The Habanero chili challenge

habanero chili

The Habanero chili pepper is rated as one of the hottest chili peppers in the world. I took the Habanero chili challenge at Frontera Bar & Grill at Jaya One. I ate the entire chili pepper raw in two bites and didn’t think much of it. Larry, the proprietor, told me that it only hits after five minutes…

Jesus Christ, I must admit, the chili started stinging at the 2 minute point and peaked at the 3 minute point. My eyes were watering and my nose was running.

habanero chili aftermath

I felt a little queasy after that and my taste buds were desensitized for about 15 minutes, but it was fun, and I would do it again. Take the Habanero chili challenge @ Frontera!

You man (or woman) enough? ;)

Dear Aries: Your friendly neighborhood agony aunt (or uncle) debut

Problems stressing you out? You need an outlet for your anger? No cats to kick or other methods of venting frustration?

dear aries

Fear not, dear readers. I have introduced a new category in called Dear Aries. It’s basically where you can write in about your personal problems and I will read and listen with a sympathetic ear and give you advice (which I hear is the worse kind of vice ;)). This is the first letter I have received from Confused in Miri, Sarawak.

Spend some time with me, say you’ll be mine

Dear Aries,

I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I met this girl at work and I’ve been attracted to her ever since I saw her. I’ve been secretly admiring (God, I hate this word) her for a while now, though I knew she was attached. Her boyfriend picks her up from work everyday and I’ve been wanting to ask her out ever since I saw her. I spoke to her a couple of times when we bumped into each other at the elevator and she seems like a nice person.

Anyway, fast forward to several months later and I started noticing that her boyfriend has stopped picking her up from work (God, I’m such a stalker). Curious about this sudden change of affairs (and seeing an opportunity), I inquired about the situation when I bumped into her again. Apparently, the boyfriend is Out of Town (TM) so I decided to ask her out.

Well, you know what love is right? It’s psychical attraction at first sight and then personality compatibility at the second stage. That’s where the problem comes in – we hit it off immediately. It’s like we’re kindred souls, and we started going out for lunch and at night. I’ve never met a girl like this before, one that I could easily talk to and open up with.

Anyway, pretty soon we had a rather intense relationship going. It’s pretty much all or nothing with me. I gave this relationship everything I had coz I thought this girl was Worth It (TM). Was she The One (TM)? I don’t know, but she’s been the closest “one” ever since this pharmacist I was going out with in Kuching broke up with me.

It was really, really good for a while. I literally worshiped the girl. She’s a little older than me and she’s very mature and that really appeals to me. She grounds my impulsive, self-destructive personality and she’s been really nice to me too, little gestures like bringing breakfast for me coz she knows I only drink coffee for breakfast.

Anyway, pretty soon The Boyfriend (TM) found out about the relationship and all hell broke loose. She stopped seeing me, although we still talk on the phone and arrange for secret, quick rendezvous sessions. Lately though, I have noticed that it’s just not good enough for me anymore. I don’t want a “girlfriend” that’s only available on the phone instead of being beside me. I hate the feeling of not being able to hug her and kiss her and just feel the comfort of being with her.

She was very honest and open with me that she’ll be leaving very soon and that we could never have an open relationship. It has to be covert due to the Unique Circumstances (TM) that she was in. I thought it would be good enough for me, but back then at least I got to go out with her. She can only stay at home now and just talk on the phone due to Restrictions (TM) placed on her since being found out. We can’t even go out now and it’s probably going to remain this way until she leaves.

What should I do? Should I just call it quits and pull out? Or do I torture myself by being a hermit for the remainder of the time and stay at home in the very rare occasion that she manages to sneak 10 minutes to be with me?

Do I pull the Band Aid off in one quick motion or do I pull it slowly off?

da confused

I used to say I never met a girl like you before,
Still ain’t got a fucking clue to who you truly are…

Please help,

Dear Idiot,

I got bored reading your letter halfway. Your verbosity exceeds even that of Ayn Rand. Has anyone ever finished reading Atlas Shrugged? I didn’t think so.

Kindred souls, my ass. How long have you been going out with this girl? It’s probably still the honeymoon period right?

I’m not even interested to hear about your personal attributes, which you so generously sprinkled throughout your letter, you narcissistic fuck.

Get to the fucking point, you took up several paragraphs writing the background which could have been achieved with six words in bullet form.

Okay, let me get this right.

1. Girl = Unavailable.
2. You = Infatuated.
3. Girl = Leaving.

That’s the gist of what your long winded letter was saying right? Read your #3 again. Again. And again.

Which part about leaving do you not understand? Imbecile!

You pathetic fuck, stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on!

It seems like you listen to Eminem from the quote from Spend Some Time. It’s a very good break up song, I have taken the liberty of scouring YouTube for a video and embedding it here for you to listen to and start being a man again. Listen to that bit about “but when someone seems too good to be true, they usually are”.

Quit using “anyway” and “well” as paragraph leaders in your writing. It’s very irritating to read.

Oh, and over here in Malaysia, we call them “lifts” not “elevators”.

P/S – What’s with that (TM) shit anyway? Your dad patent the word one izzit?

Break in at my house

break in

There was a break in at my place last night at about 2:04 am. This house still has the old skool glass shutters and metal grill which is rather easy to pry open. Apparently the intruder(s) carefully removed the glass shutters piece by piece and reached in to pry one side of the metal grill to gain access.

break in pry

They even had the consideration to stack up the glass shutters nicely and leave the screws on the floor outside that window too. Thank you, the gesture is much appreciated.

Anyway, it appears that nothing was taken so I presume they didn’t manage to gain access after all. How did I know it was 2:04 am? I heard the house phone ringing and woke up to take a piss and heard the sounds of someone(s) beating a hasty retreat so I went down to investigate and found the grill pried open.

Oh well, at least this seems to be the work of petty thieves. There was another break in earlier in the year in which they took – get this – a pair of my jeans and a tin of Milo (no kidding). Thus, my most prized possessions, which are the photographs contained in my notebook and various USB drives and DVD-Rs are safe.

They wouldn’t be interested in that, I presume. ;)

usb drives

Don’t touch that please, your primitive intellect wouldn’t understand
alloys and compositions and things with…molecular structures.

The Guide to Human Advertising

cutting intro

The words “self harm” and “self injury” has been bandied about a lot by psychologists and teenage cutters obsessed with their own angst. It has also been mistakenly labeled as “suicidal behavior” which is grossly inappropriate since most cases are not intended to hasten the kicking of the bucket.

I propose that this behavior be exploited, I mean, explored as a new avenue for advertising instead. We’ve all heard of tattoos as a form of advertising with human advertising billboards but there are problems associated with that (mainly the permanent nature of the process).

Cutting may be a more appropriate “human advertising” medium for events. This is the Guide to Human Advertising.

razor blades

Step 1: Obtain a box of old skool razor blades. It doesn’t really matter what brand you use as long as it’s properly wrapped, clean and sharp.

steady hands

Step 2: You will require a pair of steady hands. This is necessary to avoid transcription errors due to shaky hands. ;)

cutting fresh

Step 3: Use the razor blade to carve the name of the event you want to be promoting. It should optimally be short – use initials when possible e.g. “RWMF” instead of “Rainforest World Music Festival” since skin real estate is at a premium.

cutting healing

Step 4: Please allow sufficient time for the blood to coagulate – it is the body’s natural healing system at work here and it prevents bacteria and other Nasty Stuff (TM) from entering an open wound.


I have included a video tutorial on skin advertising – this is for the “Sarawak Cultural Festival”, abbreviated to SCF due to skin real estate issues.


The right amount of pressure should be applied consistently. It is obviously unwise to apply too much pressure (razor blades are sharper than you think) but enough downwards pressure should be present to achieve the desired results. Please direct your attention to Exhibit A (Cleaned and Healing Scar) below.

cutting guide

The S character has too much pressure applied – this would result in a raised scar. The C character would probably result in a scar that is not visible unless at certain angles, while the F carving would be the optimal result for a scar that is not visible at all, unless under direct sunlight in certain angles.

cutting healed

What do you think? The advertising industry is constantly on the lookout for new opportunities and mediums. Could this be the next new wave of advertising? Or will it be relegated to the fringes of society? Guide to Eating Live Sago Worms

sago worm guide

Sago worms are eaten raw in Mukah, where it is considered a delicacy of sorts. Sago worms looks a lot like huge, fat maggots with spiny fangs.

sago worms header

The worms will actually bite you if you touch it’s head, which is why it’s advisable to tear the head off before consuming it raw.

sago worms packet

Sago worms are sold live, in packets of RM 5 and you can still see the worms wriggling around in the packet.

sago worms

The native habitat of sago worms is inside the trunk of a sago palm tree. The worms are kept in the sago flour and picked out and packaged into manageable sizes.

The Guide to Eating Live Sago Worms

step 1

Step 1: Pick a big, fat and juicy worm. Care should be taken to not touch the sago worm’s head since it has pincers that will bite you. The pincers are used to burrow into the sago palm trunk so it’s quite sharp.

step 2

Step 2: Look the sago worm in it’s eyes. You’re about to pull it’s head off and eat it so it’s only polite to smile at it before doing so. Worms have feelings too.

step 3

Step 3: After the niceties has been done away with, it is time for heads to roll. Grip the squirming worm firmly with one hand and use the forefinger and thumb of your other hand to grasp the sago worm’s head and rip it off.

step 4

Step 4: Insert the still wriggling worm into your mouth.

step 5

Step 5: Chew. Take the time to savor the taste of live sago worms. There is a burst of flavor when you first bite into the wriggling worm from the innards spilling out onto your palate. Delicious!


splash damage

Care should be taken when plucking the head off the sago worm. The innards can cause a bit of Splash Damage (TM) as can be seen with Clare’s spaghetti strap top.

sago worm stall

Thanks to the friendly people at the sago worm stall in Mukah for showing us the proper way to consume a live sago worm.

Sago worms are delicious! It’s a little bit like Pringles, once you start, you can’t stop. I ate a lot of the worms with Clare. She overcame the Fear Factor bit and ate a couple of the worms too.

Here’s another video guide to eating live sago worms. I took three videos of the process just to get it right. Heh!

Sago worms. Mmm…tastes like chicken! :)

Guide to covering up a love bite

The midst of passion, sometimes love bites can occur at visible places e.g. the neck. This is usually not a problem for most of us. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of passionate loving going on.

love bite

However, it might be a bit of a problem if the hickey in question was done by someone other than your significant other. I would think that your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife would be aware of inflicting a minor hematoma on your neck the previous night, temporarily bursting the blood vessels under your skin. It would be…problematic, to say the least to explain away the love-bite so this is The Guide to Covering Up Love Bites.

Method: Foundation

love bite foundation

I had thought that using a flesh colored foundation would be sufficient to cover up the incriminating bruise. I got Maybelline Clear Smooth Aqua Gel Foundation in the Sand color (which is approximate enough to my skin color). It didn’t work very well. It can cover it up to a certain extent, but it’s still rather visible. There is also the need to constantly apply the foundation and it rubs off rather easily.

Method: Concealer

love bite sk2

This is the SK-II concealer that is probably meant for something other than covering up love bites. However, I had shared my predicament with Joyce and she kindly lent me her concealer. She told me that foundation does not and will not actually cover up bruises (or hickies) and using a concealer is the proper method of…well, concealing the incriminating mark.

love bite concealer

I tried using it and it works like a charm! It completely covers up the love bite. Joyce told me that the proper method of application is to rub the concealer on the love-bite and then using a heated finger (generated by friction from rubbing your index finger against your palm) to dab and pat the offending area.

love bite joyce

Joyce is a bit of an expert in these things, being the owner of Envy Health & Beauty. She’s my official consultant on things such as these. ;)

Concealer works very well, much better than traditional methods such as rubbing the love-bite (which sometimes makes it even worse). It passed the eagle eye of my ex-girlfriend, who didn’t notice it at all…and she has an excellent eye for detail. =D

The Balcony Incident

balcony club

I lost my Sony Ericsson W580i cell phone AND my Sony T2 digital camera on Saturday night at Balcony, Miri. Balcony is a club that opens till late and is very popular with the Mirians. I arrived in Miri at around 8 pm and met up with Kim and Mark at Shiki – the Japanese restaurant for dinner.

island club

We went to Island Club (a pub) after that for drinks and Darren joined us there. I took a total of 111 photos that Saturday but didn’t have time to upload them to my notebook due to excessive social commitments. I had to meet up with some other friends straight after that at Balcony so I went there after Island Club.

ketamine note

SWIM was given a complimentary RM 1 dollar note, folded in a rather peculiar manner as a gift. I was a little taken aback by the RM 1 folded note offering – it’s not everyday someone gives you an RM 1 dollar note. I took the keta…er, I mean currency and opened it up.


The content inside the folded RM 1 note was rather unusual – it consisted of a white powder, which I assumed was sugar. *cough* This photo was taken the next day – I lost my digital camera that very day so it couldn’t have been from the original batch. The original gift had MUCH MORE powdered sugar than from this batch.

balcony urinal

I went to take photos and videos of the Balcony club and decided that a sugar rush would do me some good since I was pretty tired from the drive. I locked myself inside the toilet and partook in the saccharine particles. Perhaps I was a little bit too drunk and I accidentally insufflated (snorted) the entire contents of the sugar inside the toilet instead of consuming it for the sugar energy.

balcony toilet

This was a mistake since I don’t think the stuff was sugar at all. ;) I immediately felt the characteristics of a certain NMDA antagonist come over me the moment the entire batch was snorted. I looked up into the ceiling and saw several layers of ceilings (?) and felt my entire perspective altered. I was looking at the RM 50 dollar rolled up bill that I used to insufflate the powder and thought…Oh, fuck!

balcony stairs

I wanted to call my friend (who were all looking for me – apparently I was inside for the better part of an hour) but I couldn’t manage to move so I was kinda stuck inside the toilet coz I was so fucked up I didn’t even know where I was. I was told the next day that the staff of Balcony unlocked the toilet door and helped me to my feet (and I couldn’t even walk straight even with two people holding me up).

balcony blur

The two staff members went from table to table to ask which group I was with. I think I sat down with an unknown group of people and talked to them (at least to the extent to which you can talk on that particular NMDA antagonist) before my worried friends found me. They took me home and I realized I lost my cell phone AND my digicam. One of my friends went back to search for it but it wasn’t there anymore – I don’t know where I left it.

kj faye

Much thanks to KJ and Faye for taking care of me that night! I lost RM 700 from my wallet and my Public Bank credit card and Faye canceled my cell phone service and credit card that very night in case someone stole it and used it.


I went to the Sony center at Boulevard to get a new digital camera the very next day since I really needed one for blogging. Faye gave me her spare cell phone and her backup SIM card so I still could use a phone. I was meeting up with Kim the next day for lunch so I really needed to replace all the photos that were taken that day. I was undecided about whether to get a Sony T70 or T300 but settled for the former since I seem to have a penchant for losing things when I’m less than sober.

sony shop

It cost me RM 1178 for the T70 plus a 2 GB MS Pro Duo memory card and a Sony leather case. The T300 would have set me back RM 1599 which is not a lot more considering it has a 3.5 inch LCD (versus 3 inch for the T70) and it’s a 10.1 MP digicam (versus the 8.1 T70) but the decision to go for the T70 (besides me always losing things) is that that the 3.5 inch LCD on the T300 makes it hard to put it inside my pants pocket and I want a compact digicam for me to bring around.

sony t70

The worst thing about The Balcony Incident wasn’t the loss of the money, credit card, cell phone or digital camera. It’s the 111 photos INSIDE the digicam that I took earlier during the road trip and in Miri. That cannot be replaced while the others can. Oh well, at least I’ve learnt a lesson – reduce my sugar intake. I’m switching to Pal Sweet. There’s a lot less calories in the latter to boot. ;)

Big taukeh


Sell lah! No use one that company, make me lose money only. Buy that what, what, that computer company Ah Kau was talking about. Buy! Buy! Just buy! How much they want? 6 million? Tell them go fly kite. Tiu nia ma! If 5 million can lah. I not free now. Pang sai. If 5 million then ON.

Si ki na, nowadays worker cannot harap one. Small small thing also want to call me.

Tongue Piercing Photos and Video

borneo headhunters

Greetings! I am blogging from Starbucks in Kuching while waiting for my flight back to Sibu. I have been planning to get another tongue piercing and managed to squeeze it into this brief trip – perhaps a more apt word would be a layover – thanks to Irene, who kindly drove us around Kuching.


This is my third tongue piercing in as many years. The first tongue piercing was involved in an unfortunate incident during a routine dental hygiene maintenance procedure where the screw-on ball dropped down the sink. I didn’t have a replacement, considering piercings were not common then so the piercing healed up.

clamp 1

The second piercing was subjected to an accidental ingestion during a particularly delectable feast – again with the screw-on ball – and I couldn’t find the backup stud I had in storage. I wasn’t particularly keen on waiting for it to reappear after a bowel movement and screwing it back on so it healed up on me as well.

clamp 2

This trip to Kuching was meant to be a layover before we went to Hilton Batang Ai Longhouse Resort so I only had the evening to squeeze in a trip to The Spring, get a tongue piercing and go out clubbing before heading for our R&R at the resort. I made an appointment with Ernesto of Borneo Headhunters Tattoo and Piercing for 6 pm.

clamp 3

Unfortunately, Ernesto ran out of tongue studs and Irene was kind enough to drive me to Rupert Rage War Store in Centerpoint to get the jewelery for the piercing. I got a standard surgical steel tongue stud plus a more vociferous design for nights out. I reckon it’s better to get two this time just in case any undue ingestion or bathroom incidents affected the first one.

This is the video of my third tongue piercing. I’m pleased with my travel companion’s directing skillz since it turned out pretty well. The tongue piercing is a little off center but I kinda like the way it looks now. It’s a little more interesting than a straight piercing and I have it on good authority that it feels better in this configuration. My travel companion commented that I was quite a cunning linguist after the procedure. ;)


It cost me RM 50 for the piercing only (RM 120 if you want a stud to be provided). Thanks Ernesto!


faye liger

I made a friendly wager with Faye the other day regarding the existence of an animal called liger. I’ve never heard of such a creature in my entire life! Faye swears it exists and that she personally saw it with her own eyes in Korea and even had her photo taken with it! I tend to be rather skeptical about her “facts” since…well, let’s just say that she’s fond of getting them from dubious sources. This is the same person who told me frequent sex will damage my kidneys coz a Chinese medicinal practitioner told her so.

Personally, I think that’s just a convenient excuse she uses (the equivalent of a headache) so I tend to take the fountain of questionable facts she shares with a fistful of sodium. She told me she had her photo taken with this “liger” creature during a tour of Korea and the tour guide told her it’s the result of a lion and tiger mating. The name is supposed to be a contraction of the two parent animals. She even took a photo with it!

liger photo

I don’t think she made this up, but she can be a little too trusting at times. I said the tour guide probably told her that to make the trip more interesting and shared an anecdote about the time I went to KL when I was really young. We were sitting beside a large tour group of Caucasians and the tour guide told them that the dish on the table is tiger meat.

The tourists took it all in hook, line and sinker and was overheard commenting about how “different” it tastes. The proprietor, who had no lost love for the wayward tour operator, whispered to my dad that the dish is actually a mixture of deer meat (common over here) and wild boar (also a common meat). I strongly believe something similar to the tiger meat fiasco happened to Faye in Korea – the tour guide told them that a regular lion with perhaps less than usual features is the offspring of two different wild cats.


We got into a heated debate after this, with me firmly taking the stance that she was fleeced in Korea and with her nearly foaming at the mouth with irritation at my disbelief. Finally, we reached an agreeable method of dispute resolution:

quality birdnest

If ligers exist, I would buy her a box of bird’s nest of her choice (not exceeding RM 300)

If this liger thing does not exist, she would be paying for one night’s stay at the resort hotel we’re planning to go to (dollar value RM 230++)

That being said, the conditions that I put forth was that it MUST be from a reputable source, with citations and references to respectable studies. No two bit website from Korea with a Photoshop image or stuff like that.

I fired up the browser to Google and typed “liger”.

I was extremely sure that I would win this bet since I consider myself well read and I’ve never heard of such an unusual animal. I was even thinking about whether to bring red wine or single malt to the beach resort!

Faye didn’t even hover over my shoulder. She just watched the expression on my face as I expelled a rather rude word in an excessive volume while incredulously staring at the search results.

One of the first results was from Wikipedia, and I didn’t really need to read the other search results. I knew I had lost the bet. From Wikipedia:

The Liger is a hybrid cross between a male lion and a female tiger.

…and it says there’s even such a thing as a tigon too, which is the result of a male tiger and a female lion.

birds nest faye


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