrogant youth who played with fire, thinking that he’s the exception…not knowing that the road to hell is paved with people who thought the exact same thing.

It’s also a tale of redemption and most of all holding true to your core values, like loving my family, who has bailed me out so many times I couldn’t keep count. Here’s to my mom and dad for believing in their son, even after so many overdose hospitalizations, arrests, and rehabilitation centers.

I love you guys.

r u ready

My article was published in Prudential’s R U Ready Facebook page in its entirety. R U Ready is a forum for adults to share your experiences, advice and tips about life. Go Like the page and surf on over to read the whole story, straight from the horse’s mouth.

Were you ever so angry you tackled a train?

Time.

That is my particular pet peeve. I hate it when people are late.

It shows that you think your time is more valuable than mine.

It’s fucking disrespectful.

I don’t care if there’s a traffic jam – leave earlier if you know it’s going to be congested. There’s no excuses for being late.

I always try to be early and in the few occasions I can count on my hand that I’m late, I’ll call ahead and tell the people I’m meeting up with that I will be late, citing the reason(s) for my tardiness.

However, just now, I got lost (NO EXCUSES!) due to my GPS and was one of the last ones to arrive. I did call ahead to say I’ll be late (my GPS told me to go down an extremely narrow pedestrian walk and I scraped the front of my car trying to reverse out) but I still feel really bad about it.

I think it’s my obsession with time. I suspect it also has something to do with my past.

Back then, everyone had to wait, even celebrities (read Life by Keith Richards). It’s a mixture of two things – people in this particular line of work are generally tardy, especially if they are consumers too. However, it’s most of all, a power play.

It practically shouts – I HAVE SOMETHING YOU WANT AND YOU HAVE TO WAIT THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED NIGHT FOR ME AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. HAH!

It’s an expression of dominance. I know. I’ve done it before, sad to say. In closed markets like that – you have no choice. You wait.

I’ve waited eight (8) fucking hours IN MY CAR about 9 years ago when I haven’t established myself in a new place. He was the only person I knew.

I had delusions of shooting the guy in the face and that was what sustained me. I didn’t do it though. It would have gotten me shot as well, if not at that time, then sometime in the near future.

…when he finally came, I had to fork over the money with a shit eating grin on my face.

It’s degrading and shameful. You hate yourself, but still, you wait, coz the hold it has over you is stronger than your pride. Fuck, it hurts to admit that, but it’s true.

…but that’s all in the past now. I have started a new life (and brought over the emotional baggage where I abhor waiting smirk) and I don’t do it anymore.

I still have a thing about time though. I don’t like to be kept waiting and I don’t keep others waiting.

Being on time is a virtue a lot of people don’t get. If you say you’re going to be there at a certain time, then be there!

That is what I meant to say in this post – either be on time or inform the other person and postpone it to another date if you can’t make it.

Don’t make people waste their time waiting. Time is something you’ll never get back.

Tempus is fugiting!

I get angry enough to tackle a train when kept waiting. That’s my pet peeve.

angry enough to tackle a train

What’s yours? Were you ever so angry you tackled a train?

Cold feet

packing

I’m writing this before I board the plane back to KL. I’m hauling back several boxes of my girlfriend’s belongings with me. She’s coming over in a couple of days to work in KL and she’ll be living with me.

I’ll be honest here. I’m feeling more than a little trepidation at the idea. I don’t know how it’s going to turn out. There is a grand total of three (3) serious relationships I’ve been in where the other half moves in with me. The first one happened when I was just in my teenage years – it also happened to be my first real relationship.

Her name was Wendy and it lasted all of six months.

It was all fine and dandy until we moved in together. The relationship lasted longer than that, of course – prior to that, we were practically inseparable. I don’t know why seeing each other day in and day out became so taxing on the relationship.

Familiarity breeds contempt?

It always starts with the little things – small issues that becomes the flash point of every argument. The same old problems brought up again and again. It’s something akin to cabin fever…I’ll even go so far to say it’s like prison, being cooped up in a small place with the same bunch of people 24/7.

It never ends well.

The second relationship (Louisa – the very same person that still resides as a tattoo on my left forearm) also went that way. We were together for YEARS. I graduated from Australia, came back to KL and moved in with her.

BAM! The relationship went downhill almost immediately.

However, we tried to work things out as adults – giving each other space, making concessions and compromises but in the end it still didn’t work out. We made a last ditch attempt to save the relationship by me moving to Kuching (it was just as well that I got a really good job offer there) and it was all good for a while…and then we broke up.

The third and last serious relationship where my girlfriend moved in was when I came to KL again. I came with Doris in tow and maybe it’s the nostalgic rose tinted glasses but I felt that I could have done things better and maybe it could have worked out if I had not turned into a complete asshole.

I’ll admit that much. I was a total asshole to her. I was an ungrateful son of a bitch who didn’t care about someone that loved me that much. I loved her too but I got too caught up with myself to realize that I’ve been taking her for granted. She’s a very nice girl and perhaps things would have been different if I had been the person I am now.

…or perhaps not.

The thing is, I’ve learned a lot from all these experiences. It made me take a good, hard look at myself and I didn’t like what I was seeing. I have been making amends since then.

I’m no saint, I’m not saying that I became the poster boy for abstinence after that. Hell, no.

…but I never did get into another serious relationship after Doris until now.

It’s funny isn’t it? When you’re single, all you want to do is get in a relationship. When you’re actually in one, the idea of being alone and free to do anything you want sounds pretty appealing.

The grass is always greener on the other side and all that.

However, I really want to make this work. I don’t think I’ll make the same mistakes again and I’ll try very hard to keep the relationship alive. I know my own weaknesses and I hope I am more patient and understanding now. I’ll give it my all.

I hope that the fourth time’s the charm.

I hope.

Jeanie and Huai Bin’s 1st Monthsary

monthsary

The 7th of March 2011 marks the one month milestone in my relationship with Jeanie. I’ve actually known her for longer than that but we officially got together on the 7th of February 2011. That makes today our monthsary! :D

movie

I still remember the day we decided to get into a relationship. It just so happened that we’re both in Sibu during Chinese New Year and decided to go out to catch a movie together. I don’t recall when we started falling for each other but we both knew there was something since we found excuses to hang out every single day.

kissing

I think the reason we were so hesitant at first was due to the distance – neither of us believe in the feasibility of a long distance relationship. However, we’ve decided to commit to each other and Jeanie has flown over twice to spend time with me. I’ll be going over to Miri soon to live there for two weeks.

sibu

It takes a lot of effort and sacrifice for a long distance relationship to work and it has been a long time since I’ve been in a serious relationship. Nevertheless, we’re determined to make this happen despite the challenges and we’re doing great so far. :)

I made a video as a monthsary surprise for Jeanie and showed it to her at the stroke of midnight. I’m glad she likes it.

I love you Jeanie! <3

The most romantic Valentine’s Day ever!

us

My relationship status went from “Single” to “In a relationship” during Chinese New Year – just a couple of days before the august celebration on the 14th of February.

airport

I spent Valentine’s Day on a 9 pm flight from Sibu to KL while Jeanie took the 10 pm from Miri to KL. It was past midnight when we met up at the airport (waited about an hour for her) so we decided to celebrate it the next day.

flowers

I sent flowers to her office several days ago – on the first day she was due back at work as a surprise since I knew we wouldn’t be able to meet on Valentine’s Day itself. We were pretty much bushed by the time we arrived on the 14th (technically 15th) so we woke up early (relatively) the next day and went for:

lunch

Dim sum at Grand Imperial, Bangsar Shopping Center!

movie

It was a holiday so we pretty much spent the whole day at MidValley – caught a movie together – a rather cheesy HK production which turned out to me more self-parody than movie but it has its moments. I remember watching a movie with her at our first date several years ago, which was rather disastrous.

I think she told me I was an asshole before slamming the door on me after that, which was pretty funny in hindsight. smirk

couple

Anyway, we also did the fresh romance thing and ended up buying one of those couple t-shirts. Heh!

dinner

Dinner was a quick one at Delicious – both of us were feeling very sleepy – before heading home.

his

His.

hers

Hers.

bed

We ended up camwhoring and talking most of the night and woke up a couple of hours later for…

breakfast

…breakfast in bed. :p

She had a training session to go to this morning so I drove her down and somehow got a punctured tyre in the process. >.<

punctured

It’s a good thing this was near the Sg Besi toll coz I didn’t have a jack so I couldn’t change it – I went to borrow one at the toll booth and they sent the PLUS highway patrol over to help me change it.

patrol

I managed to get her there just in time.

I thought it was a rather interesting Valentine’s Day – I nearly couldn’t drive coz after the flat tyre fiasco coz I managed to get my car keys stuck in the boot. How?

boot

There you go. It’s a good thing a little elbow greese pried my car keys loose from the jaws of the car boot.

Oh well, at least no religious police came knocking on my doors. smirk

kissing

Happy Valentine’s Day, Jeanie! <3

Happy 2011 from 35,000 feet in the air

happy new year 2011

I must admit, I have been slightly depressed – worrying about everything – health, finances, work. I don’t even know if I can make my money last for this sojourn to Europe.

Hell, I’m not even sure I can put a roof over my head during this entire trip, which is driving me to financial ruin. I was starting to think it’s a bad idea after all.

I haven’t been looking forward to this trip, to be honest. I was on the verge of saying “Fuck it” and crawled back home.

However, when the flight took off and the pilot told us to look to the right for the New Year 2011 celebrations, I felt…something.

Looking down at the fireworks from 35,000 feet in the air, it really hit me – this is a NEW YEAR.

It’s a time for new beginnings, a fresh start, and hell, I am going to ENJOY my Europe vacation!

So here I propose a toast – to new beginnings! :)

ALL HAIL 2011!
P/S – The nicely scented pen plucked from the bosum of the AirAsiaX flight attendant’s uniform I’m using to write this on a scrap of paper might have contributed to the general uplift in mood. ;)

Posted: 10:09 am London time (GMT +0)

O HAI! I IZ AN UNCLE!

o hai uncle

I love this pic taken while I was in my sister’s place in Auckland, NZ a few weeks ago. I was carrying my niece and kissing her while my dad looks on. My sister is a bit of a private person (she is my polar opposite) so I am applying mosaic on her daughter (though to what purpose I do not know since all babies look alike).

She smells nice. She has a milky scent and it still puts a smile on my face when I think about her. :)

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